Hullo! Another chapter is ready for you to read! I hope you enjoy it. I really enjoy all of your reviews, so keep reviewing! Also, or especially critisism or tips are welcome. I do not own anything, it all belongs to JKRowling.
Harry didn't know where he was going, he only knew he had to get away from people and away from questions. He walked out of the castle and headed for the gates, before he remembered the crowds of reporters that were waiting to get the full story and every detail of his life. Harry sighed. Of course he had always been in the publicity, that's just what happens when you are the boy-who-lived. He knew however, that this time it would be a hundred times worse. Everyone he had ever met would be harassed by the press in order to get even the slightest details about his life or who he was. This time, they weren't planning on giving up any time soon. Harry turned around and started to randomly walk around the school grounds, until he ended up at the oak by the lake. Here he sat down and stared ahead of him. Feelings of guilt and grief came washing over him and he started to shake heavily. Would it ever get better? Was the war really over? Sure, Voldemort was gone. But what about his followers? Many got killed or captured in the battle, but Harry knew there were still many more that had not been captured yet. Was he safe now? Or even more importantly, were the people he loved and cared for finally safe? He didn't think he could ever survive losing even one more person. And surely, he would never be able to fully forgive himself for it. Why would I forgive myself? It's my fault! Now he was not only shaking, but also sweating heavily. He couldn't breathe, his breath was too fast, too shallow. What was happening to him? Was he going to die? He tightly closed his arms around his chest, let go again and threw himself on the grass. He lay on his back but it didn't help. He looked up at the sky, but couldn't see anything. I'm going to suffocate! What's happening? Suddenly he felt someone sit down next to him. With the biggest effort he managed to turn his head and saw that it was Ginny. She didn't say anything, but gently pulled his head up in her lap and started stroking his hair. After a minute or so, when she saw it didn't help she started to talk to him softly.
"It's okay Harry, it's okay. You have to breathe properly now, okay? On my count. When I tell you to breathe in, you take a breath. When I tell you to breath out, you breathe out. Okay?"
Harry could barely understand what she was saying, but he found that just the tone of her voice made him ease a little bit.
"Okay, here we go. Breathe in… Breathe out… Breathe in… Breathe out."
Harry listened to her calming voice and slowly he felt his body ease a bit. The shaking lessened, the sweating stopped and finally, he relaxed again. He sat up, a bit ashamed of his reaction.
"Thanks", he muttered. "I don't know what that was, I…"
"It's okay."
They silently sat next to each other, staring over the lake and both lost in their own thoughts. After what felt like an hour, Harry broke the silence.
"I don't know what to do. I just don't know. Sure, we won the war. But at what cost? Was it really winning if we lost so much?"
"I know. I feel the same way. But I also know that Fred wouldn't have wanted us to think this. He died so we could have piece, so we would be free. I know how wrong it feels to laugh when he is not here anymore. I know how hard it will be to live a future without him. But we have to. We owe it to him. He, and all those others, they died so we could do just that." Her voice trembled and caught in her throat. "But not yet. First we have to recover. And it won't be easy, it'll take a lot of time and a lot of tears before we can move on. We must remember them and what they have done for us, but we have to learn to let go as well. When the time is there."
Harry looked over to Ginny and saw tears streaming down her face. He pulled her up to him. He sat with his back against the oak, she sat between his legs with her back resting to his chest. He buried his face in her hair and wrapped his arms around her. They sat like this for much longer and had a good conversation, until they became hungry and headed back towards the castle. After they ate something together with Luna, Neville, Ron and Hermione, Mrs. Weasley came up to them.
"It's time to go home, darlings. You two can prepare your things, we're leaving in an hour. Oh, Harry, Kingsley asked me to ask you to come see him later on."
"Thank you Mrs. Weasley."
"I think it's about time you started calling me Molly, dear."
Harry smiled at her. "Thanks".
"Boys, you two will be sleeping in Charlie's bedroom, if you don't mind. It's a bit of a puzzle actually, now that George doesn't want to… You know… His old room…" She muttered, as grief settled on her face once again.
"I don't know Mrs. Wea… I mean, Molly. I, uh, I thought I'd maybe better go back to…" But before he could finish his sentence Mrs. Weasley fiercely interrupted him.
"Oh No! Nothing of that! Of course you are not going back to that bloody Grimmauld place! You are coming with us! Both of you! – While she motioned at Hermione - I am not going to let my children get away ever again!"
"Thank you, Mrs. Molly, but…"
"No but's! You are coming with us and that's it. Arthur is already installing some protective enchantments together with a man from the ministry to keep out the press. Now, you better go and see Kingsley, he told me he had a lot to discuss with you."
With that she turned around and walked away. Harry loved her for this, but he felt like an intruder in the family's grief. Sure, they had welcomed him in their family like he was one of them, but still, he didn't really belong there.
He stood up and went looking for Kingsley Shacklebolt. He found him quickly, and they entered a classroom.
