VI. As reality watches from behind
"Sayo-senpai, you brought your guitar today."
Sayo had just finished her patrol and was leaving the gates when Hanazono called to her. They were likely the last students at school, as it was Sayo's job to send away malingering students.
"Hanazono-san. I saw you leave with your bandmates."
"Oh, yes, but I'm meeting with another friend. We're going to busk together, she's found a good place. Do you want to come with us?"
It was Monday. The one week grace period for considering Roselia's fate was running out. But there was some time before Sayo was expected at CiRCLE. Time that could have been used to re-acquaint herself with the guitar, to make up for her negligence the previous week. The old Sayo would have turned down the offer without a thought.
Sayo easily nodded, murmured, "I won't get in your way."
Hanazono tilted her head. "My amp can take one more guitar, no problem."
"I can't stay long, but I could work the camera for you," Sayo said, thinking that most people perform in public so they could be candidly recorded and publicised by the internet. Her offer seemed to confuse Hanazono more than anything else, but she graciously let Sayo tag along.
Hanazono's friend was waiting for her at the entrance of Otsuka station. Sayo's interest was piqued when she realized the guitar case on her back had to contain a bass guitar — Wakana Rei (who offered a handshake and had a firm grip) seemed interested that Hanazono had brought her along at all.
"Rei here's moved back to Tokyo to live as a musician," explained Hanazono as she set up her gig. Sayo wondered if they'd had the permission of the local police.
"And Sayo-senpai is also in a band. Roselia. Kasumi thinks they're our mentor-slash-rival but I told her Ran would fight us for the right. Their vocalist is like you, Rei. She also started out singing but took up the bass some time ago."
Puzzled, Sayo stole a glance at Wakana and found a like-minded fellow. Wakana offered a tentative smile, and said, "I'd like to watch Roselia perform someday. Will you be joining us, Sayo-san?"
"Not today. I'd promised Hanazono-san I'd record your performance. Besides, I have to leave sooner rather than later."
And it would be more beneficial to observe and evaluate Wakana's performance. Just in case. Beyond issuing her challenge, Minato hadn't contacted Sayo. Roselia's judgement time was coming. Roselia was missing a vocalist, a bassist, a writer and composer, and now a frontman, too. She was starting to understand why it had been so easy for Minato to walk away. Losing Minato meant losing more than half of Roselia. It made it all the more imperative to find her replacement.
Though it couldn't be a fair assessment. The venue was wrong for it. On the streets, what sound wasn't carried away by the crowd would be swallowed by the open skies. In a way, the handicap might have turned out to impress Sayo more. Wakana's vocals were powerful, and of a kind to Minato's, though she couldn't hold a candle to the latter. The more Sayo tried to shake off her influence, the more resonant Minato's voice seemed to ring in her mind. But as a bassist Wakana had Minato beat squarely. Even with the handicap of a split attention and no drums, Sayo could safely say Wakana was better than Imai.
Soon her allotted time was up, and she excused herself with the thought that a bass and guitar duet was a combination worth investigating.
"You're late!" Udagawa stood in the middle of the studio, arms crossed and glaring up at Sayo. Behind her, Shirokane smiled apologetically.
Sayo raised an eyebrow. "I came at exactly the time we were supposed to meet."
"Yeah, but you always came ten minutes earlier. So, uh, Sayo-san… are you alone?" Udagawa peeked around Sayo as though she was hiding Minato behind her back.
"Udagawa-san, if you knew Minato-san at all, you'd know there was never a chance she would return so easily."
Though it wasn't as if Sayo didn't share Udagawa's dejection. For a moment she, too, had placed her hope in the Minato who had started Roselia with her. She was only setting herself up for disappointment.
The studio was smaller than what they usually would use. She'd have to walk around Udagawa to reach the guitar's amp. Udagawa hadn't moved. Sayo had not the charisma Minato possessed in her small finger, but it seemed that she had to pick up some of her role, anyway.
