Notes:

First of all, thank you so much for everyone who left kudos, favorited my story or left comments. I keep on forgetting to thank you guys! I'm so sorry! But it means a lot and I really appreciate it!

Enjoy the new chapter :)


Chapter 55

All I'm really after was happiness money can't buy, stressing every second, puking from the pressure, standing on the mountain that an average man can't climb waiting for an avalanche to landslide

Oliver

Oliver was contemplating something that had been bugging him for several days now, something that had been nagging at the back of his mind, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was with everything that had been going on lately. He knew he should've been more focused on the current threat Prometheus presented, but everything had just been piling up and he had felt like he was being pulled in too many different directions and drowning yet again, just trying to keep his head over water. Swimming against the current while the waves were crashing over him, trying to pull him under. So much of his current situation reminded him of that horrible night over ten years ago; from him desperately trying to reach Sara and hold on to her for dear life but just not being able to and in turn have her slip through his fingers, to the feeling of drifting in the rough, stormy waters of the North China Sea, desperately trying to stay afloat and not let the wind and water win. Only this time around, no one was calling out to him. There was no lifeboat he could climb onto. He was all alone and the only way of not drowning was to reach the rocky shores of Lian Yu before all of his strength left him and he would succumb to nature's wrath. And he was getting weaker every day.

Preparing everything for Mila's birth, and trying to mentally prepare himself to taking care of a baby all by himself, tended to be on the forefront of his mind and Mila was and always would have to be his first priority. No matter what. He knew he eventually needed to find a balance and put her in the back of his mind while being in the field, but it was just really difficult to do right now. Especially when the thought of what he was going to do with her, who he was going to have take care of her while he was out in the field, always returned as soon as he put on his suit. Who he trusted enough to watch over the most important and vulnerable person in his life. He was still getting used to the thought of becoming a father, having another child, a child that would be in his life from the very moment she was born, more than that a child that was going to completely depend on him for a very long time. Keeping her safe and alive was going to be all up to him. The thought had scared him to death. Knowing that his little Hummingbird's life was on him, and him alone. It was going to be up to him to keep her fed, and changed and make sure she got fresh air, and yet try to keep her away from the press and other people's prying eyes. He would have to make all the choices concerning her health and what school to send her to and every other decision a parent had to make concerning their child all alone. All of those would be up to him. Right or wrong, he would have to decide and live with the consequences of the choices he'd make concerning his daughter. Always wondering if he was making the right choice. If Sara would make the same choice, he was making.

He wasn't sure he knew how to be a good parent. Both of his weren't especially known for making excellent decisions concerning their children. Both he and Thea had most definitely gone down a path he never wanted Mila to go down. And at the same time, yes, his parents had made a lot of decisions he'd look at now and tell them they were wrong if he had the chance. Even so, they had been wonderful parents. They had loved them. If there was one thing he was sure of when it came to both his dad and his mom, it was the knowledge, just how much they had loved him. And hadn't Sara gone down a similar path he and Thea had, and both Dinah and Quentin had been exceptional parents in his eyes. And yet, all four of Mila's grandparents had made wrong decisions, choices that had led to him, Sara and Thea going down a dangerous path. Nothing had ever terrified him more than that, than the fear of not doing right by Mila, by making the wrong decisions and screwing up her life by doing so, all of that leading to her following him and Sara's footsteps in her teens. He never wanted his baby girl to end up at the point Sara and he had been at when they stepped onto the Gambit.

And then, amidst all of that, he was also trying to get used to the thought of Sara leaving again, not having her around all the time again, not seeing her every day. Not being able to talk to her anymore, share his thoughts, his feelings and his struggles with her any longer. That alone had almost been too much. But then there was also Ruvé and whatever it was she was planning, next to her purposely turning the Glades into a war zone, and trying to push against that. Then there were the new vigilantes making trouble and trying to keep them from making the entire situation in the city even worse. And on top of it all was Prometheus, who had shown up shortly after his debut as the Green Arrow. And the tension in the team rounded everything off perfectly. So focusing on just one thing had been almost impossible, which had led to him not being able to focus as much on Prometheus as he should've.

