Things were going exactly according to plan. And things were looking up! In the beginning, he wasn't sure if things would work out, because trust had been shattered and tensions were high, but the tides were changing and the day ahead of them looked bright.

They were on a 'date' now.

Not really a date because Dipper was married and also fathered a newborn infant, but it was sorta like a date. A pseudo-date. And he still had his project to do, technically, so there was that too.

Weirdmageddon was a success and Dipper stayed with Mabel in her dream bubble - Bill had plenty of fun visiting this place. The Bill from that dimension was identical to himself in every way, but Dipper had ultimately been lured in by the fake Wendy (not that he didn't see it coming, but he simply took Mabel's advice and resigned to live in feigned peace forever as long as he and his sister were safe). Dipper slayed the multibear for the manotaurs and stayed with their clan for the rest of that summer. In that particular universe, Dipper's alter ego was ripped. Mabel married Mermando impulsively and was now trapped in a failing relationship, Dipper accepted Ford's apprenticeship and fell into a pit of madness yet success as well, Bill and Ford never broke up and teamed up to become literal gods - Bill didn't care to stay in that particular dimension too long.

He and Dipper traveled through a variety of daughterverses. There were so many to choose from they ended up just going door to door to further randomize their experience. Dipper's journal was brimming with notes and doodles that would all end up somewhere in his report.

In nine whole years, he'd not felt more alive than he did in these past hours he spent with Bill. They explored countless wonders and Dipper laughed at all the twisted things Bill did, just like old times. It felt like home.

"Okay okay," Dipper said with a residual laugh from the last world they'd been into - a world in which Mabel had been Bill's manipulative choice instead and she had him bending to her every command in order for him to get what he wanted. Dipper's Bill did a lot of his own tormenting of her Bill. The resulting fight somehow ended up being a musical number and the whole thing was just a straight up experience. "Let's see what this next one has to offer and then we can go to that silly plaid museum you're so in love with!"

"Once you see that place, Pines, you'll be in love with it too," Bill remarked as Dipper logged in their destination to the system. "I don't know when you got so into flannel but I've seen your wardrobe. You're not foolin' anyone, kid!"

"Yeah sure, if you say so, Mr. All-Seeing-Eye. I'm sure I'll be just thrilled," he snickered. Bill rolled his eye and roughly pushed the other forward into the portal.

Out of a portal flew Dipper, who immediately met face-first with a wardrobe door. The impact forced it open for him to then fall flat on the concrete floor. Bill came speeding through next without a trouble. Once in the room, he took a moment to laugh at Dipper's misfortune, but in the meantime, completely missed the giant pendulum axe swinging through the room and soon found himself in pieces against the wall with a clean split down his middle and having to regenerate his single eye.

Dipper got a kick out of that one, himself.

The young man stood up and dusted himself off as he gazed around the room. It was absolutely chock-full of torture instruments from the medieval age. The creepiest of them all was the iron maiden in the corner of the room, with its spikes withdrawn and its doors open wide; welcoming. Terrifying.

Once Bill had recomposed himself (still in the process of regenerating his eye though), he carried himself over to Dipper and alighted on his shoulder, shrinking a bit in size to fit and swearing under his breath about his eye.

"Hm, that's strange. I could have sworn I put in the same coordinates. Maybe I mistyped when you shoved me through the portal!"

"Oh boo-hoo."

"This place gives me the creeps, but I can't help feeling like I know it somehow," said Dipper as he rubbed the back of his head.

Bill's eye popped back into existence and instantly he removed it from its socket for a quick spit-polish before replacing it once again. He blinked hard a few times, spawned a bottle of eye drops and applied them, then blinked again.

"Beats me, let's go have a look-see, shall we?" he said finally while rubbing out his eye. Bill offered his elbow to his companion, which Dipper took without a second (or a first) thought, and led them both towards the door exiting the room.

They followed a staircase upward until they got to another door, behind which lied something neither of them could have been prepared to see.

A toddler.

Just a normal, regular old toddler.

