The next week was a blur, but there were strange things happening. The feeling of being watched never subsided and Mom's mood only got worse. It was hard enough to concentrate on what was being taught in class without having extra worries.

I tried to remember all the extra assignments we had in that first week. I would take them to the beach and every time I was there, the teenagers from La Push were there. I noticed one boy in particular, staring at me a lot. Whenever I'd meet his gaze, he'd stare for a moment then look away. When I was sitting alone at lunch at school, one of the boys in the Cullen group would stare at me too. I just wondered if it were a coincidence or if it was what was causing me to feel like I was being watched.

Both boys were attractive in their own way and I really like them both. I knew I could never bring myself to asking either out. Especially since it was a senior year and it wouldn't last long anyway. I would catch myself daydreaming about them or watching them whenever I had the chance. They caught me a few times and smiled back. I'm sure they thought I was weird.

I knew the Cullen boy was adopted. I also knew his name was Jasper Hale, and they adopted his biological twin sister Rosalie into the same family like him. They looked more alike than any of the rest of them did; except for the more muscular guy named Emmett and the pixie-like one named Alice. I don't think there was any actual shared DNA with them though.

Jasper and Paul were both super attractive. Jasper never seemed to hang out with anyone outside of his family. Paul seemed to be with a different girl every couple of weeks or so. They both had the looks, but I couldn't say that they had anything else though. I didn't know either of them well enough to say if they were good guys.

I walked the halls and thought of Paul or sat in class staring at Jasper when I could. I would become lost in thought whenever it came to those two. I would think of what it'd be like to date them or just get to be friends with them. It usually helped me get through my day. It was a good distraction and my imagination was usually ravenous for something to entertain it.

I allowed myself these daydreams and thoughts, especially while I listened to music, just so I could have some happiness in my life. It wasn't much to ask for and it didn't hurt anyone. It gave me something to look forward to on a daily basis. Only if I could force them into reality. That would be much better than imagining it. I write some of the things I think about in a journal. That way I could keep tabs on ideas that may work for future stories.

Luckily no one else knew about these thoughts. At times I thought people knew what I was thinking, like my mother or a few kids at school. I shook that off as paranoia as I did when I thought people were staring at me.

I just wish I could be gutsy enough like when I wrote myself or saw myself in these things I imagined or wrote. I knew better than to actually talk to attractive people. I was the exact opposite of that. I had light brown hair that curled on the bottom half and was straight on the top half. My eyes were blue, but changed to different shades of blue or would occasionally look green or have a bit of brown in them. And my weight was a whole thing on its own. I tried my best to keep it under control, but it often proved to be difficult. It's one reason I never ate lunch at school and often went without eating meals at home for a day or two at a time. I'd still cook meals for Mom, but I'd usually tell her I wasn't hungry enough to eat. She'd then give me some kind of odd look.

"It's not healthy to skip meals, but good for you for wanting to lose weight," she'd say.

"Yeah, I just want to look better." I'd tell her.

She'd always look curious as to if I were doing this for someone. I wasn't doing it for anyone but myself. I wish I could say I was doing it for some boy, but I knew it would not be possible. At least not in the near future. I guess one can dream, right?