Kevin Durant
Kevin Durant: Yo, why's everyone here so small?
Me: *sobs* Some people just can't grow past 4' 10", okay? Stop judging.
Sophie: You're only 4' 10"? And I thought I was short.
Me: STOP BULLYING ME!
Dex: Says the bully.
Me: *grumbles*
Keefe: Whoa, I've never seen you speechless before.
Kevin Durant: You know this person? I feel bad for you.
Fitz: I know, I feel bad for me too.
Kevin Durant: I was never talking about you, nimrod.
Keefe: I like this guy.
Tam: Then I have to hate this guy.
Kevin Durant: What?! That's called biasness.
Me: Welcome to this room.
Linh: This is a room? All this empty space reminded me of your brain.
Tam: Dear sister, what is happening to you?
Me: She's becoming last on my favorites list.
Fitz: Am I first on your list?
Me: No, you don't exist on the list.
Fitz: That rhymes! I'll take that.
Kevin Durant: You're really dumber than you look.
Keefe: Speaking of looks… What can you do with those meaty arms of yours?
Kevin Durant: Oh, I play basketball. Not to brag, actually yes to brag, I'm one of the best players.
Fitz: What's basketball?
Keefe: Use your brain, you ignoramus. It involves a basket and a ball.
Me: Yes, the goal is to get the ball in the basket. And he, I gotta say, I'm a pretty great basketball coach.
Kevin Durant: You are? I've never heard of you. Not that I want too.
Me: It's because no one appreciates my coaching. I have the best advice, put the ball in the basket. Not out of it, in it. If you can't understand that, go back to preschool.
Biana: That sounds pretty simple. Pretty boring, if you ask me. You know what should be a more appreciated sport? Who can look the best the fastest. You don't know how much energy you need to use to lift up a bottle of nail polish.
Fitz: Ah, that sport will be another thing I will excel in. With my special eyes, I can do anything.
Biana: You realize I have those same eyes?!
Kevin Durant: Why are you people so obsessed with eyes?
Fitz: Oh, 'cause it makes me so beautiful everyone will fall heads over heels with me.
Biana: And me!
Keefe: Actually, the ideal sport would be seeing who can annoy Councillor Alina the most without her being able to punish you.
Tam: Have any of you got brains? Sports involve physical exertion. The best sport should be who can crush Keefe's head the fastest. It involves a lot of physical activity.
Me: People, I'm the boss here, so I say the sport we're playing is who can give me the most mallowmelt.
Biana: We actually have to play a sport? I call being referee.
Kevin Durant: Since when were you boss? And what's mallowmelt? It sounds like the name of a type of meltdown you have.
Me: YOU'RE NOT QUESTIONING MY LEADERSHIP! And FYI, if I were to name my meltdowns, it would be way more dark.
Tam: Like The Time To Kill Everyone In The World meltdown.
Keefe: Stop helping her.
Me: Nah, it would more be like THE WHY ARE YOU IMBECILES STILL ANNOYING ME?! I WILL NOW TORTURE YOU FOREVER meltdown which I'm about to have because… well just because I feel like it.
Dex: Don't you have to be angry to have a meltdown?
Me: I AM angry. No one is participating in my sport. NOW GIVE ME SOME MALLOWMELT.
Fitz: You really think we're going to do something just because you tell us too?
Me: You want me to tell the world that you still wear diapers because you have an uncontrollable bladder?
Fitz: Hey! How do you know that?
Biana: Say what now.
Keefe: That's why your underwear looked so peculiar when I pantsed you.
Kevin Durant: I'm assuming this type of conversation is normal.
Linh: The word normal does not exist in my dictionary.
Tam: I thought you were smart. Normal means-
Linh: I KNOW WHAT NORMAL MEANS! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! *a bucket of water is dumped on Tam's head* By the way, some of that liquid is Fitz's urine.
Fitz: I'm sorry! I just got scared watching her yell.
