Chapter 45: Perceived Reality
If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences - W.I. and D.S. Thomas
Joelle grinned when she saw where she was. It worked, she thought. It indeed worked. Ahead of her was the field she has last seen in late spring. The little house to her nose's view looked the same. Joelle inhaled deeply, then knocked on the door once. Nobody opened. Twice. Nobody opened. Joelle scowled. No. This couldn't be. She knocked again. Nothing. Just when she was about to leave, a familiar voice called her back.
"Joelle?!"
Joelle turned around. Instant tears welled in her eyes as she ran ahead and threw her arms around Bryan Lessing, sobbing. He hugged her tightly. "Joelle...! I've been trying to find out where you are, been pushing the case even more since you've been here the last time, you've been spotted again but then forces lost track-"
"It doesn't matter, I'm here now. Look, we need to talk," said Joelle hastily. Bryan nodded and glanced to the left and right before he closed the door and pulled Joelle into his arms yet again. They hugged for the longest while, it felt so good.
"I need to tell you so much..." Joelle whispered. Bryan shook his head. "I already know a lot," he whispered back. Joelle looked at him puzzled, not understanding.
"Dumbledore visited me," Bryan said. Joelle frowned. "He was here? Oh my god, do you know if he will be back? We need to, I have to. Are you-do you know what...Marvolo and I, I mean, do you know what we can do? Did Dumbledore tell you-"
Bryan pulled Joelle over to the couch, pressing her shoulder down. The both of them sat.
"About magic? Yes. Did I believe he was lying? Yes. Did he show me that magic is real?" Bryan inhaled deeply and rubbed his thighs while exhaling, "oh yes."
"Then you know it? That Marvolo is a wizard?"
"A powerful one considering what Dumbledore said. And yes...it wasn't hard to count one and one. Dumbledore was convinced, as was I, of your innocence. We know Tom was behind those murders. Dumbledore told me there were ways to make others believe they have seen certain things. Mrs. Kenneth said she saw you that day, with a bloody knife. Of course we never found the knife. Most importantly, Joelle...Dumbledore was able to clear her memory. Not completely but enough. She is now an unreliable witness, that means the judges might believe her to have been confused, she's old after al, do you understand what I mean?"
"I will be cleared from all charges?" Joelle asked with widened eyes.
"We did not get that far but that's what we are planning to do," Bryan smiled. "All you have to do is stay here with me-"
"It's not that easy...Marvolo could come here any moment. I escaped. Oh Bryan, there's so much I need to tell you," Joelle whimpered and shook her head, not knowing where to start. Bryan held her hands. "Hey, I am here. I won't go anywhere. Tell me everything."
Joelle inhaled deeply, it was such a hard task to organize ones thoughts when time was rushing, when there was just once chance to get it right before it could be too late. But she started.
"Marvolo plans to unite our souls. This will make me forever a part of him-"
"Wait, what? Why forever?"
"Okay let me start here. Did Dumbledore explain to you what a Horcrux is?"
"No, he didn't mention that word."
"A Horcrux," Joelle sat up, "is a physical container for the soul of a witch or wizard. If you create a Horcrux and split your soul, you won't be able to die because your soul is protected in said container. Even when you're fatally harmed, as long as that container isn't harmed, you will live. To create a Horcrux you have to kill someone. Marvolo has already created several Horcruxes in the past, probably to make sure that death won't come in his way during his plans with me."
Bryan scowled, but he was able to follow.
"And what does he plan with you?"
"He wants to unite our souls so that when he creates the next Horcrux, a part of me, of my soul that is a part of him, will be contained, too."
"He wants to make you immortal?"
"Exactly..." Joelle lowered her head. "He wants to live forever, with me by his side."
Bryan inhaled deeply, it was quiet between the two of them for a fair while. His elbows rested on his knees while his hands were formed in a praying gesture, lips pressed against his thumbs, trying to comprehend the situation and the severity of Tom's actions. "I had an idea, back then, that he was not ordinary, but this..." Bryan shook his head. "This is beyond my mental reach. Where is he? He didn't let you out of his sight, where is he now? I doubt he let you go, I know he hates me."
"He is looking for me right now I take it, that's why I'm rushing, we need to talk to Dumbledore-"
"Joelle, Joelle, calm down. It's important that I understand everything. And right now, I don't." Bryan held her shoulders.
"Why did Tom not unite your souls sooner?"
"He couldn't. There's something like a magical signature. Only the souls of witches and wizards can be united. Magic is what unites and connects us. He made me train and learn more about magic so my signature could flesh out, otherwise the soul binding ritual wouldn't have worked. I acted like I was weak all along, but he allowed me to train on my own here and then. Marvolo didn't know about how much I already learned, that's the only reason I can be here. Because he underestimated me. I apparated here. To speak to you and to find Dumbledore, my original plan was for you to officially catch me so that it's all over the news, I overheard that he's been looking for me, I thought that he would perhaps come and find me then."
"That was clever idea, actually. Because I cannot contact him, I need to call the department, they are in touch with him. I am, however, the only one who knows what he is. See, he thought it might be the best idea to defray traces of him being in touch with me. Because of Tom, he said he doesn't want to give him even more of a reason to harm me. But I understand. You need to talk to Dumbledore so that he can help you."
"No, no," said Joelle, shaking her head. And then she said something for what Bryan would take a lot longer to understand.
"I need him to stop looking for me and Marvolo. I need to tell him to let things be."
"Wait, wait, no. Joelle?! Did he do something with your mind?! That's insane!"
"Hear me out!" Joelle got louder. "Bryan you don't understand. I do something to his sanity. The only reason we have been here in spring was because Marvolo wanted to kill you."
Bryan's eyes widened, his mouth gapped open. "What?"