With one eye. One giant, cantaloupe-sized eye taking up just about half his face.

And a grin like broken glass shards.

Dipper knew immediately what this creature was. Bill, however, could not have been more oblivious - completely uncharacteristic of him. He moved to the child and tugged gently on the jagged cowlick sticking out of the back of its silky blonde hair where, just above, hovered a cyan-blue ball of fire dormant like a candle.

The toddler gurgled out a complaint and swatted Bill's hand away. Then, Bill moved in front of it, putting both hands on either of the child's cheeks.

"Get a load of this flesh larva, Pine Tree, he looks like - hurrgh!" Bill's sentence was cut short when the toddler threw its arms around Bill and squeezed tight enough to crumple him in its arms like he was made of paper.

"Daddy!" it cooed. Dipper's face felt like fire; he must have been red as a cherry at that point. Glued to the ground a few inches out of the doorway to the basement, the young man felt his heart ache and sing and yearn and break all at the same time.

And then, out of a different room came another Bill, looking very much the same as Dipper's Bill, except for a magnificent golden wedding band that shone like a sun around his finger. In one fell swoop, he scooped up the toddler from the floor, detaching it from Bill, and cradled it close in his arms.

"Wrong Bill, Pine Cone!" Married Bill said to the toddler, "That's 47/a. Stay away from him, he's a lunatic." He didn't bother asking what the other was doing there; Bills tended to come and go from dimensions at any given time. He had done so quite a lot himself.

"No more than you are, buddy," Bill huffed, crossing his accordioned arms.

"I consider myself 'reformed', thank you very much."

"Oh yeah? On what grounds?" Bill tugged at all three of his corners to straighten himself out, yet the creases in his form remained. To rectify this, he produced a hot iron from thin air and steam-ironed himself back to perfection.

"Pine Tree! Duh. Believe it or not, psycho, it's apparently considered unethical to go grocery shopping with blood stains soaked into your bricks."

"Well that's just too much work. Besides, red and yellow go well together, if you ask me -"

"And no one did."

"- What does Pine Tree know about ethics anyway? The kid uses people like a tool for knowledge!"

Dipper's stomach dropped and he swallowed hard to push away the feeling of sickness.

"That was ages ago. Pine Tree also taught me to leave the past in the past. After all, when you live forever, no sense holding grudges, right kid?" A tiny fist-bump was exchanged between Married Bill and son, 'Pine Cone'. He then looked over at Bill's Dipper and offered a mouthless smile. Dipper was too shaken to say anything back, plus the sight of a Bill with... that toddler smiling at him and just radiating with happiness and general good-will the likes of which had never been seen before in any Bill was a shot of pure bliss to the brain. The rush was so sweet that his lips curled upward into a smile without his say-so and a weirdly content sigh left him.

"I beg to differ - it makes it that much sweeter when they finally perish."

And it was gone. But there was that sickness in Dipper's gut again, rearing its ugly head.

"Anyway, if you and Pines are feeling at all hospitable, Pine Tree and I would like to stay for tea. I'm showing him around the multiverse." Bill was already making himself at home: 'accidentally' knocking a vase off the table, turning a few paintings upside down, spawning himself a tea set and chairs - all of which floating. "I brought my own set!" He said perkily, trying to weasel his way into the deal. "Nice place you got here! I dig the instruments of torture in the basement."

"Thanks! The axe is Pine Tree's favourite, he can't get off without it!" Married Bill said as he sat down in one of the two chairs Bill spawned for them. If it were physically possible for Dipper to become any redder, he would have. However, a little part of him died inside. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he sat on the sofa across from the demonic pair. Or trio? That child definitely was not human, but he couldn't be full demon either. Maybe more like a demi-demon. Married Bill snapped a bottle filled with a syrupy black fluid into existence and popped it into Pine Cone's mouth before pouring himself a cup of tea. The toddler suckled happily while his father and father-look-alike talked about how great the plaid museum is and how Dipper is completely wrong about it and just doesn't know what he's in for. "Pine Cone calls it Plaidland and it's the gosh-darn most adorable thing!"

