Chapter fifty-one

Al knocked on the bedroom door, knowing it was two in the morning and that Dad was asleep, but Al needed to talk to him and knew that it would just hurt Dad if Al put it off and he found out later. And that would make Dad feel guilty.

…Just like it had been with Brother.

"Yes?" came a sleepy voice from inside the room. Al cautiously opened the door, slowly enough for Dad to stop him if he wanted. Al peeked inside, finding Dad looking up at him with worry from where he lay propped up on his right elbow and with his left arm over Brother's sleeping form. "Alphonse? Is something wrong?"

"You said to come to you anytime I needed to talk, right?" Al asked quietly.

"Of course. Please come in, Al." And so Dad leaned over to turn on the lamp above his nightstand. He then leaned over the edge of the bed and picked up the spare pillows that lay on the floor and placed them in front of the headboard.

Al carefully shut the door and walked as quietly as he could so as to not disturb Riza or Ed. Dad was already sitting up, his back against the pillows and his right hand on top of Ed's right cheek. Brother was still looking dead to this world where he lay next to Dad and was clearly not bothered by Al's visit. Dad then pulled his feet to him and smiled gently at Al. "Why don't you sit down, Son."

That soft warmth in Dad's voice as he said it was just like the one Ed had had in his on similar occasions and Al found it to fill him with confidence. And so he sat down on the bed about an inch from Dad's toes and looked over at him, twirling his thumbs as he tried to find out where to start. "I-I'm sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night like this, Dad…" Al began.

"Don't worry about it, Alphonse. I'd rather you come to me the second you need to than keep something in for hours on your own. So you just tell me what's wrong." Dad didn't look tired at all and it felt so good to see that he really meant what he was saying.

"It's about Da— … Hohenheim. I just don't know how to feel about him anymore…"

Dad leaned forwards and hugged his knees to him as he gently took Al's left hand in his own. Al was unable to feel it, but it was still comforting because it was a reminder that Dad saw him as just as human as anybody else. And so Al gently curled his own hand around his. "I-I heard some of what Brother told you about him yesterday … That Ed doesn't remember him ever be the one to start a hug… That he only remembers Hohenheim pushing us away. I didn't know that. I think Big Brother also forgot that but that he was still old enough for it to leave a subconscious scar. And I think it was hurting him ever since. Knowing that Hohenheim left such an emotional scar, it's made me think differently about him…"

"I'm sorry, Alphonse … And I just wish that I had been the one to be there to hug him first…"

"Don't blame yourself for that, Dad … I didn't even know." Al paused and then brought up something that he had been thinking about since they met Hohenheim, but only now had made his mind up about. "Dad? You know when we met him at the train station, he talked to me after you ran after Ed. He looked at me sadly and said "I guess you should go after your brother." And he didn't say anything else and I was worried about Brother so I just ran. Maybe I could have got some answers if I hadn't done that, but Brother is also more important… It's just … It's just that he thought that it was okay. That it was okay for me to leave! He … He … He didn't fight for us!" Alphonse hated that his body wouldn't let him cry. Because he needed it. He wanted so hard to be able to cry about Brother and to be able to cry about this. To just let it out. But he couldn't.

Dad had already jumped out of the bed and he gently leaned Al's head forwards so that he was leaning it on Dad's shoulder as he placed his arms around his head, cradling it.

"He just accepted it, just like that! He did look sad, but that was all! He cried about Mom, but he didn't even know that she was dead! He didn't ask how we were doing and he just left! How could he just do that? We're his sons!"

"Al, I'm so, so sorry."

"For twelve years I hung onto Mom's "he'll be back before you know it," but he was obviously planning to stay away for some time yet. I've been calling him Dad for such a long time, but all of a sudden, it just doesn't feel right anymore. Because he's not the person I thought he was for years. And besides, if anyone deserves that title, it's you. He's not our Dad anymore because he clearly gave that up with how he acted at the train station. He's our biological father, but you're our Dad."


"Dad? Riza told me once that Ed had a fire in his eyes the first time you met us… I'm just wondering, is it still there?" Al asked, looking up at Roy. It was half past six now and Roy had spent the night talking with Al about just about anything the boy had on his mind. In a way they were having a brainstorming session and one revelation made Al realise something else and so they just kept going. Roy didn't mind, this was his job as a parent and he wanted to keep his boys happy. He was always going to be there if they needed to unload what was on their minds.

And so Roy was currently sitting with his knees against his chest and his back against the headboard while Al was sitting with his legs crossed in front of him. "Yes, the fire's there, but it's different. It's not so angry. Stubborn as hell, yes, but it has a lot more of that childlike innocence. It's like you say, Alphonse, he just isn't as hardened by the world because he's still allowed to be the child he is." Roy gently stroked Ed's fringe out of his face.

Al sighed. "I miss him…"

"I do too, Alphonse…"

"But he's not the only one who's changed. I'm not the same as the one I was before this happened. Brother got a fresh start, but so did I. I don't want to have the same relationship with this version of Brother as I did with the old one. It wouldn't be right to Ed and I won't force him into becoming the old one. It would be an insult to my Big Brother and it is like Ed says: he just wants to be five. He wants to be himself and he wouldn't be that if I forced him to live in my Big Brother's shadow. He has his own life and his own choices and his own experiences and his own ways to handle them. And he has a Dad and so do I, and that changes a lot. I think I'm starting to get used to it now. And it helped to have the funeral. And I like to have a little brother like him. It feels right that he gets to have the childhood he was denied the first time around."

Roy felt a kind of aching warmth at Al's speech. "All I can say, Alphonse, is that I'm really proud of you, Son. And I'm sure that if Fullmetal had heard you, he would have been too."

"It's like you say, Dad: we have to keep moving forward, even if we have to walk through a river of mud." Al suddenly chuckled. "…And drag an inflatable turtle with us along the way."

Roy went from moved to mirthful in two seconds flat and then he was giggling along with Al.