Eleven: Beseech
Narcissus
Ever since I assigned the girl to be Icarus' unofficial babysitter, those two are getting on suspiciously well. Not the result that I expected, but at least she's been keeping him occupied for the past month. It's helpful to say the least. The majority of my followers are back in Tenos, the servants and slaves that came with us to Athens are either assigned to manage my trade, household matters, or have been allowed to visit family.
Which leaves me free to beseech Aphrodite to my heart's discontent.
I tie my horse to the hitching post, tipping the nearby attendant with a few coins and grateful smile. As predicted, he melts into gush at the sight, so I know my ride will still be there when I get back. I carry on to the temple entrance by foot. It's getting dark, yet there are more people in the area than usual.
This was only supposed to be a one-off journey, but fate wouldn't have it. I keep seeing Him everywhere, every corner holds another surface that He's permeated. I'm starting to think he's a god of light. A descendant of Iris?
Perhaps I could relocate our lodgings to make reaching the temple easier, these night trips are starting to take their toll. Somewhere nearer the open country. I long for the stillness and wide open spaces of Tenos, it's why I moved away from Boeotia in the first place. More than that, His face isn't suited to being distorted and twisted round the corners of the city, and neither is my temperament. Yet He obviously enjoys it, flickering in and out of the shadows and shines, I bet he thinks it makes him seem more mysterious and desirable.
Well it does.
He's able to change shape, a shapeshifter. A god of light would be, light is mercurial and dangerous – tricks you into seeing illusions. That's what He did to me that night on the ship. It must have been. That's why he never speaks. He likes to manipulate through his art rather than communicating in plain simple language.
'Hello stranger.'
I'm jerked from my thoughts as a smooth feminine voice glides through my ears. I've arrived at the courtyard of the temple, and a woman with intricate beads woven through braided hair greets me with a demure smile. Charming, it's the one I spent my first visit with. She's been fascinated with me since. I know I should be used to it by now, but it feels wrong here, in this moment, especially as I'm here for my love and not some lusty priestess.
'Have you come to bow your head once more in full worship?'
I lower my hood, stony faced, reserving my charming smile for an occasion more deserving.
'I'm just here to make an offering to the goddess,' I emphasize the last address pointedly. She hesitates, probably trying to figure out if I'm playing hard to get. Please, as if I have the energy for that. She nods, realising she'll get nothing from me tonight.
'As you wish. Let me know if my services are required.'
She sweeps away as I brush onwards. Awestruck glances of worshippers roll off my periphery: they came for Aphrodite and left with an image of me in their mind. Good for them. They got the answer to their prayers. They come with their offerings and entreaties, but they couldn't even begin to know the desperation… I almost envy them. Curling smoke stings at my nasal passage as I approach the hall of the altar. Salt water seeps from my eyes.
Damn incense.
Icarus
'You what?'
'Look, I said I am going out. You have to cover for me.'
'But, why?'
Eliana smirks at me in that way she does and ties her pack together.
'Because a few weeks ago, you said you wanted to make it up to me. Consider this your repayment.'
'Ha, ha, but that's not what I meant. I mean why are you going out? Where are you going?'
Her eyes flit around quickly, making sure the coast is clear. Of course it is, there's no one in the store room but us.
'That, my friend, is a secret.'
'Oh, come on!'
'Ha!'
Her loud laughter is nothing like the innocent face she puts on whenever Narcissus is around. It's catchy; now I'm sniggering too.
'Please! Elli, I swear I won't tell anyone, you know me.'
'Yeah, I've known you for like five seconds. How do I know you're not a blabbermouth, like Chloe?'
'Trust me, I know how to keep a secret.'
'Somehow I doubt that.'
'Fine then. If the boss man asks, I'll tell him you've gone to the dodgiest place I can think of.'
'Oh, I'm so scared, he who knows Athens like the back of his neck.'
'…But I can't see the back of my neck.'