"As with the last time Roselia parted ways — " And didn't it mean something that she could have interchangably spoken of their last rehearsal in the same tone. " — we cannot do anything about the things outside of our control. But through rehearsing together we can at least preserve Roselia's sound. And in time, we shall find new members to fill in the gaps… Yes, Udagawa-san?"
Her hand had shot straight upward in the middle of Sayo's speech as though they were in a classroom. "Just to be sure, Sayo-san, when you said Roselia's sound you mean everything we've done until now? Even though they need Yukina-san and until now everything we've made is composed by Yukina-san?"
"I understand your apprehension, but if we are to participate in this year's FWF we cannot afford to waste time recreating our discography from scratch. What we can do instead is find a suitable vocalist and bassist."
Udagawa screwed her mouth. Sayo could see her objections as they appeared. But their discography was tailored to fit Minato's vocals from its inception. But no one understood music as well as Minato did, who ate and breathed rock music and more. Udagawa was silent for a long time until Shirokane said, "Ako-chan, think of it as… making covers of our own songs… Because Hikawa-san is right… we're pressed for time… It's more important to just start…"
Sayo waited. With the shuffle, Shirokane had taken up the role of softening her words. Her, Sayo. And Shirokane and Udagawa looked at her for guidance, easily transferring their allegiance from Minato to Sayo. The ease with which they adjusted to missing such crucial members made her pause.
But only for a while. "Sayo-san, just one more question," Udagawa said timidly. "Uh, you're still going to go to America, right? No matter what happens at FWF?"
Sayo understood her concern immediately. Udagawa wanted to know if the FWF was to be their death poem, as the samurai and learned men had left behind in the days of yore. For Sayo it was the choice between that and leaving the body rotting forgotten without so much as a funeral. Metaphorically speaking. Though it wasn't a metaphor that would motivate anyone but herself. If it were Minato, she would say things as they were meant for her, Minato Yukina, and through sheer charisma would motivate the band anyway. Sayo didn't have that skill. She'd have to word her answer carefully.
"I know you are anxious for the future of Roselia. Unfortunately, I cannot offer you any certainties. The answer could only be found in the FWF itself: whether we could achieve our goal without some of our original members — and beyond the FWF, whether Roselia could continue as a band in this manner. Only this I can say for sure: we are Roselia, and our music is all that matters. What shape it will take, what our future will be, is something only we can make. So once again I ask the both of you: knowing what we have lost, and not knowing what is before us in the long term, will you still keep the memory of Roselia alive with me, and elevate it closer to the pinnacle?"
Surprisingly, it was Shirokane who answered first, demurely, but also firmly. "Only closer… but not quite at the pinnacle… I think some would say that was… an admission of loss…"
And by 'some' she surely meant Minato. Since it came from Shirokane, Sayo easily let the good-natured jab slide off aside. "My apologies, you're right, Shirokane-san. We should always aim higher. Will you…"
Shirokane nodded, then glanced sideways. Until now Udagawa was frowning at her feet, pouting. Thinking, Sayo hoped. After a while, she declared, "I'm still not sure. I don't like it. But if I don't like it, it'll show up in my performance, and then it'll be even worse, so… I'll work on liking it. And we'll show Yukina-san… we'll show Yukina-san!"
Sayo felt her lips curve. "I'd rather you put that effort into finding us new members, Udagawa-san. And rehearse wholeheartedly. It's time for us to start."
Roselia's instrumentation was built arround the vocals. Individual practice was good and well when they were under the impression it would all be put together under Minato's guidance. With the shadow of a different vocalist — or no vocalist at all — the rehearsal felt hollow. Fortunately for them, there were solo recordings of Minato's voice left from their cover-heavy period. It wasn't ideal, but it would have to do for now.
Udagawa said, "Can't we, I don't know, ask one of the other girls to fill in? Like when Hina-chin subbed for Lisa-nee. Like, Ran-chan? Then maybe Yukina-san… actually, 'twas a bad idea never mind."
