Chapter 5
It was now only 3 weeks away from her moving off to her new destination, college. Her mom had been setting up meetings with doctors in the area and professors for her that she could attend to. She knew she would have the upper hand when it came to her career with all her mother's connections, hell she was one of the best-known surgeons around. Clarke wanted to make her mom happy but, in her head, she had different ideas. She remembered her dad telling her to follow her passions, and that life's responsibilities were not all she had to focus on. Life was worth living. That day when she got home, she moved through their house into the kitchen. She had been in the park earlier that day doing some sketches. She had become very fond of art after her father's passing, using it as an outlet to channel what she was feeling when she couldn't talk to anyone about it. Her mom was sitting at the dining room table her arms crossed. She grabbed a bottled orange juice from the fridge moving into the next room. She looked down at the packet that her mom was holding.
"Do you mind telling me what this is"? her mom asked her. Abby slid the package over to her. She flipped the thick envelope over looking at the stamp in the corner, APU, ark public university. "I had applied to it a couple weeks ago. It's a much cheaper college and they have a lot of choices as far as majors go. They also have an extensive creative arts program". "Creative arts"? Her mom stood up raising her tone. "Clarke what about everything that I have been doing that we have been working toward. You are supposed to go to Stanford, you are supposed to study there until you can move into med school. People have already been contacted; I've pulled a lot of strings for you". she sighed "Yea I know how much you were looking forward to this" she huffed under her breath. "I'm sorry what were you saying because I can't get past the crazy that is happening right now. Your telling me you want to go to a smaller college and what play around with crayons and pencils"?
Clarke was tired of hearing her mother demean her activities. She stood up slamming her hands on the table. "It's what dad wanted! He told me so. To follow my passions to pursue what I wanted to do. Mom it's the life he would have". Her mom moved toward her straining her finger in her face. "And he is not here right now is he, your father always had his head in the clouds, never thinking clearly. I swear that man". Clarke didn't have to listen to this. She ran toward the stairway to her room, her mom following. "Clarke, stop. I'm telling your right now I am not letting you go to this school, throw your life away on a whim". Clarke stepped off the first step turning toward her mom with tears in her eyes after she heard the way her mom talked about her father. "You never got us; you always buried your life in your work. Dad always put family first". Abby slapped her daughter in the face. Stepping back to realize what she had done but standing her ground. "Yea and that is what got him killed, if he hadn't encouraged you to go out that night, he would still be here right now". Clarke couldn't believe her mom. She was blaming her for his death, all this time. Everything was different between them, and that was why? "I am going to wherever I want to go to school and I don't need you to tell me different. I am no longer your problem mom. From now on I'm on my own". She ran upstairs slamming the door to her room. She threw herself on the bed and buried her face in the pillow. She heard the door slam downstairs signaling her mom had left. She reached for her phone for what seemed like a very long time since she last relied on it. Pulling up Octavia's number she pressed call. Octavia was on the other line in 2 rings. "Hey Clarke, just getting some supplies for school. What's up"? She could hear Clarkes breathe on the other line. "I'm coming right over".
Octavia took about five minutes to get to her house, she pulled up with Bellamy. He must have been with her. Instead of hiding in her room Clarke was outside in the back yard. She was laying on their picnic table with a blanket looking up at the sky. She heard her phone vibrate and she texted Octavia that she was out back. When Octavia got there, she laid down next to Clarke. Bellamy followed but waited and kept his distance from them. Octavia looked over at her friend looking up into the sky. "Mom found my acceptance package to APU". Octavia moved her hand over Clarke's. "Clarke why didn't you tell me you applied there, why didn't you say something. Maybe we could have told her together"? Clarke shook her head a single tear running down the side of her cheek. "She blamed me for my dad's death after flipping out and telling me that I was throwing my life away. She said if I hadn't been out that night that he would still be alive". "Oh Clarke, I'm…I'm so sorry".