Until now.

He felt like he could finally breathe again, like he could find the strength he needed to swim ashore. Thanks to the last five days. Thanks to Sara's choice. Knowing he wasn't going to have to do this alone… he wasn't going to have to take care of their little Hummingbird all by himself was such a relief. Knowing that he was going to have someone by his side during those first few days or weeks when everything was new and a challenge he wasn't sure he could handle, at least not by himself. It was different now that he knew Sara was going to be right there with him. Knowing he wasn't going to be worrying about their daughter alone every time she got sick or hurt. Knowing that he and Sara would make all the decisions concerning their daughter together lifted an enormous weight from his shoulders. Knowing Sara was going to be there to share all the memories with, to share every fresh development Mila would make with, to share the joys, and the sorrows and the worries with. It made him confident that he could do this, that they could to this, raising their daughter, together. He was so very grateful to have Sara in his life, at his side, every step of the way, and to now know that she was here to stay for good. Knowing Sara was going to be his constant again, like she had been growing up, changed everything.

He felt like for the first time in years he was himself again. He could breathe again.

He wasn't drowning anymore. Like maybe he could actually do this, change their home for the better. Like he had set out to do five years ago. Before he had lost sight of the mission and let others talk him into doing what they wanted him to, fighting symptoms instead of the source of the problem. Helping one person at a time while hundreds, if not thousands, kept on suffering for it every day. He was playing catch up, only there was no way of ever reaching the finish line, not the way Dig and Felicity wanted him to operate. He'd be dead before he could make any lasting positive changes in the city if he kept this up. Street crime wasn't going to go away just because he caught a couple of thugs every night. It wasn't going to go away until something was fundamentally changed and the only way this was possible was by fighting the corruption. And the only way to do that was to go after the people with power. The people responsible for the state the city was currently in. The people on his father's list. The list he had abandoned three years ago.

Yes, going back to the list might be the only way to save his home. At least at the stage it was currently in, if he was lucky, it might already be too late, depending on what Ruvé was planning and how far along in said plan she was. The city, especially the Glades, were a lot worse off than they had been when he had first come back home. And it was on purpose; most of the issues were orchestrated and intentional. He just needed to find out why. What Ruvé was gaining from it. What her goal was.

Malcolm had let the Glades go to shit in order to have all the criminals culminating in one part of the city, the part he had planned on levelling, to kill as many as possible. He doubted this was Ruvé's plan. Especially since it wasn't actually her plan but Damien's and he just couldn't picture Damien having similar goals as Malcolm. They might have worked together, but they hadn't been friends. There had been no love lost between them. Whatever Damien had been planning, Malcolm had found out, and it had worried the other man enough for him to make a deal with Damien, someone he neither liked nor respected. Damien's plan had worried Malcolm so much that he had let him know about William and even went so far as to kidnapping him for Damien, an act he had known would gain him no love from him or Thea. Quite the contrary, actually. So whatever it was, it was bad. If it scared Malcolm enough to risk his own life and losing his daughter forever by kidnapping her nephew, it must be terrible. Only he couldn't ask Malcolm what it was. The man had been missing without a trace ever since Damien had been found dead in his cell.

Damien had been trained by the League, at the same time Ra's had been, according to Sara. Damien had been thrown out for not following and respecting the rules and goals of the League. He had wanted more. He had wanted to use the League for his own agenda, to gain more power, at least from what Sara had told him. If Damien had wanted to gain more power, why come to Star City? What was it about Star City that made him chose to come here to carry out his plan? Why not go somewhere else? What made Star City unique enough for a man like Damien Darhk to come here to execute whatever it was he had planned to gain more power than the League had? Why not go somewhere where he wouldn't have anyone opposing him? A place without any vigilantes. Why come here? And why had Ruvé decided to stay here even after Damien was found dead? Why not go somewhere else to reach his goal? What was it that made Star City so unique and irreplaceable to them?

He looked at Sara across from him, cutting the vegetables on her plate. They had woken up a while ago and he had gone on to prepare them a late lunch. They had ended up sleeping longer than expected. Not that it was surprising, really. They had both been emotionally drained and severely exhausted.

