Chapter forty-two

Ed was sitting on the bed, reading, when a couple of hands gently closed the book on his lap, revealing Daddy looking at him with a sad smile and a towel tied around his waist, obviously just done showering. He had been crying, it was clear. He sat down next to him as Ed put down the book. "Daddy? What's wrong?"

"I could use a hug right now," Daddy said softly, although he was a bit hoarse.

Ed took one look into his bloodshot eyes and saw the same kind of desperate pain he had had in his eyes after he beat Grant. Daddy was in pain and he was hurting something bad. Ed immediately climbed onto his lap and stood on his knees as he put his arms around Daddy's neck and hugged him tight just as Daddy's arms squeezed him back. "What happened, Daddy? You've been gone for hours!"

"Pinako asked me what I wanted to do with your old automail. I told her I wanted to bury them in order to have a memorial for the old you so that we can say goodbye. I have been digging a grave with Alphonse. We're holding a kind of service later once we get properly dressed. Would you like to join us? You don't have to." Daddy spoke quietly, his voice filled with understanding.

"I wanna join you. I wanna be there for Al and you. But don't we have to wear nice clothes to memorial services? I don't think Granny wants you to wear your uniform and you don't have a suit you know…"

"Which is why I thought he might like to borrow this," Granny suddenly said from the doorway, a black suit in her hands. She walked over and placed it on the bed. "It belonged to my son. You may have done a lot of things that I don't like, Roy, but you are their father and I think Yuriy would have wanted to lend this to you if he could, judging by what Ed tells me you plan to do with Ishbal. You don't strike me as a man who would lie about something like that, especially as it can be seen as treason. And you will certainly not be wearing that symbol of a dog you call a uniform to something like this."

"Thank you, Pinako, that means a lot. I don't feel like wearing my uniform to this either. I'm not going as his Commanding Officer and I certainly don't want to have anything linking this to the military, not with the way they have been acting around this." Daddy was sad, it was very clear, his voice was slightly strangled when he spoke. Ed was just happy that they seemed to have figured things out a bit.

"Just make sure it doesn't get any spots that won't get off," Granny said as she left the room.

"Of course, and once again, thank you."

"Well, I'm beginning to see why the boys trust you, that's all. I'll meet you in the garden in an hour."

And so she left.

Ed hugged Daddy tighter. "Are you gonna be all right, Daddy?"

"As long as I have you and Al, I'll be okay. It was just hard, burying the automail. Really hard."

"I understand."

Daddy kissed his cheek and hugged him even tighter. They sat like that for a few minutes until Daddy straightened up a bit. "I guess we should get ready to go. You need to get washed up and I need to get dressed. Why don't you go to the bathroom and I'll come once I get at least a bit more presentable?"

Ed kissed his cheek and slid off his lap, doing as he was asked. He paused in the hallway, suddenly realising that he didn't have a suit that fit the circumstances either. You wore black to these things, after all.

Maybe Granny would have something he could wear if she had kept something like Uncle Yuriy's suit. And so Ed shouted for her to find out where she'd gone off to.

"I'm in the workshop, Ed!" Granny called back. Ed walked over there to find Granny and Winry furiously cleaning Al's armour. Ed guessed he'd got pretty dirty from digging.

"Granny? Do you have a suit for me too?"

"No, I'm sorry, Ed, but all your old clothes were stored in your old house," Granny said sadly.

"Oh, so they were burned." Ed was a bit disappointed. He had forgotten about the fact that just about everything from their first childhood was ashes.

"Why don't you wear your new suit, Brother?" Al asked kindly.

"But you wear black to these things, don't you?"

"Ed, I'm sure that there's nothing Big Brother would have wanted more than for you to wear red to his memorial service. He'd have been laughing triumphantly in fact."

"Oh. I guess you're right." Ed suddenly realised that it was his own funeral in a way, and red was the coolest colour there was, so yes, that was actually right. Ed smiled at Al. "Thanks, Alphonse!

"Of course, Brother."


Roy could have sworn he had a heart attack as the bedroom door opened just as he put his other foot through the remaining leg of his boxers. He must have set some kind of world record with the speed he used as he pulled the garment from around his ankles and up to his waist. In fact he may have used a bit too much force and basically gave himself a wedgie, causing him to bite his lip in order not to swear loudly. He gave a sigh of relief as it turned out to only be Ed. He was still glad that he had managed to pull on his boxers so quickly, he didn't really feel the need for Ed to see him naked. He knew that a lot of parents didn't care when their children were at that age, but no matter how much Ed was his son now, the boy had still been his subordinate two months ago and Roy knew that Fullmetal would have beat him to a pulp if Roy had flashed his naked being at him. He had a strong feeling that the kid would have been mortified to know that Roy was helping his five-year-old self bathe, but that could hardly be helped.

