Notes:
Thank you so much to everyone who favorited this story! I really appreciate it and I'm sorry I tend to forget to mention it! It means a lot!
Okay, so the relationship between Roy and Sara is along the way of the one she's had with Jax, and believe me it hurts me to not have the Sara/Jax friendship in here but Sara unfortunately doesn't know him that well and probably won't, because she's in Star and not traveling through time. But she has spent a lot of time with Roy while she was in Star the first time and they sort of developed the same kind of bond that she has with Jax in Legends. But Roy and Jax are total bros! That's my HC and that's part of this story now. Roy should've been Jax 1.0. if you'd asked me.
Just like Roy walked in on Oliver and Sara in the Foundry on more than one occasion. It may or may not have been on purpose to mess with them… lmao!
I hope you guys enjoy this part.
Chapter 26
You feel hopeless hoping things will turn around I can not face this alone I need you I can´t get by on my own
Sara
"Are you sure about this, Sara?" Ollie looked at her concerned and doubtful. She understood where he was coming from and his feelings, but part of her was convinced that he needed to do this. He needed to put his suit on for, possibly, one last time and help everyone save the world. She couldn't say why, she just had this gut feeling that it was important, that it was something he had to do. She couldn't but he could, he had to.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. Just... stay out of unnecessary trouble? And come back home to me... to us." Fear suddenly gripped her, an icy fist was squeezing her heart painfully. What if he wouldn't come back home? What if he died? How was she... how was she supposed to do this without him? She tried to push those feelings away, knowing that Ollie wouldn't leave their apartment. Not if he felt that she was scared at the prospect of having him leave and never come back.
"Sara, hey, look at me Pretty Bird. I won't leave you. I promised you, you wouldn't have to do this alone. That I'd be right here, by your side, the whole time. I promise I won't let you go through this alone. I promise I'll come back home to you and our little Hummingbird." He sounded so sure and determined and she wanted to believe him, she forced herself to believe him at least until he had left, she'd let reality remind her that their track record told a different story once he was gone. That things rarely went the way they wanted them to. Life was never kind to them. Circumstances always tore them apart as soon as they had slipped into a routine after being pushed back together again. But she let herself believe him, for this moment in time she was willing to believe him. She placed her hand atop of his on her stomach, softly smiling at him.
"Okay." He returned her smile before bending down and kissing her, softly at first but soon it became more passionate, almost frantic, both of them knowing it might very well be their last kiss, ever. She held on to him desperately, trying hard to reign in her emotions, worried that he might change his mind if she couldn't get a hold of her feelings and ended up breaking down then and there. They pulled apart to catch their breaths before Ollie leaned in again to give her another quick, soft kiss before dropping to his knees and placing both of his hands on her stomach, bending forward and tenderly kissing it too. She placed one of her hands on his shoulder, just to caress his neck and burry it in his hair. He stayed like this for a moment, his head bent, forehead touching her pregnant belly, his hands still on either side of it framing his head. Her hand that wasn't stroking his hair was lying atop one of his. He gave her stomach another gentle kiss and then slowly got back up just to press a tender and lingering kiss on her forehead. He squeezed her hand before dropping it and turning around and striding out of their apartment right after, his back and shoulders held in a tense straight line and his head held high.
She took a deep breath to try and calm down and convince herself that everything was going to be fine. Her hand had moved to her stomach on its own accord, tenderly stroking it in the place Ollie's lips had been moments ago, while watching her home walk away.
Praying that it wasn't forever.
"How you holding up, baby?" Her father's gentle voice brought her back to reality, and she forced herself to turn towards him and away from the direction Ollie had disappeared to.
"… I… I'm… not sure." She thought about lying to him for a moment, but she just couldn't bring herself to, because she didn't really want to. She didn't want to pretend that she was okay, that she wasn't worried sick about Ollie, and Laurel and Thea and Roy and everyone else, including the world in its entirety.
She walked past her dad into the living room and sat down on Ollie's armchair, putting her legs under her and wrapping the blanked, that Ollie always kept thrown over the back of the chair in case she joined him and got cold, around herself, biting her lip. Her dad followed her and sat down on the coffee table in front of the armchair, leaving some space between them, but close enough to be easily reached if she wanted him to provide her with comfort.
She took some time mulling his question over and trying to sort her thoughts and figure out how to put her feelings into words in order for him to understand her.