About the only thing Sayo knew about Mitake was that she held a grudge against Minato for one reason or another — and that Minato was completely oblivious to it. No, she decided, it wouldn't even be useful as a means to provoke Minato. She thought also of Wakana's recording in her phone. A professional hopeful, Hanazono had said. Professional meant work ethics and money. Roselia had only the first. She'd have to think about it with Roselia's books in hand. So she said, "Let's look for someone unattached to a band first."
Twirling her sticks, Udagawa said, "Hey, Rinrin, what's that combination you were telling me the other day, the one with a drum, guitar, and piano? Something trio something?"
"Jazz trio… and it's more common to include… bass instead of guitar…"
Whatever the combination, it was always left to Sayo to put her foot down. "Udagawa-san, we are not switching to jazz. For one, missing a beat because you get carried away is not the same as getting into the swing."
Rehearsal ran a bit shorter than their usual time. Hobbled, rather. Hobbling, hollow — not words she'd rather use anywhere near Roselia. It wasn't Minato's presence specifically, Sayo thought, just that the band was designed to support a vocalist from the start. Nevertheless, when the end result was the same, who was she to split hairs?
It was Friday and the Hikawa household was bustling with life.
As usual Hina was up and about before Sayo, the blisteringly cold morning not slowing her in the least. As usual she was making a great production of preparing to go to school. Sayo ignored her and went about her own routines, occasionally catching Mother's sharp, by now rote admonishments which she seemed to issue only because the opportunities for them would dry up in a few months. Fully clothed and halfway to feeling like a human, Sayo trudged to the dining room. Hina was inhaling breakfast and chattering at a higher velocity than usual. It was the last day of the theatre club. Hina, Sayo painstakingly drew out of the recesses of her memory, was not in the theatre club.
"… a joint play for the next cultural festival. Kaoru-kun's idea, so it's her script and Chisato-chan's but the juniors are free to change it. Kaoru-kun wanted Yukina-chan to write the musical numbers but she couldn't get more than one sentence before getting rejected so Chisato-chan bullied Lisa-chi into doing it. So that'll be a band thing, we've no shortage of those. It's turning out to be pretty boppin'! The first run's gonna be just the third years, it's something like a farewell gift from us to the juniors. I wanted to participate, too, but I gotta lots of stu-co work and Tsugu-chan won't let me off a single meeting. Oh, but the band's missing a guitarist so Onee-chan will play for us, won't you, Onee-chan? The rehearsal's today, dress rehearsal's next week, and the performance's in February, but don't worry, the songs are super easy, and your part's just the rhythm."
"You're speaking too fast," grumbled Sayo. She caught maybe a third of Hina's buzzing. Her chopsticks fumbled and swam like a drunk fly angling for the last cutlet on the table. At the last moment a different pair swooped in. Sayo looked askance at Hina, obliviously enjoying her spoils. But Hina had to leave for school soon if she didn't want to be late, so Sayo bit her tongue and ducked down to enjoy her diminished meal. It was then she noticed Mother's gaze on her before returning to Hina without issue.
Hina's monologue continued. "Also can Chisato-chan stay over tonight? There's an event tomorrow that'll be closer to our home than hers."
After the first couple of times Mother's permission came easily. Then she turned to Sayo. "Meanwhile, Sayo has never invited anyone over, not even Imai Lisa-chi, and you've crashed at her place how many times now?" It would seem Mother still hadn't forgiven her for not asking permission first. Though there was real curiosity in there. Not for the first time Sayo noted that Hina probably got her tendencies from Mother.
Sayo's brain worked sluggishly. Why she'd never invited Imai over, eh. Not shame, not inconvenience to herself or her parents, but…
"Even though Hina also talks about her often. It's been a while since you twins have friends in common."
…That. Up until high school, Sayo's friends had been Hina's friends first and foremost, tolerating Sayo — and vice versa — as a favor to Hina. The childish part of her that was still resentful feared the same would happen again. Surely Imai would find Hina's company more enjoyable — their temperaments were more similar, and there was never a lull in conversations with Hina.
While Sayo was brooding, Hina answered the question for her. "Because they're fighting again. Is that what 'close enough to fight' means?"
