Fourteen: Echoes

Icarus

She finds me crying, not far off from the lake. Curled up behind a tree, sobbing like a baby.

'Oh, not you too. Isn't one breakdown in the woods enough?'

'Elli!'

I scramble off the floor, brushing leaves from my tunic. She looks over me with her eyebrows raised.

'And the sad thing is, this is the most manly I've ever seen you.'

Wow. She always knows just what to say. She sees that I'm not laughing and quickly states,

'I'm sorry. That was mean of me.'

That's weird. Eliana never apologises.

'It's fine,' I shrug. I haven't seen her since the other day. She has more energy than then, one hand on her hip, other hand carrying a small basket of food.

'You must be going through a rough time, eh? He finally lost it.'

Her words sting. I brush them off.

'Finally?'

'Well, yes.' She states like it's the obvious thing. 'Everyone noticed. Started ages ago, months even. Disappearing off into the woods at night, hunting with his troupe less and less. He even stopped flirting with people just for the sadistic fun of turning them down later. Some people thought he was finally growing up, some that he was in actually in love, others that he was sick.'

'And no one did anything.' A statement not a question. It's hard to believe considering so many people pretty much worship the ground he walks on.

'Well, no. He never lets anyone get near him. Except for you that is.'

'Look, I already know I messed up. Why do you think I'm here?'

She sighs then, shaking her head at me.

'If it makes you feel any better, I think you give yourself too much credit. It's not like you could have stopped whatever this is from happening. He brought it on himself. Hubris and all that.'

'You don't seem all that concerned about him,' it comes out bitter. At this she rolls her eyes and I remember that she has her own problems.

'How's your mother doing?' I force myself to ask, before she gives me a repeat of the last lecture. After a pause she scratches her eyebrow and brushes a stray strand of hair from her face.

'Well, badly, to be honest. She still struggles with fever and her chest is bad, but she's at least awake a lot more.'

'That's good!'

'Mainly because she can't get to sleep.'

'Oh. Um, did you manage to find a healer?'

'Well, no. In between tending Narcissus and my usual chores, I would have to say, no. Haven't had the time.'

'Bad chest?' something Iapyx told me once comes creeping back into my memory.

'Have you tried hot salt water? Or was it lime? it's mainly used for cleansing but with ground pepper, honey and that yellow spicy powder its supposed to work wonders on breathing problems,' I murmur absentmindedly.

'Yellow spicy powder?'

'Rumeric or something?'

'Tumeric you mean. Of course!'

Elli frowns, but her eyes light up. Never knew someone could get so excited about spice.

'You trained under Iapyx didn't you? Best healer in Athens.'

'Well, yeah, but only for like, a month. And I left… on awkward terms. I could try sending a message, but I don't think he would be too happy about coming over here.'

She's shaking her head, but there's still a smile in her eyes,

'I'm sure you'll still be useful.'

She's suddenly looking at me like I'm an angel. Uh oh.

'Please Icarus, I don't often ask favours of people, it's too degrading and indebts you. But I'm desperate. Please can you come and see my mother, treat her with whatever you know? Just until she gets better or… worse.'

Though her tone stays strong, she's gone really really quiet. I can almost hear the sadness she's holding back. He gaze is piercing and nearly makes my heart jump. Nearly.

'Of course, Eliana,' I don't hesitate. I might still be sore over the blackmail thing, but I'm not heartless. If anything I'm too heart-full.

'Thank you. Come on, lets go.'

'Wait, what, now? Shouldn't you ask Tyndareus if you can leave first?'

'I have you with me, that's permission enough.'

'But I've got to –'

Elli takes my hand. I expect an argument, but she just tells me gently,

'The sooner you see my mother, the sooner you can come back to him.' Her hands are warm and rough and comforting and I wish I could hold them forever. But she slips away, waving at me to follow her.

I just nod dumbly.

'Okay.'

Narcissus

I need to stay here. By the lake. With you. With Us.

Are you my past or my future? I know I'm my present. But I see things in you, I see things in you that no one else can show me.


'Narciss, how many times have I told you not to play by the river? Water is dangerous, only good for drinking and bathing and nothing more.'

I just want to play with the others, and the others are by the river so why can't I?

'The child is attracted to folly. It must be beaten out of him if he is ever to learn.'

