November 4th – mid- afternoon

Sakura walked silently behind the tall figure leading the way, their steps audible only to a well-trained ear. She watched her sandals fit into the larger imprints of his steps on the muddy ground, her thoughts wandering back to her hurried departure from the camp. After Akira had dropped the news of her most likely impending doom, she had first sat motionless on a box of supplies, mentally forcing her lungs to function again and breathe in the now foul air surrounding her.

Why? Why?

Somehow, someone managed to snap her out of her trance, and she packed her weapons and medic scrolls unhurriedly as if slower motions would slow down time by some miracle. Only miracles did not exist, and all too soon, she saw a familiar male figure walk inside the main medic tent, a hard expression plastered on his face. He did not even greet her. He did not need to. They rarely did after all. Azumi and one other medic whose name she could never remembered hugged her on her way out and wished her a safe journey, probably expecting her to join the ongoing battle where most ninjas were being sent. Only she wasn't. She was in for something far more dangerous. Something she had never done before, at least not in ANBU and certainly not when the stakes were this high. And her only back up was a person she could not allow herself to trust.

Her sandals splashed loudly in the mud, betraying her carelessness and waking her from her reverie. A sharp look from her Captain was all she got, before they both resumed their silent march through the woods.

How had it come to this? Oh right… it was all her fault. Her thoughts wandered back to how this messed up situation had started, on how she had unknowingly given him the means to now pressure her whenever he felt like it. Back then, she had been so scared not to be up for the job, not to be good enough as a kunoichi, not to be attractive enough as a woman, that she had herself contributed to dig the pit of hell where she was now.

Thinking back…


5 months prior - flashback

ANBU duty required a level from dedication that other kunoichis could avoid most of the time. But in the elite squad, there was no shying away from such missions… seduction missions. She had known that before joining. She had naively thought that she could deal with it, separate her mind and feelings from her body when she would have to do it. All the experience she had got when joining the squad had been a drunken night with a civilian, some brown hair guy that had said a funny joke on a night she felt desperately alone. There had been drinks, and more jokes, and wandering hands before he had murmured something in her ear… and she had giggled, like the stupid girl she was because it felt good to have someone's unwavering attention, to see the glint of desire in his eyes and knowing she was the cause of it.

She hadn't felt excited by him, but she did not wanted the thrill to end, so she had followed him home, let him undress her and press her down the mattress, let him roughly claim her for a few minutes, her insides sore at the strange fullness of his length. It had neither been pleasant nor unpleasant. The guy had fallen asleep once the act was over, and she walked home through the calm night, her mind trying to figure out what had just occurred and make sense of it. All the same, she had felt somewhat relieved. Relieved that she no longer was a virgin knowing the dangers and expectations in a ninja's life. She had forced her mind not to wander to a certain dark-haired man, not to think about how different his touch could have been… it was pointless anyway. As if he would ever touch her. Fantasies had no place in this reality, she knew this all too well. He barely looked at her to begin with.

A few days after that night, she went for the first time to the underground ANBU facility where she met the team she had been assigned to. They had just lost a member, and the atmosphere was tense and unwelcoming, something she forced herself to overlook. Her first missions had been difficult, but somehow, she had managed to put up with the bloody murders expected of her, with the deceptive nature of the job, earning people's trust to better slash them later. She told herself it was for her friends, for her village. She told herself the old members of Team 7 would be proud of her. But all too soon the dreaded requirements of top kunoichis – seduction missions - came by in the form of a black scroll that her Captain handed her without as much as a second look. He was a harsh and insensitive bastard in her opinion, but he knew how to lead a team and he was strong so in a way she respected him and looked up to him. He would never be the leader Kakashi was, but Sakura forced herself not to think back about those she held closest to her heart.

She had taken the scroll with a firm grip, a fake courage and a sharp nod, making everyone believe, herself included, that she could handle this. One day later, seventy miles away, she was crying in a puddle of blood, gasping for her, shaky hands holding a kunai. When her team found her, all she got was a disappointed look form Shinji, before he walked away, letting Mei cover her nakedness with a white cloak. The lifeless form lying next to her was proof of her incompetency, of her weakness… weakness… weak… She had been supposed to recruit the rogue Cloud nin to work underground for Konoha, seduce him and entice him so he would see the benefits of tying himself to them. But she had obviously failed to do so, as attested the blood covering her limbs.

About a week later, as she had been on a mission alone with her Captain, camping outside in the woods, eating silently in the dark, Shinji brought up the issue:

"I had to report the failed mission."

"I know," she whispered. "Anyway, I did not ask you to cover up for me."

"I would not have done it even if you had asked," he answered simply.

Good to know, she supposed grimly.

"These types of missions come more often than not Sakura, and Mei isn't supposed to take them all the time. You should be better prepared than that," he admonished her. "What happened back then anyway?"

She did not answer him straight away. She let her gaze wander across the shadows of the tall trees, she let her senses feel the goosebumps due to the fresh air of the night, and she closed her eyes as she felt the redness of embarrassment and shame crawl upon her skin. "I panicked," she breathed out.