"Not if they fight all the time. Something isn't quite right and needs to be fixed," Mother said, taking Hina seriously. This part of her she passed on to Sayo.
"Hmhmhm, Onee-chan's broken up with Yukina-chan too, and Roselia's even going into hiatus."
"Aren't you running late?" Sayo interjected pointedly. So reminded, Hina dashed back upstairs to brush her teeth and snatch her bag, and barely remembered to excuse herself to Mother as she went out.
Unfortunately, Mother was neither in a hurry nor as easily distracted. "Hina was only worried about you," she said. "And she's right. You haven't been practicing the guitar lately, even though studying for the exams has never stopped you from finding the time. Can you survive in America like this?"
Her first instinct was to deny it. She wasn't a child anymore, to come crying to her mother with her petty problems. Then Udagawa's speech came to mind, as well as her own grievances against Imai. At some point keeping mum about an issue was a symptom in itself. At the very least she shouldn't worry her mother. Or Hina, but Sayo wasn't convinced Hina was worried so much as amused by the facets of humanity that only turned up in conflicts.
She could try explaining the broadstrokes of it, at least. "Minato-san and I no longer see eye to eye. Or to be more precise, we each believe the other had changed but not ourselves. And so we doubt that the other still holds the same standard, that we still aim for the same goal. That we both still have the band's interest at heart, and not our own personal achievements."
It seemed a needlessly complicated problem that could have been solved by talking. Mother's bewildered expression said so. But it wasn't the whole problem, Sayo insisted to herself, except that she hadn't been able to explain it herself yet, much less to other people.
Mother said, "But we were talking about Imai-san."
"Imai-san was somewhat involved. She was present when I fought with Minato-san. And for that alone I blamed her for everything. I said some cruel things."
"How cruel are we talking?"
"Some truth. Half slander. All unforgiveable." Even Imai must have her limits. And having a vague idea of their existence, Sayo had tried to push as far as she could. This tendency, more than others, was what surely marked Hina and Sayo as twins. Except Hina often didn't realize what she was doing, whereas Sayo knew, but couldn't stop herself. Or maybe she wouldn't. The end result was the same.
Mother looked pained, which cut into Sayo more than any strongly worded rebuke could. "Well, that's horrid of you. Have you tried apologizing?"
Sayo shook her head — none, no real apologies that were more than a means to alleviate her guilt.
"Oh, Sayo," Mother said in the tone she hadn't heard since middle school. A little exasperated, a little despondent, as if Sayo's failure was Mother's failure. And hence, she'd try all the harder to instill good sense in her. "Hopefully you've learned a lesson about saying things you don't mean in anger."
She started stroking Sayo's hair, then switched to pressing knuckles on her skull until Sayo saw stars.
—
Though what did intent have to do with it? At her school Sayo was a disciplinary officer. A student who came in late would have to be marked down as late, barring extreme circumstances. Benevolent reasons such as helping an old lady cross the street did not make a good excuse, let alone having no good reason for her bad behavior. Though Mother and Hina might have meant well, their unconditional faith in Sayo was unwarranted, and quite unhelpful. It didn't matter that she hadn't meant to be cruel to Imai, only that she had.
This crossed her mind as after school, clipboard in hand and officer-on-duty band around her arm, Sayo was forced to step in and break up an absurd crowd clogging the entrance gate. The source of disturbance being an acquaintance of sorts only made her firmer in her call. "Seta-san, please do not cause blockage around the entrance. The rest of you should have been heading home by now."
The crowd quickly dispersed, grumbling in earshot. She was used to that as a disclipinary officer. She turned to the Prince of Haneoka High, who seemed to be nursing a headache. Or so Sayo thought, until she opened her mouth, "My dear Sayo, you have appeared to me in my hour of need."
Sayo looked up to her, momentarily speechless. "Please state your business in our school."
Shirasagi answered it for her, coming up to them from the main building. "That would be me. How did I know that ruckus would've been caused by you, Kaoru? Save it, we're running late as it is," she said as Seta opened her mouth. Even so, both of them seemed to be waiting for Sayo to move.
