J. K. Rowling
I'm assuming J. K. Rowling has read KOTLC, because if she didn't...
Tam: You again?
Keefe: Oh lord, kill me now.
Me: Nice to see you guys too! Let's just forget everything that happened with Mr. Phelps
Sophie: Fat chance
Me: *Grabs Sophie by the collar* If you learned anything from the time we are not supposed to speak about, you know not to disobey my orders.
Linh: Yes ma'am.
J. K. Rowling: Hey, aren't you guys those elves from that stupid book?
Me: *cheeks turn very red* DID YOU SAY STUPID BOOK? MAYBE MY FRIENDS HERE CAN TEACH YOU WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT!
Fitz: Yeah, leave her alone, she made me pee in my pants *cries*
J. K. Rowling: Uhh… She's just another annoying child who can only yell. But as I was saying, Shannon Messenger hasn't sold as many copies of her book as me.
Keefe: We tried to warn you.
Me: *Grows bigger* YOU… YOU… YOU DARE INSULT THE BEST BOOK EVER? *Spends the next day screaming in J. K. Rowling's face then turns J. K. Rowling into broccoli *
Sophie: Seriously, is broccoli the best you could come up with?
Me: It was instinct!
Tam: I need to pee
Keefe: I'm starving, can we go? You've already tortured our eardrums for a day.
Fitz: What's broccoli?
Keefe: Well if you had eyes, that thing *points to J. K. Rowling/broccoli*
Fitz: I have eyes, in fact I have very beautiful teal eyes, that Sophie is in love with *dreamily sighs*
Biana: Those are MY eyes!
J. K. Rowling/broccoli: Can I return to my original form?
Me: Only if you repeat after me
J. K. Rowling/broccoli: Fine *mutters about stupid children*
Me: EXCUSE ME? I AM FAR FROM STUPID.
J. K. Rowling/broccoli: Yeesh, get some thick skin
Me: I have made the decision to keep you in broccoli form for the rest of your life
J. K. Rowling/broccoli: No, no, no, I'll say what you say
Me: Oh great and fearless queen,
Linh: Who are you talking to?
Me: SHE'S SUPPOSED TO REPEAT AFTER ME, REMEMBER?
Linh: Right.
J. K. Rowling/broccoli: Oh great and fearless queen, SHE'S SUPPOSED TO REPEAT AFTER ME, REMEMBER?
Me: Watch it, broccoli lady, one more false step, your done. And don't try to repeat these two sentences either.
Dex: *Stage whispers* This lady has some serious anger issues
Me: *Stares at Dex until it gets very awkward* Let's start over. Oh great and fearless queen, I swear on my mallowmeltless life, that the Keeper of the Lost Cities is the best book ever.
J. K. Rowling: Oh great and fearless queen, I swear on my mallowmeltless life, that the Keeper of the Lost Cities is the best book ever.
Me: Your wonderful, amazing, superb, awesome, marvelous, magnificent, glorious, and sublime majesty, I beg you, to release me from my broccoli restraints.
J. K. Rowling: Your wonderful, amazing, I forgot the rest of the adjectives that don't apply to you majesty, make me back into me.
Me: Close enough *snaps fingers and J. K. Rowling returns back to her*
Fitz: Does anyone else realize that these two psychopaths over here are saying that we are characters from a book?
Dex: Yeah, I'm way too important to be from a book.
Tam: I'm sorry, but who are you again?
Dex: *sighs* I'm the king of the ogres
Keefe: Dude, you're way too scrawny to even be the king of the gnomes, and anyway, King Dimitar is the king of the ogres.
Dex: Great, you know a stupid ogre that has said less words to you than me, the great "scrawny nobody"
Linh: You're not a nobody, you're um… um… Deck, right?
Tam: My dear sister, remember when we talked about being too nice?
Biana: Guys, sparkle time was supposed to happen, like, three whole seconds ago. If I don't get my daily dose of sparkles, I will slowly wither away and become like you pathetic and boring people. *sobs*
J. K. Rowling: So, while you are all blabbering about random stuff, can I go?
Biana: WE ARE MOURNING FOR MY LOSS OF SPARKLES TODAY! HAVE SOME RESPECT AND SHUT THAT IGNORANT MOUTH OF YOURS!
Sophie: Honestly, she might be more insane than that annoying fan girl over there.
Me: NO ONE IS MORE INSANE THAN ME!
Sophie: That was supposed to be a compliment.
Biana: DOES ANYONE CARE ABOUT SPARKLES?! *rages and throws a pocket full of glitter at everyone*
Everyone explodes and starts throwing random stuff at each other. Meanwhile, J. K. Rowling sneaks out the door and then finds that there is no door then sneaks out the window.
Me: SILENCE! WE ARE HERE TO INTOGGERATE MRS. ROWLING!
Fitz: Uh… she's not even here anymore
Me: CURSE YOU WRETCHED SOULS
