Tales of the Falls
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...III...
ANNOUNCEMENT!
I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!
SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!
The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.
...responses...
...III...
Dipper left the diner depressed. He'd tried to win the family free flapjacks from the 'manliness' tester. But Mable had just laughed at him...then Grunkle Ford started yelling at HER, Wendy joined him defending Dipper...then Mable started crying...
During the commotion Dipper thought it best to sneak out...
...Dipper knew he shouldn't let Mable's words get to him...he SAVED the woman he loved, risked his DICK being ripped out to save Wendy...how much more of a man could he be?
And yet...
Dipper ducked into an alley, made sure no one was around, then lifted up the waistband to look at his VERY tiny and hairless genitals...
Now Dipper had watched EVERY after school special a hundred times, Dipper KNEW it was a ridiculous and VERY superficial thing to worry about, he KNEW that there were far more important things in life...
...so why did this defect, the fact he hadn't GROWN there since he was newborn...HURT and make him feel so small and emasculated?
zap
Dipper looks up in time to see a NAKED Asian girl his own age wearing high-tech glasses suddenly appear out of nowhere as said glasses start to spark.
The girl was clearly staring at his junk, suddenly realizing she was no longer invisible. She blushes and cover herself. "I didn't see nothing of your needle-dick if you saw nothing of me." She states flatly as she frantically tries to fix her glasses.
Dipper blushes as he quietly let the waistband go back into place, "Deal." He whimpers ashamed...and quickly jumps out of the alley mortified just as an equally mortified Candy got her invisibility back and running.
Okay...so it might have to do with girls commenting negatively on it...but come on, what guy doesn't get depressed when a cute girl disses there junk?
Then Dipper looked at a nearby newsstand...the headlines were all the rage...
HELLBOY DEFEATS SWAMP HAG!
HELLBOY ASSISTS INVESTIGATION OF CAVENDISH HALL DESTRUCTION
HELLBOY FIGHTS THE ICON OF SIN OFF THE EYE OF DARKNESS!
It also didn't help his self-esteem he was constantly comparing himself to the apex of awesome that lived just down the hall of his room...HELLBOY. The demon who fought monsters and devils to keep humanity safe...
Now again, Dipper knew that this wasn't a fair or even HEALTHY comparison...and yet...he still did it...
Dipper sighed, Ohhhhhh...he had no idea what he wanted! If he could just do something...ANYTHING manly...maybe that would make him feel better?
"RUN! IT'S TOO MANLY!" Dipper looked tot he woods to see several burly lumberjacks run off...and several trees knocked over by...something? Curious...Dipper ran toward it...
...
Wendy was concerned...
After she and Ford had defended Dipper when Mable taunted...which looking back, Wendy wondered if maybe they'd gone too far. True, it wouldn't have hurt Mable to be less mean, and be more grateful to the brother who saved his life multiple times...but yelling at her until she was at the point of crying was DEFINITELY going too far themselves...not that Ford agreed. 'She needs to learn her actions have consequences' he would insist...
In any case, Dipper had left during the commotion...and no one had seen him for awhile...
She then heard a 'psst', she looks to see Dipper hiding behind the bushes. Relieved, she walks over to him...
"Oh, Dipper. There you are! I was really getting- What are you wearing?" She asked with an amused chuckle.
Indeed, Dipper was just wearing a ratty loincloth...well...a CLOTH anyway...not a whole lot of LOIN...
Wendy chastised herself. That wasn't fair to Dipper, he was a great guy! Not his fault he was a (VERY)late bloomer...
A very frazzled, flustered and confused Dipper began to ramble about needing advice...no longer trusted Mable...didn't know the others well enough...Ford was even worse at this then he was was...Soos...no, just no...Wendy was the only one he could trust...
Wendy was flattered by this show of trust and was happy their relationship was being rebuilt...but she quickly calms him down and asks him to start from the beginning...
Dipper then recaps how he got roped in with the Manitour...how they taught him to be a 'man'...after much trials and tribulations he had the final task of killing the Multi-bear...but the Multi-bear was a great guy and he refused to do it...
Wendy interrupted with a snort, "Oh, come on Dipper! Do I really need to explain to you how mindlessly listening to a bunch of guys who eat old dudes and beat each up for sport is a bad thing? Being a man-
"-Comes from within, not superficial stereotypes." Finishes Dipper, "Yes, I got the after-school special. I'm fine with THAT, that's not what I need advice with..."
Wendy was confused, but motioned for him to continue...
Dipper went very red...but continue... "It happened as I was leaving the cave in defeat...when I saw the gnomes...who seemed VERY happy...getting a bad feeling...I followed..."
...
QUEEN!
QUEEN!
"Let me go you freaks!" Shouted a tied and bonded Pacifica, who'd been apparently forced to wear a 'ceremonial' leaf-kini(AKA a perverse Cosplay outfit the gnomes found in a abandoned attic).
Dipper blinked from the top of the tree's, naturally his first instinct was to get Pacifica to safety...and yet...
'scantily clad damsel in distress...me wearing nothing but a loincloth- pauses to give a vine several experimental tugs -Good sturdy vine...' He gives a giddy smile... 'Dare I live out the ultimate man fantasy?'
