A/N: As promised, an update in early Nov. Sorry it couldn't be sooner, but I've managed to finish all my assignments for the time being. Although, I'm sooooo behind with my lectures :P Also thank you a billion for everyone whose so invested in this story, it means a lot, wish you could see the gratefulness on my face! Anyway, hope you like this chapter and good news it's long too!
In the Spirit World:
Aang's POV:
"Roku." I utter as I get over my shock at seeing him. 'I mean the last time I saw him was when he gave me that bad news. After that I avoided seeing him like the plague, choosing to seek advice elsewhere.'
"Aang, it's been a while. Though I feel that's perhaps more on your part." I shrug.
"Well being told that my lifespan has been shortened because of being in the iceberg for so long wasn't exactly what anyone would like to hear." I reply sarcastically.
"And yet I hear the blame in your voice." The previous Avatar points out which sends a bout of guilt through me.
"I don't blame you. It's just...I wish you never told me." Silence.
"Sometimes it's better to know things to plan your life, which brings me to my next point. I believe you should tell your friends." The previous Avatar states but I'm already shaking my head vigorously.
"I can't!" I shout.
"But Avatar Aang...!" I turn my back on him.
"I just can't tell them ok? It will break their hearts and I can't do that."
"I know this is difficult for you." I turn my back on him.
"I don't want to die early!" I yell in frustration and run a hand along my bald scalp. "It isn't fair. I never asked to be saved in the iceberg." I tremble slightly at the thought and try to calm myself down especially when I see the concern in the Avatar's eyes. I take a deep breath and sigh. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout. It's just so scary and pressurising to think about my death. It's bad enough I" I apologise and Avatar Roku places a comforting hand on my shoulder.
"I understand; being the Avatar often comes with many difficulties, but we must be stronger than these obstacles and it always helps to have friends to lean on in such times, hence my suggestion in telling yours." I bite my lip at Roku's words of wisdom but I can't seem to take comfort in them and I shake my head.
"I'm sorry, but I can't tell them, at least not unless I really have to." I say, resolute in my decision and Roku just strokes his beard.
"Alright, young Avatar. It's your decision, but I must warn you what a strain that holding such a secret will have on your health, not just physically but spiritually." I frown at this.
"So, is that why I'm here? Because of the amount of strain I've been putting on myself about this?" I ask in slight confusion.
"Partially. But you've also been hit with an extremely rare poison. Very hard to find and even more difficult to make correctly. It has serious effects on the spiritual self of a person and even worse on the Avatar." My frown deepens as I try to recall a time I was struck by something poisonous until it hits me.
"The arrow!" I gasp out, but I shake my head in confusion. "But that was aimed at Katara not me. Why would they do that?" I ask, almost to myself until I remember that Roku is still beside me.
"I don't know. Perhaps the archer knew you would take it for your friend." I nod absently, but my thoughts are far away. 'That archer shot from a 100 metre radius. There's no way he would've noticed that I had sensed it and there's no way that he knows that an Airbender has a heightened sense of their environment. It doesn't make sense...unless he wanted Katara to have taken the damage for some reason, though I can't imagine why.'
"Currently your Earthbending friend is working on getting it out due to its metallic nature so you'll return to your body soon enough." I blink when I hone back in on Roku's words.
"Toph? Healing me? No, you've got to be joking." I say with a slight smile but Roku's face remains stoic.
"I am not. I'm starting to feel the pull. We'll talk again Aang. I have one last thing to say, you must be careful. Life is filled with hard times and there are dangers around every corner. Be wary in who you trust and be open to finding comrades in the most unlikely of places." I feel a sudden chill at the seriousness of Roku's words. I begin to open my mouth to question him further but I find the world around us shifting quickly.
"Wait! What do you mean? Who should I watch out for?!" I shout but Roku is already disappearing from my eyes and darkness soon swirls around me. Moments later I breathe in a deep bout of fresh air and fling myself up into a sitting position. I blink twice when I see the solemn faces of my friends surrounding me, including Zuko. 'I thought I took him to the Fire Nation?' I take in another gulp of fresh air, suddenly feeling my lungs starved of oxygen. The action leads to a bout of coughing when I breath in a bit too deeply and Katara hesitantly pats my back until the coughing fit subsides. Once it does I take a closer look at everyone and it hits me how serious they are, how miserable and how quiet.