'That's the point, idiot.'
'Eliana!'
She sighs overdramatically, 'fine, I guess I could tell you some minor details,' and lowers her voice back to a scheme-y whisper so sneaky it reminds me of Dad's. A surge of energy hits my chest – don't get over excited – listen dammit Icarus –
'Haven't you noticed Narcissus is going to the temple an awful lot lately?'
I frown, confused. He's only been once since we got here, well, apart from tonight that is.
'You are joking, right?' Eliana nearly yells when I say this out loud, then hushes herself again,
'He's been out every single night for the past week. Usually he dismisses all the servants and slaves, waits until everyone's gone back to their lodgings and asleep. Then he leaves and gets back late, sometimes as late as sunrise. You never notice because you sleep like a rock. A very wriggly rock.'
'Hey, I spend my mornings trekking round Athens and my afternoons studying, of course I'm tired!'
Wait a minute… how does she know how I sleep?
'You think you're tired? Narcissus can't get more than three hours of sleep per night. If that.'
'So… you're worried about him?'
Can't blame her. I kind of am too now. She goes silent.
'I just… need to know that everything is okay. No one visits a temple that obsessively without reason.' Eliana's face darkens. She seems attached to Narcissus even though he's her master, the one who keeps her captive. In fact, it's not just her, everyone seems all too happy to do what he wants, when he wants. But there's something else there too, like a weird… darkness? Like a shadow. Something uneasy, in the air, every time someone even looks at him. I don't know how to describe it… It used to be creepy, but I guess I got used to it.
'Now I need to go and get a horse, before Narcissus gets too far ahead.'
She quickly finishes packing, and walks over to the stables. I stand by the doorway, curious as to how she'll actually get the horse, since Dareios (I took ages to learn everyone's names) is still tending them.
Eliana approaches him with her innocent face on, but I can barely make out their conversation from so far away.
'Dareios… borrow…an errand.'
'…night? …girl like you… protect herself. 'sides these are the… expensive if anything…'
He shakes his head. She takes his hand.
'Please, … urgent.'
He pulls away and shakes his head again.
'…alone… try… morning? … sorry.'
He turns away. She looks dejected, then determined. Her gaze lingers on the horses. I know exactly where her heads going and its reckless and stupid and will never work. Which is why half of me is hoping she'll do it. Do it! Do it!
Aw man, she's changed her mind. Instead of jumping and hijacking the nearest mare, she starts to walk away. She's not just gonna give up like that is she?
She keeps walking. Before I know what I'm doing, I've grabbed a cloak off the shelf and am over where they are.
'You ready to go Eliana?'
She stares at me like I'm mad. Then her eyes light up. She gets it.
'Dareios won't let us take a horse,' she states loudly.
The man turns around at that point, surprised by my sudden appearance.
'You never mentioned he was goin' with you.'
'Actually, she's coming with me. I sent her ahead as I was still preparing my things.'
Here we go. I take a page out of Narcissus' scroll and muster up all the superiority I can,
'And I don't think the master would be best pleased if you refused his guest a horse.' I smirk slightly. It probably looks arrogant but I'm just trying not to burst out laughing.
Dareios seems conflicted (and kinda irritated by my tone) but he eventually nods his head towards the nearest horse.
'This one's been fed and watered. She's quite pacey, one of our strongest mares. You only want one?'
He frowns suspiciously. Uh, crap.
'One will be fine, Dareios. We're not going too far, we just need to get there quickly,' Eliana snaps, agitated. Dareios holds up his hands in defeat.
'Alright. Hope it goes well.'
By the time we get to the courtyard, the sun's setting. I turn and see something shocking – Eliana smiling at me, and it reaches to her eyes too.
'Thanks Icarus. Hey, you're not totally useless.'
'Ha, ha. If you're done insulting me, should we go?'
'What do you mean we?'
Smile gone.
