A/N: A big thanks to Amanda, Jarms, and Mist for the crazy late night chat! You guys really helped me get through this. I have to remind myself this is supposed to be fun! Thank you so much to the best most genius beta ever, Egratia, and the analyzing butterfly, Tonyamic10. This story came to life because of you two. This chapter was the hardest one to get through, so far… Let the madness begin!
Chapter 5: Bad Mommy
I stand in front of the mirror and smooth out my yellow dress. Maybe if I look good he'll go easy on me. I take a little bit more time to curl my hair and step into my brown clogs. On my way out I grab my umbrella from the hall tree and look into the mirror for the millionth time. Maybe if he doesn't recognize my voice, I'll be ok. Who am I kidding? This town is too fucking small.
"Hi, I'm ," I practice. Ugh too pitchy. I'm gonna have to work harder to alter my voice. If he finds out it's me, I'm going to get fired. Take a deep breath, lets try it again.
I clear my throat, "Hi, I'm ." Shit, thats too low. I sound like an old smoker. I give up. I'll just pray that I'm not exposed in front of an audience. I hope I can keep it together the whole day.
I look around to make sure Quil's nosey ass isn't in sight. The last thing I need is for Quil to tell people I don't know how to take care of my son. "Embry, I need you to stay take a late lunch today. I need to pick my son up from school and have a talk with his teacher."
"Why?" He closes the hood of the buick. He grabs a rag off the off his hands, he looks up at me. " Did he get into some trouble?" Damn why is he asking so many questions.
I roll my eyes and take a deep breath. I might as well just tell him, "I have no clue. Paul drops him off talking about he's a cry baby and the teacher is a bitch. Which is all probably a lie because we all know Paul is an asshole. It's like I can't catch a break."
"Yeah, alright man. Next time just ask me to pick him up. Paul told me she was kinda hot. Do you mind If I , you know, see what she's about 'cause if she got Paul all huffy, she might be my type." I try to keep from rolling my eyes because I really need him to help me out.
"Whatever, just take my shift tonight and you can replace Paul. I really don't need anymore problems at the school." I head back to my office to make a few calls. I take a seat behind my desk and just lean back to close my eyes for a minute. I wish I could just talk to Belle right now. I need someone to just listen to me, help me raise a child. I feel like I know nothing, like I'm failing at life. I'm going to ask her for her real number tonight and I hope she gives it to me. I really need her. I've never shared a connection like ours with anyone else, not even Jessica. She seemed ok when I told her about Kenny.
*Brrrrrrrrrrrring! Brrrrrrrrrrring!*
"Black's Auto, This is Jacob." I open the appointment book and grab a pen.
"Hey son, you busy?" I threw my pen down on my desk and lean back in my chair. I just take a deep breath and listen. This is going to take a while. "Good. Listen, I want you to bring my grandson over today. I see you every morning and you never bring him with you anymore."
I rub my hand over my face and I turn my chair towards the wall behind me. "Look dad, you know he can't come in the morning. He's in preschool now, and speaking of preschool we can't come today. I have to go to a meeting with his teacher."
"And why is that, Son?"
"I really can't even tell you. Paul picked him up from school talking about he's causing trouble and how much of a cry baby he is. I don't know if he's just giving the teacher a hard time or if he's fighting." I hold my eyes tightly shut and wait for the inevitable criticism.
And here it comes. "I know you're trying to do your best but you need some help with him. Now you're telling me he's getting in trouble. He needs a mother. When you were that age Sarah used to knock some sense back into you and find out what's wrong. Maybe you should ask Sue if she can help you out with him."
I'm starting to get angry. Every time Kenny comes up he tells me I need to give up. I had to remind myself that I was in the garage when I start to hiss at him,"C'mon dad you know I'm not giving up my son. I'm not going to abandon him like Jessica. That's my son and whenever I find the right woman to complete my family I will let you know."
He takes a pause and renews his attitude,"Alright son, no need to get worked up. You better bring him tomorrow have no excuse tomorrow is Saturday. Sue is cooking a feast for everyone. Sam is bringing his new girlfriend over and her friend. Of course Embry, Paul, and Quil are coming for the free meal. And if you were smart you would try to get to know this friend she speaks so highly of. So bring your ass and my damn grandson or you're going to be hearing a lot more out of me."
I surrender, breathing into the phone,"Sure,sure alright dad. We'll be there a little early. Talk to you later dad." I hang the phone up and get ready to head over to the school. I grab my keys and head out to my Tahoe.
