Chapter 24

As their car pulled into town Clarke could feel the de ja vu wash over her. This place that she had kept at a distance for so long gave her feelings that made her uneasy and happy at the same time. They passed the park on the way to her old home, the one her and Wells went to several times. As they turned the corner onto their street, she could see herself along with her friends, dressing up for Halloween and going out trick or treating. She stared out the window at the familiarities around her. She had no more tears to cry for the moment. Bellamy, Wells, and Octavia had been so comforting to her in the hours since she had found out about her mothers' death. She was comforted again by their presence allowing her to compose herself. When they pulled in the drive, she could feel the car come to a slow stop. Bellamy releasing the key and waiting for the word that she was ready. They all left the car giving her a moment. Waiting outside and walking toward the house. Clarke stared at the rusty gutters that lined the room, the tree that stood in the front yard, full of leaves. The times when she climbed down it to meet her friends without her parents knowing. She reached for the car door handle, pulling it open and stepping onto the cracked pavement below her feet. Looking down at the black tar that was once covered in bright chalk drawings. So many summer memories, playing outside as a child.

When she arrived by the others at the door Bellamy reached around her back, allowing room for her to take out the key she had carried on her chain but that remained unused. She paused before extending out her arm to the door's lock, inserting the key and turning it from its locked position. She stepped inside. The whole house smelled like gardenias. She noticed a large vase of them by the door, along with the same coat rack and shoe stand they had as a kid. She placed the things down on the small table walking in. She didn't know who or if they were following her, but she could feel herself moving through the rooms. The light showing through the curtains, mail piled on the dining room table. The kitchen spotless and clean. Marble white counter tops, and stainless-steel appliances. That always reminded her of the hospital. How everything was shiny and clean, that was the way her mom liked it.

She looked out the kitchen window to the back yard, their old swing set worn down in the back. The last time she remembered sitting by it was when she had her fight with Bellamy. One horrible day causing events that she would rather forget, but her memory wouldn't allow her to. She walked to the upstairs staircase. Raising her foot up and looking along the walls. There were pictures hanging on either side. Pictures of her family growing up, baby pictures, her first bike ride. Then there were prom pictures, pictures of her with her friends at the games. All sorts of memorabilia. She saw her framed graduation cap and pictures of her and her mom standing proud beside her. She knew her mom was thinking she would continue to pursue a position in the medical field but soon she would find out different.

The hallway extended out either way, she could go left towards her room. Or what used to be her room, or right down the hall to her parents' room. As if her body willed her to know she took a right, walking towards the closed door. She stood before it, paused and unsure before twisting its knob. She let the door creak open from her slight push, the rose blush colored room. She had a few memories in here too, on stormy nights wandering in to sleep between her parents, but that was the last she could remember. There weren't many pictures, blank walls. She reached to the dresser drawers, surprised to find the side she opened filled with her father's old personal belongings. His sweatshirt from her high school, sweaters, pants, shirts. She picked out one that was covered in grease, an old rag that he wore when fixing the cars. No matter how many times her mother begged him to throw it out, he just went on to say it was his work shirt. Every man needed a uniform, and that was his.

Clarke closed the drawers walking toward their closet. She opened it up to find coats, and dresses her mother kept for banquets and profession events. She never realized how much her parents didn't indulge in personal possessions for themselves. Instead there were a few clothes they needed and some jewelry but other than that she couldn't find much at all. She walked to the opposite end of the hallway peering one last time into her parents' room and leaving the door open. No one needing the privacy any longer. She assumed her room would either be the same or be converted into an office. It had been what seemed like forever since she left, and her mother rarely had guests. Or at least she had assumed.

When she opened the door, she found most of it exactly like it was left. Her dresser from her childhood in the corner, pictures on top. She lifted one off, it was of her and her dad. He had her hoisted onto his back in a piggyback position. Her mom leaning into the camera space while she held up the camera to take a picture of the three of them. She placed it down continuing. She had drawings hanging up from her time in art class, ones that she worked on at home too. Her bed still made with the same sheets she left on them. It's like everything was preserved incase she would come back. As she stepped closer to the bed, she kicked a small shoe box on the ground, tucked underneath her bed only sticking out enough for her foot to tap it.