"But," Joelle leaned closer, "he couldn't. He couldn't kill you because of me."
"That man doesn't have a conscience!" Bryan barked. Joelle shook her head.
"It's not his conscience that kept him from killing you. It was my influence. Tom called it my purity. He said I am dimming his power. He said he tried to make the spell work several times - but his wand didn't react to his command. Bryan, don't you see it? Don't you see how far he goes? It is the only way I see to make sure other people can remain unharmed - call me crazy, yes, call me crazy, but that man would start a war, he will, for the silliest of reasons, with all those people that obey him! If it's not for me to stop him - I want our souls to be united - I haven't fought against it as soon as he told me that my influence is doing something to his magical abilities. That way, Bryan, I might be able to stop more bad things from happening."
Bryan massaged the bridge of his nose. "Let me summarize. Tom is practicing black magic like no other wizard before him, that's what Dumbledore said, too. You now told me that Tom wants to connect both of your souls and make you immortal. And you want to let it happen because you think you can cast away this darkness - because of your own pure soul."
Joelle nodded. "Back then I left because I was scared that with me, Marvolo would delve into the dark arts too much, I thought he would grow even more obsessed when I stay. He used the dark arts to make sure I wouldn't go anywhere, he started teaching others, too. I might have been the reason he even picked up a book of those sorts in the first place. To be truthful, he might have picked them up for all kinds of reasons, but it so happened that the first reason was me. I thought I was doing the right thing, Bryan. When I left I thought he would see that with dark magic he wouldn't succeed, I thought he would understand that it has consequences. But that's not how Marvolo works...Dumbledore was right when he said that with leaving...it would get worse...I made a wrong choice once, it can't be undone, but I can be smarter now. I don't exaggerate when I say these things."
"You sacrifice your own life. Your very existence for all eternity? Because you believe he will start a war in the future?"
"With that potential of his, look, I know I sound crazy, but-"
"I believe every word you say," said Bryan suddenly. Joelle looked at him surprised. But Bryan went on. "Remember it was I who told you in the past that it's wise to watch out with him. I am fully aware of his intention to cause nothing less but havoc when things don't go the way he wants. But Joelle, such an existence, I couldn't let you do that..."
Joelle lowered her head. Only now Bryan realized that she had begun to sniffle. "Don't worry about me. I know it sounds worse than it is. I..." Joelle cleared her throat, blushing a little. She didn't dare say it.
"I understand," said Bryan. "You know when I said I would always hope that you and I could work out again?"
Joelle said nothing, but looked at Bryan who gave her a forced smile. "Well now I know it's pointless to hope."
Joelle didn't correct him. She tried to justify it in her head but she found nothing. "I know it's all kinds of wrong."
"I don't want to judge you," said Bryan. "I'm sure you're your own worst judge."
Joelle nodded, biting her bottom lip, trying to suppress her tears. "I don't understand it. I should hate him. I should loathe him. But I don't. Why doesn't it work?"
"He was recklessly, unimaginably, smartly saving you from a man who took your joy of life. I'm sure that has something to do with it."
"No," said Joelle, "it has everything to do with it."
Silence knocked on the door. Silence was an old friend of Joelle's, it came back and embraced her, shook her, but never harmed. Silence always said enough. While it was quiet between them, not painfully, not awkwardly so, Bryan got up from the couch, walking over to the kitchen to prepare some tea. "I will call the department in a moment to tell them to contact Dumbledore."
"Are you sure they can contact Dumbledore? I really just need him to know to stop operations. I would tell you to tell him but I doubt he would believe it if it's not personally coming from my lips."
"He is a very wise man, I don't think I could comprehend half of what he knows. But I suppose he knows what he is doing and how he is doing it," said Bryan as he came back with a plate of bread and toppings. "Eat something. You look awful."
"Why thank you," Joelle chuckled. Bryan chuckled back. "You know I didn't mean it like that."
"I am used to it. Marvolo always said you aren't a gentleman," Joelle giggled, but the both of them kept quiet upon those words. Joelle sighed and started to eat. So many things circled in her head, yet she couldn't word a single thought of hers. Bryan handed over a cup of tea before he began to eat as well, but he saw how tense Joelle was and he pulled her into his arms, kissing her forehead. "Hey..." he whispered. "You know you can always count on me, right?"
"I know," Joelle smiled. "I know that."
"Sleep a little. You're safe here with me," said Bryan.
"I'm not too sure about that," said Joelle. But Bryan shook his head. "I forgot to mention. Dumbledore expected Tom to come here and try to harm me. So he put up magical protection around the cottage. You don't have to worry. Even though I don't know that man too much, I couldn't help but trust him."
Joelle smiled widely hearing this. She exhaled deeply. Those were good news, now it made sense as to why Bryan was so calm in the first place. Joelle felt like she could rest, but the pit of her stomach was turning and knotting up, hurting her, making her feel nauseated. She could only truly rest with Tom by her side - not because he gave her peace at mind but because she knew that while she was there, all of his attention went to her and not whatever awful plans he could be following. As long as they were together, the world was protected.
"How far does the protection reach?" Joelle then asked, looking into the darkness of the sky.
"A little around the fields. Everything else will be risky," said Bryan while washing the dishes. "Why?"
"I really need some fresh air," said Joelle. Bryan nodded. "Sure. But stay close, I want to see you. You know, just in case," he then walked over to the telephone, showing Joelle that he was busy with a call now. He paid her a soft smile while Joelle nodded and walked out, not closing the door completely. She eyed up her wand as she sat down on the small stairs, inhaling the fresh air. The fields were empty, the sky starry. There were no signs. No signs at all, that wherever Tom was, he thought that a demon took Joelle. That wherever Tom was, all hell was breaking loose - for he did not know, did not see Joelle apparate. He thought she was in danger.