"What's going on?" I croak out and then clear my throat.
"You passing out on me is what's going on." Zuko states brashly. I frown.
"Didn't I take you to the Fire Nation?"
"You did and we saw that doctor remember? We decided to go back to Republic City and moments later you fell unconscious." I widen my eyes at Zuko's blunt tone but I tilt my head when I start recollecting that conversation. 'I guess it's a good thing Zuko insisted on coming with me.'
"Oh yeah." I say lamely, but as everyone continues staring at me with harsh looks I start fidgeting in discomfort. "What?" I ask self-cautiously.
"Is there something you want to tell us?" Sokka asks, finally choosing to speak up as he looks me right in the eye. I raise an eyebrow, clueless on what he's trying to get at.
"Not as far as I know." I say plainly, though spikes of discomfort crawl up my skin.
BANG! I jump and look with wide eyes at Katara who has slapped the bedside edge beside me.
"Cut the lies out Aang! Tell us!" The Waterbender screams and I shrink back from her with fearful eyes. 'They're acting like they know, but that's impossible. Only Kyla and I know and it's not like they were in the Spirit world with me to hear what Roku and I were saying.' I stare at her blankly, trying to hide how much her actions and everyone else's expressions are scaring me.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I repeat stubbornly.
"Oh for Spirit's sake, I'll say it!" Toph interrupts in frustration and turns to face me. "Are you dying?" The words that shoot out from her mouth causes the world around me stop for a moment.
"What on earth makes you think that?!" I ask loudly, in an attempt to mask the utter fear that courses through me at them finding out.
"Sparky said he heard you muttering while you were unconscious. Something about not wanting to die early and not asking to be saved in the iceberg." I open my mouth and then close it again, speechless.
"That's our answer then." Sokka says snidely and turns his head away from me. Everyone else soon follow suit as they avoid meeting my eyes. As each second of silence passes I feel my heart constricting more and more until it becomes suffocating. I quickly push myself up to my feet, but the action must have been too quick as I find myself falling back down onto the bed. 'Maybe the after-effects of the poison is still present.' I think glumly and I only succeed in having everyone cluster around me closer, blocking any potential escape.
"Why didn't you tell us?"
"Better yet, how long have you known?"
"Did being in the iceberg for a 100 years really drain your life energy?"
"How long do you have left?"
"Don't you know the consequences of what your death will have if it happened without anyone knowing? If you don't have a kid? We could head right into another war!"
"How could you be so careless?" The flurry of questions and harsh comments makes me almost faint and vomit at the same time. I put a hand to my head as I feel the start of a migraine.
"Guys please." I whisper softly but it goes unheard as everyone keeps repeating their questions and comments. I get to my feet again, still unsteady and try to push past them but they stand firm and hold me back. The overwhelming sense of pressure and fear makes me slip into the Avatar State. I start levitating but I only notice when the winds begin to pick up around me causing everyone to be pushed back into opposite directions. Sokka unfortunately bears the brunt of my Airbending and hits the wall behind him with a thud. Instantly, I break out of the Avatar State and land on my knees roughly. I feel a stab in my heart, but I force myself onto my feet and flee without a second glance, despite the calls of my name.
I Airbend myself up onto a roof nearby and clutch my throbbing chest. 'I'm such a fool! I kept complaining about an early death and I just sped it up.' I put my head into my hands as tears run down my cheeks. 'I carelessly let myself lose control and hurt Sokka. And everyone knows.' I gulp harshly. 'They know, my worst secret of them all. Spirits! They'll never look at me in the same way ever again.' I shudder as Roku's words come back to me, 'life is filled with hard times. Yeah no kidding Roku.' I think bitterly. I hear a thump nearby but I don't bother lifting up my head.
"Thought I sensed you here. Didn't feel like running far today huh?" My Sifu asks as she perches beside me.
"Toph please. Just leave me alone." I plead, but she stubbornly remains seated.