'No! Last time you left a mark, and made him cry. It doesn't do to make the child look ugly, does it?'

'Maybe that's exactly what we should be doing, instead of indulging all these insufferable fans of his. Have you see the way they follow him around? Not just the children, but parents too. It's sick.'

'Don't you touch him! You're a special boy, Narciss darling, we must be careful with you. You'll bring us great fortune, the Oracle foretold it. It's all in your future, a beautiful future, just like you.'

'You're not helping. Filling his head with grand ideas, you'll turn him rotten. He needs discipline, hardship, or he'll turn soft.'

But why can't I play?

'Happiness is overrated. True joy is found in contentment, boy. When you learn the meaning of hard work and fighting for a living, the struggle itself is worth it.'


I've fought enough. I want to be happy. I don't want to see them anymore. Why do We remember this? Useless things. I left them behind. They're gone, useless now. We don't need them. They never cared, would only keep Us apart.

Icarus

We leave the basket of food with the physician who's taking this shift. Narcissus hasn't moved much since the first night, he sits up every now and again, straining to glimpse his reflection, checking it's still there. Then he falls back into some sort of half-dream. We keep trying to move him to a bed, but whenever we do, he screams and kicks with so much force it nearly takes our heads off. He's tried to dive in the water loads of times, but someone's always there to stop him. So he stays there, by the lakeside. He eats and drinks just barely, and he basically has to be force-fed. It's not so easy dealing with the other end…

It makes me feel horrible every time I look at him, but I can never stay away for long.

Elli guides me to the rooms she shares with other household members, not too far from the main house, still on the estate. She picks up a few things and then we walk along a path, round the edge of the island, to a small village. She greets several people with a nod, and I try to do the same even though I don't know any of them. The doorway we finally step through is old wood, flaking. It needs replacing, along with the rest of the shack. Even the tower room was more steady than this. On the inside, the place is only one room, with a divider in the middle. A few pieces of worn furniture, an altar on the east side of the room. It looks slightly different from the ones I've seen before, simpler in design. In fact everything is simpler. Nothing like Narcissus' grand mansion, but it still feels strangely homely. Maybe its cos its about the size of... I need to stop thinking about that place. Its because it smells of heat and damp here.

'Ma, I'm home. I've brought someone.'

'Come in, come in. It's about time I saw a new face,' a faint voice calls wheezily. It shares Eliana's accent, but it's a stronger, deeper version, pulling at vowels and hitting consonants on the head with sharp lips and teeth.

Elli sighs, then pulls me through past the dividing screen. The place transforms from shack to workshop, the floor and walls heavy with coloured thread and cloths and one big wooden frame thing in the corner, a leem I think its called? Near it someone lies on a straw mattress facing the wall, dark hair barely touched by grey. She turns and looks up at us, sweat pouring down her forehead. The familiar smell of it hangs in the air. It doesn't bother me much: I did spend years in a room that could've doubled as an oven.

Dammit, again with the tower –

'Hi! I'm Icarus. I'm the someone Eliana brought.' I state, trying to break the ice with a joke I guess. Suddenly, as if she's just seen me properly, the lady's eyes widen and she bows her head as best as she can from her position. Which is not much at all. Elli laughs lightly.

'Don't worry Ma, he's like us.'

'But his clothes- '

'Those are charity. You think I'd just bring a rich man in here right out of nowhere?'

'Still, he is a man! Seeing me in such a state, it's dishonourable.'

The woman rushes to put some sort of scarf around her head and shoulders. I feel like I should look away.

'Oh come on Ma, he's barely even out of childhood.'

'I never know with you, Ana. It is bad enough you neglecting to dress modestly, but humiliating – '

A coughing fit interrupts her voice as it grows raspier. Finally, she stops. Breathes for a moment.

'These Hellenes are turning you loose, Ana.'

Uh… should I feel offended? But she's relaxing, I can tell, a smile rests fragile on her cracked lips.

'Susanna,' she gestures to herself weakly, once the scarf is wound and settled, using all her energy to pull herself to a sitting position. Elli rushes to help her. She's waved away.

'I'm not that much of an invalid Ana. I can move myself.'

So this is where Elli gets her defiance from. She rolls her eyes straight back at her mother.