"I… I know that Ollie needs to do this, that he needs to go to Central City and help everyone out. I can feel it in every fiber of my being, I don't know why, I just know that it's crucial for him to be there. I'm the one who convinced him to go. And yet, honestly, I'm terrified. I don't know… I don't know what I'd do if I lost him again… and I'm also worried about Laurel and Thea and there's a part of me that feels like I should go with them too… that my choice to stay here, to not help them is selfish. But I can't… I just can't risk… the thought that something might happen to our baby is paralyzing. I don't remember there ever being anything that scared me as much as the thought that some of my actions might bring harm to the baby." She finally found the words to articulate her feelings and confessed her thoughts to her dad.
"Welcome to parenthood, baby-girl." He smiled at her softly in understanding, gently touching her knee. She bit her lip again and put one of her hands atop of his, in a show of gratitude.
"Look, baby, I don't know what the future holds, and I can't tell you that everything will be okay and everyone will come back home. For one, I don't like to lie to you, never have, and two we both know you wouldn't believe me because you have experienced firsthand that life doesn't always go the way we want it to and can be exceptionally cruel. But what I can tell you, and the scene I just witnessed confirms, is that there is nothing Oliver won't do to come back home to you and the baby. And if there is one thing that I know about Oliver, it is that he's one stubborn and tenacious man. And once he set his mind on something, there's no changing it. And he just decided that he is going to come back home to you." What her dad said made sense, and she appreciated his honesty, and Ollie was one stubborn and tough bastard that was true. She only hoped that he was right and it would once again be enough.
"And baby, you are doing the right thing. Staying back, staying safe. Anything else would be very irresponsible. I understand how you must be feeling, I know how I've felt after my heart attack, when I ended up sitting at my desk instead of being out there helping my brothers in blue. But there is no reason for you to unnecessarily endanger your baby and yourself. Even an alien invasion is not reason enough for that, not when there are meta-humans helping them fight the war. You and your child's lives are more important." His voice was compassionate and understanding, calm yet firm, and he was looking her straight in the eyes.
"You're right, daddy. I know you're right. It's just… it's just really hard. I feel like I'm letting them down and abandoning them. I'm just scared that something might happen to them because I'm not there to watch their backs. To help keep everyone safe." The guilt of letting her family face this tremendous danger alone was crushing.
"That's understandable baby, but you being there would put them in a lot more danger than you being here does, where you're safe. Oliver would be so focused on you and on keeping you safe that he would be very distracted and the same would be the case with your sister and Thea too. Having you in Central City with them would endanger them more than them being there without you and your help does." Sara bit her lip again, trying to keep from crying. God, she had missed her dad so much.
"I know. That's another reason why I not only decided to stay out of the field, but to stay home altogether." She agreed with him one hundred percent, but that didn't make her choice any easier.
Sara was still shaking her head in disbelieve after hanging up her cell. Ollie had sounded seriously stressed out and close to losing his shit, which was understandable but wouldn't really help in the current situation they seemed to be in. Part of the team seemed to squabble already, there was no need to add even more animosity to that. She was as irritated about Jax and Professor Stein not sharing their discovery with Roy as Ollie was and wondered what that was all about. They had chosen Roy as their Captain, so why wouldn't they share this very important tidbit of information with him? It made no sense, and she really hoped Ollie could get to the bottom of it once they've dealt with the alien invasion.
What Ollie had told her was nuts! Well, very fascinating from a scientific approach, but also absolutely crazy!
Barry had an alien friend from another earth… that was just mind-blowing. Of course there were scientific researches on the probability of there being other earths or dimensions or parallel universes… but knowing for a fact as they did now? That was just… wow. She'd love to pick Kara's mind and maybe get some more information on the whole multiple earths situation… and how exactly they traveled from one to another… but she totally got how this was pushing Ollie towards metal overload, which usually led to him needing a physical outlet and not having a lot of patience for anything especially things he considered not important for the issue he was facing.
Like Barry messing up time. And again, this was just unbelievable. Well, not the whole changing time aspect. Well, a little, still, maybe. Even after talking to Roy about time and the way it actually worked and timelines and the concept of changing it and the consequences that came with it. Just like time travel. It was such a fascinating subject. But still hard to grasp that it was actually possible, even less the thought Barry could run fast enough to mess with the space-time-continuum. Or that he would actually be stupid enough to change the past. Hasn't he ever watched a time travel movie?
She could understand Ollie's frustration with the situation and the issues it created. Issues that played no part in the coming war. They needed to focus on the aliens, not on what Barry had done, something that was done and couldn't be changed no matter how much he wanted to, and the consequences of his actions.