'Well, I've got to come with you now, or it looks even more suspicious.'
Eliana looks horrified, but only for a second. She smirks victoriously.
'You can't come. You don't know how to ride a horse.'
'Yes I do. I get on the horse, and you ride it.'
She gives me a withering look.
'Do you have any idea how inappropriate that is?'
'Why?'
Dad and I always used to ride together on one horse when I was younger. What's the difference?
'Have you spent your life in a cave or something?'
'Well technically, it was a tower.'
…Oops. Probably shouldn't have said that. She gives me a weird look, then shakes it off.
'There's no time to get another horse now. If you are coming let's just go.'
I don't get why she's so irritated all of a sudden. She doesn't need to be jealous: it's not like I'm infatuated with Narcissus like she (and everyone else) seems to be, but I do care about whether he's driving himself mad. He's helped me out a lot (plus I still need him to help me find dad – is that selfish?).
It's not until we're both on the horse that I realise the two of us riding really close together for an hour could be an awkward journey.
Narcissus
Two silver bangles with blue chalcedony inlays.
A necklace of intricately carved beads, carnelian, amethyst, pearl, sardonyx.
A gold-leaf diadem, engraved with fine designs.
I lay the items slowly on the plate the priestess offers towards me. Bowing my head, I utter a long prayer.
'Queen of love and beauty and all things delicate and sensual in this world, hear my plea…'
The blue stones of chalcedony… I swear they gaze out at me like dead eyes…
'…you know the hearts of single men and lovers alike…'
Each bead feels like an overgrown grain of sand –
'…you created love, you are the embodiment of love. You know what it is to feel…'
– coarse and rough through my fingers even though they are polished to the highest shine.
'…to kneel before another and yet remain strong.'
And the gold leaf…
'I am weakening…'
Feels like heavy lead.
'You created my beauty and my strength – '
I swear it crumbles to grey pieces in my fingers. I try to look up, but my eyes are secured shut. I cannot see, I speak but I cannot see –
'Restore me once more so I may find the love, the beautiful one…'
Do I panic or is there peace in the chaos? I cannot see –
'The match to my likeness, the only one deserving of my devotion…'
…The prayer ends.
I…
I can recall nothing of the words just spoken.
My head sweeps upwards, my eyes – I can see finally – meet those of the towering statue of Aphrodite. Her form is nothing like the carvings I own, this marble and unblinking gaze, it's far too cold. Cold yet…
Sccrchh!
A jolt runs up my spine – gods, that was near painful. A muscle spasm? The priestess with the plate swims back into view, eyes honeyed and warm –
'Aphrodite will bless you,'
She says. She's smirking, I'm sure. She's lying. She's mocking me. I kiss her hands. They smell of almonds and rose water.
Suddenly I'm walking, downstairs, upstairs? Out into air – or another room – tears – incense – stings my eyes. I can barely see. My head pounds heavier the more steps I take – there's people flying through my vision, I think I crash into a couple, or slip between them –
I must be coming down with something. I should see a physician when I get back. Or maybe get some sleep? Might be a better plan.
'There you are!'
What? Oh. Here she is again, the one I nearly slipped past the, the priestess I slept with that night. She sounds less seductive. She sounds tense. Nervous.
'I was scared you'd left. Come,'
She takes my arm. She wants me again? She can't have me. I'm exhausted.
'I'm not going anywhere with you.'
She carries on pulling me, just shaking her head.
'You don't understand. You've been summoned by the Oracle.'
'The Oracle?'
I didn't even know there was one here.
'She only sees people by appointment, and the waiting list is long,' she reads my thoughts.
'Either that or she summons you herself. But that is extremely rare.'
Rare? So, then Aphrodite must have heard my pleas! Maybe this oracle will tell of who my love is, how to find him, to catch him, make him speak. End this anguish. A new and frantic energy floods through my bones and drives me onwards. The priestess leads me down a spiral staircase, past two sets of doors. We come to a third, ornately decorated. She knocks loudly.
