VII. Your left hand, my right hand

"So just to be sure, you're going to take your precious guitar out in the middle of winter."

"I am," Sayo said as she slung the strap over her shoulder. "And I've told you to wear something warm. Less exposed, fit for standing for a long time in the middle of winter, does that all ring a bell?"

Imai ignored Sayo's sarcasm, as she had ignored all her comments regarding her fashion sense. "And you're going to play to no one in particular, in a place where your sound is going to just disappear."

"That's the idea." Guitar plugged into the portable amp she'd rented from CiRCLE, Sayo made an experimental strum. Definitely much weaker than a studio or a stage amp, but serviceable.

"And you're not even looking for the money or extra clout on your SNS."

Sayo paused in the middle of tuning to look pointedly at her maybe-partner. "You're welcome to record our performance or put out a collection box, but you should at least tune your bass first."

White breath obscured Imai's face for a moment. "Really not the point…"

Then what was? But Imai ignored her and began tuning her instrument. Sayo did feel a little guilty: though Saturday morning was warm with the sun shining, it was still chilly. The previous evening they'd settled for practicing for the musical at CiRCLE. Sayo wasn't so impulsive as to march to any station right away, and as it turned out, Imai was even less so. With their friendship barely rescuscitated and kept on life support, Sayo had vowed to herself to stop doubting Imai's sincerity. Her company had little enough value that she had to believe Imai came along because she wanted to.

Even so, she wasn't normally this fussy. Sayo hesitated, then started to speak only to close her mouth again. Imai turned to her, an indecipherable crease between her eyes. Then abruptly, she smiled. "Sorry, I'm just trying to get a sense for why you, Miss Hanajo Disciplinary Officer, got so enthusiastic about busking of all things."

"It's fun."

Imai waited. Sayo waited. A little boy paused to stare at them before his mother tugged him into the station.

"…In the state that Roselia is in, I decided I needed to hone on my improvisation skills. Fun, or the appearance of having fun, seems to be essential. To be sure, skills and techniques are also important, but presently it's not a concern… What's so funny?"

Imai grinned from ear to ear. "I got to hear Sayo-ish morning pep talk, I'm all fired up now."

Flustered, Sayo retorted, "Are you, really. Why are you here, Imai-san?"

"Well, if I have to do one more problem I might just burn my textbooks and drink the ashes. Everyone's still not as bored of studying, though, and you're the only one doing something fun. Although, wouldn't it be better to have a jam session with Ako and Rinko? You know, your bandmates?"

Sayo had debated the point with herself. The answer came readily. "We would only be recreating Roselia, but with less instruments. You are the only one of us who has tried to break away from Minato-san's influence."

Imai looked down on her hands, bashful more than ashamed, Sayo thought. "I didn't really think of it that way… and anyhow those were commissions, with specific demands. I've never tried finding my own sound the way you do."

"Now's a good time to start. With me, Imai-san. One Roselia number in E minor, coming up."

"But that's all of them!"

Instead of words, Sayo let her guitar answer. She hadn't been completely honest — today wasn't completely spontaneous. She'd spent the previous night planning for the session, asking Shirokane for recommendations for jazz music, forcing her imagination to fly and watching it flop in her mind, doing everything but plucking the strings. Now she was letting it all loose. This was a stage like any other, only a little cold and stark, and indifferent. The indifference served them well. No one would remember or care much of the mistakes they'd make while groping blindly for the musical thoroughline.

Sayo started with the familiar, playing the melody to one of Roselia's first original songs. After a beat Imai caught on and joined in, shoulders tense and playing timid, but accurate. More accurate than her time as Roselia's bassist, which normally would've been what Sayo wanted. They were two whales trying to find their way home through echoes of memories. And sooner or later Imai would slip up. Sayo waited for that moment to come. When it did, Sayo swerved along with her. The first time it happened Imai stopped, bewildered.

On Sayo's urging — "It's more important to keep playing. In fact, if you could keep going along the circle of fifths" — Imai said, "What, jazz? That kind of an improv?"

"Exactly."

"Huh. I mean, I know you're always serious, but I've always thought you were… ah, a diehard rock and metal head."

