Chapter 46: Just a bit, while it lasts

We build statues of snow. We weep to see them melt - Walter Scott

Joelle smiled when Bryan's hand was resting on her shoulder half an hour later. The both of them were now sitting on the stairs outside together, watching the dark blue sky. Bryan smiled back at her, then frowned when Joelle waved her wand. A moment later he was witnessing something else he has never seen before. It was a silvery, almost a frozen blue colored creature, translucent and magnificent. It took Bryan several glances when he, at last, realized it was not a horse.

"Is that a unicorn?" Bryan asked. Joelle nodded. "It's my patronus," she said. Bryan's head spun to her. "Pa what?"

"Patronus. It's my magical guardian. It can cast away dementors. It protects me from harm," said Joelle.

Bryan shook his head again. He stared for a fair while before he whispered. "It is absolutely stunning."

"Marvolo wouldn't be surprised to see my patronus is a unicorn," Joelle chuckled. "He knows I am very fond of them. I've seen real unicorns a while ago. I wish you could have seen them, too."

Bryan watched how the unicorn marched around, looking up to the moon. Joelle seemed content, her head was resting on Bryan's shoulder. It was a beautiful night, despite it being rather chilly.

"Look," Joelle whispered. Bryan looked up. Tiny little snowflakes began to dance down the sky. The first real snowflakes of the year.

"What did you tell the department?" Joelle then asked. Bryan rubbed her back. "That you are here with me and ready to correct the case-"

"But Bryan-"

"You are not the murderer. Nobody needs to know it was your precious Marvolo."

Joelle looked at Bryan in shock.

"Trust me, making that choice was the most difficult one in my life. Because those who have died deserve to have their murderer punished. Amy. Dennis. Eric. Billy. And the others. They have a past. That past we mustn't forget," Bryan explained.

"Don't tell me. I'm stuck in the past and I will forever be as long as I live," Joelle sighed.

"There is life for others. We need to protect that," said Bryan. Joelle looked like she wanted to say something, but her surprise held her back. It was surprising to hear these words coming from the mouth of a man of law. But Bryan shared an opinion that Joelle had for a long time. Law and morals were two pair of shoes - Bryan understood that letting Tom go was the only right thing to do.

"What made you decide that you would let Marvolo go?" Joelle asked.

"It's not our laws that can stop him, so it's pointless to try. He would laugh at the judge during the trial. He would be able to break free from any kind of bars we put him behind. I don't want to give him that satisfaction to snarl his mocking grin into my face when he casually walks past me," said Bryan. "The laws from the world of magic are different, perhaps one day he will finally face consequences there. But I believe that," he paused to look at Joelle, "it could be something entirely different that can truly stop him."

Joelle smiled and looked up to the stars yet again.

"I think I can tell you now," Joelle said. Bryan tilted his head to the side. Joelle took his hand and pressed it against her stomach. Bryan needed a few seconds, but then his eyes widened. "Really?" He asked, not quite sure whether or not he was supposed to be happy about it.

Joelle nodded. "I am pretty sure. I've been due for more than six weeks, I kept feeling ill and nauseated and overall I wasn't very energetic. I just feel it," Joelle rubbed her belly. "I think it must've happened after we've been to the museum. I don't remember that night much."

Bryan said nothing. Perhaps, once more, a little hope died out. Joelle realized it, she didn't expect any different.

"How do you feel about it?" Bryan asked as he glanced aside heavily. Joelle shrugged, still looking into the distance. Bryan bit his bottom lip, trying hard to push away the jealousy. He grabbed Joelle's hand.

"You will be a great mother. Despite all your doubts. You are aware that things could be very different from that point of view," said Bryan. "Does he know?"

Joelle shook her head. "Not yet. He has been talking about children before our journey but he does not know, I wanted to wait. I don't exactly know what for, is there ever a right moment to say it? Between him and I, I mean," Joelle sighed. A wave of doubts rained over her and Bryan could almost hear the mental fights she had, finally wording one of them. "I feel ashamed. Of both being in the condition and being excited about it. Just when did I lose control over my life so much?"

"None of it is your fault," Bryan said. "The only right answer is because Tom decided it. Because you were chosen by him. You couldn't have won," said Bryan. "I shouldn't have let you go. So if you are looking for someone to blame, blame me." He pulled Joelle a little closer, his chestnut brown hair tickling her soft skin. It was a moment full of raw and unconditional friendship - and nothing less than that. "You are ready for this. I see it."

Silence embraced Joelle again. It felt good.

"It's true. I am ready," Joelle eventually said, then softly rubbed her stomach with a fond smile, as if having a silent conversion with the unborn. "Pregnant..." she whispered. Bryan smiled a bit. "You'll visit uncle Bryan, right?"

"Of course," Joelle chuckled. "I don't care what Marvolo says. Did I ever listen to him?"

"It appears you just acted like you did," Bryan grinned. Joelle nodded proudly. If she liked something about herself, it would be her way of wiggling out of situations without losing herself all too much during the struggle. It was a difficult task to keep track of oneself being in the net of Tom Marvolo Riddle.

"So what about Dumbledore?" Joelle then asked.