She wasn't sure that Ollie's choice to put Barry in charge had been a smart one. And she felt that Ollie might already be regretting it, if his choice in words and the tone of his voice was any indication as to how he was feeling about everything. Which it usually was, and she was pretty good when it came to reading him. She understood why he chose to put Barry in charge. But still, it seems like it had been the wrong choice. And he would've been better off with Roy.
She put her cell in the back pocket of her pants and left her bedroom to rejoin Sin and her dad in the living room. Sin had arrived a couple of hours ago and her dad had decided to stay a little longer and keep them company, which she was glad for. She had missed him and spending time with him.
Sara looked at her cell phone when it buzzed, and the text she had received made her smile. Ollie was such an idiot sometimes. She made sure to send a quick text back, reminding him once again that shooting Barry might not be the best idea right now, that he should at least wait until the threat of the world being taken over by aliens was taken care of.
"Loverboy again? What'd he write now?" Sin sounded amused, playfully rolling her eyes in exasperation. She rolled her own eyes at the newest nickname Sin had given Ollie, which made sense to be fair, Ollie had been texting or calling her quite regularly ever since he had left. She knew what he was doing and appreciated it.
It was one among many reasons she loved him.
He knew her; he understood her.
Ollie had realized how hard this was for her. Staying back, watching her family and friends risk their lives while she was staying behind, not even standing on the sidelines or waiting on the bench. No, she stayed all the way home.
She was struggling with her choice a lot.
Part of her feeling that she should be there. She should be there and help them. Knowing full well that if circumstances were different, she would be there with them, at the frontline, she would be there to have Ollie's back, to keep their sisters alive, to help… something she couldn't…
No, that wasn't even true, she could still fight or help them in another capacity like Felicity, Caitlin or Iris did and that made this even harder. Because it wasn't that she was physically or mentally unable to help them. She just simply refused to subject her unborn child to any danger if she could help it.
She wasn't going to risk her and Ollie's baby. Ever.
So, staying back, staying safe was the only right decision, and she knew that. She stood by that. But that didn't make it any easier. It didn't make taking herself out of the game and keeping herself and her baby safe less of a moral struggle. She knew what they were facing was huge and terrible and they could use all the help they could get; she was, technically speaking, part of all that help, so part of her wondered if everyone besides Ollie, and Sin and Lyla who completely supported her decision, would look at her choice as selfish and egoistical. Would they blame her if they failed? Would any deaths be on her and her refusal to endanger her baby's life?
Maybe.
But as cruel, cold and selfish as it sounded, she'd rather have the lives of, well, pretty much every person on the planet, on her conscience than her own child's because of careless and reckless behavior on her part. She wouldn't be able to live with herself, even less face Ollie ever again, if something were to happen to his child because she unnecessarily and thoughtlessly put herself in harm's way. Keeping her baby safe was her number one priority, doing whatever she had to, whatever it would take to ensure that nothing would happen to it was the only thing that really mattered right now. Just like she and her dad had talked about and agreed on. And that meant making sure that she stayed out of danger and harm's way. It was the only way to ensure that nothing was going to happen to their precious little Hummingbird.
So, Ollie keeping her in the loop, asking her opinion and wanting her input made her feel less inadequate and it gave her the feeling that she was helping them, in however small a capacity but at least she didn't feel completely useless and that she was letting everyone down.
Well, Lyla calling her and asking if she would be willing to watch her and Digg's daughter until all of this was over, did also help in that department. She had a purpose and a reason to stay in Star City now too, taking care of the little sweetheart and keeping her safe. It was important. It was an important task and a valuable job, Diggle and Lyla entrusted her with their daughter's life. They trusted her with the most important thing in their lives. This was huge. It was a tremendous show of trust and faith in her. She wasn't going to let them down. Nothing was going to happen to their precious little angel on her watch.
Her tiny namesake was one of the cutest little kids she had ever had the pleasure of taking care of. She could easily see why Ollie was so smitten with the two-year-old. It had been years since she had last spent time with small children, and she only now realized how much she had missed it. How much she had missed the fun it was, and the feelings of happiness and joy children provided. Watching little Sara Diggle filled her with so much warmth, love and longing.
And it led to her finally admitting that yes, what she had been feeling for the last couple of weeks, even more prominently and obviously lately, were her baby's movements.
Lyla's daughter was also very fascinated by her pregnant stomach and the concept of a baby being inside. She had been absolutely delighted and very excited when Lyla had told her it was her Uncle Oliver's baby too. Her absolutely adorable, eager and animated reaction had led to all three women laughing.