His main fear, however, had been that one of the Rockbells would walk in and find him stark naked which probably wouldn't help after that whole incident with him nearly torching Winry. Roy was still a bit surprised that Pinako had been so unconcerned about him only wearing a towel earlier, but he guessed it had something to do with her being a surgeon.

Although Hawkeye would have left him blushing as well.

"Oh, Ed, you scared me!" Roy said through gritted teeth as he released his grip on the waistband and pulled his boxers down a bit again so that they were where they should be instead of the way they had been threatening to turn him into a falsetto. "Is something wrong?"

"No, but Al said that I could wear my red suit to the service."

"Oh, of course. The Fullmetal I knew would surely have wanted you to wear it."

"That's what Al said too. I'll go to the bathroom now!" And so he left, done delivering his message and with the slightly strained look he got when he had to pee.

Roy smiled and picked up the towel lying at his feet before he walked slightly gingerly over to Ed's suitcase and brought out his red suit and black shirt. He took a deep breath, straightening his back and walked into the bathroom, not showing any sign of the frankly embarrassing pain he had just put himself through.


Roy walked out into the garden together with the others, all of them dressed up and not saying anything as they gathered around the freshly dug grave. The stone was unmarked because Roy hadn't known what to write on it. Al had therefore decided to transmute the stone so that the flamel sign Fullmetal always wore on the back of his coat was engraved on it. Roy had wrapped the two limbs in a sheet each before him and Al had covered them with dirt, leaving the fresh mound in front of them now. Roy had placed the limbs in a way that suggested that the one they belonged to was merely invisible and Roy had a feeling that the level of precision they had used was so immaculate that if they had had Fullmetal here now, they could have placed him between them like the piece of a jigsaw.

And the grave was properly deep. There was no chance of heavy rains exposing the limbs or anything like that. Roy's hands were covered in blisters and Ed had insisted on Pinako bandaging them, so now both his hands were carefully wrapped in bandages and stinging like hell. It didn't matter, though. Roy wanted to have a place to honour Fullmetal's memory and Roy didn't want to take any shortcuts by using alchemy. He hadn't even needed to explain it to Alphonse. Roy had needed this. It had come as a bit of a shock to him, but during the talk with Pinako earlier today, he had had an epiphany of sorts. His body had finally let it sink in that Roy hadn't just lost his subordinate, he had lost the boy who could have become his son just like his brother was now. He had thought it many times, but it was only now that his body had realised it and it hurt. It hurt so much that he could hardly breathe.

He gripped Ed's hand, needing the support that it brought. His stomach felt so twisted by guilt that he couldn't think clearly. That was the price he paid for mentally separating Fullmetal and Ed into two different people, it may make it easier for him to act around Ed in the way he needed, but it also made it feel so much more like Fullmetal had died for real. And it was Roy's fault that it happened. And he had needed to remind himself so many times he'd lost count by now that Fullmetal was in fact the sweet little boy that was his son now. That the boy he had known was merely gone, but his soul and life was intact. That Ed would just grow up differently.

But Roy still knew that he deserved every single jab of guilt and pain that attacked his body.

Al held up a sheet of paper and began reading. "Dear Big Brother. I know that you're still here, but there are still a few things I want you to know. I want to thank you for those fourteen years we had and for raising me when Mom died. For being there every step of the way. For being the best Big Brother I could ever have asked for and for always being there to listen. For sacrificing your arm to save me. For staying up with me when I had nightmares and we were home alone. For never treating me different even when I'm inside this armour. There are so many other things to say, but I know you well enough to know that you would have stopped me from saying anything else. All because you don't feel that you deserve it. Well, Brother, you do. I know you would probably have hit me by now for continuing and we'd soon be stuck in a sparring match, so I just want you to know that I love you. I love you so much, Brother." Al had now turned to Ed instead. "And thank you for being here with me even when you're gone. Thank you for never having left my side, even now. You took care of me for fourteen years, so now it's my turn to take care of you." Al kneeled down, stretching his arms out for a hug as the rest of them stood with tears running down their cheeks. Ed ran into them and Al hugged him tight. "And just know that I love you no matter what."