"Tough, I'm not going anywhere. So is it really true...about the iceberg?" I bite my lip at Toph's hesitant question.
"...yeah, it's true." I reply quietly and Toph remains silent for a few moments.
"When?" She finally settles on saying.
"I don't know." I say truthfully. The blind Earthbender sighs and gets to her feet. 'Good, maybe she'll leave me in my misery.' But two seconds later her hand appears in front of my face.
"Come on. Katara's been having a meltdown over shouting at you." I shake my head.
"I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to be alone Toph." I insist, but my eyesight starts clouding with tears and my throat constricts until a weird noise comes out of it.
"Are...are you crying?!" Toph asks surprised. I don't reply, instead I take another shuddering breath. "Jeez you are crying. Come on, no one's mad at you...well, we are, but it's more about the whole situation." My Sifu states haltingly, an attempt at comfort. I swipe at my eyes roughly.
"I'm fine." My voice cracks with the obvious lie, but fortunately the Earthbender doesn't call me out on it. Instead her hand remains outstretched and with a sigh I give in and take it. She pulls me up to my feet and we Earthbend down and begin walking back. But as we near the building my feet keep stumbling and each time they do Toph gives me a gentle nudge to keep me moving. Soon enough I'm back in front of everyone and the urge to run back the other way is strong, but as if Toph knows that, she goes to close the door. My eyes zone in on Sokka whose rubbing his head. My eyes drop to the ground.
"I'm sorry Sokka. I didn't mean..." I start but he quickly cuts me off.
"No, I guess I deserved it. I was being a bit of a jerk." The Water Tribe warrior admits with a small smile. I look up to observe the sombre looks on everyone's faces.
"Aang...how long...?" Zuko suddenly asks but I shake my head.
"I have no idea..." I pause, deciding whether it's a good idea to mention this last bit of information. 'They know the most serious thing, no point in hiding this too.' I take in a deep breath and keep my eyes level. "Actually, the only thing I do know is that...each time I use the Avatar State I shorten my lifespan a bit more." I confess and I have to look away when I see the aghast look on everyone's faces.
"So...that's the real reason you didn't want to use the Avatar State to fight the rebels." Zuko states quietly. I nod.
"Yeah, it's why I haven't been using it for 3 years." I say, but regret it when I see the pained expressions on my friends' faces.
"You've known for 3 years?!" Sokka croaks out. My jaws clamp shut and I give him a silent nod. The atmosphere becomes so tense that I could cut through it with a knife, fortunately its Zuko who takes charge.
"Ok, I know this is upsetting but I think we need to get some fresh air and organise our thoughts. What about we all meet back here in the evening to talk things out; let's say 7pm?" A couple of seconds later everyone starts mumbling their agreement.
"Not a bad idea Sparky. If you need me I'll be hitting something outside." Toph states curtly and disappears out of the door.
"I probably should check on her. Toph's always good at hiding what she really feels." Sokka mumbles and leaves the room without looking at me. Zuko looks between Katara and I and slowly backs out of the room.
"I'm going to send a message to my advisors saying that I'll be here a little while longer." And with that he high-tails it out, leaving just Katara who stares at me. She takes one slow step towards me and then another before throwing her arms around me and pulling me into a tight hug. I instantly sink into the embrace, having missed her tender contact. She buries her head into my neck.
"I don't want you to go." She whispers brokenly.
"I don't want to go either." I sob out and a dam opens and we sink down to the floor together, crying and bawling. But Katara's motherly instincts takes over as she rocks me back and forth until my tears stop and my crying dwindles down to a series of hiccups.
"It will be ok." She whispers repeatedly until finally I can't cry anymore. After a few moments of silence she opens her mouth again.
"Is that why you said no?" Katara questions quietly. I sigh and pull away from her.
"Yes. You shouldn't marry someone who will end up dying well before you. I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't hurt you for my selfish wish. You should be with someone that you'll be able to grow old with." I say resolutely as Katara cups my cheek.
"I told you before, I don't care. You're the only one I'd ever want to spend my life with, however short that is." Katara answers earnestly and I look away, not wanting to give in to my wishes. But Katara places a hand on my cheek again and turns my face to meet hers. "Aang, I want this. I'm sorry that in the past I wasn't sure, but I didn't realise how empty my life is without you until you left. I don't want that to happen ever again." I start to crumble at Katara's insistence.