"Like Minato-san?" Sayo said, guessing correctly judging by Imai's grimace. "You're not wrong. But that's exactly why I wanted to branch out — why I needed you here."

"Wow, you sure know how to flatter a girl," was the dry answer. For a moment Sayo wondered if she'd come on too strongly, but Imai only blew into her hands in a futile effort to warm them, and winked. "Okay, bring it!"

Back to E minor, on a different template that left space for calls and responses. This time they spoke in dialogues, in phrases and idioms that neither had the time or experience to think about. In Sayo's imagination that was the point: leaving it to instinct would uncover the gems usually hidden by sticking to Minato's scores. When she thought about it later they were making a shameful display all around, flailing and tripping over each other, drunk whales who strayed further into the deep unknown sea. Their saving grace was that the pedestrians milled about as though they were not there.

It was the cold that thwarted them. Sayo was reluctant to stop just when she was beginning to see a decent groove, but she couldn't deny that she couldn't feel her hands anymore. There was a cafe nearby, a cozy, music-themed hole in the wall. While Imai went to the bathroom to fix her hair, Sayo sneaked to the counter and ordered two cups of coffee. Her treat, she insisted, since Sayo had dragged Imai into the cold. She had expected Imai to try and pay her back anyway, but she only promised to keep a tab on it and obediently took the steaming cup between her hands. A thoughtful frown marred her forehead. Several moments passed that way, Sayo and Imai jammed in a corner seat with their instruments taking up all the space.

Imai said, "Well, you wanted to have fun. Was it fun?"

"Fun is what you have the moment before you make a mistake," Sayo deadpanned.

"We made a ton of mistakes, though." Imai snapped her fingers, grinning mischievously. "Oh, I get it, that was a roundabout confession."

"Is that truly something to be proud of?"

Warmth started to return to the nape of her neck first, then her face. For her hands she borrowed the heat from the coffee. The cafe's music was too loud to properly think, and anyway it was proper music that made her earlier attempt look like a cat playing with the guitar. By pure chance she glimpsed Imai's throat working, and internally sighed and prepared herself for a talk.

"So I was thinking, there's a livehouse nearby. Chisato and I go there sometimes for her, er, lessons, why are you smirking?"

Sayo coughed into her hand. "The famed actress Shirasagi Chisato recognized the superiority of my former bandmate, am I not allowed to be proud?" Too late, she remembered that Imai hadn't forgiven her.

"W-well, of course, it's thanks to your Spartan training regime. But it's really just that she's busy and I'm a lot cheaper and more flexible than the instructor her agency provided."

Hina had called it bullying. Imai had tried too hard to downplay it. Sayo said, "It sounds as if Shirasagi-san is your patron."

"No way, that makes me sound like a real artist."

"But you are."

"You know what I mean."

Sayo didn't, but Imai had already moved on, or rather back to her original point. There was a livehouse nearby called Galaxy, with instruments and equipments useful for their purposes. In particular Imai seemed to be in a looping phase. She argued it would be much easier to record and write down their session in a studio. Oh, and it would be warmer, a strong contender Sayo couldn't deny.

A new guest came in, and along with them a chill breeze that tickled Sayo's nose. She sneezed, and when she looked up Minato was staring back at her. Half of her face was hidden under the same cat scarf Sayo had last seen her in, the top half of it was cast in disbelief as she took in the scene.

Imai unfroze first. "Yukina! What a coincidence. Sayo and I were just busking by the station. Uh, wanna sit down for a bit?"

"I figured," Minato said through her scarf. Without moving, she looked at Sayo. "Congratulations, it looks like you win this round."

"Win what?" Imai said suspiciously.

Sayo ignored her. The caffeine she'd imbibed, and Minato's twitch of irritation that she hadn't managed to hide, had set her blood pumping. "Your turn, Minato-san. Unless you're too much of a coward."

Minato raised an eyebrow. She pulled down her scarf and sat on the next table. "Lisa, there's a dog cafe I want to check out, if you're also interested."

Imai's eyes darted from Minato to Sayo, and back again. "This is so sudden and mysterious and I don't know where to begin. Uh, a dog cafe, though? Is Sayo also going?"

