Chapter 34

She hides away, like a ghost in a crowded place trying not to feel so alone


Thea

"She looks so fragile."

Kara's words hit Thea like a ton of bricks and let to her taking a step back after the uttered sentence. Fragile. Of course. That was the perfect word to describe Sara.

Fragile.

That was the word that had eluded her for months. The one she had been looking for from the moment Sara had first stepped into her and Laurel's apartment. It was so clear, so perfect, and Thea wondered why she hadn't thought of it before. But then again, it was the last word she would've ever thought she'd use to describe Sara Lance, the Canary, her sister in all but blood. Sara had been many things over the years, but fragile had never been one of them.

Until now.

Now she reminded her of one of the antique China Dolls her grandma used to have. They looked strong, unbreakable, and were all hard to the touch, but one wrong move would shatter them into a million pieces. Besides, she had always thought that they looked kind of sad… which was also very fitting. There always seemed to be a deep sadness behind the blonde's ocean blue eyes lately. Just like the China Dolls.

'Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall and all the king's horses, and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again.'

Was this Sara now? Was this how she felt and saw herself? As broken? Too broken to be put back together again? Was this the reason she refused to be in her baby's life? Had she and Laurel done this to her? Was this their fault? And if so, how could they fix it? How could they fix Sara? There had to be a way to help her, to ease some of her pain, right? To make her stay. This was all her fault. If she hadn't gone with Malcolm, if she had stayed here… none of this would've happened. Sara would've never died. And Laurel would've never had to use the Lazarus Pit to bring her sister back.

And Sara wouldn't be broken.

Sara who had been sitting at the bay window in the living room of her and Ollie's apartment, for the last couple of hours, watching the city outside. Away from everyone.

Thea wasn't sure whose idea it had been to have a Thanksgiving dinner, even less to invite Team Flash, including Kara and her sister. Unfortunately, Roy and his team couldn't make it. She had really hoped he would come too. But that's what they've done, and it had somehow been decided that it would be at her brother's place… no, not somehow, Sara had refused to go anywhere, and Ollie refused to leave her alone. Besides, Oliver and Sara's apartment had the most space aside from Felicity's place, and that had seemed like a terrible idea. Thea knew for a fact that her brother hadn't been back to the apartment in months and didn't plan on going back there. Too many bad memories. So, they ended up having the dinner here. Sara had stayed away, on the fringe of activity, watching but never taking any actual part in it, just like she has been doing during their family lunches and dinners.

Thea sometimes felt that she almost seemed like a ghost haunting the apartment.

She joined them for the actual dinner, reclaiming her place at Ollie's side. Moving her chair so close to his that there was almost no space between the two chairs. She had practically been sitting on his lap. And it had reminded Thea of that first afternoon at her and Laurel's place after Ollie and Sara had first come back home a good three months ago. Yet, she left his side and the table the moment they were done eating. Leaving the dining room and curling back up on the bay window seat in the living room.

Where she had stayed ever since.

Ollie had brought her some tea a while ago but made no move to join her, he just placed the teapot and teacup on the table which he had placed within Sara's reach, gently draped the blanket from the armchair over her shoulders, softly kissed her temple and left her alone in her solidarity again.

She didn't know what had happened between Ollie and Sara, but she knew that something must have happened between them. Sara seemed to keep her distance, pretty much ever since they've returned home from Central City. She had tried to talk to Ollie about it, but her brother had just told her it was nothing, that everything was fine, trying to make her feel as if she were imagining things and changed the subject. It might even have worked if Laurel and Quentin hadn't noticed the change in Sara's behavior too. And how she had started to keep Ollie at arm's length, just like everyone else.

Thea couldn't help but sigh. This was such a mess. She wished she could do something… anything really to help them clean it up.

On a more positive note, Ollie had decided to keep the baby. She was going to be an aunt and get to be a part of her niece's life. Something she never got the chance to be in her nephew's.

Yeah, that was the other great news. She was going to have a niece.

Ollie and Sara were having a girl, a little baby girl. She was so excited about it and couldn't wait to meet her and spoil her and just be there for her. She had even gone into some of the baby departments in stores and bought some cute little outfits and some toys for the little girl. She had also helped Ollie work on the nursery. Well, a little at least. Quentin, Laurel and she, had offered him to help, but he had refused, to the most part. He had taken her with him while picking out the furniture and even asked her opinion on which crib he should get and even gotten the one she had told him to and had let her hang out in the nursery while he was putting all the furniture together.