Asked, Shirasagi had an apologetic look on her face as she said, "Hina-chan said you've agreed to substitute for one of the guitarists. I suppose she forgot to mention that the penultimate rehearsal is today, and the performance is in two weeks? I'm sorry, I assumed, seeing as you'be brought your guitar with you to class today."
"How fleeting is knowledge," Seta said, nodding sagely. "Never fear, I shall — "
"You are not going to play the guitar while prancing on the stage."
"I'll do it," Sayo said. "Please allow me some time to settle my duties."
It was an impulsive move. As she finished her patrol routine and collected her things, Sayo wondered with amazement at herself. She didn't actually have the time to frolick with a project she'd known nothing about until this morning, and at Hina's whims at that. There was Roselia to think about. Though when she thought about it, Roselia was effectively still in hiatus pending a vocalist. At times such as these it was also important for her to keep challenging herself. Frantically learning a set of pieces at the last minute seemed like a professional musician's breakfast. And she couldn't afford to let Hina's carelessness trouble everyone else. Rationalizations lined up like ducklings in a row, Sayo was even looking forward to the gig.
On the way to Haneoka, Seta explained to her. As far as she could decipher, the musical was Seta and Shirasagi's brainchild, their gift to future generations of Haneoka and Hanajo students, to be reinterpreted for every annual joint cultural festival. The protagonist — for this initial run played by Shirasagi — must spin tales each night to prolong her life, giving an excuse for the tales to change with each iteration of the play.
"As Shakespeare would say… the tale evolves in the telling," Seta concluded, propping her forehead with her dainty fingers. "And we, the living, must keep changing to stay alive. With each night the princess must paint a different dream, each more exciting than the last, tethering the prince through the long nights, until at last dawn arrives, and the prince is loathe to remain ignorant of the heroine's final fate, within his sight but out of his grasp until the next night. And so the princess lives for another day, another night to spin another tale. Isn't it just fleeting?"
"I see," Sayo said. She thought it was a bit overwrought, but she could sympathize with the princess's desperation manifesting as art. "Though I don't see where the band comes in."
Shirasagi said, "Each tale is performed as a musical number. Kaoru had wanted a completely silent performance, at first, with the narrative contained in the songs. Yukina-chan would have been our star, then."
"Alas, our diva has better things to do. But perhaps you're familiar with this turn in our fate."
Sayo wasn't, but with Shirasagi watching her furtively, she wracked her memories. Hina had mentioned it this morning, she knew. After a while, Shirasagi said, "I called in a favor and Lisa-chan proves to be up to the task. Did you truly not know, Sayo-chan?"
Trust Shirasagi to see through her attempt to hide her ignorance, and look gleeful at having an advantage over Sayo.
"Whom Imai-san — and Minato-san inform of their business is their business," Sayo said curtly.
"Maybe that is true for Yukina-chan. For Lisa-chan, it is your business. I say this not to be petty, but because she will play the bass. Kaoru and I need to know if you will still participate under these circumstances — your quarrel with Lisa-chan and the time crunch."
Shirasagi looked solemn, and after exchanging a glance with Seta, so did her partner in crime. "Do not worry for what would become of us," Seta said, "There are other guitarists in our year in both schools, who may not compare to you, but are nevertheless available. Hina, and Chisato and I, thought to invite you so that we may create an everlasting memory of the last moments of high school."
Sayo suppressed her irritation at everyone — Shirasagi Chisato — knowing of her quarrel with Imai. Faced with so much unexpected sincerity, she could only yield one answer. "It will be my pleasure, Seta-san. And Shirasagi-san, you need not worry, I do not let personal issues interfere with work. As long as Imai-san finds no problems with this arrangement, neither do I."
Professional musicians, Sayo imagined, would also have to be able to perform alongside difficult people. And personal relationships had never mattered to Sayo's music before Roselia. As precious as Roselia had become to her, she had to be able to work in variable circumstances.