After about an hour and a half of violently agreeing with each other, the Bills were interrupted by the sound of the front door.

"Bill, Tyrone, I'm home!" a familiar voice called. It was the Dipper of this universe, "I got the sheep brains you wanted," Married Bill's husband.

"In here, kid!" Bill called out, substituting for Married Bill for funsies. The rattling of plastic bags and a set of footsteps began heading their way.

"I hope you don't mind, they're a bit out of date, but I got them for a great discount..." Married Dipper entered the room to find duplicates of himself and his husband. His sentence slowed to a stop as did he. An awkward silence resonated between everyone before Married Dipper decided he was not dealing with this today and promptly u-turned out of there.

"Baby, wait!" Married Bill beckoned, launching out of his chair and zipping over to his husband to stop him. Pine Cone/Tyrone was being held in the air by a newly generated third hand. "Come on, Pine Tree," he drawled, "Don't be a buzzkill! This is 47/a Bill and Dipper, and -"

"Whatever they want, give it to them and get them out. One Bill around Tyrone is bad enough."

"Yeesh kid, what do you think will happen? You afraid we're gonna kill him or something?"

"No - I'm not even sure that's possible, to be honest. No, I'm afraid he's going to get even more bright ideas like the one he had the other day when he hid Noodle in my shirt pocket before I left for work. I was this close to being fired, Bill, this close. Luckily my boss's supervisor loves snakes, so I got off with a warning. No, this house is limited to one Bill only." And then he mumbled under his breath, "even that's far too many."

Dipper couldn't help sighing away the ache in his chest and thinking, "you should be so thankful, man." Being there hurt. He was more than ready to be done with this dimension and get back home.

"Aw, don't be such a flake, kid," Married Bill chuckled. He shrugged, "take a joke." Married Dipper opened his mouth to retort but Bill continued loudly as usual. "Anyway, 47/a is helping his flesh stick with homework. Be hospitable, would ya?"

Married Dipper groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, "What kind of homework?" All eyes pointed to Dipper. He straightened up suddenly in his chair, glancing between the five other eyes in the room.

"Uh. Well, I... There's a science fair going on back in my dimension and the first place prize is a scholarship, which I kinda need because-" Dipper's face lightened with a crooked smile and his eyes drifted to the demi-demon baby, "as I'm sure you know, diapers aren't cheap."

"What?" Married Dipper appeared puzzled.

"Not a problem for us, Northwest. They don't make flame-retardant diapers in your world. So I make our own."

Bill huffed and muttered to himself, "What a waste of perfectly good magic."

"Not like it runs out," Married Bill grumbled in response. Both Bills glared each other down at this.

"Oh. Oh yeah, no, Tyrone is way too flammable for that. First week after he was born, he nearly brought down the house in ashes starting with my drapes." Dipper reluctantly took note on Married Dipper's anecdote.

"Hold on, which is it?" The scratching of Dipper's pen slowed and he cocked his head. "You keep saying Tyrone, but-"

"It was Tyrone William Cipher-Pines until Bill changed his name on the birth certificate while I was having a nervous breakdown in the bathroom. So his legal name is actually Pine-Cone Pants Pines." Despite Married Dipper's sore tone, Married Bill didn't look any less proud of himself. Which wasn't uncharacteristic.

Bill piped up to share his opinion, "Well that's because Tyrone William is stupid. Like, that's not even a good name." Both Dippers gaped at Bill while Married Bill remained unchanged. He agreed. 47/a just put it into words. Bill leaned toward Married Bill and said low, with a hand shielding his metaphorical mouth. "Don't worry, 'Atlantica' is a pretty stupid name too. I campaigned for 'Pants' but it was out of my hands." He shrugged. Married Bill patted Bill's back and nodded.

Dipper rolled his eyes and continued jotting down notes. He omitted that last exchange.