"He will be contacted tomorrow. It took me a little time to convince them that we are not coming to the department tonight. I told them that you need to rest and that it'll be impossible for you to escape. But since you came here voluntarily in the first place they believe me that you won't run. So here are the plans. We will go to the department tomorrow. We will correct the case and have Dumbledore come to us. You can talk to him. You know there will be a trial and whatnot but that's formal stuff, we will get there when time has come. By the way, no word about magic, that's obvious, right?"

Joelle chuckled. "Of course that's obvious."

"You know. There's something I didn't understand. If you knew Dumbledore was looking for you, why didn't you just wait until he found you?"

"Because Marvolo is looking for him at the same time and I'm scared he will manage to harm Dumbledore. I asked Marvolo to take me with him but he didn't agree. It was only a matter of time until he found Dumbledore, that's why I decided to act now. Marvolo hates Dumbledore as it is, thinking he was the main reason he couldn't reach me during all those years. Well...it's sort of true. He was already a powerful wizard, only Dumbledore's magic could've protected me. And you know Marvolo. He sees only what he wants to see. He would never admit the obvious."

"What a crazy life," Bryan sighed. "What a crazy world."

Just then, the unicorn patronus looked at them, especially at Joelle. It suddenly stood on its hind legs, jumping a little forward as if to motion them to move. And then it quickly galloped away. Joelle snickered. "My unicorn is right. It's cold. Let's get back inside."

"It is too cold indeed. That's not good for your health and condition now. You know what? Go ahead, I'll grab some firewood from the garden shed. Don't come there, I don't think the magical barrier reaches till there. I will be right back," Bryan pecked Joelle's cheek and jumped up while she smiled and stretched, not yet realizing that forgetting her wand on the porch would turn out to be fatal. Joelle walked into the cottage and sat down on the couch, the orange dimmed light from the kitchen put her into a very comfortable mood. She rubbed her belly gently.

"I wonder how he will react, you know, little one? I wonder in how far you will inspire him to become something better. Do you think I am naive to hope? Hope is all we have, wouldn't you agree? I wish I could hold you already."

The door opened and closed again.

"Look, uncle Bryan is back," Joelle chuckled.

"Not quite." Came a familiarly cold voice from behind. It instantly forced goosebumps into Joelle's very core. She turned around, not believing her eyes. It was not Bryan nor Tom. There, by the door, stood a tall, pale, and rather thin man with messy blond hair and an untamed beard. Steely but dimmed eyes looked insanely at Joelle. Despite not looking the way he did years ago, the man still had an aura of severity and danger dancing around him in a forbidden, unsaid manner. Joelle, however, shook her head. She wasn't falling for this again. "Very funny," she was about to say, but she was cut off by the voice. And things would change forever starting here.

This was John Lawrence. And he looked horribly real, her worst nightmare from the past - the shadow of her future; John, whom Tom had gotten behind bars, rigging a trial years ago. John stood there. Joelle's heart began to speed in panic at the sight ahead of he, and only now saw it, because the orange light reflected it.

He had a knife.

Tom went too far now. If only he knew in what kind of condition she was, he wouldn't make her go through this just to punish her. Joelle grumbled lowly, she had learned so much in the past but not how to dissolve a boggart. Her hand twitched to her pocket, looking for her wand, but it wasn't there. John cackled.

"She is so quiet, she can't believe it. Do you want to know what kept me alive? Memories kept me alive, sweet Joelle, memories of your body," John paused, walking closer with heavy footsteps that echoed on the wooden panels of the floor, "memories of revenge." He drew himself closer with the same amount of steps Joelle used to move away from him, at a loss for words. Panic started to take over her again. She knew he wasn't real, but the effect was.

"I don't know how to dissolve the boggart - knock it off! Marvolo!" Joelle shouted.

John's pale face reddened. "Marvolo..." he threw his head to the side, eyes narrowing in a thought as he was straightening his back. "Yes, I certainly remember the boy from back then...the car ride...the trial..." His voice became rough and coarse, as if he swallowed a handful of needles before he spoke; cold eyes narrowed with destructive malice, he has been calm until now. It changed. "But he's not here to help you now, is he? NO TRIAL TO RIG, NO GAME TO CHEAT ON, NO, NOBODY TO MANIPULATE!" Spit came flying from his mouth. He looked like a beast, but he didn't approach Joelle any more. He just stood there and watched, taking in her scared face.

"You can't be real, you can't be real," Joelle whispered while shaking her head. No, this wasn't real.

"AVERY! YOU SAID YOU KNOW HOW TO CONTROL A DEMON, DIDN'T YOU? THAT WAS THE ONLY," Tom yelled louder, "ONLY REASON I LET JOELLE STAY HERE IN LONDON WITH YOU WHILE LOOKING FOR DUMBLEDORE! WHY CAN'T YOU SUMMON THE DEMON NOW?!" He was so furious that black sparkles came from the tip of his wand. "CRUCIO!"

