Six: Conversation
Narcissus
Um. What?
I have no idea how to react.
I know the boy can't be that smart (I mean who in hades would think it's a good idea to reach for the heavens) but does he know how big Greece is? And never mind Greece, his father could be anywhere. Daedalus could be in the middle of the sea like this kid should be.
'You will help?' his inflection suggests it's a question, but his tone does not. Sure there's hope, but beneath that there is steel. I'm just pleased that he's is still sore because he may be stronger than he looks.
I narrow my eyes at him. Of course, it makes me look smolderingly moody and dangerous but really I'm trying to think. I don't often do that. Normally my followers are all too keen to do that for me.
'Fine.' I breathe out,
'It's doable. I'm presuming you know where you were headed? We can narrow our search that way.'
I'll give it 2 weeks, after that I'm back to my love game. Maybe playing hard to get will work in my favour this time. Give Him a taste of his own medicine.
Icarus
Great! I finally did something right! He's gonna help me and... oh crap, where the hades were we going?
'Uh...'
'Please, tell me you know where you were going?'
Narcissus speaks through a tense jaw. Oh crap, I've got to tell him something or he'll go back on his word-
'Athens. It was Athens. Definitely Athens.'
'You sound unsure.'
'You think I'd forget the name of my home city?' I meet his raised brows with a hard glare. It's all I've got to cover my nerves.
Yeah, Athens was where we used to live, but we weren't headed there. Dad said Minos would find us in five seconds flat if we did. Couldn't I have said any other city? But my memory so kindly decided to screw me over so its all I've got to go on for now.
'Its Athens.' I state decisively, standing and marching from the room to hide my shaking hands. Even though I have no idea where in this house I belong. If anywhere.
'Fine. I'll make arrangements for travel. The sooner we find your father, the sooner I can get on with my life.' Narcissus sighs behind me, but doesn't move to follow. I'm outside again, the rising light licking my peeling skin as if to taunt me.
Looks like we're going to Athens, whether dad's there or not.
I pray to the gods he is, even though its fifteen times more likely that Minos is there waiting for me instead...
Narcissus
While the child sits by the inner courtyard I get on with it. Calling my followers to me I rapidly dictate everything we need:
'Wine, cloaks, food, servants, desert wine,'
I have the essentials covered, we should be ready to leave in two days at the latest.
Sea would be the only way to travel, unless we plan on swimming, and when we arrive we can always procure horses. Meldrichon should be fine with the troupe for a couple of weeks, though I am hesitant to trust that bastard with anything. Still, I haven't any better options. I've sent Tyndareus to organize passage on a vessel, a nice reasonable sized merchant ship should do. Desme is currently selecting slaves from my household for the journey; going to sea without the ability to attend the baths will be hard enough so we'll need every bit of help to still look reasonable when we get to Athens. Speaking of looking reasonable, I'll have to get Icarus some proper clothing, my cast offs are far too grand for him…
This is madness.
Oh Hera, how I wish the boy was telling the truth, but somehow I doubt it. Maybe being back on the sea, under the sun will prompt him. A simple north or south would suffice to get us going. But I don't trust him and I feel like I have every right not to. Some people just aren't good liars. Unlike me. Granted he's not being malicious on purpose, I just hope he gets back his memory sometime soon.
Icarus
'...I'm not getting on that thing. '
'What?'
'The ship... on the sea... I'm sorry I can't.'
'You're telling me you won't sail?'
Narcissus and I are standing at the dock, servants and slaves and his 'followers' bustling around us, carrying out orders at the same time as keeping one eye on their master's "god like face". Glances are thrown in my direction, but only as an afterthought. Not really a problem right now though...
'Tell me Icarus,' Narcissus shoots me a look which is on the verge of murder,
'If you don't get on the ship how are we supposed to get to Athens?'
'Couldn't we, I dunno, walk or something?'
He looks at me like I'm stupid or insane, or both. Alright, maybe that wasn't the best thing to say but I can't sail. I just can't. Even just looking at the sea makes me feel like I'm drowning again, that heavy darkness crushing down, filling my empty lungs -
'Do you really want to find your father?' Narcissus calmly examines his already perfect nails. He acts like this doesn't bother him but I feel like he's going to explode at any moment. I wouldn't blame him.