The last few days, her decision to stay with him and Mila, her decision to give them another chance, to be all in, it had changed everything. And his mind could finally focus again. To process everything that had been going on and try to make the connections and solve the puzzle pieces that have been bugging him ever since his latest encounter with Prometheus, right before Thanksgiving. He had realized now what it had been about that encounter that had stuck with him. That wouldn't let him go, but the reason why had just been right out of his reach. Until now. Should he share his thoughts with her now, or wait until they were done with their food? Oliver took another bite of his meat, chewing slowly, looking for the words needed to explain his thoughts to her. He was still working it all out himself, which didn't make the matter of finding the right words to tell her any easier. He swallowed the food and took a sip of his water before putting the cutlery down and focusing on Sara.

"Right before Thanksgiving, I had a run in with Prometheus. It was the same as usual. Except something was different. It was sort of stuck in my head for a while, but I couldn't figure out what it was until now. He used a very specific move. A move I was taught by a woman in Russia." He began and hoped he was making sense and Sara understood what he was only just now realizing. She was giving him her full attention now, had from the moment he began to speak.

"You think he and you shared the same teacher. That whoever taught you in Russia, taught Prometheus too, either before or after she had trained you. And if so, it means she could help you figure out who he is under the mask." And of course she did. Sara always knew what he was trying to say, what he was thinking. Even when he himself hasn't figured it out yet.

"Yes. The only problem is, I'm not sure how to find her. She found me in Russia, and I only know her first name, if it even is her real name, and she still goes by it. And even if I could find her, I'm not sure if it is a good idea to leave the city for however long it would take me to reach her. Not with everything that has been going on with Prometheus and Ruvé, even though I'm still no closer to figuring out what her endgame is." He explained one or better yet two of the issues he had with this approach to try to find some answers as to who was currently terrorizing their city. Oliver paused for a moment, contemplating how and if he should go on and share his other concerns with her. He sought her eyes and noticed how she was still just quietly sitting there, studying him, waiting for him to go on. She knew there was more that was bothering him. Of course she did. No one knew him the way his Pretty Bird did.

"Plus, I'm not sure… I just don't… I'm worried that if I leave for too long, Felicity and Dig might make some rash decisions that I won't like and we both will have to pay for. I can't afford for them to decide they need additional help and bring in strangers if I happen to be what they presume 'gone too long'. And I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving you here, alone." It wasn't the right time to leave for a couple of days, or possibly weeks, depending on how fast they could figure out where he had to go to find Talia and where exactly he had to go to. He wasn't sure it was worth it. He wasn't sure the effort it would take was worth the outcome. Yes, learning Prometheus' identity would be a tremendous advantage, but at the same time, depending on who he was and how he lived, it might change nothing at all. It could either lead to them finding out everything they could about him and possibly taking him down, or it could lead to them ending up learning who he is, but nothing else. If Prometheus decided to hide his identity, to stay off the grid and hide when he wasn't wearing his suit, then learning who he was wouldn't change much. But there was always the chance that he was hiding in plain sight and learning who he was might at least help them figure out whether his gut was right and Prometheus was working for Ruvé and, if so, what their connection was.

But he really didn't like the thought of leaving Sara alone for days or weeks. She was doing a lot better. Despite that, there was always a chance of her getting triggered by something and having a relapse. Or someone finding out that she was back home, and her current pregnant state and learning that he was out of town. Sara was vulnerable right now. And he really didn't feel comfortable leaving her alone for a longer period of time. Risking one of their enemies taking advantage of the situation.

"Then don't. Don't leave me here by myself. Roy meant to stop by, anyway. He can help out with Prometheus while you're gone. And make sure no strangers are being recruited in your absence. I can call him and ask him if Gideon can make out where your mystery woman lives and if he would mind keeping me company while you go and learn who has painted a target on your back and why. And if he can't because they're busy, I can always ask Sin to crash here for a couple of days. And talk to Thea and Laurel and explain to them why it is important that no one new gets recruited right now. I'm sure they'll understand and keep Dig and Felicity from screwing it all up." Sara, as usual, made a lot of sense and presented him with a sound solution to every single one of his worries. Roy had meant to stop by and he would feel a lot better knowing he was in town and staying with Sara while he was gone. He knew there was no way his former student would ever let anything happen to Sara or Mila. Roy would also make sure no one would find out his secret while he was gone. Having Roy help out might be enough for Felicity and Dig to not decide to go over his head and make any hasty decisions.