When they arrived at Haneoka's auditorium, as Shirasagi had expected they were past late. Rehearsal was already underway for the parts that didn't require either Shirasagi or Seta. Yamato, apparently acting as the director, seemed relieved to see all three of them.
"There you all are! Oh, and Hikawa-san, too, with a guitar, thank goodness! Where do you want her, Lisa-san — er, what's wrong?"
Imai looked like she had bitten a worm-infested lemon. A blink, then she had her customer service smile affixed. "Nothing. I wasn't expecting — I mean, Hina didn't mention who she'd gotten to sub in."
"Unfortunately, that's me." Sayo couldn't resist a bite. Be professional, she admonished herself. Trying again, "Where do I start?"
"Uh, First you'll need the scores… which are in the theatre club room. I can get them for you."
"I'll come with you. That way you can fill me in on the details."
Imai glanced at Shirasagi, who merely inclined her head. Shoulders squared, Imai led the way.
The theatre club was housed in a room not too far away from the auditorium, a sizeable room made small by props and things Sayo had no name for. Sayo stood by as Imai eyed a folder on top of a skull, itself lying on top of a small mountain of papers. Sayo could just about reach it standing on tiptoes, so she did, and wordlessly handed over the folder. Imai flipped over the contents, muttering a quiet 'thank you'.
"Okay, you brought your guitar, so you could warm up and study here. Your sight-reading is phenomenal, and there's still some time before we'll do a full rehearsal from the beginning. I'm gonna give you some space. Uh, call me or Maya if you have some problems, like if you get lost, or — do you have Maya's number?"
(Hina was held up by the student council's meeting. Not that Sayo had thought to look for her.)
"I have yours," Sayo said, impatiently holding out her hand. "I'm sure you have more important things to do than micro-managing a substitute."
Well-manicured red claws curled protectively around the folder. The collar was slightly open, the tie loosened in what passed for fashionably disarrayed. Sayo could see the throat tighten, Imai's signal for bringing up an difficult subject.
"Sayo, you followed me here to have a talk. Out with it."
There. Sayo felt a flush of strange pride at being able to read her like a book. "We're on the job," she said glibly, "that's all there is to talk about."
"Bullshit. You're enjoying this — you're having the time of your life taunting me. At least tell me what I did to deserve it. Because this isn't like you at all."
"Why, so you could apologize?" So you could forgive me? As much as Sayo had a measure of her, so did Imai. And once pointed out, any pleasure Sayo could have derived from the conversation evaporated. Unforgivable, she had judged herself in front of Mother, and she had meant it. There was no other name for breaking her promise the moment Imai had bared herself to Sayo. Yet here she was, ready to offer reconciliation. A different kind of irritation piqued. "I wonder. You've changed also. Where was this generosity when it was Minato-san's turn?"
"Hang on, what's Yukina got to do with — "
"I have never asked you to choose between myself or Minato-san. You didn't have the courage to quit, so you tried to make me the villain. Did it never occur to you that I would understand jealousy? Who was it who'd always badgered me to not keep my problems to myself? Allow me to correct myself: you are a manipulative fucking hypocrite."
Her last sentence seemed to echo in the small room. Odd, she didn't remember raising her voice. It was everything she'd always thought to say, and never wanted to say. As hurt and disappointment clouded Imai's eyes Sayo realized why. Imai's trust she'd thought had been lost, and the affection she'd never deemed necessary, both undone with simple words. Regret seeped into her nerves too late.
"I'm sorry," Sayo mumbled.
Imai's expression hardened. "Why? Why now? You've been saying it a lot. That one word, manipulative. I'm starting to develop immunity to it. Don't tell me you've never meant it."
"I don't — I will make no excuses for myself," Sayo said, gradually firm in her resolve. Wrong was wrong, and if Imai had finally had enough and decided to sever her, so be it.
But Imai didn't seem to be interested in Sayo's answer, ploughing straight on. "I'm asking if you hate me so much you're coming all the way here to ruin the event for Chisato and Hina and everyone else, just because I'm also attached to it."