'Of course I want to find him. You know that! '
Oh crap, if I'm too difficult about this he won't help me at all. But I can't go by ship, something bad will happen – there'll be a storm, or a shipwreck, or sirens, or a whirlpool – I swear Poseidon has it out for me I know it, if I go back out there I'm gonna die –
'Please!' I grab Narcissus's hand. I feel a million eyes lock onto me; no one touches "the master" without his permission, but I couldn't care less, I need him to understand -
'Please! I can't do it I can't face the sea, not again! '
I know I'm panicking and crying and looking like a complete baby but I can't help it, I can't, I can't –
Narcissus
His tears are enough to wrench anyone's heart, and his eyes like a deer caught in a trap are truly terrifying.
Despite the sheer inconvenience of it all, I find myself wanting to help. Really I do. I would take him another way, if nothing more than to save the headache of travel by sea, but really, this is the only feasible option. If, as he says, his father is in Athens we have to move fast to reach him before he moves on. Minos will surely be on his way by now.
'It's like when you fall off a horse,' I say,
'You just have to get back on again'.
'Horses don't tend to dislocate all your bones and nearly drown you!' he retorts.
He stands quite firmly, feet planted on the ground, hands curled into fists, eyes wild. The sight would be mildly amusing but for the fear I can feel radiating off of him. That and the rather embarrassing scene he's causing.
There's nothing left to do, so I simply pick him up and dump him on the deck.
'Cast off!' I yell at the nearest crew member, who near instantly complies, whether the other ship mates were ready or not. They'll survive, its not like I'll be berated. Besides, they aren't the ones who have to hold down a struggling body. The boy is skinny, instincts were right. He can put up a fight of a man twice his size. I even have to avoid his teeth a couple of times to avoid being bitten.
Still, this rabid behaviour isn't enough to stop my heart strings from being twanged, like a badly tuned lyre. Again, words slip from my lips without any consideration as to what they actually mean –
'You'll thank me later.'
He just growls, yells muffled between his tongue and the deck.
'Sorry,' is all I'm able to whisper to him.
Icarus
Up, down. Up down up. Down. Up. Down, down-
Oh gods make it stop.
We've only been on this death trap for a couple minutes and I want to vomit.
I'm curled up on a bench out the way of the crew, nails digging into the wood. Narcissus tried to get me to his cabin but I wouldn't let him touch me again… bastard.
…
…
…It's not his fault. I know it's not his fault. I'm still pissed though. Even when I could see the awkwardness in his eyes as he reached out to me, felt it as he lifted me in his arms – gods he's strong – the way he murmured 'sorry' in my ear...
He sits next to me now. Pretending to sunbathe but throwing a glance in my direction every now and again.
I don't mind Narcissus touching me. Kind of. He was heavy and strong but not hurting, like he knows how to control his strength. Unlike some people. I mean, its kinda nice, human contact that isn't some sort of pain. If I didn't hate being held down so much, I might have actually enjoyed it... but right now it feels awful. Every time someone's done it before, they'd just pull me around, like a reigned horse. Happens in a lifetime with violent guards.
'I'm sorry.'
My eyes flash up at the broken silence to see him, gazing out at the ocean wistfully.
'Icarus, I wish I could have taken you another way. Trust me, I understand the pain the world's waters can bring. But this is the only route. We'll find your father.'
Suddenly I feel horribly guilty. I've forced him to face some past demon of his own in all my desperation. All those times Dad warned me about being selfish and reckless... stupid me.
...
'What were you doing out here anyway?'
'Huh?' Narcissus frowns, surprised by the sudden change
'You know, when I fell from there- ' I point upwards.
'The day we met. Why were you all the way out here by yourself? '
Narcissus pauses. Thinks. I can't tell what he's thinking, but I know its some sort of argument with himself – to trust me or not to trust me? Glances round quickly as if to make sure none of the crew or servants are nosing in.
'Do you really want to know?'
Narcissus
'Yes,' Icarus replies sure of himself for once. He stares at me, not in the loved up way I'm used to but honestly. It's odd not being fancied.
'I was meeting someone,' I tell him.
'Who?'
I take a breath.
I don't know why there is a breath, there shouldn't be a breath. There should be a simple shrug, a roll of the eyes, a "none of your business", a smirk, a scoff, anything but actual genuine words –
'There's a guy,'
No there isn't.
'I don't know his name but I see him sometimes, in water mostly.'
Shut up tongue, or I swear –
'He's very fast, moves about, he seems to follow me.'