'Attitude.' Susanna near snaps, but only half seriously. She seems like she's going to say more, but breaks into a fit of coughing. After the coughing is done, she keeps her mouth shut and her eyes seem to do the rest of the talking. She points to a bowl and towel in the corner.

'No need Ma, rest yourself.'

'Ana.'

Elli shakes her head, arms crossed,

'He's come to try and help you, a healer. I'm sure he doesn't care about whether you look good.'

Susanna seems to take this in, ready to argue, but not bearing the energy. Instead she uses up her precious words to murmur,

'A male healer? And so young. That's a first. He must be good if he is already working,' then more coughing.

'I'm not exactly a healer.' I correct, before they both set their expectations too high,

'I just got some pointers from a master in Athens.'

Elli's mother gives her a look that speaks – or more like, yells – volumes. Elli holds up her hands defensively.

'It was either that or no one. The professional healers all charge ridiculous prices and the island's only physician is otherwise occupied. Besides, he didn't just train under any healer. Iapyx of Athens.'

Susanna's expression becomes slightly less sceptical.

'Alright, let us see what you can do,' she murmurs, trying not to irritate her cough,

'As long as you don't kill me, I think we'll get along fine.'

Narcissus

'Give me seven days. Seven days to prove myself to you.'

'Dear Aminias, I could give you seven years and you still wouldn't be able to change my mind.'

'Narcissus, I know how you treat your suitors. Build up their hopes and slay them mercilessly - '

'Well they shouldn't have made themselves so vulnerable in the first place. I never asked for them to come here.'

'But you don't understand, how could you? When you're in love, you'd volunteer for marathons, throw yourself under chariots, offer yourself as a sacrifice to the gods – you'd do anything! Anything to be with the person you adore.'

He was right.

'So here I am, laying myself bare. I'm at your mercy, begging you to spare me, just give me one chance.'

A long long pause as he bows at my feet, just as everyone else does. I draw a finger across his chin, youthful stubble pricking my fingers. I raise his head. His eyes meet mine. Just a boy, maybe a little younger than I was.

'You know, for the longest time Aminias, I couldn't decide whether you were brave or pathetic.'

My voice soft and gentle, sympathetic. His eyes light up. Hope lies there like the embers of a dying fire.

'But you've just made my mind up. Persistent… yet pathetic. Oh, so pathetic. You couldn't woo the ugliest spinster far less Aphrodite's gift to mankind.'

I turn sour in the space of a moment. Perfect ignorance. The embers are out with a hiss.

'The likes of you would be better off dead. You know how hard it is to hunt when there are creatures like you, roaming the country, wishing impossible things, making useless noises and scaring off all the animals? Go fill the underworld with your nonsense.'

Bitter laughter from my mouth. It brings tears from his eyes, I feel them sting.

'Why must you be so cruel? The gods will take pity on my plight, and the plight of those before me.'

'I'd like to see them try. I wouldn't be surprised if even the gods themselves worship the ground I tread on.'

'You go too far.'

'No, you go too far. Coming here every day, harassing me, making my father's slaves waste valuable time scrubbing the stench of desperation you leave behind off the doorstep.'

His tears cease. Resolute anger, determination, all these things flash across his eyes. Then a calm settles over them. It feels peaceful. I see it now. I didn't know it then but I know it so well now.

'Spare me your scorn, Narcissus. I understand. I'll leave.'

'Hah! A rabbit that lays down in the hunter's path doesn't deserve to be spared. However, I'll leave you with a parting gift, dearest Aminias.'

No, no, don't give him, don't give him anything – my thoughts fall on deaf ears. A heavy hilt emerges from the darkness, from my hands to his. I try to hold it back, but memories don't listen to wisdom –

'The first time you graced me with your presence, you left me this. The craftsmanship is not to my taste, so I'd rather not carry it with me on the hunt.'

The short sword rests uncertainly in his hands. It slowly becomes enclosed in an iron grip, hilt and blade, the latter drawing blood from the hand of its first victim. Of course it never occurred to me, of course –

'How's about you take it and find another use. Who knows, maybe you'll take up a pastime more manly than begging for romantic favours.'

With that, the gate is shut. I don't see the final look on his face. Only hear the cry of anguish from far across the courtyard. One of the slaves goes back to the entrance, discovers a bleeding youth, sword in his gut, curses burbling from his lips.

