Thank you for the reviews guys! And thanks for luluguineapig that pointed out some grammatical errors for me!

Warning: Suicide thoughts and maybe trigger.

Disclaimer: I own neither The Flash nor Glee.


The next day was blurry. They somehow fell asleep between the Movie marathon, and Barry woke up to be greeted by a heap of people sleeping on one another. A small smile graced his face, he had never went to boys sleepover (Iris hosted a girl sleepover in middle school, that was horrid, because they gossiped all night long and he could hear it from his room), so he did not really know what to do yesterday. Except for getting hit on, the party was really nice.

Kurt and Blaine were really friendly too. He was a bit uncomfortable around Blaine, maybe because his brother crushed over the boy or something, but he bonded with Kurt, much to Bas and Blaine surprise. Once Kurt got over that he had the same face as Bas, they spent a lot of time talking. Although he did not really know about fashion, listening to Kurt talking about them was fascinating. Kurt reminded him of his best friend, Adam, the closeted-but-everyone-knew-anyway gay boy he was paired with for chemistry lab in junior high.

Adam was bullied because of his sexuality, and Barry had protected him by distracting the bullies' attention to him. This was not a very good idea, because that got him beaten a few times, however, he got a friend in exchange. The boy was now in Central City High, together with his boyfriend, Zach. They parted in good terms before Barry went to Missouri Academy.


To make it short, Kurt was astounded to meet Barry. The boy was so different from Sebastian, but at the same time, they had some things that similar, except for the face, of course. Both of them were exceptional singers, although Barry was not a good dancer, or so he said. He was used to be in the track team, while Sebastian in Lacrosse. Barry was a genius in science, while Sebastian was an art prodigy (yeah, Kurt was aghast to hear that). Barry was sweet, yet, with all his brilliance, he cared very little for himself. He could relate with Sebastian at that, wanting to protect his brother.

Moreover, that kid trusted too easily. Kurt was rather frustrated at that. With Blaine, who always knew what he wants, he never had to second guess him. Blaine was confident, albeit a bit shy, but not as innocent as Barry. The boy put others before him, he asked what they wanted first before even considered himself. Kurt was used to take care of others, and Barry was taking the protectiveness stride inside him to another level. Hell, he went with Mason on a secluded place after the 'incident'. Granted, he just wanted to apologize, but most people would at least bring someone to accompany them.

He was wary at first, the boy was Sebastian's twin. Sebastian. That boy was a menace to him, mocked him in every turn, countering all his quips easily. He had thought he was self-assured jerk that only cared for himself. Apparently, he was wrong. Sebastian obviously cared for his brother.

That was why he was afraid of getting close to his double. Inside his mind, they were the same, hell, they had the same face, for god sake. Nevertheless, Barry did not carry himself with the confidence Sebastian had. The said boy was awkward. He had never thought anyone could landed himself in so many innuendos without knowing about it and flushed so red at any sex referenced word. He was anxious to introduce the boy to New Direction.

The other day, on the party, Sebastian had said he wanted to protect his brother. And from his stance, the 'protecting' part was not a usual brother protectiveness. There would be something behind it. From his stance at Karofsky's suicide, maybe they had some history themselves with death. Kurt hoped not, he could relate with the loss of family members after all.

A couple of days before Regionals, Barry had asked Kurt to meet him. They had agreed to meet at Lima Bean while Sebastian at Warblers practice. Kurt had no big part on New Direction, he had assured the other boy, and that Rachel could go to hell with all of her nagging. Barry was so unsure about it and he had to reassure him a few times that it was fine, a few breaks were really helpful for him.

"Ah, Kurt," Barry greeted him with a small smile, the foremost expression that he could not associate with Sebastian before, but he could not imagine Barry without it. "Barry."

"A cup of low fat grande caramel macchiato," he offered quickly, like some piece offerings. He frowned.

"Hey, how are you?"

"As fine as one can be with Bas breathing on your neck," he grinned, sipping his own coffee. Then, he looked amused and said, "The Warblers are really nice, though they are really afraid of big brother Bas."

"Well… it was kinda nice to have someone like that, "he grinned, "Finn was never like that."

"Isn't he your brother?" Barry rose his eyebrows in surprise as he would never think Bas not as he was. Overprotective, provocative, flirty and relationship awkward aside, he did not know what he will do if Sebastian had not believe him about their father's innocence. For all his fault, he always there when he needed him, to lean on, to depend on. To protect him, although he did not really need the protection.

"Step-brother," Kurt answered, shrugging. "I used to have a crush on him, before our parents got married. He used to be one of my bullies, the kind one."

There was another similarity for them, bullies. Barry was constantly harassed because he was smart and lanky. Kurt was terrorized because his sexuality. If people asked him anyone who was related to Sebastian could be bullied before, he was sure that the guy must be joking. Now, sitting in front of the twin, he could believe that.

"You have a crush on your bully?"

"You have a crush on your best friend," he reminded back.

Barry pouted and took a sip on his coffee, making him chuckle. "Stupid Bas," he grumbled.

"Right, why do you call me here?"

"Oh, right!" he scrambled, sitting straight, nervousness back. "Uh… I need you to tell me where Karofsky is, I heard you guys are friends."

"Well… Kind of, I guess. Why?" he frowned, Dave's suicide attempt was quite well known after all. And he felt defensive for him.

"I want to apologize," Barry scratched his head awkwardly, "Bas said some pretty mean things to him before..." He then stared blankly at his cup, "and, I don't know, I thought maybe some support from someone who has experienced something similar would be nice."