She leaned down picking it up and sitting herself on the bed. That wouldn't be something she would remember. She had packed all her belongings in the move. She would have known if she forgot something. She opened the shoe box to find pictures and pieces of paper popping out of it. Ones of her and her mom. Some of them from the hospital, some from school, and some at home. She reached for the piece of crinkled and folded paper. Unraveling it to find a printout of her apartment address, road directions from her home to where they were now. Her mom must have printed it out and kept it for a day when she would decide to visit her. A rolled-up shirt was inside the box, crisp and new. She unrolled it to find it was her school shirt, complete with logo and mascot. She hadn't sent anything to her mother, so she must have bought it herself. Yet, if her mom was so disappointed by her life decisions then why would she go so far to try and be included in them. Another piece of paper rested on the bottom of the box. It was a sealed envelope, complete with her new address and a stamp, but never sent. It was addressed to her, with her mom's name in the corner. She filled it open turning it over, as she opened it her eyes followed the lines that were written neatly and organized.

Dear Clarke,

I don't think I can bring myself to tell you in person how sorry I am that I haven't been there you all these years. I never wanted to leave things the way they were when you had left for school. So many times, I wanted to reach out to you, to call you and apologize. I just never could muster up the courage. Admittedly I will say that it was my stubbornness as well, a trait I hope that you do not inherit. I never should have said what I did or blamed you for your father's death. It was an accident and it was no fault of anyone's except fate. As a doctor I should know this but as his wife and your mother I sought someone to blame. Pushing the only person, I had left in my life away. If I ever manage to get this letter to you and you decide not to contact me back in return, please know how deeply sorry I am for all of it. I would trade anything for the years I missed out with you.

I will tell you that I have been in contact with your friends. Wells, Octavia, and Bellamy. Even though Octavia had been keeping me in the loop, sending me pictures of drawings you've made and telling me about your school accomplishments I heard similar stories from Wells. Happy that you stayed in contact with them all these years. Bellamy, I had not heard much from, checking with him when I ran into him in town, or at the hospital when he would visit his mother. You two used to be so close and he still thinks very fond of you. Another thing I should mention that I should of long ago. Clearly the boy cares for you in a way different from your other friends, you will need someone to hold onto, who will support you and keep you grounded over the years. I think you should reach out to him. Give him a chance to mend whatever happened between you too.

Lastly, I want to mention that things have changed with me quite a bit. I am seeing a Dr. at the hospital. His name is Dr. Kane. If I ever had the courage to tell you it would have been at a later time when I was certain that things between us were already mended. No one of course could replace your father Clarke, but he is a wonderful man and we have a lot of fun together. I wish you could get to know him like I do. I never meant to upset you by keeping this from you. My little girl, there is so much that I could fit into the pages of this letter, but nothing would be as important or stressed as me asking for your forgiveness. Know that I love you. No matter what you do, no matter who you are. I love you, the whole you, something I should have told you long ago. I am proud that you are my daughter, a wonderful beautiful soul. If you decide to write back to me know that I will be waiting, no matter how long it takes.

Love, Mom.

Clarke placed the letter down, drops wetting the paper as it fell from her face onto the pages. The fight that they had once had seemed so small and stupid, and she would never get the chance to take it back. Not now anyway. How stupid and childish they both had been, to let it go on this long. Her mother had stashed this away, meaning to send it but never did. She wanted to know why but those questions would never be answered. She placed the letter back in the box heading downstairs to meet the group. When she reached the bottom Bellamy and the others were sitting at the dining room table. They had ordered a pizza and were waiting around until she came back. Bellamy got up and headed toward her to check if she was ok. She had obviously been crying. "Hey babe, you ok. You find anything up there"? Clarke looked down at the box and back up at him. Remembering what she just read from her mother about Bellamy. He was all she mentioned and more. Kind and caring. "More than I expected". She assured him.

She walked toward the table placing it down, Bellamy pulling out her chair for her and letting her sit down before pushing it closer. "How long had you been sharing things with my mom"? Clarke looked over at Octavia. Not mad, just inquiring the truth. Octavia didn't know what to think. She paused looking around the room, she knew that everyone had been in contact with Clarke's mom and she wondered if she should include them.