What am I doing?
'Have you ever been in love?'
Icarus shrugs. Noncommittal.
Too late now. Might as well commit to the vulnerability. Maybe I can get away with it. At worst, it'll only make me more attractive.
No one would ever take me seriously.
'Well, love? It hurts. I'd give everything to be like you falling from the sky. That's painless in comparison.'
He makes a face – tries to hide it but fat chance of that working. I'm not convinced he buys it. I mean I did technically have to have most of his bones relocated but come on. Emotional pain? That is far worse.
'But yes, I'm in love. And the irony is this is the one guy that doesn't fall head over heels for me. Well except for you, but that obviously doesn't count. No offence.'
I mumble the last bit, which is a disconcertingly awkward feeling. In near every case my words usually emerge with confidence and ease, I'm known as "the man with the silver tongue" around these parts. And yet, the one person who is completely unaffected by my natural charms, and I find myself flailing and… nervous? Doubting my own words?
Come on Narciss, pull yourself together.
Icarus
There's a million and one things that instantaneously fight for space in my mouth – like how falling from the sky is FAR FROM PAINLESS, and how love really isn't all that bad (not that I would know, but really, it can't be as bad as nearly dying) but really the most important thing to tell him right now is that he's fascinated with what Dad calls a reflection. An image in the water that's made when light bounces off your face and onto a smooth surface then back at you because, well, I'm not sure why. Light does stuff. Ask Helios about it. Dad's been asked to make many shiny-reflection-contraption-things – mirirs? Mirrors – Dad designed the best ones, not like the blurry polished copper things but ones with smooth glass and silver linings that show everything in perfect detail – for ultra-rich people before (like Minos' Queen) – even richer than Narcissus here otherwise I guess he'd have one and know what exactly he's so obsessed with is his own face.
So I open up my mouth to tell him. Tell him that in all my Dad-given wisdom and knowledge, me, the boy who apparently doesn't count on Narcissus's tally of people who don't collapse at the sight of him - that I've solved his love crisis, that it isn't actually love, it's just… well… I dunno. Egotistical self-fascination or some word along those lines.
But then… I see his face – not the perfect sculpture that caused his mess in the first place – but his… mind I guess. Like, he looks vulnerable. It's like he's just told me the start of his story. And there's a lot more of that story underneath those sea green eyes. And I know eyes. I spent years staring at Dad's, the guards', even caught a glimpse of Minos'. Not to mention Her's, bright and painful as they were…
But something in his eyes almost begs me not to tell the cold and rational truth. Not to destroy what seems like a chance at happiness his life hasn't had. Not to fly too close to the sun on this one, cos it just might burn him.
So, I shut my mouth for once, though all I wanna do is tell him and show him who's right and who's smarter and–
'I guess… uh… that sucks? I wouldn't really know. I'm sure you'll figure it out though,' with that I rest my head back down on the bench, closing my eyes, and swearing not to ask silly questions again – at least until we reach Athens.
Narcissus
I thought he'd offer a bit more after I just bared my fucking soul. But no. He just takes a nap. That wasn't a bloody bedtime story!
I'm angry, although slightly relieved. Now that I've actually tried, I've wholeheartedly decided that I don't like talking of it and him shutting up means I don't have to. Still though, does he even comprehend how disgustingly horrible that was? Prick.
I move to the deck hands, see how they're all getting on. The wind is in our favor: apparently we should be arriving earlier than anticipated. I send up a prayer to Zeus. Glancing over the side of the ship – I really can't help myself – I realise with a sinking heart that the ship is too large, too high above the water, to see anything. The water laps at the side of the wood darkly. I squint and strain my eyes as much as possible, but no such luck.
No matter.
Yes, it bloody matters.
No, it doesn't, I'm supposed to be playing hard to get. That's the only way to get anywhere with these types – I know because I'm one of them.
I'll look at the sky for a change, how about that? I'll give myself lines under my chin, constantly looking downwards. I take in the clouds, sparse yet fluffy, the sun's rays hitting the undersides whenever one glides past and sending a heavenly glow upon the sea. The nights are lengthening again and the sun's setting sooner and the air is cooler even when its risen. Also known as the season changing. Apollo must have better things to do than drag Helios around all day. I understand; you can't appreciate the beauty when you're the one who makes it.
I'm looking at the sea again. Damn.