"No! But — "
"Then shut up and do your job!" Imai shoved the folder into Sayo's arms so hard she staggered backward, and could only watch as Imai stormed outside. Not back to the auditorium yet but the bathroom, desperately trying to hide her red eyes. Imai could be vain, but this was a vanity even Sayo could understand.
The theatre club was foreign and cold. Sayo surpressed a shiver as she desperately turned to the work at hand. Wiggled her numb fingers before her eyes. January shouldn't be this frigid, she thought absently. Would America be even colder? She dreamed it would be — Sayo, alone in a field of snow, white as far as the eyes could see.
Finally, finally she took her guitar and began practicing. As she was starting to get truly absorbed into the music, the door opened again and Shirasagi walked in, wearing her displeasure plainly. Sayo began to apologize for her conduct, but Shirasagi shook her head.
"It's my fault for trusting that Lisa-chan would be able to handle, well, you."
"No, the fault is all mine. Imai-san is blameless," Sayo said earnestly.
"Oh no, that's never in doubt. The question is what you'll do next, Sayo-chan," Shirasagi said evenly, with a thick overtone of… something. This was what made talking to her bothersome.
She pushed her irritation aside. "I can only promise that it won't happen again, if you — and Imai-san — would still have me on board."
Shirasagi seemed to consider it for a second. "Believe me, if we weren't strained for choice, I wouldn't. I do wonder what Lisa-chan sees in you."
"That makes the two of us."
Shirasagi snorted. "This isn't the time to be disarmingly honest. Though I suppose you are Hina-chan's twin."
When Sayo looked at her confused, she shook her head, said, "You should try that on Lisa-chan, not me," and beckoned her to return to the auditorium. There, Sayo took her place and introduced herself to the drummer, from Haneoka's light music club, and greeted the lead guitarist and keyboardist, both she recognized from Hanasakigawa's light music club. Imai was already there, pink around the eyes and nose, but otherwise wearing her sunny facade and resolutely not looking at Sayo.
"So now that we've all known each other," she said breezily, "we're going to start from the beginning. I'll give the cues, so look at me, all right?"
Presumably the others have rehearsed together a couple of times, and it was only said for Sayo's benefit. She nodded. And watched. And waited. This was a stage like any other, just less prominent by design. Her guitar was background for words, in service to a greater visual spectacle. Within the band she flowed along with the others, taking the back seat. Overall Yamato called the shots. By now they must have rehearsed often enough that she only gave silent cues, then spent most of the play watching and fidgeting restlessly.
Five scenes, five songs of different styles, all adapted from Western classical music — so she assumed from the vaguely European titles credited. As Hina had promised, her part was only in providing rhythmic color. Nothing she couldn't follow while sight-reading, with some allowance for the occasional slips. It was nothing like performing with Roselia, in fact it was closer to her experience before Roselia. It was not a nostalgia she cared to think of too closely, playing with people she barely knew by name. It was like this for professional musicians, she told herself, even those with a band. To make ends meet she had to stomach playing music she abhorred, with people who disliked her.
But it would be so much easier if there was no animosity between them. Their performance would be all the better if they could look at one another and know what the other was thinking. Roselia was at its best when they had each other's back. As yet again Sayo unconsciously tried to catch Imai's eye and failed, her resolve was made.
The rehearsal ended in one run. Sayo had joined too late. If it were Roselia they'd have at least five more, with no one allowed to leave until they'd had at least three. As it was Sayo was unsatisfied. Cleaning up done, she purposefully strode up to Imai. She was talking to Shirasagi when by chance she turned and saw Sayo inching closer. The change in her bearing was obvious. Discouraging, but not unexpected.
Sayo said, "If you have the time, I'm afraid I'd need some additional sessions."
"I think you did well. You'd practice better on your own," Imai said curtly.
"Then I'd like to apologize."
Imai's lips quavered, then thinned to a prim line. "You've apologized. It's fine. I did some things wrong by you, anyway, so we're even."