"I know about them too, I just want to know since you were her main contact". Octavia looked down, picking at her empty plate. "This whole time, since we moved into the apartment and started school up to the other day. That was the last time I spoke with her". "When did she even have time to speak to you. You were with me most of the time"? Octavia fidgeting again. "Most of the time it was in between classes when I was on campus, sometimes I was out with Lincoln when she would call. More recently, but she just wanted to know how you were doing. Know that you were safe". Clarke nodded her head, turning to Wells. "And you, how long till you last spoke to her". Wells looked embarrassed, catching on that she knew everything. "Just over break, Christmas, actually. Clarke you should know that we never wanted to keep it from you or hurt you. We just wanted to let you guys work it out on your own, but your mom insisted". Clarke nodded cutting him off. He got up walking over to the kitchen. He opened the cupboard by the glasses and pulled out a small wrapped package. He returned to the table sliding it over to her. "She talked about sending you this but never had a chance to, when we arrived here today, and I saw it I knew what it was. You should have it". Another mysterious box, Clarke wasn't sure she could take anymore. She left it in front of her, unopened before looking over at Bellamy seated next to her.

"When was the last time she spoke to you"? Tears welling up in her eyes, the truth was harder to swallow then she thought. "The night at the beach. I called her to tell her what happened, thinking you might have been injured and needed help. I didn't know everything would work out like it did". The night at the beach, when she had been attacked. Now she felt her mom knew more personal information about her then she ever let on. She must have worried about her. "Did she know…" Clarke could feel her words cut off in her throat, the reality of it. "Did she know about us". Knowing that they weren't together that night, but things were starting to happen for them. Bellamy reached out for her hand taking it. "She told me to take care of you. She told me to be there, that you would need someone. When you were ready to talk. I told her I cared about you, that I still care. I think my words meant more to her than I let on. I would say yes, she knew before we did". Clarke felt a relief in her chest. Knowing that her mother knew she had found someone to take care of her in her absence. She looked over the group, no one met her eyes. "I want you to know I'm not upset; you gave a piece of me to my mom when I couldn't. Thank you". They were surprised, all looking up at her. If she couldn't do it herself, she was happy to have those close to her that would step in.

They were all picking at the last couple pieces of pizza, tensions a little calmer after they had lunch and had eaten. They talked about the funeral arrangements, and the obituary. They talked about clearing out the house and putting it up for sale. That's what Clarke wanted. She asked Bellamy to go with her to the hospital to see her mom one last time and asked Wells and Octavia to hang back. Before she could leave, she reached for the package that Wells had given her. Opening it up. There was a wooden box inside, a picture laying over it. She flipped it around, it was a picture of her mom and her sitting out on their front porch. She would never remember this; she must have been months old. She had a hand full of paint and her mom's hand was over it placing it on the paper in front of them. She was painting with her mom, the only time she ever had seen it for herself. She flipped open the lock on the box opening it. Inside was a golden key and a note. She flipped the note open and read the few words that were inscribed on it. "It's ready for you to make your own when your ready. Ask them all about it they know". Clarke put the paper down lifting the key. She turned to Bellamy for answers. He gave her a small smile rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess I have to explain that, first let's do what we have to at the hospital and then we can talk. We can't open it until we are back home anyway". Clarke didn't understand but she accepted what he was saying.

When they reached the hospital, her stomach was a mix of emotions. They proceeded through the entrance to the elevators entering in as they reached the lower floors where the morgue was located. They stopped at the double doors before entering. Inside there was a man in a lab coat, looking up at them. "May I help you two"? Bellamy took Clarkes hand, stepping in to help. "We are here to pay our last respects and make arrangements for Abby Griffin". The man's face went gray as he looked at Clarke. "Of course, you've grown so much but you look just like her I should have known. I am so sorry for your loss Ms. Griffin". He looked over at Bellamy, "I have to tell you it is family only though, so I know this is difficult but if you can step outside". Clarke reached her arm over to Bellamy, linking her arm with his. "He is family, he is my fiancé". Bellamy knew that it was a lie, to get him to stay, but the lie sounded so sweet to him. He smiled down at her as the Dr. shook his head.

He pulled open one of the drawers covered in a long white sheet. They nodded their heads as they moved forward and Bellamy pulled Clarke to his side. Signaling they were ready. The Dr. pulled back the sheet revealing her mother. Clarke could feel her knees buckle but Bellamy held her up strong, she turned into him as they nodded again to the Dr. They needed a minute. The Dr. left them both to it, stepping outside. Clarke reached out at her mother in front of her. "Mom, I am so sorry I wasn't there. All this time. I want you to know I love you so much and I got your note. I'm sorry mom, I'm so sorry." Tears falling down her cheeks. "And I want you to know I am ok, I'm happy. I've found someone I can hold onto that cares for me". She reached back gripping Bellamy closer to her. Bellamy pulled her by his side kissing her head. "I'm always here for you Princess". He mumbled when she was finished. The Dr. made his way back in as Clarke reached out for the tissue, he was offering her. "I'd like to make arrangements for her body to be cremated. She'll be buried along with my father". The Dr. nodded, giving her to proper paperwork to sign.