"Sayo said you don't like cats…" Minato trailed off, glaring at Sayo pointedly. The part of Sayo that was Hina's twin crowed in victory, the saner part could only lament Minato's suddenly missing charisma.

"I don't dislike cats, exactly, I just don't like them to the extent that you do, or Sayo with her dogs. I'm okay with cats, dogs, whatever as long they don't get into my house. But never mind that, why are you using me to settle a score, again?" She turned to Sayo, growing upset with each word. "Is that why you had a change of heart? You suddenly wanted to talk to me again because Yukina challenged you to?"

The raw hurt in her voice, the proof that Imai did care for Sayo's companionship outside of the convenience to Minato and Roselia, made her pause and lose the chance to deny the accusation. How odd that Minato should come to her rescue in her dry, almost bored manner.

"I doubt that. As always, Sayo only needed a little push to do the thing she wanted but was too proud to admit. But does it matter? She's apologized, you've patched things up, now you're hanging out together again."

Imai stared at her incredulously. "Call me crazy, but it sounds like you actually care about my — I mean, our personal business."

"I concur," Sayo said, "It's most bizarre. There's barely any philosophical nonsense to obfuscate her intent."

Minato crossed her arms, puffing up like a threatened fugu fish. "And now you're double-teaming me. Cut it out. Didn't I say I wanted to hear the music you'd put together?"

"Do you think you're entitled to everything Imai-san makes? I never said I'd let you listen," Sayo said not kindly.

"Sayo, that's not your call," warned Imai. And for the deflated Minato, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I mean, we don't actually have anything you can listen to right now, so, maybe someday?"

Imai reached a hand out gingerly, but Minato shied away from the touch. "No, Sayo was right. It's enough for me to know your bonds with everyone else aren't broken beyond repair. You don't hate music itself — that's all I wanted to know." She sounded defeated, so unlike the Minato Yukina, fearless leader of Roselia that Sayo wondered if she should've witnessed this. Then she realized they were not Roselia anymore.

"Why did you say that? Look at me." Minato was stubborn, but so was Imai. Eventually Minato gave in, jutting her chin out defiantly, and was rewarded with a small smile. "Really, if you need more proof that you and Sayo are soulmates… I didn't show you the things I wrote for other bands because, they're for… other bands! Not Roselia, they're very much different from Roselia. I didn't want to expose my frail ego to your honest opinions. That's it. But I guess I wasn't thinking of how it'd look like from your side."

Sayo, whose reaction had more than justified Imai's insecurity, bit the inside of her cheeks hard. Minato shot her a curious glance, before turning back to Imai. "I don't know about Sayo, but I've always known you're self-conscious of the weirdest parts of yourself at the worst possible moments," said Minato haughtily, therefore ensuring even Sayo would note it was a facade.

"Ahaha, you know me. But Yukina, I'm not angry at you, not anymore. And I could never hate you. And now… now I just feel guilty for dumping all my issues on everyone, but mostly for getting pissy at you for no reason."

Before, Sayo would have forced Imai to come clean, so Minato could see the edge Sayo had on her. Knowing the truth, Sayo did… nothing but thinking Imai deserved to move on. Maybe moving on was what they needed to do for themselves.

She wondered if Minato knew it wasn't the whole story. Her eyes had narrowed, calculating. "But you don't regret quitting. No, let me rephrase that. If you could rewind time, would you change anything?"

"What was it you usually said. 'Don't be silly, Lisa, no one can go back in time'," Imai said, pitch perfect down to Minato's signature chin tilt.

Without missing a beat, voice more shrill and smile more forlorn than the original, "'Aw, come on, Yukina. I wanna know how you think, even for silly things like these.'"

Imai hesitated. Lips quivering, nevertheless she never looked away. "I can't turn back time. I can't throw away my precious memories. I don't regret joining Roselia, Yukina… I can't regret quitting when it allows me to keep those memories and bonds as they are. And don't take this the wrong way, but I've had other opportunities since I quit, so it's not a complete loss to me. So no, I wouldn't change anything."

Minato held her gaze. She gave a single, decisive nod. "That is as it should be. That's all I wanted to know. I wish…" Sayo saw her make a fist under the table. "I wish I'd tried to listen."