"And what about the council's demands about having Airbending children?" I say dubiously, trying to dissuade her from having her heart broken, 'especially when I know how painful that is.'
"I will be honoured to have children with you." The Waterbender says warmly with a light blush dusting her cheeks and I go a bit red too.
"But...what if we don't have one..." I protest lamely.
"Then we'll keep trying until we do." My Sifu bats away with confidence.
"Are you even ready to start having children this soon?" I continue, not letting up just yet.
"You aren't required to marry until you're 18 and say you'll be 20 when you have your first child, that will make me 22, I'll be more than ready for one then. Anymore points of protest?" Katara teases with a playful grin. I purse my lips.
"Are you sure this is what you want? Me?" I ask with a squeak and in response Katara throws her arms around me and brings me in for a tight embrace.
"I'm more sure than I've ever been about anything... when you refused I was starting to think that I got it all wrong and it hurt." My Sifu admits, embarrassed. I cough, ashamed at hurting her.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought if I hurt you now it would be better than hurting you in the long run..." I say and trail off as she pulls back and stares at me.
"It will hurt when you..." Katara looks away briefly and when her eyes return to mine I see the water building up in them. "...but I wouldn't trade my time with you for the world. It only hurts that we wasted 3 whole years with you." My eyes mist up at this and for the first time in a long while I find myself fully appreciating the friends I've made since coming out of the iceberg.
"I'm so lucky to have met you." I say which causes Katara to blush.
"Even after...?"
"Yes, even after the effect it has had on me. I wouldn't trade you or Sokka or Toph or Zuko for anything, not even a longer lifespan. This news has burdened me for so long, but finally I'm beginning to realise that it doesn't matter. As long as I spend my time with you guys then my life is complete whenever it decides to end." I say sincerely and I feel the peace that settles in my heart instead of the constant fear and worry and it's so relieving.
Outside:
Sokka's POV:
I go outside to find Toph already hitting a tree into submission.
"Hey." I say as by-way of greeting.
"Hey." She grunts back. She gives the tree a final strong punch and turns to face me. "What do you want?" The blind Earthbender asks brashly.
"How are you doing?" I ask, ignoring her abrasiveness.
"Oh I don't know. What do you think?" Toph snaps. I wait a few moments as she runs her hand through her hair. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap. It's just...can you believe Twinkletoes is going to croak before all of us? I always used to think he'd outlive all of us because he's the Avatar, but guess it doesn't work like that." The Earthbender mumbles, her head down.
"I know what you mean. It's...difficult to hear, especially knowing that he can't really use the Avatar State without...consequences." I say with difficulty.
"He was crying earlier." Toph says suddenly. I gulp and look away, knowing full well that I was the cause of those tears especially with how sharp my comments were. I rub the ridge of my nose in an attempt to get the picture of Aang crying out of my head, particularly when it's such a rare sight to see. I lean against the tree that Toph was using as a punching bag and sigh.
"I can't believe I forced him into the Avatar State." The Earthbender grunts out. I frown for a moment till I remember when she did such a thing.
"That's not your fault." I state strongly and push myself off the tree. "Otherwise that would mean I'm to blame for him entering into it today. We can't give ourselves grief over it, because we didn't know." I emphasise, despite having the same guilt weighing on my heart.
"Yeah well, it doesn't change that we are still the cause of shortening his lifespan. We've already wasted 3 years without him, how many more of those years will he have left?" Toph states between grit teeth and I turn my back on her as my mind runs through all the glares I've given Aang, every insult and biting word, in his presence and behind his back. 'All the while he's had to deal with his upcoming death of unknown date. I couldn't be a bigger jerk. Jeez...Aang can't die, he's strong, powerful, invincib...' that line of thought breaks off quickly when an image of his lifeless body flashes in my head. I run a shaking hand along my head. "Sokka?" I shake my head upon hearing my name and look to see a frown on the Earthbender's face.
"Yeah?" I reply quietly.