The doors open.
We step into a medium sized hall. The air is fragrant, and filled with mist – but not as sharp as the incense. Naturally sweet…
'Narkissos of Boeotia. Son of Cephissus.'
A voice states neutrally. I nod in acknowledgment towards the woman who sits central on the floor, creamy chiton draped over her pale skin, eyelids stretched over her irises like the skin of a drum. It's strange this woman has never met me and still knows my name, yet it isn't surprising. Such things are to be expected of an Oracle. That, and I am somewhat famous.
I kneel before her. Vents send up wafts of vapour, they curl around her and drift away into nothing. I'm starting to feel dizzy again, but I clear my throat so my voice comes out in its proper stature.
'You called upon me? You must have news, honoured one.'
She is silent. Her eyes remain closed. I must give her time.
After five minutes of sitting on my knees, I start to get fed up. This position isn't befitting of my status. Yet I wait on.
What feels like thirty minutes later, and I know that she's keeping me in suspense on purpose. Does she know what this anguish feels like? Mentally and physically. I've never even waited this long for the slowest of prey.
'Pardon me, Oracle –' there's an edge in my voice, I'm tired and my patience is all worn away –
'But could you please tell me why you've brought me here?'
Silence again. I'm about to snap when she opens her mouth slowly.
'You've brought yourself here, Narcissus.'
A jolt – it matches the statue – races through my body. Her eyes snap open, their gaze a cold blue –
– warm blue –
Blue of the ocean, deep and dark – blue of the skies, azure, intense –
– the blue of the fires in hades, the blue of Zeus' bolts spearing across storm ridden skies –
Something burns inside that blue, something unearthly.
Something that tells me… this isn't good news.
Icarus
Okay… I've lost Eliana.
There's not nearly as many people in the temple as there were in the city centre, but somehow my senses got so lost in the huge design of the marble and statues and stuff that I completely forgot to follow her. It kind of reminds me of Minos' palace, the way everything: the pillars, the perfumey smoke, stretches up towards the sky. Even the priestesses who sway all over the place, long and thin like reeds, as if they were built on Olympus themselves. The people who come in and out all look like they're on some sort of mission, all carrying jewels or flowers or fabric – as offerings I'm guessing. I kind of feel empty without one.
I wander slowly through the courtyard, coming to the entrance of the atrium. Torches burn all around. I huddle my cloak closer, there's a breeze in the air and I've been freezing since we left the horse behind. Eliana was warm, she was like a gentle fire. Would've fallen asleep on her if I hadn't been trying desperately not to fall off the hor-
A figure rushes past, then another, one near dragging the other. A woman – priestess – her green-brown eyes hit mine for a second before she takes the man – Narcissus? - away. He doesn't even glance my way, his eyes look glazed and too focused all at the same time, like he's in a trance.
I wait until they disappear round the corner before going after them, keeping just the right distance away to neither get caught nor lose them – that is until a fancy door slams in my face.
Well great.
I stand in the hallway fidgeting until I realise that I probably shouldn't be down here. So, I head back up the stairs. It's then I notice that the spiral keeps going, past the altar hall and up another floor and down another corridor which looks just the same as the last one but higher –
Hm. The halls in Minos' palace always had galleries at the top. I wonder if it's the same here. Better hurry up and find out cos I'm sure I hear voices heading straight in my direction…
One cleverly concealed boy behind a curtain later, and I'm hovering outside a fancy door just like the one two floors down.
Unlike the one two floors down though, it's not locked. Strange…
I slip through and at first its too dim to see anything. Then I realise that I should probably duck down behind the banister as I'm looking right over a lady in white who's floating – or at least that's what it looks like – in fog. And opposite her kneels Narcissus, pale and sweating, looking like he's about to pass out –
Narcissus
'I knew your stepfather and mother,'
– she continues to speak, voice even –
'They came to me together. The marriage you were born into was not a passionate affair but based on practicality. It permeated your existence too.'
