December 30, 2006

"Dean, I believe that you are worth saving." No. He would not respond well to that, given his prior reactions to direct sentiments. Castiel furrowed his brow as he thought. Dean was still asleep and the angel was busy planning the best way to reach out to the broken righteous man. Well, former righteous man-given how neither Beretta brother intends to fight and how Sam is actively avoiding any demonic influence.

Sam Beretta was an interesting case, as while he did have demon blood in his system, he exhibited no inclination to do evil-yet despite this he harbored a fair amount of guilt and self-loathing-an unfortunate common trait in the brothers. Castiel leaned on the back of the chair in his room and continued his thoughts, occasionally casting part of his consciousness to check on the man in the room down the hall.

**SPN**

Cas joined Dean once again on his morning exercise routine prior to his getting ready for the day. It took Castiel all of a few moments to change his attire-placing the old garments in the hamper beside the bed. He decided to wear a pair of the lighter colored jeans with a t-shirt. It appeared to be referencing some version of the periodic table-of which humans erroneously believe to be limited to a mere 118… Dean was eating breakfast when he returned from his room.

"Dean, I would like to begin talking with you in order to assist in your overcoming the events that have happened and help you to heal in as best a way as I can. In order to begin that process I would like to begin by you simply talking about whatever you please related to your past." Castiel nodded as he spoke. "I have consulted a number of different resources and it appears that verbal expression can help expedite dealing with difficulties."

Dean swallowed his oatmeal and exhaled, "Cas, I know we've talked about stuff in the past in my dreams and all, but right now I'm not really sure if I'm up for it…" He paused, I don't really think I'm ready for much of anything.

"I understand, and while it may be uncomfortable, I would like you to share. It can be about anything. The important initial step is to establish a clear channel of communication on which we can build to eventually address the traumas and negative elements you are dealing with." Castiel stepped closer, "And as you said, we have communicated in the past. Consider this the same, we are simply talking."

Dean looked up, "Okay. But let me at least finish my breakfast."

"Of course."

**SPN**

"What would you like to discuss?" Castiel sat on the couch, upright at a perfect 90 degrees, as Dean slouched on the chair across the room.

"I dunno… I guess it should be something important, right?"

"That would be best."

Dean exhaled as he looked up at the ceiling, "Alright… Let's see. I guess I never told you about my first kiss."

Cas shook his head to indicate no, "You have not."

"I was thirteen. Middle school sucks for everyone, but especially when you find out you're different and realize that you have to hide it. No one knew about me back then-because honestly it was even more taboo than it is now and I didn't have a death wish. I desperately wanted to like girls, I tried to force it on myself but it never stuck. It was the summer before high school and Mom and Dad agreed to send me away for two weeks to a sports camp in Colorado.

It was an all boys camp called 'Mount Leon'. Every day was a different sport. Granted, I sucked at a few of them, but it was still fun to just let loose and do whatever the sport was. Anyway, we were broken into groups for the cabins. Somehow there was an odd number of guys, so there was one cabin with only two of us and a counselor. Our counselor was a total stoner, so every night around nine he'd go out into the woods and get baked along with a bunch of the kitchen staff-which left me and Derek alone.

Derek was a year older than I was, and he was open about who he was. He didn't care, he could beat the shit out of anyone who tried to make him feel like less of a man for liking men. I admired that. It also didn't hurt that he was jacked-but not in a bad way, like in a still cute kinda way…"

Castiel tilted his head slightly.

"He was attractive. I came out to him on the third night, and turns out he liked me too. So for just under two weeks I had my first boyfriend. It wasn't open-which he didn't mind-but it was awesome. We were too young to know anything much, but I still remember my first kiss was with him on the top bunk as 'Shake it Up', of all songs, played." Dean frowned, "I never talked to him after that, and I kinda wish I would've."

"Despite your shame you still were able to embrace your sexuality and have a good time." Castiel stated.

"Yeah…"

"I think that is sufficient for now. Perhaps we could visit Sam and Jess, given that you have not yet introduced us yet in this plain?"

Dean's pupil's dilated, "Oh. Shit, I knew I forgot something…"

**SPN**

"…so, sorry." Dean coughed as Sam crossed his arms in a false show of irritation that his slight smirk belied.

"So, he's like a real angel?" Jess asked, pointing at Cas.

"Yup." Dean nodded.

"That's the guy who was in your dreams those couple of times?" She whispered to Sam.

"Yeah, only he was a lot dressier then." Sam commented, "I guess Dean must've helped him shop, given the fashion sense."

"Not all of us can wear plaid, sweater vests, and corduroy slacks." Dean coughed, "Hipster."

Sam rolled his eyes and put on a patented bitch-face number four-like you're one to judge-"Anyway, come in."

Four hours and countless questions later the quartet split back into their pairs, with Sam and Jess bidding Cas and Dean goodbye. After the Celica left the driveway she turned to him.

"Is it just me, or does your brother totally want to have sex with Cas?"

"Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one who noticed how he was eye-banging him every five minutes." Sam commented as he shut the door.

"I wonder if he actually has anything down there?"

"Hell if I know." Sam commented, "But knowing Dean and a few of the stories he's told me about his exes, he'd make anything work."