Whoever thought up the phrase "come hell or highwater" probably didn't have to experience one after the other with an added risk of contracting galloping knobrot from elsewhere in the world. Flipping 20s plague memes actually got it right. On with this trainwreck.

It could be said that Izuku had a rather biased perspective on medical professionals; perhaps because most medical "professionals" had been quite biased with him.

The vast majority he'd been acquainted with over the years had varied from dismissive and inattentive due to his quirklessness, others had been far too focused on that apparent oddity and glossed over whatever issue he had attempted to bring to their attention. One school nurse among the bunch had treated him quite favourably (in spite of his 'condition') and had built quite the rapport, only to later be dismissed and arrested for being far too interested in boys his age.

That certainly hadn't helped curtail his habit of keeping all of his issues and misgivings to himself.

Two days out of the hospital, one recuperating and the other avoiding sharing more than two sentences with his mother by pretending to still be recuperating, it was time for his first, scheduled, quirk assessment session ...

Something he was alternating between dreading and yearning for, interspersed with the sudden onsets of blank apathy he'd initially worried over but had come to accept and move on from over the years.

He had debated having his mother along for the first appointment but had decided against it not wanting to worry her further, especially if the initial theories he had about his quirk were to be proven accurate.

He chose to ignore his mother's chagrin, hastily concealed by an encouraging expression, and promised to not strain himself at her vehement behest.

The bus and train rides to the facility were, somewhat unnervingly, empty due to the time of day meaning most residents of Musutafu were at work or school.

Upon entering the building and being pointed in the right direction by a thoroughly bored receptionist, who had been juggling several of his own detached ears and dropped a few when Izuku had entered.

Entering the office of Specialist Kensa, a man with very little hair and very many eyes, and sitting in the proffered seat Izuku was finally asked the question he'd been dreading.

"What brings you here today Midoriya-san?" asked the quirk therapist, the eyes where fingernails might usually be blinking in no particular order.

Unused to being addressed on seemingly equal footing by an adult and with his mind brimming with questions about Kensa's quirk Izuku, predictably, stumbled over his first attempt at speech.

After disentangling his tongue and trying, valiantly, not to wilt with embarrassment he tried again, his audience of one, unfazed by his client's nerves.

"For nearly a decade now I thought I was quirkless due to some sort of error in testing or misdiagnosis when I was younger. Three days ago my quirk activated when I was attacked by a villain."

"How?"

"Ahh, pardon me?"

"How did it activate?"

"Uhm, I have a theory but I figured it'd be best to consult before attempting anything drastic."

Intrigued by by this statement Kensa motioned for him to continue.

"Please, walk me through your thought processes."

Perplexed by the adult's apparently genuine curiosity Izuku proceeded.

"I had just entered the underpass and turned at the sound of the manhole cover shifting," looking down and gesturing to his chest, "The sludge villain hit me right at the top of my chest and something in my torso gave way under the force."

Moving his hand higher to his collarbone "The doctor told me that my lung and some of my chest muscles were punctured," replacing his hand in his lap he observed "The villain had no means to pierce my chest so that would suggest that the bones in the area broke in such a way that they pierced the tissues behind them, the only issue is that when I was brought in there was no evidence of such trauma, not even minor fracturing."

Meeting the specialist's gaze he concluded "Because the soft tissue injuries remained but my bones were seemingly intact I believe that my quirk's activation has something to do with my bones, either through breaking or displacement."

Izuku took a breath before he appending "The transformation though I'm a bit less clear on. I do know it was large enough to get stuck in the underpass and I stayed transformed after losing consciousness."

Kensa had been enjoying listening to a fresh perspective not bound by the field specific jargon his colleagues' analyses tended to comprise but that last part demanded his full attention.

"Stayed transformed?"

"Mmhmm, that part had me confused as well. Everything I've read or seen regarding transformation type quirks has them shutting off immediately or petering out shortly afterwards but the ambulance staff had to use quirk suppressants to change me back."

With a few of the eyebrows on his face knitting together the quirk therapist tented his fingers, taking care not to entangle any of the eyelashes around his fingertips.

"That is quite the interesting conundrum," he stated, an eye near his ear glancing towards the novelty shifty-eyed cat clock his husband had bought him as a joke and noting there was still an hour and a half left of the session. Pushing a button on his desk phone he told reception to send a medical staff member to C block's medium testing hall and to bring the orange kit bag as well as the red one.

"If you will please follow me Izuku-san."


If this was the medium testing hall the large one must be the size of his school Izuku decided, mouth agape at the height of the ceiling. Remembering the current condition of his school dampened his amazement slightly.