"So, Harry", Kingsley said as they sat down. "There is a lot I want to discuss with you. Too much to discuss right here and right now so I would propose to schedule an appointment in two days in my office. Is that alright with you?"
"Yes of course! However, may I ask what you intend to discuss? Because you see, I don't have very good experience with ministers of magic. Your predecessors either tried to ridicule me and dismiss me as a naïve, little, attention seeking kid, or tried to use me as a publicity stunt to get the public on their side. I'm just warning you beforehand that I am never going to let myself be used by anyone ever again."
"I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I might be anything like my predecessors and I am sorry about how they treated you, Harry, because I'm not. I might hold the same function as they did, but my moral compass is many times stronger. I promise you I will never use you as a 'publicity stunt' and that I will be better than they were."
"Thank you, Mr. Shacklebolt. I would never expect you to be anything like Fudge or Scrimgeour, I think you have proven yourself in the Order, but it's just…"
"I understand, Harry. They let you down, to say the least, and your trust in the minister of magic has been damaged, I get that. I hope I can get that trust back again."
Harry smiled.
"So why did you want to see me sir?"
"There are many reasons I wished to see you. Of course I heard your story this morning, and I have a few questions for you. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. First of all… Minerva told me you had the ambition to become an auror after Hogwarts. I was wondering if that ambition is still there?"
"Well, I don't really know. I haven't really thought past this point for the past years. I mean…"
"Yes, I didn't expect you to. And you are allowed to take as much time to consider this before you agree or not, but I would like to offer you a job at the ministry's auror department."
Harry stared at him in shock.
"You mean… So I… But what about my seventh year at hogwarts? Or auror training? I haven't done either of them."
"I am aware of that, Harry, but I think you did more than prove yourself in these past few months. Even before this year, actually. You have faced dark magic and deatheaters so many times, I am pretty sure your experience on the field makes up for the lack of education. Of course there are certain things you will still have to learn, such as procedures and certain fields of magic that you have not yet used that much, but I am sure we can find a way to do so while having the job as well. Doing the studying and working at the same time. I'll give you some time to think about it, and I'll see you in two days at the ministry. Then we'll discuss it in more detail, if you're interested."
"Thank you, Mr. Shacklebolt. Thank you very much. But you must know that I never did it alone, I never could have. I always had friends at my sides."
"I am aware of that, and I have the same offer for them. Could you send up Mr. Weasley and Mrs. Granger, please?"
"I will. Thank you."
And with that, Harry left the classroom. For the first time since the battle had ended, he allowed himself to get a peek in the future. Having a job, something to do again, would change everything. But could he accept this offer? It almost seemed to good to be true. He had never been lucky, so why did luck suddenly seem to be on his side? No, that's bullshit. I can't call myself lucky. If I was, Remus, Nymphadora, Fred, Collin and all the others would still be alive. Calling myself lucky would be like denying what has happened, and I must never do that, he thought.
When he reached the great hall, he saw Ron, Hermione and a few others were still there.
"Ron, Hermione, Shacklebolt wants to speak to you. He's in the transfiguration classroom. You better get over there quickly."
"What's it about?"
"You'll see."
With a last questioning look at Harry, Ron and Hermione stood up and walked up the stairs.
A few minutes later, Ron ran into the great hall.
"HARRY! HARRY! HE OFFERED US A JOB AS AURORS! WE CAN BECOME AURORS!"
Harry hadn't seen Ron this happy in a very long time. The last few days, Ron had constantly had a sad and hurt look on his face, and it had been hard for Harry to look at him like that. But now, none of that could be seen for a moment, and Harry was glad he could see his friend like this again. Harry smiled at him.
"I know. And you are going to accept it, I suppose?"
"Yeah, I think so. I mean, I haven't really thought about it yet, but it's just nice to realise that I have options. That even though I'm missing a part of my education, there is still something I can do. What about you?"
"I don't know. I don't think there is a profession better suited for me than to catch deatheaters. I want to finish the job, you know? But on the other hand… I got to solve my own problems first. What about you, Hermione?"
"I don't think I'm going to be an auror. It's not really something for me. I do appreciate the offer though, but I think I'm going to finish Hogwarts first."
"I hadn't expected anything else from you, Hermione", Harry smiled.
It felt good to be back at the Burrow, although it would never be like before. All the Weasley children were supposed to be there, but of course there was one missing. It was weird to be in the Burrow, but without the usual laughter, without constantly having to be afraid of Fred and George's pranks, without all the noises and the usual fuss. George had gone straight up to Percy's room, where he would now be staying. No one dared to enter Fred and George's room. For the rest of the day, he hadn't spoken to anyone. Ginny had brought dinner to his room, but he barely ate anything from it. Directly after dinner, Harry had muttered something about being tired and had gone up to Ron's room. They wouldn't be staying in Charlie's after all. He got into the camp bed that had been set up for him, and fell asleep. After a little more than an hour, however, he woke up from a nightmare. After that, he lay awake for a few hours, until Ron came into the room and got into bed. Harry pretended to be asleep, and after a few more minutes, he actually fell asleep. A little after midnight he woke up again, covered in goosebumps and sweat.