Married Dipper brought in a pair of Pitt Colas for Dipper and himself to share while the Bills fawned over Tyrone with their tea. In his journal, Dipper doodled a little picture of Tyrone along with his pet snake and the bottle of questionable fluid Married Bill had been feeding him before (he captioned the image of the bottle with 'is this antimatter?' and 'probably not consumable by normal humans'). He gazed at his drawing with a frown. Tyrone, essentially his son, was this close to actually being his. The key difference in this universe seemed to be that something - whatever it was - convinced Bill to forgive him before Pacifica stepped into the picture. Dipper bit his lip. He needed to ask what exactly it was. For his research. And at the same time, he didn't want to know. But then again, some part of him, deep inside maybe did want to know. A nagging in the back of his mind that had a spark of hope. The nagging and hope that he waged war against because he was married with a daughter and did not need to be having such thoughts. After enough internal conflict, he took a deep breath and gathered his courage to ask.

"So what... what exactly was it that- I-I mean, how did you and Bill...?"

"Oh. Huh. Funny story about that one. For the longest time, I couldn't get him out of my mind. I kept trying to contact him all the way up until high school. And then in high school, I started sorta dating Pacifica. You're from a reality where I married her, though, right? I mean, 'cause Bill called you Northwest and all."

"Uh. Yeah, she was always there for me when things got bad. Pulled me out of some really bad spots and everything. I guess one day I realized I'd been wasting my time on Bill and realized she cared about me no matter what."

"Man. That's so weird to me. Like, she did the same for me, but I guess I never got to that point with her before Bill and I made up."

Dipper chewed the rubber of his chew-proof pen. He felt his stomach sink to the floor.

"What, uh- how did you make up, exactly?" Okay. This was it. Dipper steeled his nerves.

Married Dipper blushed a little and sat back in his seat, averting his eyes from the other. He had a tiny bashful grin. "We sorta," he hesitated, chuckling and rubbing a hand behind his neck, "slept together one night," he swallowed, "and it all came rushing back. All the feelings and whatever. All the old wounds reopened and we stayed up that night and talked about everything."

Dipper's jaw slacked open. He stared at his counterpart in awe as a whirlwind of thoughts crashed over him. His hands went cold, though his palms slicked with sweat. He gripped his pen hard, bending the rubber between his thumb and index.

"You guys slept together?" he echoed, voice trembling?

"Yeah." Married Dipper couldn't meet eyes with him. "It all happened so fast, before I knew it, we were laying in bed and wondering what we were gonna do next." He shook his head, "But after that, I didn't really need Pacifica's help anymore 'cause Bill and I gave things another try and I was happy again."

"How did you- I mean, I'm not trying to pry, but we're kinda, uh, the same so I hope this isn't too personal. But, for the sake of research..."

"For the sake of research...?" Married Dipper held out a fist to bump with Dipper's. Dipper anxiously returned the gesture.

"-For the sake of research, what could have possibly led up to that?"

"Oh. Um. Geez, you know, I don't really remember. One moment, I was alone in my room looking through memories with him and the next he was there threatening my life and then it's all a blur I'll spare you the details of, but then it was over and we were holding hands and for once he was dead silent."

The Dippers fell into silence, both staring thoughtfully at the floor with varying expressions of nostalgia. Dipper withdrew, glancing up to the Bills and Tyrone. His veins ran icy. Married Dipper swirled his soda in the can, listening to the clink of the pit hitting the aluminum walls. Suddenly a thought hit him.

"Oh! I remember what it was-" Dipper sat up straight and directed his attention back to his counterpart, ears pricked high. "I was looking through my journal and I was kinda," he chuckled, flustered, "having guy time. You know." He shook it off. "And in my journal I had Bill's chant written down. Not his summoning- I have that one too, but I mean..."

"Oh. Wow. Okay?"

"Yeah. And I was reading it," he cleared his throat, "out loud. To myself." Dipper's gaze drifted, staring frozen into space. "And then there he was. Swearing he was going to kill me if I didn't shut up right then and leave him alone."