It made her wonder… what if… what if their baby would grow up with little Sara? What if… what if they kept the baby? If their child ended up having a friend in Digg and Lyla's daughter from the moment it was born? Or the way it looked from the moment the little girl had learnt about its existence. She kept on coming over to her, snuggling up, touching her stomach, talking to her stomach, showing it different toys and explaining what every one of them was, in her baby voice and logic. Sara swore she melted. It was the cutest thing ever! Even Sin looked about ready to turn into a puddle of mush because of little Sara's actions.
But the one thing, the one thing her little namesake did that honest to god made her tear up was, when she started talking to her belly telling the baby about Ollie, and how much she loved him and all the fun things he plays with her and how she ensured the baby that he would play them with it too, once it was no longer inside her belly. She knew Ollie was good with kids, but hearing how much the two-year-old worshipped him was just… god, it was just proof that she was right and that she couldn't let him do it. She couldn't let him give up their child. Because Ollie wasn't like her. He was good and pure, and their child would be so lucky to be raised by him. He wasn't going to taint their little Hummingbird like she would. He wasn't shrouded in darkness and doused in blood. He didn't have a thirst for blood and a need to kill like her that was spurred on by the demons under her skin. He wasn't a constant danger to everyone, including their precious baby.
He would regret it for the rest of his life if he went through with it, if he gave up their baby and he had enough regrets already.
Watching Sara Diggle was not a lot of trouble, she was a very well-behaved child and had no trouble playing with herself every once in a while. Giving her and Sin plenty of time to catch up. The only thing that turned out to be a struggle was naptime, but then again naptime was always a struggle with little kids and Lyla had already warned her that her daughter did not like to lie down for a nap in the afternoon but that she seriously needed it and almost always ended up asleep in the end.
Sin and her tried most of the tricks in the book and when none of them worked Sara decided to just wing it, trust her gut and try something.
So, she took advantage of the fact that she's been having naptime herself the last couple of weeks.
"All right, baby-girl. You can stay here in the living room and play all by yourself but the baby and I are going to go lie down in Uncle Ollie's room for a little while, because we both need some sleep. And Sin's going to go lie down for a little bit too, she's tired from her travels. So, I guess I'll see you when I wake up from my nap. Bye-bye, angel. Have fun playing." She got up from the couch and walked towards the living room door and the direction of Ollie's room.
It worked like a charm.
Using the words Ollie and baby got the two-year-old so excited and led to the little sweetie following her every move, walking behind her like a baby duck following its momma. This was how she ended up lying on Ollie's bed with the little girl snuggled into her side one of her tiny hands resting on her stomach, her head lying between her breast and the curve of her belly, her plush animal partially stuck in between their bodies, fast asleep. Sara looked down at her with a soft smile still tenderly stroking her back, putting the storybook on Ollie's bedside table and focusing on Sara's breathing and the rising and falling of her chest and her and Ollie's little Hummingbird's movements beneath the little girl's hand. She bent her head down slightly to kiss Sara's crown before shifting into a comfortable position, closing her eyes and falling asleep herself.
Ollie had texted her again while she and her little namesake had taken a nap, letting her know that shit had hit the fan and everyone's unprofessionalism and thoughtlessness had led to the entire team learning about Barry's mistake which had led to him and Barry staying behind while the rest had gone to rescue the President.
They had talked on the phone real quick before dinner. She had texted him an adorable pic of Digg's little angel right after they were done eating. Sin and she had then cleaned up the table, Sin had taken care of the dishes and the kitchen while she had bathed Sara and got her ready for and into Ollie's bed. Telling her a story and snuggling on the bed with her until the little girl was fast asleep.
It wasn't until after she had taken a shower and changed into her... a pair of Ollie's PJ's that she realized that he had never texted her back... it had been hours and she hadn't heard from him.
She got slightly worried and texted him again, asking if he and everything was alright.
She joined Sin in the living room where they decided to watch a movie. She couldn't keep herself from checking her phone regularly. When she still hadn't heard from him after another hour she decided to check in with Laurel... and then Thea, when her sister didn't answer either... and then Digg and Felicity and Roy... yet, no one answered their phone or texted her back. Her slight worry from hours ago had turned into fear by now.
Sara checked her cell phone again, getting more worried by the minute. She hadn't heard from Ollie in hours. Which wasn't unusual, at least under normal circumstances, but given the fact that he had been texting her regularly ever since he had left for Central City and she hadn't heard from him in hours made her worry. The fact that she couldn't reach Laurel, Thea, Digg or Felicity either did not help her worries.
She tried Caitlin again, but so far she hadn't received any answer from her either.