"You're still there due to mere chance, because you were faster than him. You won't be so lucky all the time. This is something you have to get over with. I will not have a failing kunoichi on my team!"

Those words caused her a sharp pain, because she had never thought she would hear those words, not after all she had accomplished. But here they were, and they were powerful enough to bring her back to her old crying and miserable self.

"I don't want to be a failure…" she murmured to herself, one arm wrapping itself around her knees for comfort.

"What was that?" came his sharp voice.

"I don't … w-want to… b-be a failure…" she repeated timidly under his intense gaze.

Shinji had then looked at her with a mixture of disgust and dare she say desire? There was something in his eyes, something she could not quite identify, but whatever that was, she knew she was the cause of it. Her eyes rested on his face, forgetting her shyness and the tears ready to burst at the corners of her eyes, following the strong line of his jaw, examining his even features. He could be handsome she guessed. He lacked the boyish attractiveness of Naruto or the aristocratic features of Sasuke but she was sure a fair share of women would find him to their liking. But he did not stir anything within her. Somehow, that made her feel inadequate, as if something was wrong with her. She felt like an empty shell.

"Do you want me to help you?" asked a deep voice, shaking her out of her musings.

"What?"

"You heard me the first time, Sakura."

"What do you mean by 'help'?" she asked even though part of her mind had already processed what he was offering.

"You know very well what I mean," he answered smoothly.

She blushed and bit her lip in frustration at her virgin-like behavior. She wanted to say no to the ridiculous offer but on the other hand… did she really have a choice in this. If she wanted to be a full asset to her village, she had to see this as one more required skill in her arsenal. Nothing less, nothing more. Her body and her sensitivity no longer belonged to her and she had to accept that. Ino could do it, Mei could do it, Tsunade did it when she was younger.

She looked again at the tall figure sitting next to her, forced herself to hold his intense gaze and she nodded slowly, knowing she did not fully know what she was saying 'yes' to.

That night and the ones to follow had left her mind numb and her body bruised, a dull ached accompanying her days. She had not known what to expect, but she now knew that he did not get off on trying to pleasure her but on witnessing her helplessness. She guessed she would never know if his offer had initially been made out of genuine concern for her and for the team's ability to perform, but there was no doubt left now that their arrangement had turned into a sick game meant to satisfy his twisted urges.

She managed to put a stop to it by some miracle as she successfully performed a few seduction missions, bringing a cloak of disgust on her shoulders and the taste of shame on her tongue. Seeing he had no reason to pressure her anymore, he let her take her distances, but she could still feel the way his eyes lingered on her when she passed by, the way his hands twitched when they were alone. Once in a while he would snap, try to coax her back into their past arrangement, chocking her and groping her to see the light of helplessness in her eyes he liked to much. But he never forced himself on her… he liked to play this game of cat and mouse way too much to put a premature end to it.

End of flashback


November 4th – mid- afternoon

They had stopped a few miles north of the designated camp of rogues where she was supposed to go undercover and once more, he had managed to secure her between a large tree trunk and the form of his tall body.

He stroked her cheek gently, the rough pad of his thumb a stark contrast to her porcelain skin. All she felt under his touch was an icy feeling coursing through her body. She averted her eyes, no longer able to pretend she was strong and could hold his penetrating gaze.

"You will be alright," he said, voice low, tone grave.

"You don't know that," she replied coldly.

The hand cupping her cheek dipped lower to press its all too familiar grip around her tender throat. She let him follow the familiar pattern of his sick game, let him assess his position of dominance over her, because she knew it was the shortest way to get rid of him. The less she fought, the more quickly he would lose interest.

"You haven't been very cooperative lately," he murmured, pressing his body closer to hers so that he could let his lips caress the shell of her ear.

"Why?" she snapped. "Do you want me?"

He could feel the anger behind her words, something that urged him to tighten his grip around her neck. He felt her draw a last needed gulp of air before her body went rigid with its will to resist the assault, fighting to hold its own against the pressure he was exerting. It was not so much her he wanted, they both knew… It was the fear adorning the delicate features of her face that he craved, the way her eyes shone strangely with unrepressed anger before she lowered them in submission. It was the way her body shied away from him before surrendering briefly that drove him crazy.

Knowing that a woman with such gifts and abilities, able to wield such force, could be so vulnerable stirred something in him that he could not quite comprehend but he was too addicted to stop now. Putting the mighty Hokage's apprentice and top ANBU Captain's former student to a mess of tears and shaky spasms gave him that rush of power that he so craved. It was not so much her that he wanted to destroy but rather what she represented: the power of the privileged, the Hokage's clique.

"Do you like it, Sa-ku-ra?" he asked, satisfied at the way her face reddened due to the lack of her she was struggling against.

"Sh- hut…umpfgh…"

She was not crying yet he noticed, but that would come soon. He decreased the pressure around her throat, his large hand now slowly rubbing the angry red skin, listening like a starved man to her sharp intakes of breath, a sound he had been craving for weeks now.

"Y-You're si -ick!" she let out with difficulty, still adjusting to her newfound access to full breathing.

The sides of his mouth curled in an ugly smirk distorting his otherwise even features.