But hadn't let her actually help do anything inside the nursery.

She had offered to help him paint the room or hang up some paintings. But he had refused. It had taken her and Laurel and Quentin a while to realize that he wanted to do this alone. That it was important to him to create his daughter's room all by himself. And they respected that. It was actually very sweet. The nursery looked amazing. She still couldn't believe that her brother had done all of it by himself. She had been awestruck when she peeked in today. It was as good as done. All that was missing was her niece, really. And she really couldn't wait to meet her.

Sara had asked her if she wanted to touch her belly a couple of times when the baby was kicking, but she always stopped as soon as she placed her hand on it. So, she was really, really looking forward to meeting her, seeing her, holding her and spoiling her. Thea pushed the thoughts about Sara and her niece away for the moment to focus back on the conversation and joined in sharing a Thanksgiving story of her own, having Laurel, Quentin and even Ollie chime in and add information to it or deny some of the facts she was presenting. All in all, it was a great success and a really fun night. She hoped they'd make a tradition out of it and that maybe next year, Roy would be able to join them too.


Kara

Kara had been surprised when Cisco and Barry had showed up in her living room a couple of days ago, asking her if she had plans for Thanksgiving or if she wanted to come spend it with them. She actually didn't have any plans because Eliza couldn't make it to National City for Thanksgiving Day, so they had made their Thanksgiving plans for the following week. She agreed under the condition that Alex could come with her. She wasn't going to leave her sister alone at Thanksgiving, and they had agreed. Convincing Alex had been a bit of a challenge, but she had eventually managed, simply because Alex was curious to meet all the other heroes she had told her about after she had returned home following the Dominator attack.

What she hadn't expected was that Team Arrow didn't just join them, but that they actually had the Thanksgiving dinner in Star City, instead of Central City as she had expected, even more shocking had been the revelation that they had Thanksgiving dinner at Oliver's place.

He did not seem like the event hosting type. At all.

Even during their celebration after saving the world, he had mostly stayed by himself, or with Sara. They had spent a fair amount of time with Roy and his team before they had excused themselves and were the first who left the festivities in order to get some sleep. So, this turn of event was highly surprising.

Barry rang the doorbell before she had any more time to think about everything and the next thing she knew Thea was opening the door to her brother's apartment.

"Hi, guys c'mon in, Ollie's in the kitchen and pretty much banned everyone except for Sara, Dig, Lyla and Sin for some reason from entering… and I'm pretty sure Sara is simply using the kitchen as a place to hide away from everyone… even though her pumpkin pie is divine and to die for. Well anyway, c'mon in make yourself at home." The perky brunette was festively dressed and greeted them with a gigantic smile and another interesting explanation.

Oliver cooked?

Yet another surprising tidbit of information about the enigma that was Oliver Queen. Maybe one day she'd actually manage to solve the mystery that was the Green Arrow. She stepped into the apartment and was blown away. It was gorgeous. There was a corridor that lead to what she presumed were the bedrooms on the right side, and it seemed to turn around a corner behind what looked like stairs and go on at the end. Just a little into the apartment on the left side was a dark, wooden archway that led to what she presumed was the living room from the looks of it. The dark wood was also used for the pillars inside the living room and dining room behind it, there were dark wooden beams on the ceiling and in the corners. The amount of space and the sheer size of the apartment took her by surprise, given the entrance and the corridor she would've never expected it to be this huge. She could also see the balcony through the window front that seemed to span the entire lengths of the apartment.

"It's amazing, isn't it? The balcony actually goes all the way around, and the apartment had its own roof terrace on top of it. Ollie and Sara have a unique taste for decorating, don't mind the peculiar way they placed their furniture or the strangeness of how their completely different tastes don't clash but actually complement each other. I swear I have no clue how they managed that. It shouldn't work, but it does." It was almost as if Thea could read her mind.

"It's an exquisite place." Kara wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"Yeah, Sara likes marvellous view, and height. I think that's why they went with the apartment with the high ceiling and the wooden beams with space between them and the ceiling. I'm sure Sara likes to hang out up there. Well, not right now, I guess… and I wouldn't be surprised to find either of them up there at some point, to be honest. C'mon sit down, make yourself comfortable, would you like something to drink?" Thea kept the conversation going, made the necessary introductions and her role as the perfect host up.


