"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE?" demanded my father Anakin loudly in the voice of equality to the pig faced man. He crossed the room swiftly with the steps of Stalin, glaring at the capitalist alien, his eyes as wrathful as the October Revolution. "YOU MUST BE THE CHILD OF THE MONOPOLY MAN AND A CAPITALIST PIG!" he declared sovietly.

"These little ones aren't worth the effort," my dad Obi Wan addressed the Capitalist-Monopoly-Man-Pig in the soothing voice of Chairman Mao, appearing behind Anakin. Anakin glared at him for referring to him as "little one".

Suddenly the Capitalist-Monopoly-Man-Pig shoved me aside and I fell rebelliously into a table, communistically disrupting some capitalist gambling with my fall. Both my dads ignited their red hammer and sickle lightsabers, just in time to block the misogynistic bullet the alien fired at them.

"YOU HAVE CULTURALLY APPROPRIATED THE COMMUNIST COLOUR YELLOW!" Bellowed my dad Anakin quietly, not wanting to attract too much attention. The alien lunged forward, ready to attack again but Obi Wan leaped in front of Anakin and Marxistly cut off the alien's arm. I watched as it fell to the floor in a very Socialist manner.

Everybody stopped and looked at us but I wasn't worried. I knew that the judgement of capitalists meant nothing to us since we would bring about the FUCKING REVOLUTION. I was trying to calm down my dad Anakin (who was yelling extremely loudly about the redistribution of wealth), when I noticed that Obi Wan had slipped off into a corner. My other dad was chatting to a gloriously liberated Wookie and a man who looked suspiciously like Indiana Jones.

I pointed them out to my dad Anakin, who stopped yelling about the one percent and started yelling about "WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT CAPITALIST SCUM THINK HE IS CHATTING UP MY HUSBAND LIKE THAT! HE'S PROBABLY TRYING TO INTRODUCE HIM TO coin OR SOME OTHER PLUTOCRATIC SCAM". I winced as his Fidel Castro-esque voice socialistically assaulted my eardrums. My dad Anakin then barged towards the table in the corner. I marxistly tailed behind him.

Obi Wan looked up when Anakin reached his side, "This is Chewbacca, he is first mate on a ship that might suit our needs." He said, quoting Chairman Mao's Little Red Book.

I could see Anakin eyeing Chewbacca and the Indiana Jones look alike suspiciously. I could understand why. After all why would a liberated comrade Wookie be hanging around with an obvious corporate shill who covets private property?

"Han Solo. I'm captain of the Millennium Falcon. Chewie here tells me you're looking for passage to the Alderaan system." said the Indiana Jones look alike racistly.

"Yes that's right, we would like to go to Alderaan because my daughter-" I quickly covered my dad Anakin's mouth to suppress his glorious communist words. They might give away our rebellious intentions to the enemy.

"Yes, indeed. If it's a fast ship." replied Obi Wan in a voice that supports diversity, the inclusion of people of colour, the LGBTIQA+ community and people with disabilities.

"Fast ship? You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?" said 'Han Solo', evidently bragging about his disgusting private property which was probably made by slave labour, whilst also objectifying women with his misogynistic tone.

"Should I have?" My dad Obi wan asked, raising his eyebrows anarcho-communistically.

Han Solo leaned forward, smiling in a very materialistic fashion. "Its the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs." He smirked, clearly expecting us to be awed by this.

However, my dad Anakin was not impressed. "ARE YOU FUCKING DENSE YOU FUCKING FUCK NUGGET?" He demanded in the voice of Chairman Mao. "PARSECS IS A FUCKING UNIT OF DISTANCE YOU FUCKING DONKEY-COCK! YOU CAN'T MAGICALLY CHANGE A SET ROUTE INTO TWELVE PARSECS! WHO THE FUCK TAUGHT YOU TO FLY, YOU HALF-WITTED DICKMUNCHING TOOL?"

"I've outrun Imperial starships." Han Solo ignored my dad and continued to brag capitalistically. "And I'm not talking about Imperial bulk cruisers. I'm talking about the big Corellian ships."

"Whoop-di-fucking-doo." My dad Anakin muttered under his breath.

"How much will it be?" asked Obi Wan grimacing as he spoke of money, which is a capitalist plague on society.

"Ten thousand in advance," replied Han Solo in a greedy voice. He smiled while simultaneously money laundering to the detriment of many innocent proletarians.

"TEN THOUSAND! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU FUCK? " said my dad Anakin to the tune of the national anthem of the USSR. "We could almost buy our own ship for that, not that we would because that is not the communist way. Also it would be fueling an economy that OPPRESSES THE WORKING CLASS."

"But who's going to fly it, kid! You?" Han Solo said to my dad Anakin, even though he was a grown man.

"Yes I am in fact I am an extremely good pilot. I won the Boonta Eve podrace on HERE ON FUCKING TATOOINE even though I actually came second because SEBULBA THAT FUCKING CORPORATIST FROG WAS DISQUALIFIED FOR HAVING A FUCKING WASHING MACHINE ON HIS PODRACER!" Anakin whispered in a very humble and non boastful way.

"We'll give you seventeen thousand when we reach Alderaan," negotiated Obi Wan as I tried to placate Anakin.

"Okay. You guys got yourself a ship. We'll leave as soon as you're ready. Docking bay Ninety-four." Lied Han Solo. His Indiana Jones face contorted with colonial greed.

"LET'S FUCKING GO THEN BEFORE THE WHITE SUPREMACIST STORMTROOPERS COME BACK." said Anakin, while trying to avoid attracting attention to us with the voice of Raul Castro.

Han Solo shot a random green insect thing and then we left.