She tried Roy once more, hoping he would finally pick up the phone and let her know what was going on. And she prayed that he would tell her that everyone was fine and safe. That they were simply busy.
"Still no word?" Sin walked back into the living room with a tray with two cups on it.
"No, no one's picking up their phones or texting back. And I know, I know that they might just be busy, they are preparing or already fighting an alien invasion, but still, it's not like Ollie to not text me back. Plus, Felicity is always on her phone. So how come she's not answering? Why wouldn't she pick up or text back… is she okay, is she in danger, is she dead?" Sara couldn't understand what was going on and why no one would let her know what was happening and why Ollie wasn't returning her texts. Just to give her a sign of life. That's all she wanted. For someone to just let her know that everyone was still alive.
"I don't know, Sar, I can't believe Abercrombie won't give you an answer. I mean seriously, that doesn't seem like him at all…" Sin sounded as upset about the situation as she felt.
"He would, if Ollie's… if something happened to Ollie and he asked him not to tell me, he wouldn't or if he thinks whatever it is that's going on would lead to me rushing to Central City… which I won't no matter what is happening… I just… I just need to know that they're still alive." She knew how loyal Roy was towards Ollie and that Ollie had probably made him swear not to tell her anything that might upset her, not if it wasn't necessary. She cursed both men before sending another text to Roy.
Sara felt utterly helpless. A feeling she couldn't stand, a feeling that was completely paralyzing. She couldn't even recall the last time she had felt like this.
Was this how Felicity regularly felt when she lost contact with the team?
Knowing the danger they were in yet incapable of doing anything to help, because she was miles away and no longer knew what was going on? God, if it was, how could she stand it? How could she deal with it? How did she do it? Positivity, Felicity was always so damn positive. Maybe she should try it.
They were all okay.
Roy and Digg and Felicity. They were okay, just busy, too busy to be bothered by her. They probably just didn't have time to text her, she wasn't a priority. Not even close to one. They were dealing with aliens that had abducted the President.
Laurel was fine. Her big sister was fine and she'll come back home to her so that they could finally, finally clean the air and leave the past behind them. Her Laulau was fine, she had to be. She didn't know how she was supposed to do any of this without her big sister.
And Thea, Thea, little Speedy, was alright too. She was a Queen after all, and they were nothing if not tenacious and very hard to kill. Speedy had to be alright. Losing her would break Ollie... she was certain about that... and Laurel and her too.
And Ollie, her Ollie, her home. He was okay, Ollie was okay. He had to be.
Ollie had to be okay.
She felt the icy fist around her heart again, squeezing tightly. She could feel her lungs constrict painfully while she tried to keep her breathing normal and herself from panicking. She bit her lip and closed her eyes, visualizing Ollie and his calm voice guiding her through her breathing exercises, keeping her from hyperventilating.
One of her hands had automatically gone to her stomach, softly stroking it. Trying to both calm herself and the baby. Reminding herself to stay calm and strong for Ollie's little Hummingbird.
He was okay, everything was going to be okay.
She looked to Sin, almost begging her to confirm the thoughts she desperately tried to convince herself of. Grateful that Digg's little girl was fast asleep in Ollie's bed. Praying that she wouldn't end up losing her family.
She dragged her eyes away from Sin's when she felt her cell phone buzz and saw that Roy had finally gotten around to texting her back.
Notes:
I sorta feel like I need to once again point out, that the Arrow writers putting pregnant Felicity into the field, and acting all irresponsible and not caring about the fact that she is unnecessarily endangering her unborn child made me very upset and actually physically sick. Any type of child endangerment (and yes, a pregnant woman knowingly putting herself into a dangerous situation is child endangerment, an unborn child is still a child), most of all reckless ones are a huge issue for me and that whole thing is one of the main reasons I've had serious issues watching any scene in Arrow that involves Felicity. So, you won't ever have me write pregnant Sara knowingly and willingly getting into a fight and endangering her unborn child. This isn't me saying that there is no way she'll ever get in a dangerous situation while she's pregnant (I honestly have no clue what she may or may not manage to get herself into) but she would not be the one initiating the situation or putting herself in the field, it wouldn't be by any choice or action of her own.
Just to put that out there. And anyone who has an issue with that or thinks Sara should be in the field pregnant… seriously needs to think about the danger she'd put herself, her child and the whole team into with an action like that.
Sara is a trained assassin, she'd know that she would be a liability in her current state plus, she would never ever, ever put her child's life in that type of danger.
Okay, and that somehow ended up longer than I meant and turned into another rant, so sorry guys!
Chapter title is from the song 'Alone' by NF.
