Notes:

I am so so very sorry it has taken me forever once again to update. There has been a lot going on in my personal life and it has led to me not having as much time to write as I want to.

I really hope you guys love this chapter, as always let me know what you think.


Chapter 59

Hey brother Know that water's sweet but blood is thicker if the sky comes falling down for you there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do

Thea

She couldn't believe this was happening. How could this be happening? Why wasn't her brother ever allowed more than a couple of days of happiness?

He had sounded so happy just twenty-four hours ago. Her big brother had sounded happy and relaxed and he had been joking around with her. He had sounded like Ollie, the Ollie she remembered from before… carefree and unburdened. And she knew those weren't facts, that it wasn't possible for her brother to go back to who he used to be, but he had seemed as close to that person as he had ever gotten in the last five years.

It was so hard for her to believe and understand that it had all come crashing down for him in less than twenty-four hours. God, her heart was breaking for him and all she wanted to do was go to him and hug him really tight and keep him company. But she couldn't do that. Because Dinah told them he needed some space… so according to Sara's mom, Ollie had told her he needed some space. No, that wasn't right. She had said her pregnant daughter had asked her to give them some space, not Ollie, not they, Sara. Dinah said that Sara had asked her to stay with them, so that Ollie would have some space. Sara had decided Ollie wanted to be alone… with her. That what Ollie needed right now was to be separated from the people who loved him, who weren't her.

This was Sara's decision, not Oliver's.

She loved Sara to death but, Ollie was her brother, her family and she wasn't just going to leave him alone, simply because his "roommate" had decided it was what he needed. Ollie could tell her himself if he wanted to be left alone. Yes, she loved Sara like a sister, but she wasn't… Sara had made it very clear ever since she's come back home that she and Ollie weren't a couple. That it wasn't like that. That she wasn't planning on being a permanent part of his life. She also made sure the message got through with her actions, especially during the last couple of months. So, she was his roommate, and that was that. That wasn't a position that gave her the right to make such decisions for her big brother.

Ollie and she were the only family they had left, the last of the Queens.

And Sara wasn't… Sara wasn't family, not really. Okay, so Dinah had said that Sara decided she was going to stay. But was she really? She loved her to death, she really did, but her brother's ex had been flip-flopping a lot when it came to staying or leaving ever since she had come back home for the first time. How could she be sure Sara wasn't going to change her mind again at a later date? Like she had before. Thea had been sure Sara was staying once she had found out the two of them had rekindled their relationship after Sara had come home for the first time. Only to find out a short time later that Sara had left, just like that, out of the blue with no warning. She had just up and decided to leave Ollie, and not just that, but to leave town and stay away again, rejoin the League and Nyssa as she had found out later on. And she knew Sara had had her reasons and there was a lot that she wasn't aware of, especially when it came to Ollie and Sara's involvements, but still her decision had shattered her brother's heart.

How could she be sure Sara wasn't going to run away again?

She wasn't particularly known as someone who was committed to a relationship. Thea could easily recall the revolving door that were Sara's boyfriends before the Gambit. Commitment had never really been her friend's thing. Never been something she had believed in. Never something she had wanted. At least she had never sounded like it was something she had wanted… of course, everything she had learnt about their affair in the last couple of weeks sort of disproved that commitment theory a little. Given the fact that the revolving door of boyfriends had also been while she apparently had been with Ollie for one and a half years. Thea had still trouble wrapping her head around that fact. That was a long ass time for an affair. That took commitment. So… maybe Sara hadn't been as against commitment as she had made people believe. And she had spent almost 4 years in a relationship with Nyssa… but still… Sara wasn't known for sticking around and making plans. She was very much a live in the moment kind of person. Doing what she wanted to when she wanted to… so who knew what would be a week from now, a month from now,… Sara's gut reaction to things getting too much was to run. It had always been that way. So Thea just wasn't sure it would be different this time around.

So Ollie needed to know that he would always have her, his sister, no matter what, especially now. That she wasn't going to leave him alone because he was her family, the only family she had left.

