Twelve: Cursed
Icarus
I'm nearly at the first fancy door, torchlights flickering hotly as I rush past them, Eliana on my heels and demanding answers.
Narcissus appearing is the last thing I expect to see.
No, Narcissus smiling after all that weird smoky crap that just happened in there is the last thing I expect to see. Oh well, he's back to frowning as soon as he sees the two of us, though its more like confusion than the anger I was bracing for.
'You two are here… why?'
I'm about to open my mouth and babble out a whole bunch of confused sentences about how it's totally my fault and I dragged Eliana here cos I know if he knows the truth she'll get punished but at the same time what the hades was all that smoky smoky stuff in there like are you okay what did the floaty lady do –
He holds up a hand.
'You know what, explain tomorrow. Oh wait, it is tomorrow. Explain later. Let's just go back to the apartment.'
He says nearly nothing for the rest of the night. Weird…
…
Ngh…
Awake.
I'm awake and its tomorrow. Or more like its today and the last today is now yesterday and tomorrow still isn't here yet cos its turned into the next day so tomorrow isn't today anymore –
Shut up brain…
I'm tired.
I would've liked to sleep in for another day at least, but a knock at the door wakes me. The sky is a lot greyer today.
'Come in.' I breathe into the mattress.
The door creaks open. I expect Eliana to urgently drum into my head whatever over complicated lie we're supposed to tell Narcissus about last night.
'I thought we could all use a lie-in today.'
I sit bolt upright, whacking my head on that stupid wall.
Narcissus watches me, eyebrows raised, before perching on a nearby stool.
'H-how are you?' I stutter out before he can say anything more.
'Refreshed. Haven't had such a good sleep in days,' he smiles gently, almost in his own world.
'Um… good.'
Here we go. Awkward Icarus strikes again.
'About last night – '
He holds up a hand and waves my half-formed excuse away.
'It's fine. Eliana explained the whole thing.'
'Really?'
'You were curious and dragged her into it. Should be expected of you.'
Wait, what? I mean, that's sort of what I was going to tell him anyway but she didn't know that.
'It's my fault really, I should have had someone with more willpower watch you. You really are quite persuasive sometimes, and the girl may be resilient, but she is only a woman after all.'
What's that got to do with anything?
'Maybe you'd be better off with Dareios.'
'No, no, I'm sorry, it's alright, really, I promise I won't do it again.'
As irritated as I am with Eliana for putting the blame on me without my permission, I don't want us to be separated. I'm only just starting to get on her good side. Dare I say it? I think we're friends.
'Of course you won't do it again. That was my last visit to the temple anyhow.'
I chance a look up. He doesn't seem to say that with any frustration, or sadness, or even relief. His eyes, usually full of charm or condescending or something that's always alive and moving – well now they just seem duller.
Something's not right.
Narcissus
After our usual trek through Athens to seek the shunned Daedalus, I personally take Icarus over to Iapyx for his lesson. It's not that I don't trust Eliana with him, but I don't. I want to keep a close eye on the boy. Something tells me he could get in the way of Our plans. I may be patient but I'm not getting distracted.
I move on through the city, organising the business I'd left for my most trusted servants to manage until now. Most of the game I supply is for the cooks and artisanal chefs of rich clients back in Tenos and on surrounding islands, but a few Athenian aristocrats decided that they like island meat better than mainland meat, especially in festival season. Less population means less miasma in the land apparently. The thrill of the hunt has long faded since the first day I saw Us, but I carried on anyway. Got to make a living outside being beautiful.
Now though, I have no choice but to wrap up my affairs if We are to remain undisturbed in the future.
A bronze shield shines bright in the sun. The blacksmith greets me from his workshop, I nod back. He thinks I am admiring his work. Let him. I could stand for hours on end just watching how Our hue is affected by the tint of the metal, changed by the ebb and flow and colours of the crowd, the passing of clouds making Our visage pale, then brighten, glowing and fading –
No. I must move on. Here is not a place I can be with you in solitude.
Icarus
Narcissus keeps up this weirdly pleasant yet distant conversation the whole of the day. His eyes are somewhere else entirely, but I can't pin it down. Dad got the same look over and over again like six times a day. He was thinking about escaping I think, or maybe Mum. Narcissus could be thinking about any number of things. Maybe he's not thinking at all. Maybe-
Before I can figure it out though, he's dropping me off at Iapyx's place. It's strange, he seemed so urgent before, now he's just so calm. Peaceful, like he's figured out all those things he used to think about. Maybe I'm thinking it over too much. After all, he went to get help from Aphrodite's temple right? Maybe the priestess or whoever she was, was helping him with his… weird obsession.