Clarke closed her eyes accepting what she was about to say. "I'm done here Octavia. I pushed the only other people in my life away after my father's death and look what I have now. No one, nothing. No new memories to look back on. I'm not going to make that mistake again. Put myself into something that I don't want to do. Be someone who those who were closest to me knew I wasn't really meant to become". Octavia knew she was talking about her father. "In a couple weeks I'm leaving for APU, with you". Clarke rolled on her side seeing Bellamy leaning on the corner of her house. She looked at Octavia as she embraced her, squeezing the rest of the tears from her eyes. "Oh, Clarke you know that nothing is your fault. We all understood why you were away. You can bet that we will always be here for you. As for college we can make new memories, we'll have so much fun together, it'll be like we are sisters, maybe we can get a place instead of a dorm and then we'll be roomies!" Octavia's mood made Clarke smile. She liked this plan; it made her happy. "I'm going to go call Wells, why don't we all head out tonight and go catch a movie or go for ice cream". She jumped up reaching for her phone. "Damn I must have left it in the car I'll be right back ok." She hugged Clarke one more time and ran to the car telling Bellamy she would be right back.
"Hey there stranger". Bellamy said as he walked over to Clarke. He and Clarke had always been apart of the same group of friends. They hung out exclusively the four of them, but they had never been that open and close together, just the two of them. Bellamy often kept his distance and hung out with Wells or sat by his sister. He plopped down to Clarke as she sat up swinging her legs over placing them on the seat below them. "Hey, sorry I haven't been". He held a hand up to silence her train of thoughts. "Like O said, there's no need to apologize we all understand". Clarke looked around thinking back to the only other time her and Bellamy had been alone
It was a couple years after they met, at the fall carnival that came to town. They had all walked to the fair together and Octavia wanted to go on the ferris wheel. She insisted that they all go but they would never fit in one of the seats all together. Clarke had never been fond of heights. Playing it safe and staying on the ground, that was the plan. "You guys go ahead I am not that into the whole heights thing". Bellamy looked at her. "Scared are we"? She didn't want to admit it but she was. "Oh, come on we all have to go, please. Look Clarke Bellamy can ride with you to keep you safe and I can ride with Wells since he wants to go on too. It'll be fun." The thought of being that high up as she looked at the spinning wheel make her sweat. "I don't think". "Oh, come on Griffin I'll protect you". Bellamy grabbed her arm motioning for her to follow but all she could do was stare at the ferris wheel. They were in their seats and she kept pushing against the locked bar. Octavia and Wells were the seat above them. "Checking to see if you'll fall out"? Bellamy noticing her actions. They had a small distance between them but as the ride started, she closed it moving close to him and grabbing his arm. Bellamy blushed. Being so close to Clarke was new for him. Bellamy looked her over as she peered over the side. She had curls falling over each shoulder. She had on a thin red hoodie shirt and a pair of shorts. She had a pair of worn slip on sneakers and a bracelet hung on her wrist with a single charm, a globe. "Your boyfriend gives you that or something"? Clarke realized he was talking to her. She looked down at her wrist. "No, my dad actually. He always loved globes and maps, it makes him realize the world is so big and small at the same time. He always told me that's why there are so many possibilities". "Possibilities for what?" she played with the charm forgetting her current situation. "To be who you want to be". Bellamy broke a smile at the corner of his mouth. He took a sigh in remembering how hard that message was for him. He had a tough up bringing before they came to this town and be who you want to be wasn't exactly available for everyone. When he drew his breath in, he could smell the sweet clean smell that he assumed must be Clarke's body wash or shampoo. It smelled clean and crisp with just a light hint of something floral. Before he could catch himself, he spoke, "You smell really nice". Clarke looked up at him surprised his comment gave her goosebumps a little. "It's water lily and peony's". "I like it, it's better than all those other girls dousing themselves in strong perfumes and glitter". Clarke was never the type of flashy girl; she was just her. "Thank you". When they got off the ride she was still holding onto his arm. They walked off meeting their friends. "Not so bad right"? Octavia said excited. Clarke looked down and Bellamy and her arms linked, "no not so bad after all". Ever since then Clarke and Bellamy had been kind of awkward and silent together, and she wondered if one day maybe they would be more.