"I will contact you and your fiancé when the remains are ready to be picked up, please contact the funeral home for urn arrangements and they can send over what ever you choose". Clarke nodded feeling a little better and stronger with Bellamy by her side. They walked back to the lobby hand in hand. "Fiancé, huh". Bellamy laughed. "I had to do something so you could stay with me, I don't know how I could have gotten through that without you. I'm sorry if it made you seem uncomfortable". He moved in front of her so she couldn't walk any further. "I actually like the sound of that. I like the sound of Mrs. Blake even more". He rubbed the sides of her arms, watching her as she looked up at him intrigued at what he was insinuating. "In order for that to happen I would have to be asked though not assume". Bellamy went to answer her but was interrupted by another presence approaching them.

"Excuse me I don't mean to pry but are you just arriving back from the morgue. They had called me, and I was hoping I met the right people getting off the elevator". Bellamy moved to stand back by her side as Clarke addressed the man. He was very clean cut, with brown hair. Salt and peppered with age. He had a clean-cut beard and a lab coat and scrubs on, indicating that he worked there. "Yes, we were just paying last respects to my mother". The man played with his coat as he adjusted his posture. "I". He cleared his throat. "I am Dr. Kane. I don't know if you have ever heard about me". Clarke saw the hurt in his eyes. She reached out grabbing his hand in hers. "Of course, you were seeing my mother". He looked relieved to know that Clarke had heard about him. "I wanted to say I was sorry about what happened and if I can do anything to pitch in or help". Clarke reached over hugging him. He seemed surprised but fell into her hug as her arms wrapped around him. Leaning back into her and rubbing her back. "You have taken care of my mother all this time, when she was alone, I couldn't expect that you could do anything better than that". The man smiled down at her as she pulled back. He pulled a card out of his pocket.

"If you don't mind contacting me for the funeral or arrangement's I would like to help". He was sincere and kind, it reminded her a lot of her father. "Thank you, Dr. Kane it was nice to meet you,". He reached out shaking Bellamy's hand as he extended it. "Please call me Markus". "Markus". Clarke added and they were headed back to the car to return to the house and make more preparations.

The funeral and service were wonderful. Her friends and her had cleaned up the house and started packing things away. Bellamy's mom even came over to help along with Dr. Kane. Clarke had offered some pictured of her mothers to him and he willingly excepted. It only seemed fair since she was a big part of his life too. They had spent enough time away, catching up and talking about memories as they stayed in her childhood home. She and Bellamy stayed in her old room while Wells stayed at his dad's house and Octavia slept on the couch downstairs. They had brought some boxes to the nearest consignment for donation. Things that they didn't need and some items they would take back home with them. When they were making the right preparations for her death and had submitted her obituary to the paper, Clarke was contacted by her mother's attorney. He came over to show her the will her mother had put together, everything left for Clarke. Clarkes mother was quite wealthy, and smart. She filled a large amount of her money into Clarkes school account, which she had her name attached to for access. The rest of her money would be separated to pay off the rest of the mortgage and then Clarke would be allowed the keep the money and do with it what she will for herself.

Clarke had become unexpectedly wealthy. They didn't need the money from the sale of the house, so she decided to take that money and put it toward charity. She would find one that she knew would appreciate it when the house sold. They had loaded up the car saying good-bye to Dr. Kane and Wells who came to see them off. Hugs went all around and final tears were shed. On the way home she felt a little uneasy about all the money she had acquired. Knowing that Bellamy had always lived a modest life and knew what it was like not to have money. "Are you ok with everything that happened"? She looked at him reaching out to place a hand on his knee as he drove. He smiled at her, comfortable and showing no signs of disconcert. "I am perfectly fine if you are". Clarke was relieved. They carried on home, falling asleep on the way. It had been a very long week for all of them.

I hope you liked this chapter I will be updating another chapter for this story, and I hope you stay tuned. Thank you to all the readers and followers. As always BE KIND