Whatever she was doing though, it didn't look like helping… I'd know if only they'd spoken. But nothing, the whole time. They just… stared at each other. In silence. Weird.
'- something to drink?'
'Huh?'
'You seem distracted, boy. I asked if you'd like anything to drink before we start?'
'Oh, uh, yes, please.'
'Wonderful. You know where the pantry is.'
He always does that. Asks you if you want anything then makes you get it yourself. He says it's a part of the training – "assertiveness and initiative are the key traits of a confident and successful healer."
After returning with a (very weak) cup of white wine (it's the only kind I can drink without gagging) he begins teaching.
'Now, laid out I have a range of herbs and plants, aloe, lavender, etcetera. Select the right ingredients for a healing poultice to treat – Icarus!'
'Hm?'
'You've just administered dried chilli to a person with second degree burns.'
'Oh. Sorry.'
Iapyx takes the failed poultice from my hands and fixes me with that intense stare of his.
'You are distracted. If you cannot focus during the lesson, then do not bother to show up. These resources aren't cheap you know.'
'I'm sorry Master Iapyx.'
He sighs and brushes the remaining chilli flakes off the table, guiding them back into a jar.
'What's on your mind, son?'
It's a question but he says it like a statement.
'Nothing important, don't worry about it.'
'Icarus. I despise lies. You know this already. So please, tell me what is on your mind or the lesson ends right here.'
Yeesh. He reminds me of Dad. I thought I was supposed to be getting information out of him, not the other way around.
'It's just… well…'
His eyes are like needles. Sharp and they pierce, straight to the point. Even if I didn't talk, he'd probably be able to read my mind. So I let it out.
'Narcissus has been acting weird lately. His mind's somewhere that isn't here, you know? And I can't really figure out why.' I speak carefully, not giving too much away.
'Oh?'
'Yeah. I think… I think he's ill.' It sounds stupid now I say it. Iapyx sits back slightly, indicating that I should keep talking.
'Well… recently he's been going to the temple of Aphrodite every night. Not normally, like, obsessively, he'll stay there all night. He barely eats, he acts like there's nothing wrong, and there's this longing in his eyes.'
I hesitate,
'Except now there isn't, its like there's nothing going on there anymore. Like he's given up on whatever he was looking for.'
'Ah, I see. You are worried?'
'Well, kind of… yes.'
Iapyx pauses. I almost think he's stopped working for a second when he shoots me a raised eyebrow. A smile lines his face.
'Well there's absolutely no need to be. It's obvious what dreaded illness has your friend under its fatal sway.'
'It is?'
I feel myself slouch back inwards. I might not be as experienced as him in worldly issues but there's no need to mock me. Iapyx shakes his head and stands, beginning to clear things away as he keeps talking.
'The functions of the mind, boy, can be more complex than those of the body. From what I hear, it seems that this friend of yours might be in love.'
Something pulls uncomfortably at my brain. Of all the things I've seen, I've never gotten the chance to figure out what love is. I thought I knew once but… I guess I've heard about it a million and one times but I've never really seen love before, not romantically anyway. Though I'm still pretty sure what Narcissus has for… himself, isn't it.
'How do you know?'
His eyes don't seem to see me anymore, they seem busy like his hands, picking up items from the table and placing them back on the shelves. He's distracted.
'Well, I've seen it before.'
'Where?'
Questions sort of ask themselves.
'Well, your cousin for one thing,' he smiles gently, a look of recollection coming across his face,
'When Perdix met Atisha, he wouldn't stop talking about her, and when he finally did, you could tell he was thinking about her constantly, you could see it in his eyes.'
'Perdix?'
A completely different part of my brain's pulling now; the name seems familiar. Like a bell ringing in the distance but not quite hitting home,
'Perdix...'
It's then, then I see Iapyx's face fall oh so slowly and his hands tense, his eyes twitch and his whole attitude changes. He's hiding something. I've got to find out what it is; any small clue might lead to Dad and this could be a breakthrough.
'Perdix, is he still around? Where is he?'
'Perdix…' awkward stilted words, like splintered wood.
'Perdix… passed away.'
…Of course he did. Like all my answers, they just disappear. They just go and don't leave anything for me to follow. Like stupid lightweight feathers, they just blow away, or sink, or –
'How?'
That's it. He's frozen. But only for a second before he's got that mask on, hiding, hiding something important –
'How did he die?'
I know I'm being annoying, pushing where I shouldn't be. But I'm tired. Narcissus is acting weird and Dad's disappeared off the face of the earth and I want answers dammit –
'Icarus, I'm not sure this is the best time to tell you –'
Tell me what? Tell me –
Perdix.
Perdix.
Oh gods, it's him.