Looking like a cross between a dance studio, a factory warehouse and grain silo, with mirrors along one wall and floodlights all but eliminating most of the shadows the hall was quite a spectacle.

After a moment Izuku and Kensa were joined by a very tall, completely fur-covered person wearing white scrubs and blue, elbow-length, rubber gloves, toting red and orange bags, one over each shoulder.

After a brief explanation of the situation by Kensa to the newcomer, who never spoke a word throughout the entire session, they reached into the red bag and brought out a box of plastic cylinders with different coloured lids on each end.

"We'll be using local anaesthetic for this part, how are you with needles?" Asked Kensa.

"Fine" Izuku replied.

"Now since there's no real precedence for this sort of circumstance we'll be using non-invasive methods. Shikaku here will be using an autoinjector on your shoulder and little finger of your non-dominant side to test for dislocation and fracturing with the lowest chance of superfluous injury. Despite their outward appearance their quirk can heal injuries smaller than five centimetres by placing their palm on the area."

Izuku nodded and rolled up the sleeve of his T-shirt, shirt allowing the now named Shikaku to swab his shoulder. Holding Izuku's upper arm in one hand and popping the red cap off the bottom and blue cap off the top using the thumb and pinky of the other (obviously being well practised at doing so) they put their thumb over the top and pointed the bottom tip toward his deltoid muscle. Kensa told Izuku to relax his arm. Izuku complied and a fur-covered hand applied pressure to the device.

With a click, a pinch and a feeling of something moving under his skin, the injector made a sloshy sound. Removing the injector and putting a small fabric plaster over the injection site, that Izuku hadn't even seen them unwrap, the process was repeated on the tip of his left pinky finger with just as much ease.

Recapping both pens and disposing of them in a medical waste container Shikaku turned to Kensa and tilted their head tapping their wrist and holding up five fingers.

After the time had passed and Izuku's localised numbness had been confirmed Shikaku had moved Izuku into a sitting position to achieve the leverage necessary to dislocate his shoulder joint without damaging the surrounds. Looking to Izuku (despite having no visibly obvious eyes) as if asking for permission and receiving a nod in return two large furry paws shifted and the shoulder was free.

Nothing happened

...

"Well … guess it's not the disloCAYEEE!"

With a deft movement the shoulder was relocated and Izuku's eye's were wide with confusion.

Staring at the still numb top of his limb, Izuku shuddered.

"That felt really weird and I would like to never have that happen again please."

Kensa, smiling and holding back a chuckle nodded his assent and motioned for the boy to stand back up.

Shikaku meanwhile had reached back into the red bag and brought out a device that looked like an infrared thermometer gun but with a rounded conical tip.

Izuku tilted his head in query of the implement.

"That is an Extracorporeal Shockwave (ESW) gun. Usually used to break up kidney stones but, if calibrated appropriately it can fracture bone without causing severe damage to the tissues in between."

Nodding along at the explanation Izuku held out his hand and extended his numb pinky toward Shikaku.

The furry person put the device to where the tip of his the distal phalanx, then stood back so the device was at arms length, just in case Izuku got really big, really quickly.

Holding up three furry fingers and receiving a determined nod in return they pulled the trigger, sounding a resounding beep.

Izuku's world shifted.


Is this a motherflipping cliffhanger?

Yeeup.

Sorry people but the cookie's gotta crumble somewhere … that wasn't even a good malaphor.

Fun easter eggs:

Kensa means inspection.

Shikaku is rearranged Kashiku or Kashyyyk and they're basically a Wookie but different (Think of Nagamasa Mora from Shiketsu but taller).

A lot of my joints are utterly banjaxed and work a little funny but my shoulders can just pop out by pushing them in the right spot.

ESW machines are fairly compact now but to make it future-like we'll make it handheld.

Not sure if anaesthetic Autoinjectors are a thing yet but they are here. This is also how Epi-pens are used only with orange instead of red.

To my first and so far only reviewer fencer29

No the story was not rewritten, just changed a few chapter titles to fit the contents a bit better. They're probably all going to be semi-appropriate song titles.

Poor Tsukauchi's probably gonna be back at whatever moment will net him the most paperwork.

Just a heads up, each chapter is written in a single sitting whenever a sudden bout of motivation hits so there could be 3 in one day or nothing for a month (medications allowing) but this won't be abandoned unless my keyboard falls from my cold dead hands.

Inspirations for most forms will become more apparent next chapter. If anyone can pick it from chapter one you get a shoutout and a cookie.