A part of her felt really bad about her thoughts, but there was nothing she could do about that. She loved Sara, she really did, and she knew Sara had had her reasons for leaving Ollie, but still… she had hurt him. Even if he would never admit it, even though he was always defending Sara and her choice from three years ago, even from a year ago. Thea knew how much it had hurt him. And a part of her made Sara responsible for the disaster that had been Ollie and Felicity. She knew that wasn't fair at all. It had been Ollie's choice, and it wasn't like Sara could've done anything about it. Especially given the fact that she had been dead because of her, but she was convinced had Sara stayed, Ollie would've never even entertained the thought of getting involved with Felicity.

Because as much as Oliver had loved Felicity, she knew he loved Sara more, always had. He had cheated on Laurel with her for apparently more than a year and planned on running off with her for several weeks if not months depending on whether they had planned on heading back home with the Gambit and her dad, get on a plane back home as soon as they had reached China or to stay in China or Asia and travel some more, she couldn't picture Ollie actually going along with their parents plan of learning about the Chinese branch of QC, especially not while taking Sara along with him. There was no way he would've left the blonde alone while spending the day in stuffy offices learning about the company.

Those two together in China just screamed trouble and going rogue.

It was something she had wondered about for a while. Getting to China by boat took at least three weeks. Her dad had planned on staying at least a month to take care of business, and then another three weeks back. So had they planned on going to China and back home with her dad on the Gambit, the two of them would've been gone for almost three months. There was no way the Lances wouldn't have noticed Sara not being at her college for that long. What had been the couple's plan? Did they even have one back then? How had they planned on explaining their actions? It made no sense. There was no way their affair wouldn't have come to light after this. No way her dad wouldn't have noticed. Thea really didn't understand this. And yes, neither Ollie nor Sara had been known for thinking long term or making smart choices back then, but still… this was a stupid move, even for them. Especially given the knowledge she had gained through Laurel, they had been involved for more than a year before their trip. And no one had been the wiser. Why risk this? Why would Ollie have done this? Unless he was tired of hiding his and Sara's involvement and no longer cared who would find out. But it would've been a very crappy way for him to let Laurel find out that he was sleeping with her younger sister. Their trip to China made no sense. Not the way it had been executed.

Thea had felt for years that she was missing something here. That everyone was missing something here, but no one seemed to have ever thought about this part of the story. No one had ever thought to ask those questions. Yes, the sinking of the Gambit led to everyone finding out shortly after they had left, but it wasn't like they wouldn't have found out eventually, anyway. But she felt like she was the only one who had considered that fact. And she wasn't sure how to bring it up with anyone. Not without having some more information. And not without possibly creating more drama, which was the last thing she wanted, honestly. But she was just surprised she was the only one who had thought about that aspect of this entire mess.

The outcome concerning the knowledge of their affair would've been the same had the Gambit reached China.

Plus, there was no way her dad wouldn't have known after three weeks on a boat with them. So, why risk it? Why make such a stupid move after such a long time of being rather smart? What had been their plan? They must have had one, or at least part of one, right? They must have at least considered the repercussion of such a monumental move would have, right?

Especially given everything else that had been going on. Ollie and Laurel had been talking about moving in together. She remembered her parents thinking this was a good idea. And hoping it would give her brother some direction and Laurel's influence would lead to him finally finishing college and growing up, so he could start working at QC. Had that been the reason behind it? Was this why he had dropped out of yet another college and taken Sara on a several month-long trip to China? To make a point? To let people know this wasn't the life he wanted? Had it been a desperate move on his part to finally be heard by the people trying to dictate his life? Making all the choices for his future for him, never once asking him what he wanted? She understood that feeling, she knew, well to some degree, how he must have felt, but there had never been as much pressure on her from their parents as there had been on Oliver.

But damn, if that had been his plan, talk about dropping a fucking bomb and blowing everything to pieces, not giving a shit about the consequences.

Or had it been something else entirely?

She just couldn't see Ollie using Sara and subjecting her to the consequences of their actions and the pain that came with it simply to get a point across to their parents and Laurel. Maybe if he had taken someone else but not Sara, especially not a Sara who had only just gotten over her eating disorder, who could have had a relapse because of the backlash coming from their actions. This entire move had fucked up the Lance family so bad and not much would've changed concerning that aspect had Ollie and Sara reached the shores of China as planned. This one action, well the ones before that one too, but no one was aware of those so far, would've completely destroyed the Lance family and if that wouldn't have fucked up Sara's mental health again she didn't know what would've. And she just couldn't get over how worried Ollie had been about Sara because of her issues. How much he had tried to help her get better. She was one of his best friends. There was no way he would've used her for this. Or was there?