Kevin Durant: How do you do that?
Linh: It's called, "Linh is way more awesome than you."
Sophie: I'm really worried about you, Linh.
Linh: It's called hormones, I'm having an I Want to Kill Everyone meltdown.
Biana: Can you kill the fangirl, please? I'll give you a free makeover.
Kevin Durant: He, he. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I WANT TO LIVE!
Me: That was random.
Fitz: Guys. stop yelling. I'm going to need a diaper ten times this size.
Tam: Did everyone forget about me? I think I swallowed some of Fitz's waste.
Keefe: Why'd you do that? That's stupid.
Tam: You're stupid.
Keefe: You're the one who swallowed Fitz's urine!
Tam: That was Linh's fault!
Linh: Stop dragging me into this mess, you know I can get more from where it came from.
Tam: *shuts up*
Keefe: Another point for Lord Hunkyhair.
*Everyone stares at each other because no one knows what to say*
Sophie: *coughs*
Dex: *Clears throat*
Me: Well, Kevin, you haven't talked in quite a few depressing mallowmeltless moments, why don't you say something to break this awkward hate-filled tension.
Kevin Durant: Hey, what am I supposed to say? That you guys shouldn't be arguing because arguments are overrated and reserved for over sophisticated adults who want to sound professional but have no idea what they're saying?
Me: Wasn't that hard, was it?
Fitz: You hear that, people? You really don't need to keep making me wet my pants. Arguments are… Whatever he said.
Dex: Do you even know what Kevin meant?
Fitz: Of course I did, I'm not that stupid.
Dex: How many holes are in a sock?
Fitz: None. Stop staring at me, I don't have anything to hide! I totally don't have a thousand holes in my sock because I haven't changed it in like ten years.
Dex: Uhh… okay. But there are always at least one hole in a sock, otherwise, how are you supposed to put your foot in it? *shakes head* Dumbbut.
Fitz: You and your stupid technical speaking. But I like dumbbut, it sounds cool.
Me: You really are a dumbbut.
Biana: Is dumbbut even a word?
Me: YOU ARE NOT QUESTIONING MY KNOWLEDGE OF WORDS!
Biana: But what if I am?
Me: You are not.
Biana: But I am.
Me: ARRRRRRR! YOU KIDS ARE SO STUPID!
Kevin Durant: That makes you sound like an adult
Me: How do you know I'm not an adult?
Kevin Durant: Well for starters, you're only 4' 10"-
Me: YOU ARE NOT MENTIONING THAT.
Kevin Durant: And you like to yell a lot.
Me: That doesn't prove anything!
Kevin Durant: It proves everything to me.
Me: Can you prove the Theory of Relativity?
Kevin Durant: Well, the Theory of Relativity is about relatives and who you're related to, right?
Sophie: Uhh…
Keefe: Shut up I want to listen to this.
Kevin Durant: So as I was saying, people who yell a certain amount are considered psychopath, which makes that girl a psychopath, and let me mention that one in 25,000 people are born psychopaths. I, thankfully am not one of them, and since psychopaths are related to each other, I'm not related to her. Also, since she's 4' 10" and a shorty, she's even more unrelated to me since I'm 6'10". Bam! All I need to know.
Me: Why does that strangely sort of make sense?
Sophie: Am I related to her?
Kevin Durant: Don't know don't care.
Sophie: Would you figure it out for me if I gave you mallowmelt?
Me: Hey! You're not allowed to offer mallowmelt without giving me some.
Sophie: You know you have a higher chance of getting mallowmelt if you stop torturing us.
Me: Fine. If I end this conversation, will you give me mallowmelt?
Fitz: Yes! I'll give you all the mallowmelt I'll ever get!
Me: *shakes head* Dumbbut. BUT THE MALLOWMELT IS MINE!
Review, because if you don't I won't give you mallowmelt. We're ignoring the fact that even if you do review, you still won't get mallowmelt because it's all in my stomach. HA!