Dipper looked down at his shaking hands, replaying the scene in his memory. "I remember that night. I was looking over it, and thought about going for it, but then I decided to call Pacifica instead. To stop myself." He shook his head slow, in utter disbelief at how extraordinarily close it was. How one slight difference in thought could change so much. This was entirely different to parallel universes. There was no fun in this - seeing how much better or worse you could have had it. This was torture. Traveling to daughter dimensions, Dipper wrote furiously, could drive a man insane.

Quiet stilled the air between the both of them while Dipper wrote. The Bills across the room were hovering around Tyrone, teaching him magic skills and continuing to praise each other on their prowess as Bills tended to do. When Dipper finished and tied all of his thoughts from that dimension together, he stood up with his head hung, the fringe of his bangs shadowing his face.

"Thanks for your time," he monotoned. His fists clenched at his sides, holding onto his journal and pen with just less than damaging force. Married Dipper frowned. He didn't have to ask what was wrong. He was looking right at himself. He knew.

"Hey listen, I hope you found what you were looking for, man," he offered sympathetically.

Dipper didn't reply.

"C'mon, Bill." The demons looked up to where Dipper was standing at the doorway back down to the basement where the portal was. "Let's go."

"Aw, but Pine Tree, can't you see I'm busy here-"

"I need to go home," Dipper interrupted, fist clenched at his side. After a beat of hesitance, Bill straightened his bow tie and tipped his hat to Married Bill and Pine Cone.

"Well, it's been great but looks like it's time to take my meatbag back to our reality. Catch you on the flipside, Pines."

"Bye bye, daddy!" Pine Cone waved with a precious smile. Married Bill lifted him up to rest on his hip and then tipped his hat in response. Dipper felt his heart shatter.

...

The pair stood at the bus stop in complete silence. Dipper clutched his journal close to his chest. He stared at the ground with an absent mind, thinking about their married counterparts. It was an absolute disaster of a marriage - Bill had Dipper collecting materials for dark magic, he was giving their son ideas on how to make Dipper's life hell just for kicks, their son was flammable, Dipper barely seemed to have any control on anything around there - but they where clearly happy together.

Dipper couldn't help feeling a bit stomach sick thinking about it. He wanted that. He wanted to share that experience with Bill; to raise a kid and live together and put up with his crazy antics day in and day out. Some deep, dark part of him wondered if there was still time yet to change things... And then he felt absolutely disgusted with himself. He was in love with Pacifica - he was in love with them both - but she had been there for him through thick and thin. And now that he had Atlantica, he knew they were his future. Nothing could change that.

And yet, without Bill, Atlantica wouldn't exist. Pacifica would still be infertile and maybe they would have decided to adopt in the end but Atlantica is ultimately Bill's creation. And it was messed up, but he couldn't help but feel comforted that in some distant way, he would always have a piece of Bill with him. It was a nice thought. Even though it was kind of messed up, and he knew it was, at least it meant he would always look at his daughter with love and not resentment. That had to count for something, right?

"You see this guy, Pine Tree?" Bill startled Dipper with a surprisingly loud tone. He was glaring at a wanted poster hanging pinned on the bus stop sign. "Super evil. Name's Rick Sanchez and - I got nothing legal against him or anything, I totally relate to the whole 'wanted by literally every government for literally every crime', but he's totally tryna put me out of a job!" Dipper raised an eyebrow. He tried and failed to stop the crooked smile that dawned on him at the way Bill waved his arms around angrily. "The 'old fashioned' way of deluding your teachers into giving you good grades was to summon a dream demon to convince them, but this guy and his stupid dream inceptor... newfangled technology." Bill crossed his arms and grumbled. "I mean, how's a guy supposed to make a living with gadgets replacing everything these days?" Dipper chuckled and patted Bill's head.

"You wouldn't have gotten into my dimension if Great Uncle Ford never made that portal," he reminded. Bill shot him a dirty look.

As the bus came to a stop in front of them, Bill and Dipper filed on and made their way down the isle to find a seat. The bus carried them back to the inter-dimensional hub. Dipper gazed out the window at the technicolour blurs passing by.

