A/N Sorry about the slow edit and small chapter! :( I know I'm pretty much the worst, but this month has been an emotional roller coaster! Having your employer go under, trying to get a new job, applying for new places to live... gets exhausting...
Any-who, Let me know how you like the chapter!
Chapter 14
Lucy's mind had been reeling the last couple of days. She had resolved to stay at Fairy Tail, only to come to the realization that she had to leave the guild, all in the same day. The Princess had never experienced this mixture of emotions before, and it was only now that she realized just how selfish and shut off from the world she was. Everyone on the ship would give everything they had for each other; all that Lucy had done since she'd stepped foot on the ship was take. She took Natsu's cot and his clothes, not to mention Levy's and Mirajane's. She took Erza and Gajeel's time for lessons that they could be spending helping the guild. The only thing that she'd given was money, which paled in comparison when she looked at all the things she'd gotten in return.
The least she could do was to go back home and try to convince the Emperor to take her with him instead of destroying all of Fiore.
I can't let him destroy the people I love, and I definitely can't let the people I love die when I could have prevented it.
Lucy cursed her own stupidity.
I was so naive to think I could run away and think there wouldn't be any consequences to my actions.
Lucy stared into the sky and sighed. She'd been hiding in the crow's nest during the day, acting in Mest's place. She had asked him if she could remain as the look-out for the extent of the voyage. Mest didn't have a problem with it, and instead, had been assisting the Captain in her place.
And Natsu was NOT happy about it.
Natsu had told Lucy that he wouldn't force her to return to her duties, however, he had her stripped of her title as Acting First Mate and had transferred it to Mest.
But Lucy didn't care, she just wanted to put space between her and Natsu—even if it meant she had to hurt him a little.
It's better this way.
Lucy looked over to where Levy was sitting. Since Lucy had made herself scarce around the ship, the crew was trying everything they could to bring her back and have her reinstated as Acting First Mate. It wasn't that she was more qualified, in fact, it was the opposite. Instead, they were more concerned with her well being, which meant that Levy was doing everything she could to get Lucy down from the towering crow's nest.
Lucy smiled sadly.
She loved Levy like a sister; an evil, maniacal, sister who loved her back, even if she showed it in different ways.
Levy looked up at Lucy and waved sadly, smiling.
Sorry Levy…
Lucy knew she was acting childish and immature, but she had to distance herself for the plan she was hatching.
Natsu had told her that they would be docking at the Pirate's Cove in just a few days and that all the Captains from Fairy Tail would be there—as well as representatives and captains from other guilds. Lucy was hoping to meet up with someone there whom she could trust and who would secretly take her back to her family's castle. The plan was for this trustworthy person to present Lucy to her family, and from there, her father would present her to the Emperor.
It's strange though, father had never mentioned an arranged marriage before…
Lucy pouted as she pondered over her strategy, wondering if any of the Captains of Fairy Tail would be willing to help her out. Natsu was definitely out; he'd destroy all of Alvarez before letting anyone he cared about leave the guild. Erza would be more likely, but even she had a passionate side, more so than anyone else in Fairy Tail.
Lucy sighed.
It has to be Laxus.
Laxus was the only person she'd be able to trust not to backstab her, but also trust him to do what's best for the guild—even if it meant letting Lucy go. Besides, he didn't really have an emotional attachment to her like some of the others.
"LUCY! Get down here! This is an order, I'm not asking!" Bellowed Natsu's voice from the hull of the ship.
Lucy glared over at him, while he glared back.
"…Fine…" She muttered as she picked herself up and climbed down the ladder.
Natsu stood at the bottom of the mast waiting for her, his arms crossed in irritation. He took a moment to look her up and down.
"Lucy… I've been very patient about this, but I think it's time we talk about this. Come with me to my room."
Irritation was flowing freely in Natsu's voice.
Lucy clenched her teeth—but didn't speak—as she followed behind Natsu.
It feels like my father is going to scold me…
When they got there, his room was visibly different. The neat and tidy room she had come to know and love was in shambles. The cot was unmade, desks and chests were all shoved into one corner of the room, and it appeared like old bath towels were making a trail from the hamper to the washroom. Lucy raised an eyebrow but decided it wasn't her place to ask. Instead, she turned to face the Captain.
"What is it, Cap'n?" She asked, in the best Gajeel impersonation that she could muster.
Natsu glared as he leaned his back against the door, thumbs in his pockets.
"This isn't a joke, Lucy. What's been going on in that mind of yours lately?"
"What do you—?"
"AND DON'T SAY WHAT DO YOU MEAN!" He cut her off, fury in his trembling voice.