None of it made any sense at all. The more she thought about it, the less sense it made. Something that happened a lot when it came to Oliver's and Sara's involvement. And she knew she wasn't the only one with that problem.

There was a enormous part of her that wanted to ask Ollie about it. But there was another part that told her it was none of her business and doubted she'd get an answer, even if she asked. So, there was no point. The only thing she'd probably achieve would be more issues for Ollie. And that was the last thing she wanted to do. Which was why she resigned herself to never knowing the mystery that was Ollie and Sara's trip to China and the reasons behind it. As curious as she was and as many questions as she had, it felt right. Only Ollie and Sara, knowing the answers to all of those questions, felt right. As much as she would love to know the answers, they were none of her or anyone's business. Those were private and belonged to no one but the former couple.

She thought about everything she and Roy had been through. Every decision they had made. Everything about their relationship no one knew about. And then she thought about Ollie and Sara and how everyone demanded to know everything about their relationship. Demanded, they share every last detail of their involvements and the choices that led to them being together with everyone who asked. It wasn't okay. That wasn't right. They shouldn't have to justify their feelings. They shouldn't have to explain how and why and when they fell in love. Those were all questions she wouldn't be able to answer about Roy and her. And she loved him so much. And she wouldn't be willing to share every last detail about them with anyone. Hell, she wouldn't even share the majority of their relationship with anyone. And if it was already difficult for her to pinpoint the moment she had fallen in love with Roy, how could everyone expect Ollie and Sara to do just that? They had known each other for ages. She could easily see how their feelings towards each other might have changed without either of them noticing until that first time they had kissed. A kiss that had resulted from a combination of factors, according to Laurel's retelling of both Sara and Oliver's explanation. Fact was, they both had had a very traumatic night, for different reasons. So, yeah, she could see that happening. She could also see how probably neither of them would be willing to analyze their action and risk screwing up their friendship in the process. It wasn't as simple as people would like to make it out to be. Things never were when feelings were concerned. So, yeah, she agreed with Dinah. Everyone needed to let this go and let them live their lives. They weren't the same people anymore. They were trying to move on, which was almost impossible given the circumstances and everyone always bringing it up one way or another.

Thea stood in the kitchen after she had put the last of the items they had used for their brunch away. Contemplating her options. She could do as Sara had asked Dinah to and give them some space. Or she could drop in with some food or something, just to check in and see how Ollie was doing. Or she could call him and ask him if he picked up the phone. Or she could simply text him and let him know she was worried and cared about him.

All she wanted to do was get in her car and drive to him. A part of her firmly believing that she was his sister, and she knew what he needed and what he needed was love and support from his only living family. They were the only family they had left after all.

She refused to call Malcolm her family any longer.

When she had told him, she would never again be his daughter, she had meant it. She should've never called him that to begin with. So much pain could've been avoided hadn't she gone with him, hadn't she trusted Tommy's father.

She refused to acknowledge Malcolm as her father any longer. Not after what he had done to Ollie. Not after he had used Ollie's innocent son against him. She wished she had never made the choice she had. She wished she had never trusted Malcolm more than Ollie. It was a mistake she was going to regret forever and nothing was ever going to change that. Not even Sara's resurrection. There would've been no reason for it. Sara wouldn't have to suffer through what she was suffering now if she had never trusted Malcolm.

Her eyes strayed to the photo on the side table. The photo of her two older brothers. Yes, she no longer considered Malcolm her family, but that didn't change the fact that she did consider Tommy her brother. Denouncing Malcolm as her father changed nothing about the fact that Tommy was her brother. A brother she missed desperately. A brother she wished she had known about sooner. She knew it sounded stupid. Tommy had been a part of her life all of her life. Tommy had been a part of her family for as long as she could remember. Tommy had always been like a brother to her growing up. So rationally she knew nothing much would've probably changed had they known they truly were brother and sister while he was still alive and yet, and yet she wished she had known before he had died. Wished Tommy had known that Malcolm hadn't been the only family he had left. She wished her older brother had known that he had family outside of his cold, cruel father, and not because he was an honorary Queen, had been for as long as she could remember. No, because he did have another family member, he had her.