"Clarke, Clarke"? Bellamy called out to her as she broke away from her memories. She felt his hand on hers. "Sorry I was thinking about something". "Your dad?" He asked. "No actually. I was thinking about that time we went on the ferris wheel together. You remember". Bellamy chuckled. "You were so scared I thought you were going to jump right out as soon as you sat down". They laughed together. "Well I thought I would have but now, realizing that I was with you I think that's what got me through it all". Bellamy looked over meeting her gaze and running his eyes all over her face. He was looking to understand what she was feeling and how he could be there for her like his sister and Wells had been all these years. "You still smell just the same you know, and I still like it". Now she was the one blushing. She rubbed her hands together. Bellamy noticed and picked up the blanket on the table to wrap it around her. "Thanks" she said smiling at him.
"I never thanked you, you know. For taking me and Octavia under your guys wing that day, in the cafeteria. If you hadn't, I don't know how we would have got through things". "I was just doing my part, being friendly". "Yeah like you always are". Bellamy thought about her, Clarke was so kind, so genuine. He couldn't think of a better friend even if he tried. "Clarke about your dad, he would be proud you know. Of you taking this chance. Going somewhere you want to go". Clarke felt herself become uneasy. No one other than her mom had talked to her about her dad. She shifted in her seat. "You can't blame yourself for things happening. They just happen to people". She felt the negative thoughts flow in her head, and the uneasy feelings stirring quicker inside her. "Bellamy don't, I don't want to." He held his hand over hers. "I'm just saying that your mom doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. She's always had everything she wanted, rich, privileged, doctors". Clarke didn't like that comment. Even if she was mad at her mom, she was her daughter. Was he insinuating she was rich and privileged too?
"Your dad, he wasn't like that he was". She cut him off. "He was my dad Bellamy; you don't know what you're talking about. You don't know my family". Bellamy stepped off the table confused. "Hold on there a second, I'm just trying to help". "By doing what telling me that I have had it easy all my life, because losing my father I wouldn't call that easy". Bellamy didn't understand how this was going the exact opposite way he wanted it to. "Woah there Princess". "Princess" she scoffed. He did think she was privileged. "Back off Bellamy I mean it, and don't call me Princess. I may have not had a life like you, but it has never been easy". She felt the tears come back stinging her eyes.
A life like his what was that supposed to mean, because he was sure that it was an insult. "Listen I am not the one throwing things out of proportion here, so why don't you go stomp off to your tower and calm down". Another princess comment. "Go to hell Blake". Octavia came running in when she heard the yelling. She ran to Clarke who was turning away in tears toward the house. She grabbed her into a hug and Clarke threw her arms around her back burying her face in her neck. "What did you do"? she mouthed facing her brother. He shrugged not really caring at this point but feeling himself a little bruised instead. Octavia threw him the keys. "Head back home, I'll stay with Clarke until Wells comes". Bellamy wanted to step forward, he could feel like things were misconstrued and that he didn't want it to end like this. Leave things so hostile. Instead he buried those feelings down and turned away, hopping in the car and heading home. When he got there, he threw himself on his bed grabbing the football next to him and tossing it in the air before catching it and starting again. If this was the way it was meant to be fine, he wasn't about to rock that boat. Thinking back to the memory that Clarke reminded him of. All he remembered was that she looked so innocent and smelled so sweet. That night he realized he might have liked Clarke, but right now all he could think was how frustrating she was.
Octavia pulled Clarke away from her signaling that her brother was gone. "Wanna talk about it?" She shook her head in a silent no. Octavia lead her inside and grabbed a box of tissues from the counter and a glass of water from the sink. Handing it over to her as they plopped down on the stools at the kitchen counter. Clarke wiped away her tears and took a big sip of water. Octavia rubbed he back, "Wells will be here soon, we can go get some ice cream and then maybe if you want, we can head up to the field and look out at the stars". "No field" Clarke snapped. Octavia knew to take the hint. "Ok how about we go for ice cream and take it from there"? She smiled up at Octavia her previous feelings relieving from her body. "And in a short couple week we are going to be headed off to school. Who knows what that holds! Go Woodchucks!" Octavia dropped off the stool and did a split. "Woodchucks?" Clarke laughed. Octavia made a snickering noise that she seemed to connect to the animal holding her fingers under her chin and showing her teeth. Clarke almost fell off the stool laughing, the first time she had laughed at something that hard in a while. She was so happy to have Octavia as a friend.
I hope you enjoyed reading again things are about to change a lot for Clarke. I hope you continue reading. More to come. As always BE KIND