"Harry, are you alright?", Ron whispered sleepily. He must have screamed in his dream and woken up Ron with it.
"Yeah, just another nightmare. You can go back to sleep, I'm fine."
Ron scoffed, as if he didn't believe for a second that Harry was fine, but he was too tired to protest and fell asleep again. Harry couldn't get to sleep again, too afraid that the horrible pictures would come to him again in yet another nightmare, and stayed awake. After some time he decided that he wanted to get a glass of water, and snuck out of bed and into the kitchen. When he entered the kitchen, he froze. With her back towards him, Molly was sitting at the kitchen table. Her shoulders shook with soundless sobs. Harry felt like an intruder, walking in on her in a very personal moment, and decided to get back to bed again. But it was no use, she had already heard him. She turned around and looked at him with a tear stained face and red eyes.
"Harry! Come sit down please, dear. Can I grab you something? Anything to eat? Drink perhaps?" she said, as she stood up.
"Uh, I was just planning to go back to bed. Couldn't really sleep so…"
"Come here, Harry, sit down.
Harry did as he was told, and sat at the opposite side of her, uncomfortably at the edge of his seat. A bottle of fire whiskey stood on the table, next to a half-full glass. Molly flicked with her wand and a glass set itself in front of Harry, before the bottle of whiskey poured itself into the glass. He took a careful sip, but quickly put down the glass again. He didn't like this stuff.
"Thank you, Harry", Molly whispered after a while.
"For what?" He asked, ruder than he had intended to.
"Thank you for ending it. Thank you for everything you did."
Harry didn't reply. She wouldn't understand him anyway, just like Ginny didn't understand it. He simply fulfilled the task the prophecy forced him to do. But he didn't do it good enough. It took too long and too many life's to fulfil his task.
"I know you don't feel proud or happy about it now, but I hope that someday you can. You deserve it. And… Your parents would be so proud of you. "
Harry didn't feel like talking, and definitely not about his parents, but for some reason he stayed. After a while he replied.
"I'm sorry about Fred."
And with that, he stood up and left for bed.
The next morning, Hermione and Ron sat down with him at breakfast. Hermione looked at him.
"Harry, Ron and I are going to Australia to find my parents. We… uh…"
"You want to go with the two of you but you're afraid I'll get angry with you."
"Well… Yeah, basically…"
"We don't want to exclude you, mate, so please don't feel offended. It's not you, we just want to spend some time together, to… you know, figure out us…"
"Don't worry about it, I don't mind", he lied. He did mind. Everything they had done they had done with the three of them, and now he was becoming a third wheel. Of course he had known for a much longer time that this would happen, he had seen them fall in love with each other since their fourth year. He understood and respected very well why they wanted to spend time together. He wanted the same with Ginny. However, that didn't make it much easier. So instead of throwing a tantrum he decided to be happy for them and act like he didn't care. He knew that it wouldn't stop him from being good, perhaps even more than good, with either of them.
"Thanks, Harry, that means a lot to me, to us", Hermione replied, she looked relieved. "We thought that maybe you and Ginny, and perhaps also Neville and Luna, could join us after a few weeks. We could make it an ordinary vacation and just have fun hanging out and swimming and such. I promise you we won't go camping", she smiled.
Harry returned the smile. "I don't know, I'll think about it. I'm not really in the mood of having fun yet. When are you guys going?"
"As soon as possible. We'll wait until after the, you know… funeral…"
"We'll go after the funerals."
Harry nodded, stood up and walked outside, into the early summer weather.
For the rest of the day, Harry had lingered in and around the house, not feeling like doing anything. He thought of little Teddy, now an orphan, like him. He wanted to meet the child, but it felt too hard to do so. Would he see Remus or Nymphadora in the baby? Would he be able to look at the child without crumbling under grief and guilt's pressure? He hoped that Mrs. Tonks would be okay with taking care of the baby, because how was he supposed to take care of another human being if he couldn't even keep himself together? The daily prophet had come that morning. The entire front page had been devoted to him. It had been filled with speculations about his doings in the past ten months, about how he had defeated Voldemort, about his unwillingness to speak to any press, about aspects of his personal life. Harry feared that they would soon go over to harassing anyone that had ever met him to ask them for an extensive interview. After he had read it he went out with Ginny again, and they sat at the small stream in the Weasley's backyard together. She had questions, and he answered them. He didn't mind, not Ginny. She was careful not to ask the wrong things, but she deserved to know. One day, she'll know all the details about my story. I want her to. He kissed her.
Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were discussing Fred's funeral in the kitchen, together Bill and Charlie. They wanted George to have some invoice in it, but George didn't want to come out of his room. He promised that he would pick a quote for the headstone, and that was all he managed. The funeral was set in seven days.
Thank you again for reading! I think the ending is a bit odd, but okay. The next chapter will be up asap.