Pacfica screaming out for help again tipped the scales to 'yes'. Dipper grabs the vine, braces himself, and jumps down from the tree giving his best tarzan yell, he snatches up Pacifica-
rip
-and keeps on going.
Pacifica smirks as she gives him a hug as best as she could with the bonds on her... "You just couldn't resist, could you?" She teased playfully...
When they set down a good distance away and the gnomes seemed to have given up, Dipper immediately undid the knots...unfortunately...
Dipper's eyes went wide as Pacifica's leaf-kini feel to pieces, apparently he accidentally ripped them while rescuing her and the only thing keeping it up had been the ropes...
"GAH! I'M SORRY! I Didn't mean to- To his surprise, he's cut off as Pacifica smiles and puts a finger to his lips to shush him.
"Relax...you saved my but...so you get to look at it..." She turns it gives it a saunter for emphasize.
Dipper gulps and goes very red...
"I know I probably got nothing on Wendy's bod, but I like to think where I lack it curves I make up in style. Besides, I'll take small breasts over back-pain any day of the week." She pulls her hair back to emphasize her flat-chest, giving Dipper a good view of it...
Dipper brain had shut down...
So of course...
Pacifica got a wicked grin, "Speaking of 'small'."
Before Dipper could respond, Pacifica had leapt over and lifted up his loincloth...giving her a nice look at his erect yet minuscule dick...
She giggled as Dipper just stared down mortified, "Awwww! So cute! little thing trying so hard to pretend it's huge...but it just can't do it!" She teases playfully.
Dipper can't help it...he's about to sob over the remains of his shattered pride...
Pacifica smiles, "Aw, don't worry Dipper- She tears his loincloth off before he can stop her -your dick maybe small, but you got the heart of a hero- she grabs both his legs pining him in place -and I think this hero deserves a reward-she makes sure she's on her knees in a comfortable position -hmmm?" She asks teasingly...
Dipper looked down confused, "What are you- And then his eye's nearly popped out of his head...
...
Dipper gulps... "Uh...and...so...she kept doing...THAT...for SEVERAL hours..."
Wendy's jaw had hit the floor.
"Dipper...are you telling me...that you and Pacifica..." She was struggling to hold in her rage and revulsion...
Dipper blushed but nodded...
Wendy's first instinct was to go rip Pacifica to pieces-
A bloody and battered Pacifica sobbed as Wendy mercilessly beat her to death-
The memory quickly allowed her to reign in her temper, 'No...I'm not making that mistake again...'
Oblivious to the ice-woman's inner-turmoil...Dipper continued on. "I...this is why I need your advice...I've never been in a relationship with a girl before...and this has NEVER happened to me before before...so I REALLY don't know how to respond to it...or even how to feel about it..."
Wendy...trying VERY hard to suppress her urge to just flash freeze and shatter the blonde...tries to be diplomatic about it to the best of her ability...
"Uh...well...let's try...look, first and foremost...how do YOU feel about what just happened? About Pacifica? And what she did to you?" She ventured.
Dipper frowned...but look thoughtful for a moment... "Well...I like pacifica...she's funny, easy to talk to, and knows what it's like for people to put down because their a kid...I don't know if I like, LIKE her though...I wouldn't be against finding out IF I did though..." He admitted.
Desperately quelling her jealousy pains, she tries to go at this from another angle.
"Okay...well...what do YOU feel about what happened? About Pacifica doing...THAT to you?"
Again, Dipper grew thoughtful...and flustered... "Well...on the one hand...I guess I succeeded in feeling like a man...on the other hand...I don't think that was the best way to do so..." He admitted awkwardly, trying very hard to explain the conflicting turmoil his emotions had become...
Seeing him struggling with this Wendy tried to get to the root of it. "Are you mad at her?" She asks finally
Dipper again goes into deep thought... No, I don't blame her." He admits finally. "she was just trying to 'reward' me...most guys would probably love this..."
"Dose it make you uncomfortable? What she did?" She asked once more.
Dipper frowns...but nods awkwardly...
"Do you...want to still have a relationship with her?"
Dipper frowns as he thinks. "Again...I just don't know...I wouldn't be against it, or learning if we could have one or not...that being said...what we did today...I don't think it was the right way to go about it." He finally decided.
Again, Wendy hated herself for saying this...but she knew it was the right thing to do.
"Then tell her that. Tell her her your flattered, but what she did makes you uncomfortable sand you don't feel like your ready for such a big step. If she forces you to keep at it, break it off. NEVER be in a relationship with someone who forces you do stuff your uncomfortable with. But if she's okay with that- Wendy pauses to take another breath to calm herself -well...that'll be up to you two to decide what happens next."
Dipepr thanks her and runs off to find Pacifica...
A now VERY Depressed Wendy walks into the shack...
"Why the long face?" Asked Hellboy.
"I just gave Dipper advice that'll help him with his love life...with PACIFICA."
Hellboy's eyes widen, he turns to the kitchen. "Abe, bring out the hard cider and the BIG keg...someone needs to get good and drunk..."
Wendy thanks him...and proceeded to go on a depressed 3 day bendor...
...IIIā¦...
TO BE CONTINUED?
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