"It's not too late to start," Imai said after a pause, slowly taking her eyes off Minato. "If you really mean it. Doesn't have to be me, with anyone, anytime." Abruptly, she rose to her feet. "I'm going to get something to eat. Sayo, do you want anything?"

Sayo demurred, though she had a feeling Imai would split her cake anyway. And thus she was left sitting in front of a slightly despondent Minato. The music had stopped playing. A change of CD, Sayo found herself hypothesizing, as boisterous brass started playing instead. Ska, or post-modern orchestra. She remembered her coffee and took a sip and had to hold herself from frowning. Lukewarm already.

Finally, she couldn't help it anymore. Thinking Minato might appreciate a comparison, she said, "Imai-san still hasn't forgiven me for something I did."

Minato stared. "This is not forgiving you?" she asked, though she might as well have questioned Sayo's intelligence.

Sayo shrugged. Humans were complicated, and some people flipped between states more quickly than others. But she was certain Minato already appreciated the bafflement better than Sayo, so she said, "Consider that Imai-san might be thinking you resented her still."

"I'm not sure why I'm still listening to you after the last time." Even so, Minato lapsed into a brooding silence all the same, which Sayo found preferable to tackling the elephant in the room.

Imai came back with a tray. "Everything okay with you guys?"

"Peachy keen," Sayo said, looking at the opera cake set before her. "I didn't order anything."

"Well, too bad I only want to eat half of it, now the rest will have to go to waste." Sayo rolled her eyes, and accepted the split, declaring they were now even. "What's wrong, Yukina, do you want some?"

Minato shook herself out of her brooding, and refused the offer. "Lisa, I didn't ask for the tea, either."

"You could pay me back at the cat cafe — dog cafe? Anyway, later. Actually, make it dog cafe, Sayo is coming with us."

"Don't mind me," Sayo said automatically. The last thing she wanted was to be included out of pity.

Minato shot her a look. "Oh no, you're not skipping out on your bet. Pony up, Sayo."

"Just how many bets do you guys have going on?"

Minato's shoulders were relaxed for perhaps the first time since she'd walked in. It wasn't just her, either. Already loosened from the improvisation session, Sayo found herself entering the flow. She cleared her throat, drawing the others' attention. "Perhaps we can't go back in time, but what about going forward? Imai-san, should you find yourself in need of a band who would perform your composition perfectly, you know whom to call."

"…Pastel*Pallettes? I'm just kidding, Sayo, geez, stop looking like you'll bite me. Uh, thanks, I'll keep it in mind."

That was the easy part. And onto the level 100 final boss. Minato had gone tense again, eyes narrowed. Sayo said, "Roselia will attempt for the Future World FES this year. It was the goal for which Roselia was founded, and we would be remiss if we did not fulfill it before we disband. We — Udagawa-san, Shirokane-san, and yours truly — we would rather fail than forever regret that we have never taken the shot that could have been ours. To give a proper burial to Roselia if it is inevitable, or to send Roselia into a new era, one way or another we will be freed from the fetters binding us down."

Binding down together seemed to be what Minato was thinking of. Her expression grew increasingly blank. "And how is this relevant to me?"

"You were our lodestar," Sayo said bluntly. It was that simple: personal relationships had no business to be in Roselia. "You brought us together and gave us a direction. And now I invite you to perhaps postpone your hiatus. We do not need you, Minato-san — but we want to reach the pinnacle with you."

Even Imai seemed to be holding her breath waiting for Minato's answer. She would be holding it for a long time, in that case. The door to the cafe flew open wildly. This new guest was familiar, and more importantly, screaming Minato's name. "There you are, Minato Yukina!"

Minato snapped up, appraising the newcomer coldly. "It's not yet the time we've agreed on."

Cat-Ears, Sayo remembered now, a self-proclaimed music producer, whatever that meant for a middle-schooler. "Do I look like I care about that?" she said, pointing a finger. "Everyone's assembled and waiting for you, and here you are fraternizing with your old underlings. Don't tell me you're breaking off the contract so brazenly!"

Imai finally found her voice. "I'm sorry, Yukina, who's this?"