I look at the clock in my car and it's 12:20, and I can't avoid this anymore. It's time to face the music. This is my son and I have to take responsibility. I'm shocked Kenny's behavior has not gotten back to Sam since he's the principal and all.
I walk through the door and run into Leah. I haven't seen her in years. "Oh hey, Leah. What are you doing here?" I ask. Recognition crosses her face as it registers who I am.
She laughs and gives me a deliberate look,"I work here, Mr. Smartass! How are you?" She places her rather heavy tote bag on the yellow and white linoleum floor.
I give a half hearted laugh and divert my eyes,"I'm great. I didn't know you worked here." I place my hands behind my neck and grip the nape of my hair.
She places a hand on her hip and tilts her head,"Yeah I've worked here for three years now. Sam did me a favor and got me the TA job. You know I just moved back, but I'm staying near the marina. It's beautiful up there."
"Oh yeah that sounds great. Listen, I know this sounds bad but I have no idea where my son's classroom is. Do you know where 's class is?"
"Yeah ,yeah. I'm her TA. She's in room 214, right around the corner and to the right." She gives me another penetrating look, like she's just figured something out and pickes up her bag again.
"Thanks Leah. I'll see you at the dinner tomorrow?" I ask, putting this together with the earlier conversation with my dad.
"Alright see you," she confirms. She tugs her tote bag and roller bag out the double doors without looking back.
I run my hands through my hair and get ready to meet this that Paul is always complaining about.
I follow a couple of the other parents and head inside the room. All the kids seem to be mellowed out. My eyes search around the room and find Ken playing with a couple of toy dinosaurs on the bright green rug in the corner. And then I see her. She's glowing and I swear I hear angels singing. No wonder Kenny fell in love with her. She has the most beautiful curly brown hair. She has a slender body and a nice ass. When she bends over to grab a stray marker, I can't help but to follow her with my eyes and a slight tilt to the right. She turns around to me and it's like we are the only people in the room. Her big brown eyes are framed by the longest lashes and her lips, her pink lips-she must lick them a lot. They look nice and swollen. I can just picture them around my-
"Hi," she says. "You must be ." She sounds so nervous, almost like she's seen a ghost. I try to swallow but my throat is too dry.
I twist around to see all of the others have cleared out. I stutter, "Sure, sure you can call me Jake." And then I realize I've heard her voice somewhere before. "Uh, have we met before?"
Her face looks so ashen, I start to get a little concerned. She rushes, "No. No, I don't think so." And then it clicks. The hair, the eyes, the lips, the voice-it all comes together in my mind.
"Belle?" I ask before I realize it's out of my mouth. This town is too fucking small! You know a town is too small for you when your son's teacher is your damn phone sex operator. FUCK!
I can see it all over her face. It's her, I know it's her. "I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about," she stammers, biting on her pink, plump bottom lip. She's a horrible liar.
I start to speak a little louder than I intend, "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Lexi!" I realize it's all a lie. Even her glow is a farce. I take a closer look and it's only smudges of silver glitter glue.
She starts to unravel right in front of me. She's on the brink of tears choking back a cry, "Okay,okay! Just please calm down. Please don't do this in front of Kenny," she pleads.
I look around her to see a wide eyed Kenny, frozen in place with a dinosaur in each hand. I try to calm down and breathe in and out a couple of times but it's not really helping.
Kenny slowly walks over to stand behind Belle and grabs her left leg. He looks up at me and squeals, "Why are you yelling at mommy? You're supposed to love her! Stop being mean Daddy." And then the waterfalls start. Wow, he really does cry at the drop of a hat.
She gives me a nervous look and picks my son up explaining. "That's what I wanted you to come and talk today. This happens everyday." She starts to rock him back and forth giving me a judgemental look and it sets me off.
"Mind your own business Belle, if that's even your real name!" I hiss, taking another look at my son who's clinging to her. How dare she! I am doing the best I can and she's judging me. She has no idea what it's like to be a single parent. I have to provide for my son, and try to give him all the love he needs. How can she expect me to take the place of two parents. She has no idea how easy it is to make mistakes when you have no help.
She steps a little closer to me. She's getting a bit heated. "It does become my business when he comes to my class by himself every morning, has an unbalanced lunch, and may I say a slice of bread and ham is not a lunch. Oh and don't let me forget about the -" she covers Ken's ears, "asshole who comes to pick him up late everyday. Don't you dare tell me it's not my damn business." Kenny starts to cry even harder, tightening his arms around her neck. "Look at the chaos and turmoil you put him through. I can only imagine what it's like at home."