Kara was extremely confused. She thought… weren't Oliver and Sara a couple? She could've sworn they looked and acted like a couple just six weeks ago… Oliver had told her he loved her, in front of everyone… did they have a fight? But then again, the now obviously pregnant woman seemed to treat everyone the same, which meant ignoring the presence of the people inside her apartment. She understood what Thea had meant with Sara, probably using the kitchen as a place to hide away from everyone now. But why did she agree to hosting an event like this in her home when she obviously didn't want any company? She spent the majority of the evening on the bay window seat in the living room, away from everyone. The small blonde had joined them for dinner, and that had been the only time during the evening that Oliver and Sara actually seemed like a couple. With Sara moving her chair so close to the man next to her, they might as well have been sitting on a bench together. What had been even more surprising was Oliver's reactions, or lack thereof, when it came to the blonde's peculiar behavior.

While he hadn't left her side in Central City, he didn't seem to mind her absence here. Or wasn't surprised when she practically sat on top of him during dinner, taking up a lot of his personal space and room for him to actually use his cutlery, yet he also didn't bat an eye when she got up as soon as everyone was done to retake her place at the bay window in the adjoining room. Once again, avoiding everyone. Except for the cute little girl who was practically attached to her hip, who she had learnt, after Alex had wondered about the two of them sharing the same name, was actually named after Sara.

To honor her… because Sara had died… what?

"Wait, what do you mean, Sara died?" She couldn't have heard right? She turned her head to look at her sister and saw a very confused look on Alex's face. Guess she didn't hear wrong after all.

They were still sitting at the dining room table. Oliver, Thea, Laurel, Sara's father, Felicity's mother and Sin had left clearing the table and Dig and Lyla had taken their daughter, trying to get her to fall asleep in Oliver's room.

"Oh, ahm, Sara died around two, two-and-a-half years ago… she was shot with three arrows and fell off of a rooftop. She was dead for like a little over a year before Laurel and Thea brought her back with the Lazarus Pit." Cisco explained to her and Alex looking around as if to make sure no one was hearing him, as if he was doing something forbidden. Not that it helped her understand or made any sense at all.

"Oliver wouldn't be happy to hear us talk about it. He doesn't like to be reminded… well, neither are Laurel, Quentin, and Thea… or Sin for the matter… which is understandable. Well, anyway. Now you know why." Felicity explained Cisco's behavior.

"Now they know why what?" the unexpectedness of Oliver's voice made all of them flinch. He looked intrigued, almost challenging, and a little scary if Kara were honest and it made her feel as if she had done something forbidden.

"Now they know why…" Felicity was desperately trying to come up with a lie when she was interrupted by a somber voice.

"Why Dig and Lyla named their daughter Sara." Everyone's eyes turned towards the voice and landed on the person they'd been talking about. Kara suddenly felt very uncomfortable, even more so than she had when Oliver showed up unexpectantly. Now she really felt like she had done something wrong. She had completely forgotten that Sara was just in the next room, well not even really another room given the open space layout of the apartment.

"The Lazarus Pit is a pool of regenerative waters, also known as the Fountain of Youth, it has been used by the League of Assassins for centuries. Its waters have mystical powers and can heal wounds or even revive someone who has died. But there's a price to pay. There's always a price to pay… I wouldn't recommend the use of it." The tone of Sara's voice was very clipped while she answered the question she and Alex hadn't asked yet. Her face was inscrutable, a blank mask, and it was impossible to know what she was thinking or feeling.

And yet, she turned her head to look at Oliver, who had a scowl on his face, a scowl that was replaced by worry when he looked at Sara. Maybe he was able to look passed the pregnant woman's mask.

Sara turned towards Oliver and said something in a language no one besides the tall man seemed to understand. He answered her in the same language, still looking concerned, but made no move to stop her when she walked passed him and left the room.

"Okaay… I'm not sure if I've ever told you but just in case I haven't it's really rude when you two do this… you know, switch to Chinese so no one understands what you're talking about." Felicity turned her gaze away from the departing woman and to the imposing man she was addressing. Oliver cocked his head a little and scrutinized the woman, Kara was grateful that his stare was not directed at her and not surprised when the blonde next to her flinches slightly.

