So, unusually short chapter, but I just found that it fits to be a chapter all on its own, so I hope that you'll all still enjoy it! ;)
Chapter sixty-three
Roy found his entire body to be filled with a sort of uncomfortable, heavy, warm tingling. He opened his eyes blearily with a small groan of gratitude and discomfort as something wet and very cold was placed on his forehead. His surroundings were slightly blurred for a second, but then his eyes landed on someone very unexpected. "Terrence?" he asked, his voice hoarse and weak, and he coughed to clear it a bit. "What are you doing here?"
Terrence sighed, frowning. He was sitting on a chair by his bed in the hotel bedroom, and Roy himself was propped up slightly from his shoulders and up with some soft and large pillows. "So you don't remember me coming here tonight?"
Roy thought hard, getting some vague memories of questions and thermometers in his mouth. There had been crying and throwing up and duvets and pillows and Ed sobbing and everything in between.
Then his stomach clenched hard at the memories of Truth and what he had done tonight. The toll that he had paid.
"No, I remember you... At least vaguely..." His voice was still weak, and he swallowed hard, feeling tears pressing already, before sweeping his gaze about the room, finding it to be empty of anyone else. "Where are the others?"
"We decided that we didn't want to draw too much attention to what happened here tonight, so Riza's already at the bar with Charlie, Audrey and your boys, as well as your aunt and of course Rolf; Maes has gone to work after having slept on the couch here all night, and I've got one of my colleagues to fill in for me today, even though they're still technically on holiday until tomorrow." He produced a thermometer, and Roy opened up his mouth without any prompting. Terrence didn't seem angry or impatient in any way, thankfully, but just thoughtful, and he had slightly bloodshot eyes from what was undoubtedly lack of sleep. He glanced at his wristwatch, still holding the thermometer in Roy's mouth. "So it's currently a quarter past ten in the morning and we've told the hotel staff that you banged your head during a dizzy spell following the way that you performed some sort of new medicinal transmutation to heal up cuts so as to hopefully not need any needles in the near future. We've added the fact that you were practising on pieces of meat and that biological transmutation is a far less explored branch of alchemy than the others, which anyone who looks it up will easily be able to confirm. And so I've been staying here to make sure that you don't have a concussion, seeing as how it could easily be disguised by the adverse reactions in your body following the transmutation. They've seen how Ed reacts, they understand full well how he doesn't like the thought of you going to a hospital if it can be avoided." He retrieved the thermometer with another small frown. "38.2, seems that you're adjusting to what you did to your body, it was 40.7 when I arrived here." He took Roy's wrist and checked his pulse. "Still just a bit elevated, but not alarmingly so," he announced after a few seconds and lowered Roy's hand back to the mattress.
Roy just paused. "They told you what happened?"
Terrence smiled slightly at that with a tiny good-natured scoff as he put away the thermometer. "Do you know what a lot of my patients have in common, especially after health scares, old age and terminal illnesses, or if something like it has happened to their families and friends?" he asked as he began pouring some water into a glass for Roy.
He still felt a bit fuzzy and confused. "Probably will when the fever's gone." His voice was still hoarse and his throat was still dry, but he kept lying like he was, mostly because of the telltale bright red straw in the glass.
Terrence smiled slightly in an encouraging way, even if a bit worried, and held the glass for Roy as he slowly began drinking. "They start asking me about whether I believe that there is a life after death, if God exists, if there truly is such a thing as a soul and if so, does it go somewhere after we die? ...I believe that I have come a lot closer to the truth tonight, considering how I'm now halfway there to knowing the answer to those questions." He began chuckling slightly, even though with some sadness and worry to it. "But I think I'll refrain from telling them that they each have their own version of a god that likes to give people ironic tolls for their arrogance, all the while being a white, grinning being who dwells in a white void before a stone gate with black hands... They might think that they ought to change GPs."
A couple of bubbles burst in Roy's glass as he began giggling into his straw, and then pulled back, looking up at the older man, finding a bit of startling realisation hitting him.
Because he suddenly felt a lot younger than Terrence was. Yes, there were twelve years between them, but knowing that Roy had been sobbing loudly in front of him was making him feel like some of the equality between them had been removed. And yet also not. It was just odd and confusing and -
"You know that I'm not thinking any differently about you four after this, right?" Terrence asked with a sigh, almost as if reading Roy's mind.
"You know that my kid's a soul bound to a suit of armour, the other has a split soul that switches between a five-year-old and a fifteen-year-old, I've lost my entire childhood and the one who raised me and have been sobbing in front if you most of the night and can't stop crying even now, plus I am technically now one of the most dangerous people in the country? And I'm also more or less a traitor by not having reported what the then Elrics did, and then recruiting Fullmetal instead, followed by me now keeping even more things secret about Ed's soul and then instead using the opportunity in such a way?"
"Yes, I know about all that, Roy, otherwise I'd be worried about my short-term memory," Terrence said with a small and joking smile, before his expression turned more serious. "But thing is, I would have done the exact same thing that you did tonight had it been Charlie... I frankly find it admirable."
Roy just stared at him. "So you seriously don't think that anything has changed?"
