Leia
We ran down the opulent bourgeois corridors of the Dictatorship Star towards the Millennium Falcon. We ran into a few stormtroopers along the way but fortunately they couldn't see us. The eye-holes in their KKK hoods were too small for them to see out of, probably because they were mass produced by a company that cut the wages of its workers to maximize profits for the CEO. We had almost reached the ship when I noticed a red hammer and sickle lightsaber out of the corner of my eye. I turned around and saw my dad Obi Wan battling THE FUCKING EMPEROR FUCKING PALPATINE HIMSELF and Cardinal Krennic was standing nearby clutching his prayer beads and Bible.
Palpatine's yellow eyes (which were cultural appropriation of the communist colour yellow) locked onto my dad Anakin and his red flabby geriatric skin (which was also cultural appropriation of the communist colour red) flopped around in the breeze as he disrobed. With a bourgeoise flourish, he threw his black scrap of fabric that was MASS PRODUCED IN A SWEATSHOP BY SLAVERY aside.
"I've been waiting for you, Anakin. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete." He said imperialistically.
"WHAT THE FUCK! YOU ARE CULTURALLY APPROPRIATING THE COMMUNIST SICKLE SYMBOL, WHICH IS CIRCULAR, AND THATS NOT EVEN YOUR FUCKING LINE YOU FUCKING CASSEROLE." Said Anakin quietly in the VOICE OF THE FUCKING PEOPLE. "And also who are you? I don't even know who you are. I am not Anakin, why are you calling me that? Who is Anakin?" He continued rapidly, remembering that he was in his red suit so Palpatine would not be able to see his face.
FUCKING PALPATINE cackled transphobically whilst dog whistling to the alt right. Clearly trying to shut down unions and remove the rights of the working class "When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master."
"WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK ARE YOU EVEN SAYING YOU FUCK? THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!" screamed Anakin quietly in ALL CAPS.
"It seems that Palpatine has grown slow and fat and senile in his dotage, THE SLUG." added Obi Wan which was actually from the wrong movie series but it was ok, because he was my dad after all.
"Anakin please," pleaded Palpatine in the voice of oppression, caressing his own shrivelled nipples as he did so, "You know we belong together."
"Who is Anakin?" replied my dad Anakin progressively, confusing FUCKING Palpatine in a stroke of genius.
"Anakin I know that you can feel my desire for you." Palpatine recovered and began to fondle himself festively, festooning his saggy, knee length balls over his wrist while he did so. "Why do you deny me like this?"
"New phone who dis?"
"ANAKIN CUM TO THE DARK SIDE!" ejaculated Emperor Palpatine imperialistically (and literally) in an imperial manner as he imperialistically tried to seduce Anakin to the dark side. I knew he was trying to do this because it was foretold in Episode IV: A New Hope, when Obi Wan said that Vader was seduced by the dark side of the force (which was a reference to that fucking pondscum filth that calls itself capitalism).
"Your powers are weak old man," replied Anakin in the voice of the proletariat. This was especially powerful because it was his ACTUAL FUCKING LINE.
Suddenly Palpatine screeched loudly and unleashed his blue lightning, that was symbolic of the Tories, onto my dad Obi Wan.
"NOOOOO!" I screamed in unison with Luke and my dad Anakin and Chewbacca and C3PO and R2D2. My red communist heart beat loud and fast as socialist rage engulfed me, just like the way that the enlightened proletariat becomes angry at their oppression by the bourgeoisie. I tried to run at THAT FUCKING FASCIST EMPEROR PALPATINE for hurting my dad, but Obi Wan summoned the communist force and pushed Luke, Anakin and I back.
I watched in shock and horror as my dad Obi Wan managed to stand shakily on his feet and held his hammer and sickle lightsabre in front of him.
"You can't win, Sheev. If you strike me down, THE REVOLUTION shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine," he gloriously cried in THE VOICE OF ALL WORKING CLASS PEOPLE AND ALL PEOPLE HAD EVER BEEN OPPRESSED BY FUCKING CAPITALISM IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSE.
Palpatine ignited his racist lightsabre and prepared to swing it.
"DON'T DO THIS OBI WAN. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CONTINUE THE REVOLUTION WITHOUT YOU? I LOVE YOU OBI WAN!" whispered Anakin loudly enough for everyone to hear.
Obi Wan looked solemnly at Anakin, Luke and I and Palpatine swung his imperialist lightsabre, hitting Obi Wan. My dad fell and vanished into thin air, leaving only his red Che Guevara shirt behind.