Lucy stumbled back in surprise. She'd never seen or heard Natsu like this. There was genuine fear in his eyes.
Natsu pinched his nose in frustrated agony.
"Do you honestly take me for a fool?"
Lucy couldn't answer. The words wouldn't come to her; she stood in silence as Natsu compiled his thoughts.
"I know what I said the other day was rather shocking. I debated not telling you, but I felt you should know. I'm NOT STUPID, Lucy! I understand what you're going through. I probably know what you've been thinking… or planning. But I'm going to tell you right now that none of us here want you to leave or would want you to sacrifice your freedom for the rest of us."
Natsu's hand fell from his face as he composed himself. He looked into Lucy's eyes; they were filled with sorrow and worry.
He continued.
"Every one of us is here for a reason, most having tragic back stories and unforgivable pasts. You're no different. Honestly, Lucy, it's time to grow up a little and let people help you. You've been wearing this mask since you got here; maybe it's time to tell people who you are. They love you now, there's no way they'd reject you. Fairy Tail just isn't that kind of guild."
Natsu smiled at her, waiting for her to react.
What was he saying? That they'd just accept the person bringing all this tragedy down on the world?
"Besides, I really think that this was just an excuse to attack Fiore… this war was a long time coming, even before you ran away."
He chuckled slightly.
"It's okay to cry."
Lucy lifted her hands to her face and felt tears streaming down her cheeks.
When did I…?!
Lucy pulled her hand away and confirmed that water was now pooling in the palm of her hand.
Natsu smiled and gave his cheesy grin.
"So…don't go anywhere, okay?"
Don't go anywhere….
Lucy's face twisted in sorrow. She knew everything he was saying was true, she also knew how it felt to have someone you care about leave you. But, she couldn't see a better alternative than the one she'd already come up with; she had to leave, for everyone's sakes. They didn't know the Alvarez Empire. Granted, Lucy didn't know much either, but the things she managed to overhear from the servants and her father were not good.
Damnit!
Angry tears flowed from her brown eyes, as she leapt into Natsu's arms.
"Natsu! I'm so, so sorry, Natsu!"
Lucy continued to cry as she buried her face into his white cotton shirt, Natsu's arms wrapped around her tightly as he rested his cheek on her hair.
I'm even sorrier that I still have to leave you… I can't take any chances. I'm done running from my past, I'm confronting it. Besides, if I don't end it now, it will just come back to haunt me later.
She tried to pull away from his strong arms, but Natsu held firm, unwilling to let her go.
Lucy unsuccessfully tried to look over at him.
"Natsu? You okay?"
"….. I just have this feeling that as soon as I let you go… that you'll run away."
Lucy's heart began to pound in her chest, as blood rushed through her veins.
She had just become aware that Natsu's arms—and his scent—were all over her. His hair tickled her face and neck. She inhaled deeply, she loved his smell.
He smelled like cedar and redwood, it reminded her of the times in the palace that they would chop up the fallen trees after the summer storms. She could always smell the wood being chopped in the gardens from up in her tower. It was one of the few times if felt like summer was trying to greet her, since she could not go out to meet it. She let her mind wander as she thought of the summer storms at the palace. Natsu was so much like them: sunny, cheerful, yet powerful.
Finally, Natsu released her slowly, but he rested his forehead on her shoulder.
Lucy's heart continued to race as she felt her stomach flip.
"You're not allowed to leave me… I can't have someone else leave…" He whispered almost inaudibly into her shoulder. Lucy felt his hot breath on her neck as he spoke.
"Mmmm?" Lucy asked, blood rushing to her cheeks.
"What do you mean 'someone else'?"
Natsu shook and raised his head.
"Doesn't matter, just remember we're family, and family looks out for each other."
Lucy nodded to relieve his anxiety.
They also protect each other.
Natsu nodded confidently as he opened the door to escort her out.
Lucy walked passed him and onto the main deck. When she walked a few steps, she realized that Natsu wasn't standing next to her. Lucy looked around trying to find him, finally her eyes stopped on his profile leaning against his doorframe.
…Natsu?
"Lucy, you should know that we have no intention of letting you go… That I have no intention of letting you go."
He gave her a crooked smile and turned to leave back into his room.
Lucy felt her heart take off as she watched him close his door.
…stop.
Stop.
STOP! I'm sorry!
Lucy couldn't help the waves of regret and treason crashing over her body. She started taking shallow breaths, while trying to get enough oxygen.
This must be an anxiety attack.
Her stomach turned in knots while she felt the strength leave her legs.