Some trace of guilt appeared in Minato's eye before she chased it away. "Tamade-san and I worked out a trial deal for one show."

"Excuse me? I'm your producer! We had an agreement! Now come on, we're wasting time with these losers!"

Minato shook her head and turned to Sayo. "They can wait a little longer. Sayo, did you mean everything you said? That was you, Hikawa Sayo, and not the guitarist of Roselia speaking?"

"What are you suggesting?" She saw no difference, and Minato's wry look, as though she should have understood, rankled.

"Don't play coy with me, Sayo. It might have started with the two of us, but Roselia had since come to a standstill. You and I, individually we have come to a standstill. Is that not why you have decided to study abroad, to separate yourself from Roselia and from me? Although I didn't see it at first, I understand your intent now. Therefore I shall answer to it at the Future World FES. Show me what you have wrought as Hikawa Sayo of Roselia, and I will show you the sound only Minato Yukina can make."

There was fire in there, not of anger, but indomitable will. There was no longer issues of trust, no hurt feelings, nothing else to adulterate the expression of the soul itself — music. In that moment Sayo understood that it was Minato Yukina as she strived to become. Not for money nor fame, nor revenge for her father, but a zeal for the transcendent as could be found in music. It was a purity Sayo could never hope to match. And yet it would be an insult to reject her.

A different sort of fire burning within her, more tainted, more human, Sayo nodded. "May the best band win."

Sayo barely noticed Minato exiting then, bickering with her young producer. Her mind was swirling with plans. She would have to tell Udagawa and Shirokane first, and hope they would not bail out on her in disgust. She nearly forgot about Imai until the latter waved a hand before her face.

"You're still here," Sayo said.

"You're still — of course I'm still here. Look, does this look legit?"

Sayo squinted at the ticket Imai produced. Raise A Suilen, featuring Minato Yukina, dated two weeks from now at CiRCLE. When did Minato slip Imai a ticket? Though when Sayo looked up Imai cradled her head in her hands. "I don't know if I should be worried or proud that Yukina found a new band so soon, and with that kid," she whined.

Sayo tried to imagine Hina taking advantage — being taken advantage? — of an ambitious, but gullible and affluent middle-schooler. Substituting jealousy for pride, she supposed she could sympathize. But still jealous. A sliver of bitterness crept into her reply. "You should be able to find out the answer yourself now that you're on speaking terms once more."

Imai lifted her head, frowning at Sayo, gaze uncomfortably discerning. "Something I've been wondering about, when did you start challenging Yukina?"

"Should I not? I wanted her to do better, so that Roselia as a whole could do better."

"That's not just it, though. At some point it's like you're seeing her as a rival, more like someone to surpass, even leave behind. Sometimes I get the sense that you put her in the same category as Hina."

It was a close guess, and Imai had seen far worse out of her, yet Sayo hesitated. Gently, Imai said, "I know it's not my business. I just thought you might want to know why Yukina's been behaving like this. Well, it's what I think she's responding to, anyway, ever since that night on her balcony. Yukina might seem like it, but she doesn't actually go around provoking people for no reason."

"Before that," Sayo said haltingly. "It must have started some time ago without my noticing it, when I realized it wasn't just hard work for her. Of course she works hard to arrive at where she is, and she has ambition, too, it's what drew me to her initially. I only desired to outstrip Hina, but Minato-san looked farther. She made me believe the pinnacle is within sight — and that if anyone could reach it, it would be her, with Roselia behind her.

"You asked me what changed, but I'm not sure I can point at a single moment. Rather, as we grew closer as bandmates, as I knew more of her as a person, it became apparent to me that some of her brilliance is due to her talents as well. Her gifts might not necessarily be extraordinary, but they are nevertheless available to her and not to me. I began to envy her, as I had envied Hina, as I envy Hina still. I envied her aptitude and instinct. Your affection and devotion, regardless of what she has done to you. Absurd as it is to envy such things."

As Sayo had predicted, it was this last part that Imai pounced on, voice dangerously low with anger and something darker. "You don't know that. You don't know the extent of our history. And even if you do, did you listen to yourself? It's like if I got jealous of Hina knowing everything about you. Hina adores you, Sayo."