I saw none of it. Felt none of it.

Yet it was all for me.

Icarus

'Do you feel any better yet?' I ask as the sick woman sips at the hot-honey-ginger-lime-with-a-hint-of-pepper-and-sage-infused brew. She pauses, sucking at lime segments, frowning as uncertainly as I feel. Maybe I should have come across more confident: Iapyx said "placebo effects" can be as powerful as actual medicine sometimes.

'It should soothe your cough.' I put on my most knowledgeable tone. Susanna stops drinking and gives me a look, before coughing again.

'It tastes awful,' she gasps, 'but I don't think it's doing anything.'

'Uh, well, maybe it takes a while. I mean it does take a while. You've got to, you know, cough out all the bad stuff first. If you keep drinking it, it should help.'

As if by some miracle – or cruel joke, I haven't figured out yet – Susanna spits some sort of yellow greenish gunk into a nearby bowl.

'Hm. Now that I think about it, my throat does feel clearer,' she laughs shakily, obviously past being embarrassed.

'But you're not cured,' Elli raises the point with a bitter yet desperate look on her face,

'And we can't very well keep spending money on the ingredients, can we?'

'No, of course not Ana. Still, it's more than anyone has tried to do so far.' Susanna smiles weakly up at me, as if she's resigned herself to the illness already.

'It is up to Yahweh to decide my fate.'

'I'm really sorry,' I admit, 'I think you should get a physician to treat this. The green in your spit really isn't a great sign. Crushed hematite in a tincture might help… or was it in a balm? One of them's actually poisonous… but sorting it properly would involve draining blood and phlegm and lots of needles and knives and leeches, and I'm definitely not trained in that. All I can do is ease your pain a bit.'

Susanna nods once, draining the cup then closing her eyes as if to sleep. After a moment, they snap wide open again.

'What about your master, Eliana? Surely Narcissus owes you after all you've done for him? He seems to have taken a liking to you, I'm sure you could coax him into having Eubalus come around to look me over.'

'Narcissus? Ha!'

I stand awkwardly. I want to stop her before she says too much, too many people already know. Well they know Narcissus is ill, gone mad, but not that he's cursed. Only I know about that. But Eliana carries on, pent up frustration bubbling into anger, and I listen uselessly.

'He's half the problem. Even if we could find the money to pay the physician, Narcissus is the one who's taking up all his time!'

Susanna's wide awake now, frowning in concern,

'What do you mean, Ana?'

Elli's eyes widen as if she's made some terrible mistake.

'I didn't want to tell you Ma,' she speaks quietly, and its one of those rare moments she seems younger and more uncertain than even me.

'I didn't want to worry you, it's nothing really.'

'Ana.' Susanna's impatient. Elli's voice gets quieter.

'…This mystery illness has sent the master half mad. He lies by the lake, all day and night, talking to himself and gazing into the water. If anyone tries to move him, he fights like an animal. Only a few of us in the household know how bad it is. Eubalus can't find anything physically wrong with him, but he refuses to give up - "for research purposes" - when really he's just stupidly infatuated-'

'Are you still receiving your allowance?' Susanna cuts in.

'The household is in chaos. Desme says she'll sort something soon.'

'Eliana, yo –' coughing again. Susanna lowers her voice.

'You're not getting anything are you?'

Silence.

Elli looks at the floor. Shakes her head. Silence again. Stares hard at the floor like it's just fallen from underneath them.

'I'm sure it's only temporary!' I speak loudly and way too hopefully, completely out of place in this conversation that I now realise was probably meant to be private. The two look at me as if they'd forgotten I was there.

'I mean, once we find a cure for his cur… condition. Then the physician will be free. I'm sure Narcissus would send him your way then.'

How in hades that's gonna happen, I have no idea.

'Tch. There's no cure for a curse.'

'There might be,' I reason,

'We haven't even – wait what?'

'There's no cure for a curse,' the mother states certainly.

…How did she know?

How did Susanna know?

'A curse is what it is,' she continues,

'No physical ailments?'

Coughing again, but less severe.

'The man is a pig to anyone who speaks to him. The only reason he gives you anything Eliana, is because you became too skinny to work effectively. Now if only Yahweh would curse that bitch of a housekeeper in my own household.'