"My trust in you four is still the same as before. Yes, you're going to be a bit different from now on, but that's only logical. But once your body adjusts to the new strain from sustaining Al's and recognises it for what it is, then I believe you'll have a far easier time coping with the emotional and psychological sides of what you've done. Your body doesn't remember your childhood, and so you feel abandoned when you are feeling extremely ill, even if logic tells you that you haven't been abandoned at all. So right now our main focus is to get your physical issues under control as best we can, and then work out the psychological ones afterwards."
Roy just looked at him, his stomach clenching. "Why are you being so nice about this? I'm technically still little more than a stranger."
"You're the alchemist here, so you tell me," Terrence replied almost instantly, raising an eyebrow at him slightly.
Roy used an unusual amount of time with solving the semi-riddle he had just been given, and he found himself speaking out loud without realising it. "Alchemy, aka equivalent exchange? So then you're referring to us trusting you so you trust us back? Is that it?"
Terrence gave Roy's left bicep a couple of comradely pats. "You're definitely doing better then, good... Although I'll admit that that was mostly a test, because the true reason is that I've got a good feeling about you four, simple as that."
A slight smile found its way to Roy's lips at the return of the camaraderie that had built up over dinner when they had visited them. "Likewise... But why aren't the others here?"
"If you should in fact have this hypothetical concussion, then that means that you ought to have plenty of rest and a fair bit of peace and quiet... And so this way I can stay here for at least a few days without it becoming suspicious, especially as Ed is extremely anxious about you being ill. With my colleague filling in for me today, it gives me enough time to request that we have another doctor fill in for me for the next few days from tomorrow on." He studied Roy's face slightly. "I expect you're going to need a trip to the bathroom again, and after that, we're going to see if you're able to have some soup, or a glass of orange juice at the very least."
Roy frowned, seeing his point about the bathroom trip. He'd gone a few hours ago, but had managed it all on his own, save for needing some support when walking. "Yeah," he said, sitting up slowly with a slight groan. Just the slight bit of movement involved made his world spin slightly, and he had Terrence holding his left bicep.
"Easy there, Roy. And don't worry, this is your best attempt at sitting up on your own that I've seen since I got here, so you're doing good."
Roy couldn't help the weak chuckle that escaped him as he sat there, regaining his bearings slightly, leaning heavily against Terrence. "That's encouraging at least... Thank you for doing this."
"You needed a doctor that you could trust, I'm apparently one that you feel fits those criteria, so I'm just doing my duty as a medical professional and as a family friend... Now come on, but take it slowly, Roy."
And so Roy carefully got both of his feet over the edge of the bed, and after waiting about twenty seconds for the dizziness to pass, he stood up. He found himself very happy that Terrence was about five inches taller than him and pretty strong, it made it a lot easier to lean on him for support as they slowly began walking. Roy faintly noticed that he was only wearing his loose boxers himself, making a very strong contrast to Terrence's beige trousers and dark green sweater. They probably hadn't dressed Roy much because of his fever. "Thanks."
"You really need to stop thanking me for every bit of help I'm offering you, or this is going to be a very repetitive morning." Terrence sighed heavily. "Like I said, I'm a doctor, it's my job, and you are strictly speaking my patient for the next few days."
Roy sighed himself, smiling weakly. "Funny how that's the sort of statement that I would usually have thanked you for."
Terrence chuckled slightly. "You know that this sort of proves how much you're not actually to be treated differently for being technically dangerous, considering how docile you are. You did this to take care of your sons, not to become an even stronger weapon, so don't twist this into something it's not, you'll only fool yourself into a semi-guilt trip and not achieve anything. This was to save your kids, and that was all there was to it. Right now you're just scared of yourself because of how much you've scrambled your brain. Your reasoning is just slightly off because you're missing your childhood experiences and have made the Ishbalan extermination campaign into a fourteenth of your life, meaning that your moral compass is just messing with you. Your aunt, Riza and Maes told me about the aftermath of that war, and you are fooling yourself into believing in your noble actions being based on atonement for what you did. You're missing the time you accidentally shoved a kid on the street and then bought him an ice cream and a pack of plasters. Your mind is far too militaristic and focused on atonement, and anything noble that you do is making you question your own motives, including whether or not your reasoning for adopting the boys was just out of a sense of needing to do right by them."
Roy just stared at him, tears beginning to stream as his stomach clenched violently. "They really told you everything tonight, huh?"
"They figured that when I'd be looking after you as you deal with the worst of it, that I also talk to you about the worst of what's messing with your head... And because you're missing your childhood and your aunt, you don't really know just what you wished to give your boys. You're mostly believing that you're far too much of a killer, and that they deserve better than you because of that fact." Terrence sighed with a deep frown. "And it doesn't really help that about one-third of your life has been driven mostly by the thought about how you deserve to be executed as a war criminal... And so you've got one hell of a guilt complex, old chap. Now let's get you to the bathroom and then we'll provide you with some well-deserved sustenance and some tissues."
echznmay: Thank you so much, I hope that you find this chapter too to be worth the wait, even with how short it is! And virtual hugs to you too :)
CallMeWaffle: Oh, that means so, so much to me, thank you, it really warms my heart to hear you think so!
Kittyvolleyball: It always makes me so happy to hear it when people find my fics to be binge-worthy, thank you!
Horselvr4evr123: Thank you so much, it makes my day when I hear that I am succeeding in making my stories into emotional rollercoasters! I hope you will keep enjoying the story!
