NOTES:

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the late update. It occured to me that the chronogy of my story might be hard to follow. So as a little help: the first, second and third chapter take place beginning of September in my story. The night that Sasuke and Sakura spent together took place beginning of August, one month prior, as mentionned in this chapter. Otherwise flashbacks are... well flashbacks.

I hope you will enjoy this chapter, and feedback is most welcome, as always :-)


Troubled by her encounter with Sasuke on her way home, Sakura couldn't help but let her thoughts wander once more to that night, to the night that had altered the relations between the two of them so drastically...

...

2nd of August

The rain was beating the buildings made of stone, letting tears of water run down their weary facades. The night had just fallen, and the streets were empty, ninjas and civilians alike avoiding the dreadful weather that had no place in Konoha's usually beautiful summer. But this year had been different. The heavens felt like crying too, it seemed. At least someone, or rather something, felt like she did. Like crying.

I have been through worse, she kept repeating herself. Right? Well maybe not, on second thought. Not that it matters. It's the way things are. What's the point of fighting them? So what if ANBU drains the life out of me? So what if my Captain abuses me? So what if I'm not cut out for the elite squad? So what if I'm a healer turned into a ruthless killer? I let it happen… I let it all happen. This is all my fault. I made myself like this…

She hugged herself, boots splashing noisily on the little pounds forming on her path under the heavy rain.

With teary eyes hidden by the rain drops running down her cheeks, she remembered vividly the eyes of the four year old boy who had found the corpse of his mother lying in front of the front door of their house. 'Courtesy of Konoha's ANBU', said the blood marring the ground under the lifeless frame. Courtesy of Haruno Sakura… She remembered the young woman, probably a year or two younger than her, that she had killed just three days ago in Rain. A kunoichi like her, who was probably revered by her comrades back in her village, who probably had a lover or maybe two, and whose hopes and fears were now dead to this world. Gruesome killing after gruesome killing flashed through her mind, the faces of her victims dancing their macabre 'thank you' to her.

Her feet led her to a place she a place she had never been to, to a place that in this lonely night, she couldn't help from being drawn to. Often, more often than she would be willing to admit, she had stood in front of that building, paced along the sidewalk bordering it with a racing heart and sweaty palms. But up until that day, she had never worked up the courage to climb up the stairs that led to the second floor and knock on the fourth door on the left.

But today she would.

… The door opened and there he stood. Sasuke Uchiha. His hair looked a bit messier as usual, she thought. He must have been sleeping, it was already late after all. He was wearing his usual black shirt and black shorts, and she knew, without being able to see it, that his shirt wore the symbol of his clan on the back.

His eyes took in her soaked and trembling form. She was hugging herself, which made her look so fragile, something he no longer see her as. Her eyes barely met his own and he had to stare at her for almost a minute before she mustered the courage to meet his gaze.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

Interrogative eyes assessed her, looking for an answer to the question he didn't dare asking: Why are you coming to me? After all this time…

"You can," he replied coldly. His voice sounded sharp to his own ears, but he didn't care how it came across. His emotions were running wild and he was having a hard time at keeping himself cool and collected in front of her.

With frail arms still wrapped around her torso, she stepped in his foreign apartment, into his universe. His faint smell floating in the air surprised her as she hadn't anticipated it. The main room she had walked in was dark, save for a faint light coming from an ajar door which probably led to his bedroom. She heard him switch a button behind her, and the ceiling lamps burst to life, aggressing her damp tired eyes which had adjusted to the darkness that up until now had surrounded her. She felt rather than saw him walk past her and into his chamber. He came back seconds later with a creamy towel in his hand.

"Thanks," she said as he handed it to her.

With deliberately slow motions, she rubbed the material against her soaked hair, her eyes cast down to the floor she had just wet. He was standing next to her, she knew, probably looking at her… or maybe not. She seemed to never be sure when it came to him. The minutes went by, filled by a loud silence that gradually oppressed her. Understanding he wouldn't make the first move, she slowly turned on her heels to face him and searched his eyes. He had been looking at her, she noticed as his eyebrows raised elegantly when her green orbs met his onyx ones just before he schooled his features to his usual mask that blocked her out, preventing her from reaching the one soul she most wanted to reach.

Would I ever?

"Am I bothering you?" she asked, forcing herself to hold his gaze that always made nervous, no matter how hard she tried to fight the feeling.

Stupid question, he thought. "I let you in," he drawled.

Knowing he wouldn't elaborate, she took a long breath, bracing herself for what was to come, for the act she was about to do. She had promised herself that this time she wouldn't back down, that she would see this through, whether he accepted her or rejected her. What if he accepted her? Rejection she could handle. She was used to it. She had been hardened to the bitterness and despair that it brought. But what if he didn't reject her? What then? Would she have the guts to stay and not run away?

"Sasuke."

The way she whispered his name, the way her green eyes shone strangely made a shiver run through his tense body, much like the ones he experienced on the battlefield when kunais were flying at him. And he knew, he didn't know how he knew, how he was suddenly able to read her when he never could, how he could anticipate what she was about to say next, but he knew… he knew what she was about to ask.

"Touch me."