Its…
'Daddy, where's Perdiss?'
'…'
'Daddy? Where is he? I found a new sparkly rock, I wanna show him. This one's –'
'Perdix? Son, it's time you stopped these delusions.'
'But I – '
'He was never there. You're just imagining things. It's time you grow up, start living in the real world.'
'But – '
'Icarus, enough! I've let you indulge these fantasies for too long. He's not real. Perdix is not real.'
'But Daddy, Daddy? You talked to him too, you-'
'Don't let me hear you say that name again. Do you understand? Do you understand? Never again.'
…
…Dad told me he wasn't real.
Not real.
So how is it that Iapyx is here, talking about a figment of my imagination right now?
'Iapyx.'
My voice comes out strained, it even feels weird in my throat. The feeling's all choking me up and making me feel hot and cold, my throat burns but my voice feels icy, I don't know what it is but I'm just angry, and confused, and tired of the lies – he lied to me, didn't he? I can't sit down anymore, the seat burns – my own father lied to me, and I need to know, I need to know why –
'Tell me the truth, now.'
In my head it's desperate, but out loud it sounds like a threat. I don't care anymore. I need answers.
I'll get answers.
He breathes a deep sigh, before he states weakly-
'Why don't you sit back down? We can start at the beginning.'
Narcissus
A productive couple of hours later I'm back at Iapyx's den. Twilight swirls behind dark clouds. The air is cooler than it has been for a while: summer has faded. The old man greets me at the door with a solemn frown.
'What's wrong?' I ask briskly,
'It's Icarus,' there's a strong twang of nervousness in his voice,
'I had to tell him everything.'
'…Everything?'
It takes me a second to realise what he's talking about. A bubble of what feels like concern breaks my placid mood.
'Oh, great.'
It's then I notice the state of the room past the doorway. Pottery shattered, all sorts of oils and concoctions spilt everywhere.
'How did he react?' I pointlessly ask.
'Let's just say, of all the things he could have inherited, he got his father's temper,' the statement makes me instantly dislike the man more for some reason. Am I offended on the boy's behalf? I mean it's not like he's had the easiest life, I'm surprised he didn't snap earlier.
Iapyx seems to realise his insensitivity and quickly states,
'He left a while ago.'
'Fuck.'
I take off then. I should have probably asked if he needed any help clearing up but I'm in no mood for pleasantries now. The calm inside me disappears more and more rapidly as I walk, the clear emptiness of my brain needlessly filling up with worry. I want to stop, to breathe, to think of You, Us, of my mission and of the peace I can feel once we're at each other's side again –
But no, I have to go and find him. This child who keeps wrecking my plans. Why do I care so much?
As I guessed, Icarus is at the apartment, in his room, sitting on the bed. And here I was looking forward to another wild goose chase around the city.
'You left Iapyx's place in a mess. You really should go back and clean up. And apologise too.'
He glances up at me, a dead bitterness in his eyes. The rest of his face looks lost.
'I'm sorry,' his voice comes out small. Oh gods, not this again. Something about this kid just breaks my heart every time I look at him. Why can't the Fates be more kind to the likes of mere mortals?
'Do you… want to talk?' I don't know why I'm asking this. It's like all my focus just evaporates as soon as I see him. It's not helpful, I have more important things to think about, every instinct in my body screams at me to get out of this room and away from him but -
Icarus shakes his head. A few seconds later he mutters,
'Why is my life such a mess?'
Before I struggle to come up with an answer, he goes on,
'Perdix was my brother, or he might as well have been. I don't remember much about him, but he made me smile you know? And I felt good, I got a good feeling around him. He was one of my only friends. When we moved to the palace at Knossos…' he winces. I keep my mouth shut, willing him to go on silently despite myself.
'I had no friends there, not even before Minos put us in that prison. And I always asked him, I always asked Dad… I asked him why we had to go. I asked him where Perdix was. I asked him what happened to Mum. And he lied. And he kept lying.'
He's staring out of the doorway, tears streaming down his face. It's all I can do to not run over and hold him. Instead I sit cautiously on the sheets next to him.
'Icarus –'
'He… he killed my cousin, Narcissus. He killed Perdix. He murdered Perdix, and then he told me that he wasn't even real, that I'd imagined a whole person just right out of my head! And that's not even the worst of it.'
Not the worst of it? I'd heard of Daedalus' jealous murder of his nephew, but there's more?
'He told me Mum was ill. And when she died, he told me she'd always be looking down on me. Hah! He told me that she was chosen by Helios, that she was so beautiful and amazing she was adopted as a heliad, a sun nymph. Right.'
Icarus leaps up off the bed, suddenly pacing the room wildly. It's all I can do to avoid his flailing hands.