If Sayo could tell Imai was forcing herself to mean the words, Shirasagi surely had seen through the flimsy lie down to its cause. Covering her smile, Shirasagi said, "Better hear what Sayo-chan has to say, or she's like to start apologizing here and now."
"If it would show you my sincerity — " It was either a taunt or a hint. Sayo had nothing to lose, anyway. She started bowing. Flustered, Imai stopped her by the shoulders.
"I get it already! Uh, Chisato…"
Shirasagi shrugged. "Just message me later, Lisa-chan. Have fun."
"I didn't want to say this in front of Chisato," Imai said some moments later, stopping abruptly by the entrance gate. Far away enough from prying eyes and ears. "But, look, you've called me manipulative, what, three times now? Four?"
"I chose the word for the express purpose of hurting you, not its resemblance to the truth."
"Uh huh, well, the truth hurts, and when you say something so strong so many times I've got to wonder if there isn't something I've done repeatedly to upset you. If it isn't better that we… stop talking to each other."
She let go of Sayo's wrist suddenly — the lost of warmth was regrettable. Winter afternoon cast a pallid shadow on her face. Slightly lower, her knuckles turned white around the strap of her bass case. Imai spoke fast, self-deprecatory. "I don't have so many friends I can trust with my heart that I can afford to let go my one and only loyal henchwoman, even when she's being a S-ranked asshole. But I swear I can also take a hint. So if that's what you want, I — this musical will be the last time."
Sayo let out a silent breath. She'd been such an idiot, only realizing what she'd had the moment she'd lost it. This time, she picked her words carefully. Disarmingly honest, Shirasagi had said. As if Sayo had anything else left in her disposal. "I don't… hate you. I don't think you're a vile person. The opposite. I think the exact opposite. You should have better friends. Better than me. More like Shirasagi-san."
"Uh, you're both my friends?" Imai said, nonplussed and wary.
"But you conceal your true feelings and desires, and pretend they don't matter, all the while using your eloquence and charisma to achieve the result you want, that sometimes is the same as the result you think would be good for everyone, regardless of what they think. I object to this notion that you alone know best. I reject that the best course would require your sacrifice. But I cannot deny I have been reprehensible toward you especially. Therefore, Imai-san."
Imai stood taller, seemingly unconsciously, in response to the strain in Sayo's voice. "If you wish to stop associating with me — if that is truly what would be good for you, then I shall gladly never appear before you again. Only that I'm truly sorry for betraying your trust and lashing out on you."
The shadows disappeared into the evening. Darkness fell fast in winter. Already the streetlights were coming on. In the same manner Sayo had started bowing well into her apology, and once again Imai stopped her by the shoulders. "You're exaggerating. Come on, people are going to stare, eh, Miss Hanajo Disciplinary Officer?" Imai sounded breathless.
"But we're in Haneoka," Sayo said, a bit stupidly. She did straighten herself.
A tendril of white breath escaped Imai's lips. She wrapped her blazer tighter around herself, and pinched her eyes together. She took her time to respond. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry, too. But I'm not sure I can forgive you just yet."
That was fair; Sayo had carried her anger past its expiration date. Some remnants of it smouldered in her gut, still. Sayo nodded, swallowing a lump. Something must have shown in her face, for Imai sighed again and said, "Come on, let's go to CiRCLE before it gets too late. You wanted to practice together, didn't you?"
Sayo frowned, trying to hide her surprise. She had almost forgotten about her pretext. Which wasn't much of a pretext as she did need it, but immediately she thought of a better need. "I did. I do. Although there's something else I want to do first. Would you join me in busking by a station?"
Quite suddenly Sayo understood people's fascination with taking pictures of everything. Imai's expression at the moment was one for the years to come.
Chapter title is taken from Tsukiakari no Michishirube.
In another world, Roselia would have pivoted into a jazz trio band and it'd be Rinko's time to shine.
I forgot to note it the last few times, but Sayo's American school is based on a real school, though in the spirit of the game, I'm keeping it vague.
And now that Chisato and Kaoru's flashback episode is out, maybe the real AU element for this series is Chisato's backstory?