Bill explained the functions of daughter universes in the grand scheme of things.

"Whenever you make a decision," Bill said as Dipper wrote in his journal, "any outcome that could possibly derive from that choice is made in some other universe. Even when you opt to do nothing at all, another version of you has opted to attempt everything at once, or choose one person's side or the other's. Sometimes it can be as simple as the colour shirt you wear. Other times, you have a kid with your ex in your great uncle's house and install a torture chamber in the basement. You never know what you're gonna get." Dipper flinched at that last bit. Touchy subject.

Regardless, Bill managed to make Dipper feel better anyway. His presence and general nature was a catalyst on Dipper's happiness. The young man kept his journal tucked close under his arm at all times. He'd documented his experiences in such detail that Bill accused him of keeping a diary. They chatted about how Dipper planned to carry out his project once he got home, how he'd present it and explain to small-minded the things he'd seen in layman's terms. Dipper caught himself smiling and grinning as he spoke, laughing at the things Bill would say. His heart fluttered in his chest.

He cleared his throat, "Looks like our stop is coming up," he said, finally. The electronic sign above read INTERDIMENSIONAL HUB. Bill patted Dipper's shoulder, causing a fleeting blush to rise in the other's cheeks.

"Well, Pine Tree, it's been fun." He rose from his seat, hovering once again, and ushered Dipper out of his seat and down the aisle. "Hope you feel the same."

Dipper's voice cracked when he replied, "Of course!" a little too excitedly. Mentally, he face-palmed. Bill laughed at him, making Dipper blush even harder. Boy had that been the running theme of today. He rubbed the back of his neck and shook it off. "Thanks for everything, man. I, uh, I'll see you again soon, right?" Was that a stupid thing to say? Did it come off flirty? The pair stepped off the bus and those waiting at the stop filed on. Bill put both hands on his hips.

"That's a stupid question, Pines."

"I- yeah. I know," Dipper chuckled awkwardly. They walked along the sidewalk back toward Milliways. The void around them grew darker with each step, the hustle and bustle of the transcendent community fading away like a dream.

"I'll be back," he continued with pride, "I always come back. You know that, Dipper."

His words struck the young man with a shot of infatuation. They became the butterflies that fluttered around in Dipper's chest, plucking at his heartstrings. Dipper cleared his throat and shuffled his journal around in his arms. He chewed the end of his pen out of nervous habit, but the need to respond seemed to flee when Bill extended his hand out with conviction, for Dipper to take.

He wasn't sure when, but at some point that evening, Dipper had entirely stopped using his head. He stared at Bill's offer, mind and heart racing a million miles per hour. And with a tentative hand, he gently took the dream demon's hand in his. Bill laced their fingers together, and Dipper could feel the low buzz of magical energy radiating through his palm. Such a distantly familiar feeling reawakened after all these years.

Dipper's breaths grew short. He fought back overwhelmed tears, shaking his head and placing his grinning face into his free hand. Bill watched and mused at how flustered he was, but generously decided not to call him out on it. Still, Pine Tree was undeniably cute.

Once they reached the end of the abstract thought dimension, Bill produced his cane and gestured for his companion to return to the sleeping body that snored (and drooled) on the desk in front of him.

"Back before work, as promised." Bill looked at his wrist which had mysteriously generated a watch and said, "Your alarm should be going off in three... two... one..."

Jazzy tones chimed up from the speaker of Dipper's phone that lied beside his sleeping head. Dipper's body began fading from Bill's existence, bit by bit as his sleeping self slowly came to. He looked at the connection between him and the dream demon before blushing and quickly turning away.

"See you soon, Bill," he murmured, biting his lip.

"Stay wired, kid."

And with that, Dipper vanished and awoke in his study, face drenched in his own drool. Gross. He yawned and stretched, wiping the fluid away with his sleeve. And suddenly a thought crossed him. He patted down his body before noticing on the desk beside him, lied the glittery atrocity that was his new project journal. He smiled and stashed it in one of the desk drawers. He had a long week ahead of him, but first he needed a shower and coffee.