'What he didn't tell me was that she cried over Perdix for days. She hated Dad for what he did. They say that she got so depressed she killed herself with sickness, with grief. It's his fault she's dead too! But I believed him. I believed every word he said. Stupid child!'
His hands ball into fists at this, pummelling himself in the head as though trying to beat the agony out. He's half yelling, half laughing now, a hysterical fury threatening to engulf the whole room with its madness. I have to do something –
I place my hands on his shoulders. Strong hands, used to calming wild and frightened animals just before I –
He fights for a second, beating his arms against me now, I grit my teeth and take it. Just as I'm about to let go, he goes limp, collapsing forward, breathlessly sobbing in my arms.
'How could he do that, how could – how… Perdix was… he was… and…how could he do that to Mum? How? She… I never even got to know her…'
We stand there, him just sobbing and me awkwardly holding him, swaying ever so slightly. Finally, he goes silent.
…
He hasn't made a sound for a while and I'm getting worried when a muffled voice reverberates through my chiton.
'I've been living with a murderer. My whole life is a lie. I'm the son of a murderer. No wonder the gods hate me. I wish I'd died out there.'
'Don't say that.'
The words come out harsher than intended, but it does the job. Icarus pulls aways from me and looks up with clearer eyes-
'Don't you ever say that. Life is precious, and you've obviously been saved for a reason.'
His form twitches slightly, then a strained smile pulls across his face.
'Hah, a reason. What reason? I'm useless. You think so, Eliana thinks so. I bet even my murderer father thinks so. Couldn't even follow his fucking instructions.'
There's an awkward silence as I search for the right words to say.
'Icarus, I don't think you're –'
'Narcissus,' he cuts me off, which feels weird because no one ever cuts me off. His voice is quieter and calmer. I let go of him and he moves away. He clears his throat and looks me in the eye, that steel gaze back again.
'I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you. Thank you for all your help, but I won't be bothering you anymore. I'm calling off the search for Da… Daedalus. You can go back home and get on with your life.'
A surge of ecstasy chimes somewhere at the back of my brain, but more concerning me is the brave yet oh so hopeless look on Icarus' face. My eyebrows raise themselves.
'And where would you go? When I leave you here, who would you go to? How would you get work? A place to live?'
'I could… stay with Iapyx. Take on a full apprenticeship. That is if he'll have me back. I would have to apologise first obviously, find a way to pay back all the stuff I wrecked–'
'It's a stupid idea. You're coming back with me.'
'…w-what?'
'You're coming back with me.'
I say it like it's the obvious solution. It's not. It's the last thing I should be proposing. That instinct again, telling me no, telling me to leave this troublesome boy behind so We can be together, it's stronger than ever, hammering in my ears-
I feel dizzy.
I find a bedpost and lean on it gently. Icarus doesn't notice, he's too busy taking in whatever I just told him.
'Really? Are you sure Narcissus, cos I know I can get in the way a lot – '
'What sort of person would I be if I left a child on the run from a tyrant king in the middle of the busiest district in Athens?' I say wearily. He looks guilty then. I change tack.
'Of course, you'll have to make yourself useful, earn your keep, learn about the world. When you feel ready, you can set off alone. But until then… you're welcome to stay with me as long as you like.'
There's a long silence. He seems distracted by the wall. Good, it gives me time to catch my breath. Suddenly he turns and grabs me – no, embraces me – and I nearly topple over with the force.
'Thank you, Narcissus. This… is the kindest thing anyone's ever done for me.'
There's still water streaming from his eyes, but they're different tears now. Seeing the relief and joy on his face is almost worth all the stabbing voices in my head, so loud and intense that I could swear they're beating me –
'You look sick. Are you alright?'
Icarus is suddenly staring up at me, dark eyes wide with worry.
A member of my troupe once mentioned how baby animals have some sort of power over their parents: they appear more vulnerable, forces the parents to want to look after them.
He's not a –
No. I should get out of the room before things get worse.
'Yes, I… I'm fine.' I take a step backwards, further from his hot and clinging hands, towards the door.
'I'll have Zosime prepare you supper. After that I suggest you get an early night,' my voice comes out placid and smooth, nothing like the impulsive mess it was earlier. He freezes for just a millisecond, face puzzled and arms looking empty without anyone holding them, but I turn away,
'If we have no further business in Athens, we'll set sail for Tenos in a couple of days. Tomorrow will be busy.'
As I leave the room, I can't help but thank the boy. He may have me under some sort of spell, but at least he's set me free from this pointless quest. Now I can pursue a real prize. Soon all Our plans will come to fruition, and We can reside in the perfect peace of each other's company for as long as We wish.
