Nobody was there to greet us when we arrived on the Dictatorship Star because the Empire is CORRUPT AND INCOMPETENT. We all loudly strode through the docking bay revolutionarily, except for Han Solo who strode feebly and cowardly because he was not a comrade. The shiny floors and doors reeked of opulence and I found it hard to maintain my composure and not VOMIT at the sight of the hedonistic excess.

"Remember Anakin, the Emperor Palpatine will probably try to imperialistically seduce you." warned Obi Wan warningly. My dad Anakin shuddered as he recalled the wrinkly and floppy geriatric body of Palpatine which was osteoporotic with capitalist greed.

R2D2 made some socialist beeps and C3PO translated progressively. "I'VE FUCKING FOUND THE FUCKING EMPIRE'S DUMB UNCLEFUCKING WHOREFACE COMPUTER OUTLET. IF I FUCKING PLUG MYSELF INTO THAT REPULSIVE FUCKING SHITBAG OF FUCKING CAPITALIST FILTH I MIGHT BE ABLE TO FUCKING FIND OUT WHERE THE FUCK THEY ARE FUCKING IMPRISONING LEIA AND THE FUCKING LOCATION OF THE DICKJUGGLING TRACTOR BEAM GENERATOR."

"Excellent idea, Comrade." Obi Wan said socialistically. "But for this to work we may need some disguises. We should wear stormtrooper armour." He pointed to a pile of white stormtrooper suits that were lying right next to him in a sickening display of capitalist excess. "Marx must be smiling upon us, because it is very conveniently right next to us."

'I'm not wearing those shoddily made, white washing capitalist costumes!" My dad Anakin thundered in the voice of the people. "I have my glorious Bolshevik anti-sand suit, those assfucking cock-waffles won't know it's me anyway!" He said in the wise and reasoned voice of Stalin.

"I think they might be able to guess anyway, comrade." My dad Obi Wan replied.

Anakin stood up Communistically straight, ready to disagree. "It will be fine."

"I can't see a thing in this helmet." Han complained, trying on one of the racist helmets.

"That's NOT YOUR FUCKING LINE!" Anakin bellowed at him in the VOICE OF THE PROLETARIAT. "Look at this fucking capitalistic dick-napkin, culturally appropriating my son's lines!"

Obi Wan sighed in the gentle tones of Kim Jong Il. "This is not going to work." He said. I forgave him even though THAT WASN'T HIS LINE EITHER, because he had stolen it from that gerrymandering capitalist class traitor Han. "You need to pretend to not be a comrade, Anakin."

"Why didn't you say so before?" Han said nervously, once again appropriating my line.

"BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT'S WHY." Anakin yelled quietly in the voice of equality.

Chewie made a radical feminist sound of agreement, and began to help me put on the disgusting fascist armour.

Together we strode through the revoltingly monarchistic halls of the Dictatorship Star in search for Leia. Everywhere we looked the walls were covered in billboards, signs and posters advertising Amazon and sweatshop goods that had been created through the exploitation of the WORKING CLASS PEOPLE OF THE GALAXY. There were even personal advertisements for the ultimate capitalists like Banking CEOs and the members of the Tea Party. I wanted to vomit in socialistic horror.

"I think we should split up comrades," said Obi Wan proletarianly. "I will disable the tractor beam and Anakin can take Luke and Han and Chewie to find Leia."

"I WANT TO GO WITH YOU." Anakin whispered in ALLCAPS, using the voice of Engels.

"Your destiny lies along a different path to mine. MAY THE FUCKING REVOLUTION BE WITH YOU… ALWAYS," replied Obi Wan in a sombre tone as he revolutionarily strode off to find the tractor beam generator in the name of the FUCKING REVOLUTION.