God, it hurt. Thinking about Tommy hurt so badly. She missed her brother so much. Just as much as she had Ollie during those five years, he had been away. Had she ever questioned what Tommy had meant to her, this would answer it. Her pain would more than anything prove he had been her brother, and she had loved him as such.

Malcolm. Tommy's death was Malcolm's fault. Malcolm had killed his own son, had taken her brother from her. He hadn't cared. He claims to have loved Tommy and yet he had been the one who had taken his life.

Weak. He had called Tommy weak. While telling her she was strong. That she was his daughter more than Tommy had been his son because she was stronger than her brother. That wasn't true. Tommy had been strong, Tommy had been so fucking strong. He had lived with Malcolm for years. Her half brother had survived Malcolm for years. He had gone through fucking hell because of Malcolm for years, and yet never lost his kindness, his sense of humor, his loyalty and his love for his friends. Tommy had been so strong. He had survived Malcolm for years; he had gotten away from Malcolm, only to go back. To eventually lose his life to his father after surviving for so long, after moving on from him. Why had he gone back? What had happened? What had led to Tommy finally agreeing to work for Malcolm after years upon years of refusing. Argument after argument with his father because of his refusal. Why had he suddenly changed his mind? What had happened and why didn't she know? She should've known.

Tommy had been there for her after the Gambit had gone down, after they thought they had lost Ollie. Tommy had been the only one. He had tried. He had been hurting so much himself, but he had tried to look out for her. To be there for her the way Ollie had been. He had tried to get her back on the right track, to get her away from the drug habit she had picked up along the way. She wasn't sure why, how she had ended up going down that route and there were moments she was sure she didn't want to know. Didn't want to analyze the reasons why she had been so willing to throw everything away. Including Tommy.

Yes, Tommy had been there for her when she had needed him, as much as he had been able to, as much as she had let him.

In return, she hadn't been there for Tommy when he would've needed her. She wasn't going to make the same mistake with Ollie. Thea didn't care what Sara said. Sara hadn't been here the last couple of years. Sara had let Ollie believe she was dead for more than a year after she had learnt of his survival. And she knew, she knew Sara had had her reasons and good ones. And she knew Sara hadn't been here the last couple of years because she had been dead, which was her fault, her and Malcolm's. But at the same time… Sara had left. She wouldn't have been here even if she hadn't died. She had left. Left Starling, left her family, but most importantly, she had left Ollie. And Thea knew that to this day she didn't know her reasons. Neither Ollie nor Sara had ever shared them, but a part of her believed it didn't matter. What mattered was that she had left Ollie and had hurt him deeply with that action. And she had chosen to stay away. To not stay with her brother. What mattered was that Sara hadn't been here when Ollie had lost his way, when he had risked everything to save her life, when he had joined the League, because according to Malcolm it was the only way to keep her safe. Ollie had risked everything for her. How could she not do whatever she could to help him now? How could she just ignore his pain after everything they've been through, everything he had done for her? Simply because Sara said so.

But then there was another part, smaller but louder, a lot louder, that insisted Sara knew what she was doing. Knew Ollie better than anyone. And the one person, the only person Ollie allowed himself to be vulnerable with was Sara.

Thea made up her mind right when Dinah came back, which seemed like perfect timing. Laurel meant to talk to her mom, and she was more than willing to give them some well-deserved privacy. She texted Ollie to let him know she was going to stop by, said her goodbyes, picked up her keys and left towards the garage to get her car. She questioned for a minute if this was the right choice. If maybe she should do what Dinah told them to. Maybe Sara did know best what Ollie needed… but maybe not, and maybe he did need his family.

She decided to go pick up some food on the way, partly because she was hungry and it was around dinnertime and partly because it gave her a good excuse to show up at their doorstep, in case she needed one that was. Not that she thought she did, Ollie was her brother and visiting him whenever she wanted to, came with the territory of being family.

