September 21, 2006
"Really, three older brothers?" Sam took a sip of his soda as he rolled the dice. He sat down the RC Cola on a coaster on the coffee table. When he had discovered that Jess also liked Axis and Allies he nearly stampeded to the closet where he kept his copy of the game. While Dean didn't mind playing (he appreciated the historical nature of the game) he got bored after the first hour of playing and usually intentionally starting losing to get the game over quicker. Beyond Dean none of his other friends humored him enough to play it (aside from his birthday), and neither of his parents could manage the rules to be an effective player.
"Yeah. I have Jason, Jared, and James. My parents really liked 'J' names for some reason." She set down her drink as she watched Sam think. "You know you have this little crinkle in your nose whenever you really concentrate, it forces your glasses down." She smiled.
Sam blushed and pushed up the wire framed lenses. He normally wore contacts, but had been having some issues with seasonal allergies and had been forced into glasses the last few days due to his eyes refusing to cooperate, despite the eye-drops and copious doses of Allegra. "Well, I guess that's a pretty lousy tell…" He smiled, glancing quickly at her smile before looking back down at the board.
She rolled her eyes, "Well, I think it's kinda cute."
Sam paused a moment before he responded, "Cute enough to let me win?"
"Not a chance."
It was nearly nine by the time the two had finished. Sam had won, but just barely. Over the few hours the two had managed to connect quicker than most couples did in weeks of knowing each other. Granted, they had known each other for a bit before, but Sam knew that this was the start of something. He and Jess separated into their rooms and as Sam changed he felt happy, Maybe things are going to finally get back to normal.
**SPN**
It was 8:53 when Dean finally mustered enough courage to knock on the door. He had been sitting in his car for nearly an hour as he had mentally argued with himself. It had taken most of his will-power to drag himself out of the car and across the front lawn. When he reached the porch the forest green paint was suddenly lit by the porch light as the automatic sensor lit up the front of the brick rancher. Dean exhaled as he knocked quickly on the door. His father answered.
"Dean? Is everything alright? It's a bit late." Andrew folded his arms across his body, tucking them into his sweater's pockets.
Dean sighed, stuffing his hands into his jacket against the cool night air, "It is, I need to talk to you and Mom for a minute… I'm sorry it's late, I was trying to put this off and I realized I needed to finally do it."
"Sure thing. Come in." Andrew opened the door, welcoming Dean into the familiar glow of their living room. "Paula! Throw on some coffee, Dean's here and he wants to say something!"
"I'll be out in a second!" A rustling sound preceded her as she left the kitchen carrying a platter of sweets. She smiled as she saw Dean, "Well, don't just stand there like a dead fish! Hug your mother and then take a seat."
Dean smiled nervously and did as he was told, sitting carefully on the red sofa across from his parents' arm chairs.
"So, what is it you wanted to tell us?" Paula smiled as she handed Dean a napkin and a cookie.
I can't do this. Nope. No way. Lie. Lie like hell, Dean. For the love of God, LIE! "I'm gay." Dean blurted out; despite everything telling him he should've just kept his damn mouth shut.
It felt as if all the air and warmth had been sucked out of the room. Paula sat frozen, her face halfway between the smile she had with company and confusion. Andrew's lips were pursed in a thin line as he rubbed his forearm, looking at the beige cardigan as if he hoped it could somehow take him somewhere else. The tension remained until Dean spoke.
"I have been for a while. Since I was 17." Dean paused before he closed his eyes and let forth the flood of truth he'd been damming up for years, "I'm not ashamed of who I am. When I first realized it I wanted to pretend that it wasn't me. I acted like someone I wasn't. I put on this macho front to act like I was 'normal'. But honestly, I've dated and had meaningful relationships with men before. I've already talked with Father Daugherty and I am well aware of everything that everyone has to say about it."
Dean exhaled deeply, "I know people will talk-about you and me. And I'm sorry because I know people will judge you for something I am. I love both of you, and thank you for everything you've done. And I hope that you still love me, even if things are different now."
Andrew looked up from his cardigan, his eyes wet as he tried to speak. After a moment he sighed before looking back down, "Dean… This is going to be a challenge. Are you sure? I don't want to force anything, but…"
Paula continued his thought, "…maybe don't tell others quite yet. You might change, I know my friend Linda's nephew thought he was, but his parents sent him to this camp that helped him realize he wasn't."
Dean blinked, "Are you suggested I go to a conversion camp?"
"No!" Andrew responded, "But, we were thinking, maybe hold off. Things might change for you in time."
"But I don't want them to change. I'm happy with who I am." Dean stated firmly.
"We understand, but…" Paula trailed off.
Dean sighed, "…But you don't want the stigma of having a gay kid in a small town."
Paula and Andrew were silent. Dean stood up. "I love you, and I will be open if people ask me. I'm not going to hide who I am anymore. I will not make it a statement, but I intend to be honest from now on." He opened the door into the dark evening, looking back at his parents. They were quiet as he slowly shut the door.
**SPN**
"Cas, if you're there, I could really talk right now."
"Please."
"I just need someone to talk to."
"Someone aside from Sammy."
Dean looked up at his ceiling as he sighed, hoping that the angel would answer. It was nearly midnight, so if he did, Dean likely wouldn't find out until tomorrow in his dreams.