She could have more openly accused Sayo of being greedy. Which would be true, but once the floodgate was opened Sayo couldn't stop talking. "It's not the same. Hina, whom I did not choose to share my birth and entire life until now, not as you and Minato-san have chosen to share your childhood with each other."

Indignation had left Imai's gaze, leaving it all the more uncomfortable for how much she was seeing through Sayo. She must have been thinking, not this again, or, how predictable that everything for Sayo began and ended with her Hina complex. How tiresome that it had encroached on her interpersonal relationships like kudzu and strangled them. Maybe she had finally realized the extent that Sayo took advantage of her kindness, and gotten sick of her.

"But you did choose," Imai said at last. "Maybe not the family you were born into, nobody could choose that. You can't help Hina loving you, either, Hina is as Hina does. But even then, that's also partly on you. Hina told me, when you were kids you were always kind and caring to her."

"Because I'm the older sister," Sayo protested, though she didn't know to what, exactly.

Apologetically, Imai said, "You are, maybe except the time you tried to get away from it. So you see, you made that choice, too. And then you made another one to turn around and face Hina, and who knows how many other times you decided not to give into your jealousy. And it's not just Hina, you're making the effort to be kinder to everyone. Who does that? Tell me if that all doesn't mean something to you. Of course, if now you want to stop improving your relationship with Hina, or with others, well, there's nothing I can do about it."

"Nagging doesn't count, I take it," Sayo said, trying and failing to squash a feeble smile or the warmth that had nothing to do with the indoor heater. Talking with Imai always made everything seemed easier, even too easy.

"Ahaha, can you blame me if I prefer you as you are now, the Sayo who isn't afraid to change herself? Even going as far as America to find your own sound."

"Even if it turns out that, as Minato-san said, I'm only studying abroad to run away from Hina and everything?" Sayo said in a vanishing voice as her secret fear was bared at last. Despite her insistence to the contrary that this time was different, despite her efforts to change herself, she was still and would forever be the same misshapen lump of jealousy and greed pretending to be a decent human being.

Imai took her hands and delicately held them as though they were made of tiny, sharp blades. "Even then, I'd hope you'd find what you're looking for out there, happiness or peace, or something just as good. I do try not to be a hypocrite — but mostly I don't want to see you restrain yourself for the sake of staying with Roselia. You're just like Yukina, neither of you would be satisfied unless you got to jump off a cliff and take flight."

Hearing Minato's name didn't irk her, this once. Sayo thought Imai carried enough worry for two people. "You need not worry about my feud with Minato-san, either." Imai opened her mouth to protest, but Sayo squeezed her hands. "I know that look. You're worried Minato-san might have reverted to her old ways and found isolation the only path towards realizing her dreams. I cannot say with certainty, but I don't think this is true. We are perhaps desperate to overcome our standstill. Minato-san trusts me to find my own way. The feud is merely her way of motivating me and Roselia. Therefore I must also trust she will find her own way without sacrificing what she has learned from you and Roselia."

Imai seemed a little perplexed, staring at their intertwined fingers. Then she snorted. "See, what did I tell you? Really, you're too kind, comforting me while you're still worried about something else. Ah, I know, let's make a deal, since you seem to like those. I'll take your word about Yukina, and you'll take mine about yourself."

"Which is…?"

Sayo never got to find out. Imai's phone rang a tone which sounded suspiciously like a Roselia song played on the bass. From the sound of it there was an emergency at her part-time workplace. With guilt Sayo noted that she had never found out if she'd still worked at the convenience store. At any rate she had to leave immediately. Sayo too had spent too long at what should have been a short break.

It was time to go back to work. Sayo drained the last of her cold coffee and made a phone call. "Hello, Hanazono-san? Yes, this is Sayo-senpai, no, this isn't about your rabbits, but if you have the time to talk right now…"


Chapter title is slightly improvised from Kakumei Dualism's lyrics.
Roselia's discography isn't actually all in E minor, though it's by far the most common. Can you guess which ones they played?
This is the chapter that has me the most nervous about writing the sequel as a whole, i.e. if it would ruin the main story, pretentious as that is. Though it's also the quickest one I've ever written, so there's that.