Lucy fell to her knees while clutching her chest.
The feelings she felt towards her friends and the treasonous act she was about to commit, must have been too much for her inexperienced self. She didn't have enough practice being and having friends yet to be able to process these emotions properly.
Instead, it sent her body into overdrive and she reacted physically to the stress she was experiencing. Cold sweat formed at the nape of her neck and followed down her back, it was as if her body was trying to purge these unknown emotions.
Finally, nausea overcame Lucy, as her stomach emptied out onto the deck.
"Lucy!" Boomed Levy's voice.
Lucy heard footsteps stop behind her, and felt Levy place a hand on her back comfortingly.
It was to no avail, however, as Lucy bit her lip and gritted her teeth.
I have to get off this ship.
A moment later, Lucy blacked out.
Less than a day had passed before they were ready to dock at the Pirates' Cove in the south. Lucy had woken up in the abandoned officers' quarters with Levy keeping an eye on her.
Levy was kind and explained to Lucy that she did, in fact, have a panic attack and that Wendy had already given her a check-up. Ironically, it was Natsu who was in a worse state than anybody else. Levy laughed when she said that he almost had a panic attack when he saw Lucy.
When Lucy got up, she insisted in resuming her designated duties and being debriefed about anything that had gone on while she was out.
They weren't in a great situation.
The archive magic paper still wasn't operational, and Natsu and the crew had become even more convinced that something was amiss. Natsu had warned Lucy to be on her toes because he couldn't guarantee the condition and state of the Pirates' Cove. Natsu said that the worst case scenario for them would come to pass if martial law were declared; the guilds would then have to follow suit. He failed to mention, however, what it would be like if the guild had to declare martial law. Every time Lucy asked about it, Natsu would just look somber, like he was hiding something.
In the end, though, it didn't really matter.
Lucy had decided to leave after all.
Although lately, she'd been having feelings that she couldn't quite put her finger on in regards to Natsu. It was definitely friendship, but not quite how she had felt about Gray, all those years ago. She knew she had loved Gray, but with Natsu, it was…different.
It was more like… she knew she had to protect him no matter what. That she was willing to leave him if it meant that he could live happily and safely with his guild.
Lucy stared into the black sky, which reflected off the face of the sea. Time had passed by quickly after she'd passed out; evening was already run its course. Stars danced in the ripples that the ship left in its wake, and Lucy liked to challenge herself to spot constellations in the sea. It was much more difficult doing it this way than by looking at the sky. She wasn't sure if it was a skill that she'd ever have to use, but at least it kept her entertained. She was up on the crow's nest once again; after all, she did switch responsibilities with Mest.
She liked it up in the sails of the ship; it made her feel more relaxed since she still wasn't confident with herself when it came to social interaction.
And Lucy was pretty sure her panic attack was the reason.
Levy was kind enough to talk her through the first one. Levy was a good friend; she never even asked what had worked her up so bad, knowing that it could make her panic again.
Something shining caught Lucy's eye, was it fire maybe?
Yeah, it was fire, fire reflecting on the water like the stars. Lucy looked up to see two large bonfires burning on the shore of Fiore.
Lucy shouted to alert Natsu.
"CAPTAIN! LIGHTS ALONG THE SHORE!"
"Finally!" The Captain's voice traveled from his cabin.
Natsu barged out of his room and climbed up the mast to join Lucy in the crow's nest.
"Awesome, we're finally here." He stated with apprehension in his voice.
Lucy raised an eyebrow at his tone.
"What's wrong?"
The Captain shrugged,
"I'm not positive. I have a pretty good idea, but… I just know we're in for some bad news when we dock on shore. It's a little bitter-sweet."
Lucy frowned and looked back over to the pirates' cove.
I wonder if Laxus will be there… and if he is… will he help me? Will I be able to find any willing person at all?
Lucy closed her eyes and tried not to think about it, suddenly something dawned on her.
"So if this is a secret pirate base or whatever, why do you light the entrance with a huge bonfire?"
Natsu smiled back at her,
"Only those sailing in guild ships can see the bonfire at all." He laughed, turning back the other way and facing the hull.
"Levy! Set sail for shore! WE DOCK WITHIN THE HOUR!" Natsu thundered as he leapt from the mast landing squarely on his feet, as if it were second nature to jump from that height.
Lucy sighed.
He's definitely avoiding me
Normally he'd stay with her while they sailed into port and keep her company, but ever since she'd had her panic attack, he'd kept his distance. It felt like when they were back on the island, and he'd just disappeared. But somehow…this felt even lonelier.
Someone there has to help me.