If Roy could leave the Legends for the period of time it took him to find Talia and come back home, he'd go. But only then. Yes, having Sin stay with Sara would also help ease some of his worry, but Sin wasn't Roy. If Ruvé or any of his enemies decided to come at him through his pregnant wife, there wasn't much the young woman could do to prevent it from happening. Maybe if Sin and Thea would agree to stay with Sara… but there was still the issue of Sara's bloodlust when it came to his sister and he wasn't sure how smart it would be to have the two of them in close proximity for such a long period of time. Sara had been alright around Thea lately, but they hadn't been together for longer than a couple of hours at a time and Sara still had the tendency to keep a safe distance between herself and Thea for the most part, even though she's told him she was mostly okay around her now… but was he willing to take that risk? Was Sara? He was pretty certain he knew the answer to at least one of those two questions. Sara would never willingly and knowingly put Speedy in any danger.

Or maybe Lyla would be open to staying at their place with baby Sara and Dig while he was gone. He looked at Sara, wondering how open to that idea she would be. Having Lyla and baby Sara over would probably be something she wouldn't mind… he wasn't sure about Dig, though. He could feel a bitter smile take place on his face. Sara and Dig used to get along great, when she had first come back and once Dig had gotten over his shock. They've had a great comradery. Not anymore. Sara wasn't too fond of Dig and the way he had been acting lately, and how he always took Felicity's side, even when she was wrong. Sara had definitively spoken her mind to him about that more than once. And he had made her promise to not bring it up around the team and keep it to herself. A promise she had reluctantly given him. He wasn't sure if she could keep it if she was in close quarters with Dig for several days or even weeks. And he knew Sara wasn't Dig's favorite person right now, either. Dig blamed Sara for the way things between him and Felicity were right now.

Something that wasn't fair. Sara had absolutely nothing to do with his and Felicity's breakup. And he and Sara sleeping together in South Africa had nothing to do with Felicity, either. It hadn't been about anyone but the two of them. It had been perfect in so many ways, and it had been just about Sara and him. The entire day had been perfect, the best birthday he's had in years. Simply because he had spent it with Sara. And there had been no pressure. She hadn't expected anything of him. Hadn't expected him to celebrate or be happy or anything because she had known and understood… yes, Felicity had been the reason Sara had come back home at first, at least depending on how one would look at it, and Sara had been the one who suggested he take some time off. Leave Star City and focus on himself, figure out what he wanted to do with his life. But he had been the one who had asked her to keep him company, who had told her he didn't want to be alone, that he was scared to be alone. That he wasn't sure what he would do if he were alone. He hadn't said it to scare her or make her come with him. He had simply told her the truth, and she had taken it as such and understood. Because she knew what it felt like to be scared of yourself, to not know what you would do depending on the day you were having.

Everything that had happened in the last nine months hadn't been just any one person's fault. It had been a culmination of decisions and circumstances that had led to the current situation. And if he were completely honest, he couldn't be more grateful for how all of it had played out. He felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be in his life and with whom he was supposed to be with.

He really hoped Roy would be able to make it. Because he couldn't risk Sara, he couldn't lose her. Not now, not when he has only just gotten her back.

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan. But I'll have to find her first. Not sure how easy that is going to be though." He had time to figure out an alternative to Sin and Thea, or Lyla and Dig. He didn't even know yet if they could find the place Talia was at. They might not be able to find her. And then all of his current thoughts and worries were in vain, anyway. He was going to bring it up to Felicity next time he saw her. Maybe she could find something and if not, they could still ask Roy to have Gideon check if she could find something on Talia and her current location.