'Ma.'

Susanna says something fast and foreign in a language I don't understand and in a tone that I don't think is friendly. Judging by Elli's face at least.

'Ma!'

'It is true. She is the reason we are in this situation.'

Susanna's turned to me now, her anger giving her some sort of energy I don't think she actually has,

'That Samarian witch withholds my allowance from me when Master Meldrichon is away, and upon his return, claims it was for budgeting reasons. Lies! She is good to everyone apart from me. And it is not like I can complain, I am a slave – cehu, cehu! Ahem.I thought getting Eliana out of Meldrichon's household, away from this nightmare woman, and into another would be better for both of us. She even managed to get in Narcissus' favour. And now this!'

I'm surprised she's managed to rant this much without –

'Cehugh!'

Oh. There it is.

'It is unfortunate Meldrichon is away for so long, it is so hard to reach him when he travels. A seal from him would have me treated sooner. But this Narcissus… from what you have told me of him, daughter, it's no lie. Yahweh has seen his arrogance and has decided to punish him.'

Yah-wey? Who's Yah-wey? I've never heard that name before. Another name for Aphrodite maybe? Or another god.

'Ma, you cannot be certain of that-'

'Oh but I can Ana, I've seen it before. Your Pa was cursed just for withholding sacrifices –'

'Ugh, this again.'

'– and so this master of yours could hardly get away with it. Besides, our honorary healer just confirmed it. Didn't you?'

All eyes on me. Great.

'I… um… yeah. I guess.'

The truth slipped out without a second thought. I'm sorry, I'm sorry –

'You obviously know something that we don't, Icarus. Care to explain?'

Silence. I fidget with my clothes. Eliana stares at us both like we've gone mad. There's no way out of this one.

'I… saw it happen. When we went to the temple of Aphrodite,' I confess. I don't do well under pressure.

'There was this priestess, taking him somewhere, then the Oracle, she held up this mirror to his face. They sat there staring at each other for ages, Narcissus looked like he was in pain. Then he came out, started acting extra weird after that.'

'I see.' Susanna seems lost in thought.

'Wait, there's more.'

Well now I've started I might as well tell the whole story.

'It's been going on for longer though. Narcissus always thought his reflection was, well, another person. He was always looking at it, even when I first met him he was obsessed. And he's… well I think he's…'

'He's fallen in love with it,' Eliana finishes the sentence before I can think of a better way to say it. There's realisation – or maybe triumph – in her voice, like a candle's just been lit in her brain.

'That… sounds ridiculous. But it makes perfect sense.'

Without another word she bursts into laughter.

'Fallen in love with himself, oh that's priceless. You couldn't make these things up!'

Looks like tears are gonna bleed out of her sides she's laughing so hard.

The Oracle's gaze suddenly comes back to me, powerful, unflinching, cold eyes, eyes that told no mercy. I saw those eyes in Crete, I saw them in the sky, never-ending circles, they don't joke.

A strange, twisted feeling wells up inside me –

'It's not funny, he could die!'

The shout shuts her up instantly. I cover my mouth as if that will take the words out of the air. A glance at Susanna, I worry if she'll throw me out the house for shouting at her daughter. She has a serious look on her face, but its not angry. It's… well its thinky. Unreadable.

'No. A curse is no laughing matter,' she agrees solemnly, as if nothing happened.

'Even ones from pagan gods. You said something about Eubalus being obsessed too, Eliana?'

'Yes.' She's much quieter now, more uncomfortable. I feel bad, but only for a second.

'He hardly leaves Narcissus' side. Even when he does, he's always theorising how to treat this that and the other and failing miserably. I've tried to convince him to abandon his attempts, but he might as well be as hopeless as Narcissus himself,' her voice comes out less sarcastic, more dejected than anything.

'Then,' Susanna states, with surprisingly little emotion in her voice,

'By the sounds of it, we won't get a physician until this curse is lifted. And you obviously care for the man.'

Wait Eliana cares for him? No, I realise, Susanna's looking straight at me when she says that. Care for him? What does she mean by that? Is that scorn or sympathy in her voice? She carries on,

'How do you cehh know cehu cehugh! Narcissus?'

'Well, um.' I utter sheepishly,

'He saved my life. I owe the same to him.'