There, she had said it. She had said the words that would forever shift the fragile balance between them. And there he was, meant to be the one that would either destroy them and condemn them to a life of loneliness in a crowded world, or who would relieve them temporarily of their sorrows… only to dive back later in a state of anguish as they were, he knew, both too scared and damaged to know how to be happy. But he didn't care. He wanted her. He always had, somehow. And he was selfish. In a twisted way, his mind felt entitled to have everything of her: her dreams, her fears, her tears and laughs, her moans and sighs. She was his to taste, his to possess. She had robbed herself of him for too long now. And yet, part of him was nervous, worried of scaring her away for good, scared of being even more addicted to her than he already was, scared of losing himself for good if he let the tight grip he had on his emotions loose.

"How do you want me to touch you?"

He saw the way her right hand, still clutching the damp towel that now rested on her shoulders, shook slightly at his words, and he felt his own hand tighten into a fist in response. Sakura found herself unable to voice a word, strangled by the heavy lump that had settled in her throat.

The dark-haired Captain made a step in her direction and, seeing her staying still, made another one until their bodies were only a few inches apart.

"How do you want me to touch you, Sakura?" he repeated, his voice so low that she felt all of a sudden overwhelmed with the sense of intimacy that it carried. More than his words, it was the way he had said them, bringing them both into a whole new world, a bubble where they could finally… even if for just a short while… maybe… drop their guards, and:

Take… Take… Take…

What their insane minds dictated them to take…

A piece of each other…

So that they would never be whole again…

Not without one another.

Soft looking, plump rosy lips parted and let a shaky breath be taken in, before they let out:

"As if you mean it." She paused, took another deep intake of air and added: "Anyway you want."

A sinister, all too breathtaking smirk twisted the corners of his mouth, and she found herself wanting to bite those lips. Not kiss them, as kissing would be too soft, too superficial, only allowing her to graze the surface of him. No, she needed to bite them, to sink her teeth deeply to make sure the flesh and blood of her living torment was here, was hers, even if just for an instant.

"What if I want everything?" he asked, voice carrying a deeper note that frightened her.

"What is everything?" she asked back, voice wavering slightly.

"You."

She didn't want to ask what he meant by that, as she was sure she wouldn't like the answer, if he would even bother to answer. She didn't want to envision the thought that maybe, just maybe, things had changed and that he might want her back, not just physically desire her. Could it be? Could those long stares and heavy silences mean anything other than hate, distrust and disinterest? … Of course not! Her inner-self snapped back, a frightened girl sitting in the darkness. Hope hurt too much to be pursued and she hated him for confusing her so. Why did she feel like he was trying to pull her in, to pull her toward him? It didn't make sense. None of this all made sense, not after the history they shared. She wanted to be sure, to get past the strange words and confusing body language. She needed to know, to test him, to see if he really meant what this "You" could possibly mean…

"You don't want me, Sasuke." She saw the way confusion flashed through his eyes, the way his lips tightened in a grim line. "You just want to claim me for yourself," she added, knowing her words were meant to hurt. She wanted to shake him, to stir a reaction out of him… she wanted him to reassure her that what she was voicing was untrue, she wanted him to tell her once again that he wanted her. Her. Just her. All of her. Like he had hinted… With a sad tone, bringing all her sufferings, doubts and insecurities to the surface, she added: "You don't even see me. You never have."

"Then what is it that I should see?" he asked, voice hurt and angry. "What am I failing to see? Huh?"

"I'm just a doll in your world," she answered, set on pushing him over the edge so that he would let his true feelings out. "A plaything for you to torment."

Dark eyes briefly flashed to a crimson red.

"So that's how you see it," he spat. "What about you then? Was it ever me you wanted or the illusion you have built up in your head? Because there's a big difference between the two, let me tell you that," he snapped.

"I know," she answered simply, unperturbed by his accusation. I want both I guess.

"So you admit it?" asked the Uchiha heir.

"Admit what?"

"That you avoid me because you don't want to confront your fantasy of me to reality."

A veil of sadness covered her features.

"That's not the only reason," she bravely said.

"Why did you come here, Sakura?" he asked, his tone holding a weariness she had never heard.

Silence.

His eyes darkened. "So that I could make love to you like in the little dreamworld you hide yourself in?" With fisted hands at his sides he closed the distance between them, letting their breaths mingle. "That won't happen you know," he said, his voice angry and raspy, something which made smarter men flee on the battlefield. "You're right," he spat, too hurt to care anymore. "I just want to fuck you."

Thousands knives slashed at her heart, bringing it to a standstill.

"Then fuck me," she answered.

Their teeth clashed first, both too much in a hurry to taste each other to angle for a proper kiss. It didn't matter. Nothing about them had to be proper. It all came down to feeling each other, touching each other.

Then, lips started their dance, awkward and aggressive. They caressed each other with a hunger close to starvation. Sakura didn't know what she was doing, how she was supposed to do it, but she was determined to take as much of him as she could before retreating to the painful dull of reality and his all-consuming absence. She would satisfy her hunger tonight. She had to.

She whimpered as she felt his hands grabbed her sides, one thumb pressing against the underside of her breast as he roughly pushed her against the wall, their lips still feasting of each other. She felt a fleeting heat tease her belly, one she had felt occasionally without ever being able to turn it into something more.

Sasuke didn't trust himself to stop. He knew he wouldn't. Couldn't. There, was the girl who made his blood boil in a frantic manner every time she spoke, be it from anger, annoyance, desire, longing, despair. And she was biting his lips, gluing her face to his with an intensity he had never encountered before and he wanted more of it, more of her, more of everything. And he would have it.