Kurt felt eyes widen again at the confession, Barry tried to take his life before? He seemed strong, happy and stable. Kurt adverted his eyes, feeling remorseful that someone as bright as the boy had to be acquainted with things like that. He took a sip from his cup, the conversation still stilted, and exhaled softly. "He was in the Lima Memorial Hospital."


Barry knew he should at least tell Sebastian where he was going, but his brother was in class and he thought he did not want to worry him. He had to do this, to help David Karofsky faced his demon, like he did before. He wanted to help him, because he knew how painful it is to resort to death. When he tried to take his life a few years ago, he had felt so alone, with the whole world against him. After that, Bas was there, helping him all the way, always beside him for each step he took. However, he still had his doubt, lingering beneath those memories.

He was not scared of death that time, death was a solace for him, from this world and everything inside it. No, he was terrified of losing those he cared about, of his family leaving him, disappointed in him, to be disgusted by his way of coping. And that fear still exist, no matter what he did to vanquish it. And it would never go away, he understood that, along with that, he accepted it, let that became his remainder of what had happened, so it would never happen again.

That was why he wanted to go to Karofsky, he wanted to help, because he could relate with his feelings, those fears and why they controlled him. And if he could break free from them, David Karofsky could too.

He knocked the door before peeking inside, seeing the boy lying on his back, but very much awake, as he already knew from the nurse. The doctor had just checked him, but he had not given him a sleeping medication yet.

"Sebastian? What are you doing here?" he said with nervousness in his voice.

"Hey," he smiled gently, setting a basket of fruit he bought before coming there to the table. Then, he sat down on the chair provided. "I am Barry, Sebastian's brother."

"Brother?"

"Twin, to be exact…"

Dave unashamedly staring at him, thinking that he was joking. "Uh… why are you here then?"

"I want to apologize for Sebastian's words," he started. David shook his head, "it was not his fault, really."

"Well… my brother panicked after hearing your attempt," he shrugged a bit.

"Him? Panicked?"

"Yeah… Although he didn't seem like it, he was traumatised by suicide." David cringed at his choice of words, but Barry continued, loosening his right hand cuff and revealing his scarred wrist, a few feint white lines marred there. "I tried the same, a few years ago. I felt abandoned, he was in Paris with Uncle Alex. My foster father did not let me see my dad in the prison. One of the bullies just yelled at me, telling me to die. It was the first time I consider it."

Dave looked at him in horror. "The first time I did it was to run away from the pain, to distract me from my own troubles. It worked, I could act as my usual self the next day, the cheerful, awkward, rambling boy. I cut again when I was stressed. Then, I became addicted to it," he smiled sadly. "Next, cutting a little is not enough, so I cut deeper. One day, it became too much, I cut deeper than I should. Freaked out, there were so much blood, but it's a release, you know, I thought, once and for all, I was going to end this disappointment. I was good at biology, I thought of cutting the ulnar – main artery, but the blood loss was too much and passed out.

"I woke up the next day, missing school, lying to my foster father that I was sick. It wasn't hard, as I was as pale as hell. But then the suicidal thoughts started to swirling around my head. Few weeks later, after another fall out with my foster father, I tried to really cut the artery. He found me, bleeding on the bathroom and called 911. The next thing I know, I woke up on the hospital under 72 hours suicide watch with Bas by my side," he explained while watching Dave's face cautiously. The boy looked paler than before, but he nodded after he finished telling his story.

"How do you… bounce back?"

"Talking, mostly, communicating. My case is a bit different than yours, self-harm doesn't always end in suicide, after all. I want to live, at first, and cutting is a way of release. It helps that Bas doesn't judge, he didn't force me to talk, just assure me that he will be there if I need him, that he loves me, and I am not alone in this world."

As much as he loved Joe, the fact he banned him from seeing his dad hurt. He knew that Joe thought his dad was guilty, he even led the case to the court. It hurt that Joe was replacing his dad. How ironic, the one who took away his father was the one who took his place. He got nightmares from that night, refusing to eat at first. That did not work, his father was still in prison. So, he sneaked there, Joe caught him. He went at night, Joe still caught him and placed wires on his window. He still found another way to go there though.

They yelled at each other after that. Barry was nothing if not stubborn. After being harassed at school about his dad, he tried to see him again, and of course, got caught again. He was grounded, told to never leave his room for the day. Depressed, he sulked on the bathroom and saw Joe newly given razor sitting innocently on the cabinet. It was not the usual one he used, but he took it. He did not even think what Bas would be if he succeeded.

That was the main reason he did not talk to Joe, initially, he was afraid Joe would disappointed in him. Then, he was afraid that if he talked his problem, Joe would take him away to some rehab or something. He could not see his father or Bas anymore. That scared him so much, to be away from his family with no way to contact them.

He confided to Bas, then Iris. The two only people who believed on him about his dad. Nowadays, he told them everything. That became his source of power, the one that drove him out of his bed and lived his life. In the end, he told all his fear to Dave, and in reverse he told him his. By the time Dave's dad visited him, the two had bonded, taking the conversation to everyday live, and to expect and hope for tomorrow.


Sorry about New Directions though, I start writing about Dave, and it seems I cannot stop, hehe.. I promise that they will appear in next chapter! Is Barry right handed or is he left handed? I tried to search on wiki but can't seem to find it. Don't forget to review.

For those who experience this tendency or know one, please get support, or at least talk to someone. Don't let those horrible thoughts win. You can go and check this website for more info: alliance . org or helpguide . org