I feel Elli's stare. She's never heard how me and Narcissus met, only knows that I popped out of nowhere broken and bruised one day, doubling her workload without so much as a thanks.

'I see. He has some kindness somewhere in him then. Unfortunately, curses cannot often be broken,'

The woman, though sick, seems to have life back in her eyes as she gestures for us to draw closer.

'But that's not to say, there is no chance at redemption.'

Narcissus

The cave is dark. Private. Quiet. Peaceful. Coolness fills the air, taking the heat of the day from my bones. Sweat evaporates from my brow.

There is no one here. I can finally relax.

Wooden shaft in my palm, smooth and waxy from use. A spear. A net on my back, heavy. Leather arm guards, leather shin guards, tethered against strained muscles. I should rest. We've been on the hunt all day, a stupid change from our evening ventures, but my troupe insisted. Unanimously.

It just now occurs to me that they can see my face better in the light.

Of course.

I thought it would be better here. The sound of running water fills my head as I contemplate – just like them. You go to a place, smaller, quainter than the last, yet you still find the noise. Granted, it's a different sort of noise, but still noise. They're slightly less pathetic than Boeotians anyway, and there's a lot less of them in general. Plus, it's surprisingly underrated terrain, good game here, and not much competition. Hunters don't tend to migrate to isolated islands in the middle of the Aegean, most are fishermen, meaning business is ripe. Plus I… took care of any possible competitors. Not to mention the landscape is beautiful. Mountains, forests, ocean, Tenos has it all. It suits that I should live in such a beautiful place.

It feels familiar. This place meant something. Something big. But I can't remember, only see and feel what comes next –

I strip the leather from my limbs, cast the guards to the floor and the weapons with them, and begin to wander aimlessly through the cave. It has a wide mouth, and several holes in its low roof, so light filters in from the mountainside. Vines and vegetation weave in from the outside, almost pointing me towards the source of the water. The rocky walls come together, only just wide enough to squeeze through. Possibly. I could turn back, but I hear the water running on the other side, and suddenly realise how thirsty I am. What's life without a little risk, eh?

I regret the ripped strophion, and I had to unpin and abandon my himation along the way, but the water here tastes sweet. The freshest spring I ever came across. Worth the trouble. I lift my head, the air cool on my face as I look up at the sunlight playing across the water, feel it across my skin, and again the water –

Oh!

Oh.

This was when. The time, the one instance in my life where something actually mattered.

I move away from the water's edge as quickly as I was drawn. I swear, I could've sworn by Artemis that I was alone. Why can't I ever be alone?

I wait for the stranger to make a sound. Nothing. In fact, he doesn't emerge from the water for a while. How long has he been under? I wait.

Still nothing. Was he just a figment of my imagination? I move again, as quietly as I can, towards the water's edge. Peer over the side.

Still there.

I want to run, get out of here before this demon of the water attacks me or -

Still there. Staring up at me with wide and frightened eyes. He's as scared of me as I am of him.

Him.

I feel like I've met him before, as if in a dream.

His dark hair and emerald eyes and skin like smooth clay, oh so gently browned in rays of sunlight past. This perfect vision before me takes my breath away. I would say my heart's beating in my throat but it's not. It's completely gone. He's stolen it away with his beauty.

'Who are you?'

I ask, barely any breath leaving my mouth.

No response.

'Do you… need help?'

Nearly imperceptible, but I swear he shakes his head. He smiles softly at me, I smile back. His smile grows larger.

'Why don't you come out?' I move back to give him space. But he doesn't move, only slips back under the rocks.

Without warning, the sunlight snaps out. I jerk around, arms stopping me from falling in the spring I'm crouched by. Something's blocking the light from outside: another figure stands, shadowing the cave. I glance backwards. The pool is empty. Damn them to Hades, they scared Him away –

Unless…

'Who are you?' I call out. The figure jolts and sunlight floods back in. They've gone.

I move without thinking, scrambling up the rock face, a short climb. The hole is large enough to hoist myself through and I'm running, into the setting sun, down the slope, through trees, so many. The ground's been disturbed here – and here – fresh from the chase. A leg there, an arm there, maybe? I don't know.

They've gone.

I lost them.

I lost Him.

I'll find You again. I promise.

I promise.