"Things not being easy has never stopped you before. You'll find her. And hopefully she can provide you with the answers you need to get ahead and take out Prometheus or whoever is pulling his strings, preferably both." She sounded so sure he wished he had her conviction. He could also ask Anatoly. Maybe he knew something. He hadn't been fond of Talia, or her teachings, but the Bratva might be able to find her, should Felicity and Gideon not be. They had different ways they used to get information.

"We'll see. Roy might be our best chance to find Talia, though. Not sure if there would be a way for Felicity to find her. I doubt she advocates on the internet or has an online presence… maybe Lyla knows something. It is possible that ARGUS has a file on her." Her suggestion of asking Roy for help in finding Talia was the most promising one, but he suddenly wondered whether Talia was someone ARGUS was aware of. It would make sense, at least, if Talia managed to get enough attention with what she was doing. Maybe he'll ask Lyla before he did Felicity. Asking Lyla for help rarely led to an interrogation which differed from Felicity. And he wasn't sure he could deal with yet another jibe from her or another comment on the amount of women he had met during his five years away. Not that he had been involved with any of them, except for Shado. It hadn't felt right, not after Sara died. He couldn't… he just couldn't. He had felt as if he would betray her. Helena had been the first woman he had been involved with after he had watched Sara being swallowed by the North China Sea for the second time in as many years. And even then, part of him hadn't felt right. There had been so much going on at the time that it had been hard for him to figure out what exactly the issue had been. Whether it was Laurel and his feelings for her, knowing what Helena had done and was planning on doing and how she was planning on doing it or if it had been Sara. Part of him had felt horrible about using Sara and her death to reach Helena, so he had assumed it was the guilt he had felt from that… it hadn't been until much later, when Tommy had cornered him to talk about Sara, he had realized what it had been. Part of him had felt he had betrayed Sara. Even while hearing her voice in his head, calling him an idiot and what exactly him being celibate for the rest of his life would do for her? Why she would care about that. Especially since she was dead.

"I'll call hi… wait, did you just say Talia?" Sara's voice ripped him from his thoughts. She was about to get up from the table to get her phone when she stopped in her tracks and turned back towards him.

"Yeah, well, it was the name she introduced herself with. Why?" Her reaction made little sense to him. What was he missing?

"What did she look like? Never mind. She was a fighter? What move was it she taught you that Prometheus was using? What else was she teaching you? Was she the person who taught you Arabic?" Those were very specific questions she was asking, and he was seriously starting to wonder where she was going with this. It wasn't like her to pry, to ask him questions about his past, even less in such close succession. Not unless there was a point she was trying to reach.

"Sara, why do you want to know… do you know her?" But how would Sara know Talia? Sara had gone from Lian Yu straight to Nanda Parbat, at least as far as he knew. So how would Sara have met Talia? Unless, unless Talia was a member of the League. But that made no sense. Why would she have sought him out, helped him? Her fighting style had been very similar to the one of the League, though.

"No, I don't. Well, not personally. If we are even talking about the same Talia. Nyssa has an older half-sister. Her name is Talia. They are estranged, Talia left the League because she didn't agree with the way Ra's was leading it and felt that he would never hand the League over to her, his daughter, he'd rather hand it over to a stranger than a woman. Nyssa was still very young when Talia left and she disagreed with her sister's view concerning their father. She was obviously wrong, but that's not really the point right now. According to Nyssa, Talia had started her own "League" if you like, training people, just like Ra's except her goals are different than his were. But Ra's had always had the outmost respect for Talia and she always received special treatment whenever she stepped foot into Nanda Parbat. Nyssa always felt she was standing in her sister's shadow and that Talia had abandoned her." He listened carefully to Sara and her explanation. Could it be? Could the Talia who had trained him in Russia be Nyssa's sister, Ra's al Ghul's daughter? He had to admit that it would make sense, that it would explain a lot about Talia. Her training, her fighting style, her beliefs had been very similar to those of the League.

He had to chuckle in disbelieve. What were the odds of both Sara and him being trained by an al Ghul while being away from home? The way they apparently still had stayed connected even while being thousands of miles apart, believing the other was dead, was almost unbelievable. How could it be? Part of him wondered how he was still surprised about just how intertwined their lives had always been, even when they hadn't been aware of it.