"It's also rude to share personal information about other people or talking about them as if they weren't in the room, while they are literally only a couple of feet away. Sara simply led me know that she's going to lie down, because she's tired and her lower back hurts and the baby is kicking her ribs. Not that it's anyone's business. Your conversation topic also made her feel uncomfortable and is not something she likes to talk about, even less share with people she barely knows. Having people talk about you as if you weren't there doesn't make someone feel welcome either." Kara felt like a scolded child, and from the look on the faces of the people around her, she wasn't the only one. Oliver was right. What they had done was rude. But she had honestly forgotten that Sara was in the same room with them, and she was sure so did everyone else. It wasn't as if Sara had made any indication that she wanted to be a part of the festivities or gone out of her way to make her guests feel welcome… she had really just been quietly sitting close but always out of reach, that made it easy to forget her presence. This had been the first time since she greeted everyone after they had first arrived that she had said anything at all.

"Oliver, we didn't mean… you're right. I'm sorry." Felicity started to defend their actions but then seemed to change her mind, looking remorseful. The look on Oliver's face softened slightly, and he gave her a court nod.

"Thank you, but I'm not the one you need to apologize to." He moved his eyes from Felicity and fixed them on Cisco, staring the other man down until Cisco broke the eye contact.

"How about we do that now. We go and apologize to Sara." Cisco moved his chair slightly back as if to widen the space between him and Oliver, suddenly yet understandably looking very nervous.

"No. She left because she's tired and uncomfortable, which means she wants to be alone. Leave her be for now. You can apologize the next time you see her. I mean, you can go and disturb her, but you better make sure your reflexes are fast and just don't blame me if you end up getting a knife thrown at your head." His voice was soft but determined and his face serious. At least until the last sentence, Kara could swear she could detect some amusement in both his voice and on his face. Was he joking? She suddenly remembered Barry telling her that Oliver had shot him. Which made her wonder if perhaps the thought of Cisco ending up with a knife thrown at him was the reason for the Green Arrow's amusement. Wait, did that mean Sara tended to shoot her friends too?

She really wasn't sure if she wanted to find out the answer to those questions.

And how was it that every time she spent time with them she only ended up with more question instead of solving the mystery that was Oliver and Sara?


Sin

"Hey Sar, can I come in?" Sin had noticed Sara get up from her seat at the window and leave. It wasn't hard for her to figure out where she went. So, she followed the blonde and was now leaning against the door frame to Sara's room.

"Sure." The woman in question turned her head towards her at the sound of her voice and actually lifted the comforter off her bed to show that she should join her on her bed. Sin walked into the room and made sure to close the door behind her before she joined Sara on her bed.

"Are you okay? You seemed… different, and things between Oliver and you seemed weird too. Did something happen?" She decided to get straight to the point. She knew Sara appreciated that, and she was really worried about her friend. She had seemed especially off today. She and Sara had been spending a lot of time together, but Oliver usually wasn't around or busy preparing the nursery, so this was the first time in weeks she had seen the two of them together and something was just weird. Well, weirder than usual.

"I screwed up. I… a couple of nights ago… remember when I told you that Laurel was going to come over to talk about how Ollie and I ended up screwing behind her back?" blue eyes bore into hers and the blonde paused for a moment before Sin nodded her head in affirmation.

"Okay, well, she said some things… she asked me some questions that had me wondering, and then Ollie, was out longer than usual… so when he came home around four, five am I… I went into his room just to… I don't know… make sure he was okay? Look in on him for a change? I'm not sure what I meant to do but definitely not what I ended up doing…" her sister in everything but blood stopped talking for a moment and she couldn't help but comment, not really understanding the situation yet.

"Okay, so you guys screwed. What's the big deal? I mean, it's not like it was the first time… obviously." Sin's eyes demonstratively moved to her friend's pregnant belly.

"Yeah, obviously." Sara gave her a short but amused grin, which she returned, before sobering again.

"I broke my own rule. I swore I wouldn't… after Central City I swore I'd keep things between us platonic, but I just…" Sara dropped her head in her hands.