The tiny brunette hesitated once more, standing in front of Ollie and Sara's front door. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Maybe she shouldn't be here. Maybe she could just leave the food and text them.

Well, she could still just give them the food and leave again, if Ollie really didn't want her here. He had never replied to her text, which worried her a little. He usually texted back, even if he wanted to be left alone. So not hearing anything from him at all was a little troubling, but to be fair, it hadn't been that long ago and waiting a couple of hours to get a reply from him wasn't unusual at all. So it was possible he just hadn't seen it yet.

Thea rang the doorbell and waited.

Nothing happened. There was no one coming to the door. There wasn't even any sound from inside. She rang again and waited. Still nothing. She got her cell phone out of her bag and called Ollie's cell. It rang and went to voicemail. She tried Sara's the same happened. She tried their landline. Voice machine. Now she was worried. She tried the door again. And still nothing. So she tried the door handle, and the door was locked, which wasn't that surprising. They always kept their door locked. Maybe they just weren't home? She tried Ollie's cell again, and that's when she heard it, faintly through the door but still, she could hear Ollie's cellphone ring inside the apartment, it ended up going to voicemail again but she now knew that the phone was inside the apartment. That meant Ollie was home. He never left without his cell phone. Not before, and especially not now, not with Sara's pregnancy.

Thea only hesitated a minute before fishing for the spare key Ollie had given her for emergencies out of her bag and unlocking the door, apprehensively stepping inside.

"Ollie?... Sara?" She called out to them but again, no reply. She stepped all the way in and closed the door behind herself, making sure it was locked. Before walking further into the apartment, regularly calling out to them.

The first thing she noticed that looked out of place was the living room. Some of the furniture was out of place, well, at least differently placed than usual. But that didn't have to mean anything. She saw papers lying on the coffee table. She couldn't make out what they were from the entrance to the living room, but they were official looking. Thea decided the living room was probably not going to give her the answers she was looking for and walked back out; she stopped at the kitchen and put the bag of food on the counter, where she found both Ollie and Sara's cell phones, before moving on down the hall. So they should be home, for sure. There was no way they would've left both of their phones at home while going out. Plus, both Ollie's car and his bike had been parked in the garage. Nothing seemed out of place here and no one was in the bedrooms either. The first floor of the apartment seemed to be void of any living being. She turned towards the stairs and walked up to the second floor, maybe Ollie was working out and didn't hear the doorbell. Still, that didn't really make any sense. She knew for a fact that the doorbell was very easily heard up there.

She entered the door to the second floor, which pretty much was turned into one enormous gym, which was also completely empty of people. Thea's original slight worry was turning into full-blown panic. She took a deep breath and told herself to stay calm. There was still one place she hadn't checked yet. She turned right, walked all the way through the gym until she reached the spiral staircase that led to the roof terrace. She slowly walked all the way to the top and stepped through the glass door onto the roof. Breathing a sigh of relief as soon as she turned slightly right.

What she saw was her big brother and Sara curled up on one of the couches they had placed up here and moved into the conservatory once the weather had gotten rainy. The front wall was all the way open, though.

Ollie was pretty much sprawled across the couch, taking over almost all of it, with Sara lying on top of him, her back to his chest, a wool blanket over her legs, Ollie's hands were on her stomach, while hers were softly stroking his forearms. They looked very drowsy, cozy, and domestic. And Thea knew in her bones in that moment that something monumental had happened. Something had fundamentally changed between them. She wasn't sure why. She wasn't sure what. But she knew, she just knew, that something was different. Thea was pretty sure she understood exactly just what Dinah had told them, what Sara's mom had meant.

They looked happy, serene even, and she really didn't want to disturb them. All she had wanted was to make sure Ollie was alright, and it looked like her brother was alright. Or at least right now.

There was no need for her to be here.


Notes:

Yay, we got Thea again.

Yes, Thea is a bit all over the place when it comes to her feelings towards Sara but she has her reasons... I hope her portrayal in this chapter made sense. Let me know if it doesn't.

Yes, everyone is missing Tommy right now, sorry! But he's important and Arrow didn't show enough appreciation to just how much he meant to everyone, not just Oliver. This is going to be a theme in this story for probably like the rest of this story...

The chapter title is from the song "Hey Brother" by Avicii.