"Sorry, I've been going on about how much I hate this but I haven't asked you...how are you doing?" I crack a small smile at Toph's question, knowing how uncomfortable she is about asking.
"Yeah, you're not much one for sensitivity." I joke dryly which earns me a punch.
"True. So?" I cross my arms at Toph's query.
"You've already said everything I've been thinking. I guess we should make sure that we up our game so that Aang won't have to resort to using the Avatar State, but even I know that won't stop him from using it completely; it's a part of him." I say with begrudging admittance. "Well, I should check on him and Katara, make sure they aren't getting into another fight. Are you alright here?" I ask with concern. Toph waves a hand, motioning to go.
"Pfft, have you forgotten who you're talking to? I'll be fine. Go and see the two lovebirds. I wouldn't be surprised if they get married in the next week." The blind Earthbender jokes and turns her back to me. I purse my lips, knowing that she's still bothered about Aang's...news, but I decide to give her the peace she wants.
"Alright. And they won't be able to do that until they get my blessing." I say with a touch of protectiveness which causes Toph to snort. I huff and walk back inside, only to collide right into Aang himself. I rub my head but stop when I see Aang clutching his chest briefly before dropping his hand back down. I frown.
"Are you alright?" I ask, concern leaking in as he looks up at me.
"Yeah yeah...just my chest hurts sometimes. It's no big deal." He says casually, but if I've noticed anything from being around Aang is that he downplays everything, even the big things. I take a closer step towards him.
"Are you sure? Why does your chest hurt?" I probe and move closer when I see him tremble slightly. He doesn't meet my eyes for a few seconds and when he finally does they're slightly glazed.
"When...when I go into the Avatar State it seems to hurt my chest afterwards. But it's alright." The Airbender insists but I shake my head.
"Have you got Katara to check on you? It could be serious." I demand, my tone masking my fear.
"Yeah or more like she demanded that she check on me before I go. Seriously Sokka, you're getting as bad as Katara." The young Avatar jokes which causes me to roll my eyes.
"With you, I can't be too careful. Come on let's take a seat." I suggest, pointing to the common room a few doors down.
"Maybe later. I just need to ask Toph a question about building that Air Temple. I've received a letter regarding the type of materials required and wanted her thoughts." Aang explains and starts walking past me, but I grab his forearm before he gets far. He looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Is Katara ok?" The words shoot out from my mouth. I see his eyes crumple slightly.
"She is now...I'm sorry, it's my fault she was so upset." He apologises as he drops his eyes to the floor. Despite the sudden surge of brotherly instincts that pass through me, I can't bring myself to be mad at the young Avatar.
"Just don't do it again." I say stiffly. He nods. Then there's silence as I keep my hold on him.
"Is...is there something else?" The Airbender asks meekly. I sigh and when my eyes flicker over to the scar on his collar bone I release my hold on him.
"No, I just..." I turn my head to the other side, unable to voice all the churning emotions inside me. "...be careful." I comment lamely. Two beats of silence later I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"Sokka...I...are you alright?" Aang asks hesitantly. I shrug his hand off.
"Course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" I bite out, but regret it when I see the flash of hurt in his eyes. I massage my forehead. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap, it's just...it will be difficult when you go." I say as I try to swallow back the ball of emotions in my throat. A second later I'm pulled into a hug.
"It will be ok." He whispers and I fight the urge to shout that it won't be. Instead I take a deep breath and pull away.
"Well, you better go and see Toph. I'll see you at dinner." I say with a half-smile. I see the uncertainty play on his face but rather than arguing he shoots me a sheepish smile back and exits. I shake my head and go to find Katara. 'It will be alright, for all we know he could live to 70 and that would be fine.' I think in denial, though deep down I know I'm lying to myself.
A/N: So there you have it, the big reveal and everyone's taking it differently. I've got to feel sorry for them, I put them through a hard time. No idea when I'll next update, might try for next weekend, but can't make any promises. Well, leave me your thoughts, I'm interested to know what you think of this chapter. I know some people are interested in the shipping and asking what it will end with and I'm keeping my lips sealed, but it's definitely not Zutara - never understood that ship tbh. Hope you all have a good weekend. Till next time!
3/11/19