"It's not fair to him. What I'm doing right now is not fair to Ollie. I'm jerking him around. And that's not… he deserves better. I don't want to get his hopes up. I don't want to hurt him. I just… keeping my distance from him hurts more than I thought it would, but not keeping my distance will only end up hurting him more when I leave and I… I don't know what to do Sin. I… I just… I want…" Seeing her friend like this hurt, seeing the agony in her eyes, the uncertainty, it made her so sad. Sara deserved to be happy, she deserved everything that she wanted, everything that was currently right within her grasp. All she had to do was reach out and grab it. Sin knew that the life Sara wanted was the one Oliver was offering her. And it hurt her so much to see Sara struggle and believe that she did not deserve it. That she didn't deserve to be happy. To raise her child with the man she loves. Sin had stayed out of it and kept her opinion on the matter to herself until now.

"Do you want to know what I think?" She looked expectantly at the older woman that she considered her sister.

"No, I just shared my feelings with you and poured my heart out to you for fun." Sara rolled her eyes at her and looked exasperated.

"Okay, but remember you asked for it. I think you have the right to change your mind. I know you are scared, Sara. And I think I get it, but… look, you have no reason to be. I mean I guess you do, because becoming a parent is scary and being responsible for another human being, even more so a helpless little baby, is terrifying…" Sara was giving her a look that pretty much said 'what the fuck are you doing? How is that supposed to make me feel better?!' and she was not wrong, she had seriously gotten off track here.

"But… that's not my point. You'd do great besides you'd have Oliver by your side every step of the way and that guy worships the ground you walk on and would do like anything for you. Look, what I meant to say is; you saved me. And I don't just mean when you kept those guys from hurting me. You saved me, you took me in, you cared for me… something that no one has done since my dad disappeared during one of his flights when I was twelve years old. You took care of me when no one else would. When you didn't have to, when you didn't even know me, you even trusted me with your name and your secret. Even though you were going through so much, and you were on the run from the League, you still took the time to make sure I was alright. You made sure Oliver would check in on me and make sure I was fed and warm when you left. Sara, you have the capacity for so much love and you've done so much good, helped so many people… strangers… there is no way, no way… your child is so lucky to have you as a mom. To have someone who cares so much, who tries so hard to help people, to make the world a better place… and I know, I know how much you love your baby. And I know that you would never, ever hurt it. I don't understand the whole blood lust thing, not really. But I know you and just like I knew you wouldn't hurt me when I got between you and Roy, I know that you would never hurt your baby. You are not a killer, Sara. And your baby couldn't do better than having you as a mom. I just thought you should know. Just in case… but it's your choice and I'll support you no matter what you decide to do. Cause that's what sisters do, right?" She finished sharing her opinion and shyly looked at her savior.

Sara quietly looked at her for a long time after she shared her thoughts with the blonde. She was mustering her with her eyes, searching for something. Sin wasn't sure what, but it seemed as if she had finally found it.

"Thank you." It was the only reply she got before Sara drew her into a tight hug. Staying like this for a long while.

"Stay for a while to keep me company? Maybe watch a movie? I don't feel like going back out there, but I don't feel like being alone anymore either." Sara looked at her expectantly after she released her from the hug.

"Sure, sounds like fun." She agreed, getting comfortable on the bed, moving closer to Sara so she could snuggle up to her while they were watching TV. She loved moments like these, when it was just her and Sara doing something that other people would look at as mundane, something that sisters would do. These moments meant the world to her. The way Sara made her feel meant the world to her. Like family, like she mattered. Sara prioritizing her, choosing her company above everyone else's always made her feel special. And loved.


Notes:

Okay so, I like Kara and needed a reason for her to be in Star… lol.

Please let me know if you would like another Thanksgiving chapter, or you know following right after this and Thanksgiving or if this one was fine and you'd like me to move on, moving on would mean another time jump. Thank you.

I wrote Sin, yay, I'm happy I actually did it but I'm really unsure if I got her right, which is why I haven't written her until now. I want to do her justice but find her really hard to write. I love her and I want to do right by her so please let me know if I didn't.

So, timeline wise. The beginning of 11.59 happened, but Team Arrow never went to the prison, because Darhk was already dead. Andy left town shortly after Damien's death… which means they don't know that he worked for H.I.V.E

Like I already mentioned before my timeline is different. Sara and Oliver left Star City during 11.59 which was in April. They slept together in May, came home at the end of August, Invasion was in October and it is now November. I really hope all of my math is correct and there are no mistakes in the previous chapters, I am still going through the whole story, editing stuff that no longer fits.

Chapter titel is from the songs "Where's My Love" by SYML and "Broken Ones" by Jacquie Lee.