– but her lips, they move no more, pressed together in a pale line –
'They cared to know your potential,'
– she's speaking into my head. Into my head –
'I informed them that you would live an extended and prosperous life, as long as you never got to know yourself,'
– I want to run, now. I stand. But all the exhaustion from the past few days has finally caught up with me. My knees buckle –
'I took precautions against my will, by the demand of desperate parents.'
– and crack against the mosaic –
'You were charmed so that you would not recognise yourself. But this came at a terrible price.'
– I'm sure pain should be shooting through my bones right about now –
'You have grown into a bitter soul, you know not your own hatefulness. In thought and word and deed and face, you are but a stranger in your own story, and a blessed curse unto others who dare gaze upon your face.'
– but I can barely feel anything apart from a dull throbbing running through my veins up into my brain –
'So now it is time, by the goddess' decree that you come to know yourself. Aphrodite is greatly displeased.'
I…
'You have proven yourself unworthy of her protection any longer.'
…I can barely see anything, just, just, air – clouding to white, and your face, taunting me, laughing, I see it in your eyes –
'Your own hubris has brought your downfall, and the reflection you have been shielded from for so long has finally come to claim you.
'Look upon Aphrodite's mirror and see your demise, Narcissus of Boeotia.'
Eyes roll open, by themselves, I had nothing to do with it. You forced them open.
I see You.
You staring back at me.
It's no trick. It's a punishment.
She is standing above me, over me, and holding my love, my face, my fate, in front of me.
The scream threatens to rip my lungs from their bed in my chest where they lie next to a bound and bleeding heart, but there's such silence that I feel I am simply imagining things…
Did I imagine everything?
I can hardly stand the silence, it's too loud as I gaze into your –
– your –
– your eyes…
Ocean green, green like rough emeralds, like the sea, like the blade of dark grass, like, like, like –
Like… mine.
You've got my eyes
My eyes…
Why have you my eyes?
Why have you my eyes of green and my tanned skin and my chiselled nose and my full thick hair and my ever so slightly moist lips that taste sweet that I long to kiss if I could just –
No.
NO.
No, please gods no, no, no –
I don't want this.
I wanted someone else.
You're meant to be someone else.
You aren't meant to be… just me again.
Alone.
Alone alone.
Just me. Just me.
Of course it makes perfect –
– perfection –
Perfect sense.
…
I'll stay.
I'll stay with you, with us.
Where we belong.
Of course.
I…
I couldn't leave even if I wanted to. I'll never…
I'll never let you go.
Never let us go.
…never.
Icarus
The lady pulls a mirror – the expensive, clear as crystal kind – from a table behind her and holds it up to Narcissus, like some sort of weapon. He flinches. The fog seems to swell up around them both, it curls thicker around him –
I can't watch anymore. I'm running. Out the fancy door and down the spiral stairs, I have to save him, save him from whatever she's doing to him –
I'm halfway to the bottom floor when a hard gaze stops me in my tracks. Eliana blocks the path.
'Do you know how long I've been looking for you? What in Poseidon's name are you doi-?'
I push past her and down the stairs.
Narcissus
All too soon she takes Us away.
Everything's white again, and then dark, and dim flickering orange.
Everything's…
I see the room. Empty, apart from her, sitting placidly, eyes closed again. I can move. I can stand. I can walk, backwards, gaze set on her, until I'm out the door.
I feel…
Empty.
All the anguish, all the confused thoughts, the pain –
And now I just feel peace.
Empty.
I smile – a real one. It all feels so normal, like before, almost as though I could carry on like before. Just like before.
But somewhere inside me, I know where I must go. But I can wait. I have the time. These things take time. If I tell anyone, they'll stop me. I can wait.
But I'm coming love, I promise.
I promise.