She turns her back to me and walks further into the classroom and tries to calm Kenny down.
"Mommmmmyyyyy!" He is crying so hard he starts to slobber and snot at his mouth and nose. His face is so red, I'm not even sure he's breathing. He buries his messy face into her bare chest but she didn't seem to mind. "Mom-mommmmmyyyyy!" He goes on and on garbling unintelligibly.
"Shhhhhhhhh, it's ok baby. I'm right here, shhhhhhhhh." She grabs a tissue out of the box and gently wipes his nose and mouth. "There, isn't that better?" She takes another tissue and dabs at his eyes. They share some unspoken conversation when their eyes meet, and I start to feel like I'm intruding on a private moment. He gives her a weak nod and goes back to burying his face into her chest with one hand in her hair and another wrapped tightly around her neck. She hugs him even tighter and rubs his back until he starts to calm down. This is horrible. I can't even get his mother to come back. He has to hustle his way into the arms of a teacher.
What's going on here? I bust my ass everyday at work and come home every night and my son never does this. She's known him for a few weeks and he's already calling her mommy. Somehow he has a connection with a stranger. This bull shit, pure bull shit. Why on earth does he keep calling her mommy. He is so attached to her, you would think she actually is his mom.
Does he think that I don't love him? This is so embarrassing I have no idea what to say to her. "Look Belle-"
She turns back around towards me, holding on tightly to my son. "Bella", she corrects me. Her voice sounds like sweet,warm honey, so sweet I almost get stuck clinging to her imploring eyes. I take a mental step back, things are getting saccharine. I need to leave before she sticks to every facet of my life.
So she lied to me about her name too? "Sure, sure - Belle, Bella, whatever your name is, I have no clue why he is calling you mommy. You already know I'm a single dad though so," I run my hands through my hair, "he is just having a problem adjusting to the fact that his friends have a mom but he doesn't. I am really sorry about that."
"It's fine," she placates, "um don't worry about it. He is such a sweet boy, and he's not causing any harm." She refuses to make eye contact with me. It makes my chest tighten. Why does she lie to me? Is she lying about everything? One minute she's calling me a horrible father, and the next minute she says she does not mind. What the fuck?
I look at my son who has fallen asleep in her arms. Maybe I can't give him everything he needs. Maybe I'm not really good at this. I reach for him and take him in my arms. I swear there was some sort of heat or electricity when our hands touched that jump started my heart and made me feel something inside. What do I say to her? Do I just leave and not say anything to her. I'm going to have to see her a lot more, she is my son's teacher for Christ's sake. I look into her eyes and see grief. I feel horrible for fighting with her. I can tell she was just trying to help. Could I really turn my back on everything we shared? "Um, I'm just gonna take him home." This is too much to bear. I'm on my way out he door.
"Wait! Is that it? I mean are you ever going to call again?" she asks nervously. Does she think I'm just going to keep paying her for her services? I guess my phone bill is the way to her heart.
"Are you kidding me?" I almost shriek, but quiet down so I don't wake Kenny. "I should report you to the school board! How can you look at yourself in the mirror? You come in here everyday as a teacher and go home as a hooker, or something," I spit at her. " And then you tell me I'm a deadbeat father? Do you really think I want anything to do with you? Did you really think I wouldn't find out that you've been lying to me this whole time?" That last part must have cut deep. I can see the tears pooling in her eyes.
"God, please don't report me," panic lacing her voice. "This has nothing to do with my teaching children. This is something else, something personal. It's none of your or the school's business what I do after hours to make ends meet. You don't understand the emotional toll a job can take on you. Do you know how many creeps call my line every night?"she asks. So now I'm a fuckin' creep. "I mean no not you, you're fine, cool, and stuff. It's not like that. I, shit, I'm- I never lied to you," she declares, "I just didn't tell you everything. I am really sorry I said those things about you. I don't know what you're going through right now."
I think I'm being too harsh on her. She could probably be in some serious debt. I can't take this. I can't even trust her. Can I really say everything she tells me is the truth? I can't gamble with my son's emotional well being. "Sure,sure. I'm just going to leave. This never happened, okay. Let's pretend none of this ever happened." I take my son and his things and run out of the classroom like a little bitch. I need to forget about Belle- Bella.
I sit on the edge of my bed waiting for my world to end. Covering up all the mirrors in my room is not enough to keep the feelings at bay. My last bottle of cheap wine only makes me cry harder into the dark. I don't answer any of my calls. I hope my frequent clients can forgive me.