"I think you're right and it might be the same Talia. It would make sense." He confirmed her line of thought. Yes, the more he thought about it the surer he got. There was a similarity between Talia and Nyssa that was undeniable.

"I'll call Roy. Let him know about Talia and ask him if it would be possible for him to stay here with me and keep an eye on the city while you're gone." She walked towards the kitchen island where she had left her phone when they sat down to eat, taking their now empty plates with her. He watched her search Roy's contact, put the cell up to her ear, and wait. She turned towards the counter behind her and filled the coffeemaker with water, before adding the coffee powder and starting it. She moved towards one of the cupboards and took a glass jar with homemade cookies out of it, placing them on a decorative plate she had gotten from the glass cabinet where they kept his grandma's china.

"Hi Gideon, could you let Roy know to call me back? It's important, but no emergency and nothing he needs to worry about. Thank you so much. Bye." It sounded like Roy was busy at the time. But as far as passing messages on, Gideon was very reliable. So he was sure Roy would call Sara back as soon as he got the chance to. Sara filled his favorite cup with the freshly brewed coffee, picked the plate of cookies up with her other hand, and walked back to him. Placing the cup, with a picture of Sylvester and Tweety Bird on it, on the table in front of him, and the cookies in the center. Before walking back to her just recently vacated chair and sitting down again. He looked from the woman across from him down to the cup of coffee in front of him. The sight of the coffee cup always made him smile. Sara had bought it for him three years ago. She had simply walked into his office at QC one day, put it on the table in front of him, grinning, telling him that she saw it and it made her think of him. Sylvester was holding Tweety Bird in his open palm, both of them smiling.

"Walter brought the papers over while you were still asleep. He told me to look them over and that we should let him know if we have any questions or want him to come over and look them over with us. Just in case you want to take care of those before leaving." He was surprised by the turn in their conversation and stopped the cup right before it reached his lips. Yes, he should most definitely do that. Just in case.

"Yeah, why don't we look them over later and call Walter to clear up any questions or tell him about any changes we want him to make." The faster everything concerning his finances and insurances was taken care of, the better.

"That's what I thought. I left them in your office." She smiled at him knowingly. Yes, Sara knew how important it was to him to know she and Mila would be taken care of should anything happen to him.


Notes:

I really hope you guys liked the chapter, as always let me know what you think. I really appreciate your thoughts.

Just a little fyi, I really don't like how they're using Adrian's backstory to red-con Oliver and paint him as a monster who killed for fun, so I'm going to take some artistic liberties with him... I hope you guys will like where I'm taking it and the backstory makes more sense than the original one to you guys too.

Also since I sort of got Oliver and Sara in a better place mentally and a lot of the Queen/Lance issues have been addressed and are in the process of getting solved, there will be more actual plot that involves what has been and is currently going on in Star City. Just to let you guys know, there probably won't be any in depth fight scenes in it, simply because I have no clue how to write them and lack the vocabulary. Sorry for anyone who would like to read that.

Also Dinah Drake is going to be completely ignored in this story, at least where vigilantism is concerned. She might show up in another capacity, who knows but she won't be a vigilante and she won't be a Meta and she won't be Black Canary. Both Laurel and Sara are alive in this story so there is no need for yet another Canary.

Also just to point it out since I am on the Canary subject. Sara won't be White Canary, for several different reasons but one of two of the main ones are, I really, really don't like the "white" suit at all and the other one I felt it wasn't right for Laurel to just decide to change her sister's suit and name... Sara's the original Canary, if there was going to be a change concerning her name and look it should've come from her. But that is just my opinion.
So Sara will stay "just" Canary and her suit will stay black in this story. Should she decide to go back out in the field after Mila is born. It's also kind of difficult to stay undetected in the dark while being dressed in a light grey suit... that made no sense at all on a practicality standpoint.

Chapter Title from the song "I can't sleep" by tom MacDonald. (Yeah, I know I'm always using the same artists, lol. But Tom just like Icon for Hire has a lot of songs with Lyrics that fit. Might be cause the man is struggling with mental health issues himself.)