Avery groaned in pain, crashing to his knees. Tom withdrew the wand after a moment, his irises small and red, he raised his arm above his head, full of fury and merciless obsession as the first syllables left his lips. "Ava-" but then something caught his attention. Tom scowled, he almost instantly let his wand fall to the ground, managing to grasp it firmly at last second. Avery glanced over to what Tom saw, the other men, Lestrange, Black, Nott, Mulciber and Rosier, all laid further off, harmed, bloody and weak, but watched how the graceful, blue lighted patronus in the form of a unicorn eyed them up, then stood on its hind legs, its horn glowing.

"Joelle..." Tom said. The unicorn turned around and galloped away - Tom followed without a doubt.

The cottage was ice cold. Joelle trembled, was still from fear. Her worst nightmare was so real as the panic in her body was, taking control of her. She was defenseless without her wand, without anything on her hands. John paced from the left to the right. The table was between them. He couldn't reach her. Yet.

"It was too strange a coincidence that after such a long time officer Bryan would call in the department. I heard them talking, Joelle, that you are with him - I just had to count one and one. Oh Jo, what have you done coming back? But I am no idiot, am I? This is perfect. Why, you wonder? If I kill you, a murderer, then everything they think l have done will be forgotten. I will be a hero! Destiny exists in the end, right?" John laughed, his messy blond hair falling to his unshaved face. Joelle stepped backwards insecurely. John spoke along while they walked around a table, Joelle trying to keep the distance between them. John smirked.

"You didn't do it. The murders at that orphanage, I've heard and read about it everywhere. I know, that boy must have rigged it the same way he rigged our beautiful trial!" John laughed harder again, shrill and crazy as he still circled around the table like a lion. And suddenly he stopped walking, stopped laughing.

"Look at me. You have destroyed me, slut. I wanted to give you the world. The world! THE WORLD!" John suddenly jumped over the table, knocking down the vase of flowers, causing him to almost slip on the water that now poured on the ground. Joelle fell over from trying to escape faster than her wobbly legs could take her, but she managed to jump back up just in time before the large knife stabbed into the wooden panels of the floor, breaking through one of them. John bent to his knife that was stuck there, ripping it off, laughing while Joelle tried to open the door for dear life. It was locked. Here she was. Doors she wanted to open that didn't - and doors she should've left closed she opened. It was too ironic a situation. But Joelle could not pay attention to that. She thought about running into the kitchen to grab a knife herself but her life was not a silly novel where things worked - the kitchen only had one entrance and if John, tall and broad, saw her out that way. If John walked into the kitchen before Joelle even found out in which drawer Bryan had his knives, she stood no chance. Joelle managed to hide behind a wall, hearing the creaking sounds of John's steps further off. She peeked her head around to see where he was, but didn't yet see him.

Hastily, Tom Marvolo Riddle ran after the unicorn. He had lost track of it several times but it always reappeared wherever he was, guiding him, leading the way all across London. He was now sure where the unicorn was taking him. He ran through the fields, passed by the black fenced cemetery, ran ahead. The unicorn disappeared in front of his eyes.

"Joelle!" Tom shouted when an unexpected rustling sound startled him. It came from the garden shed next to him, Tom almost didn't see it due to the darkness.

"Hey! Tom? Tom, quick, let me out, quick! Joelle! Quick! He somehow locked the door! Let me out!" Bryan shouted. Tom stepped in front of the garden shed. "Where is she," he said in a demanding tone, not letting Bryan out. Why would he.

"LET ME OUT YOU FOOL!"

"WHERE IS SHE?!" Tom yelled again. Bryan, out of breath, only managed to mutter "John! Cottage!" upon which Tom's eyes widened. He left without paying Bryan another thought, without hearing that Bryan shouted after him. "You can't get through! Dumbledore put up magical barriers!" But the wind, the snow, and Tom's arrogant confidence to handle things alone carried away Bryan's words.

"I didn't even have to try to get out of prison. It was crazy, Joelle! Hey, hear me out my precious, no, don't cry, LISTEN!" John yelled as Joelle kicked and whirled around once more while he lashed out, the knife stabbing into another wooden panel of the wall. Joelle ducked in time and ran back, screaming for help. She grabbed a chair, wanted to throw it into the windows, but John was quicker, he stormed over to her and ripped the chair away, Joelle fell to the ground, the back of her head bumping onto the cold floor hard, making her dizzy. John lowered himself on top of her, smirking as he was grinding against her. Joelle whimpered the whole time, she trembled and tried to speak but her bottom lip was too shaky to form a comprehensible word, let alone her voice that had a dance of nothing less than sheer angst.

"Mhm..." John purred. "Would you have guessed that your life would end below me? With me on top of you? As it should..." He chuckled, wiping away Joelle's tears. "The story...you didn't hear me out. Shhh. Shhh," John pressed his index finger against Joelle's lips. "The door...in prison...it opened," his eyes widened in delight as he told the story with nothing else but insanity. "Open! Just like that. Can you imagine, Joelle?" John chuckled. "The door just opened. Magic, don't you think? Mhm...someone must have unlocked it. Somebody who wanted to do me a favor, somebody who knew I was innocent! Somebody with a key," John chuckled again. And then his amused expression turned into a sinister grimace. Joelle was about so say something, but without another warning, without another word, John thrusted the knife into Joelle's stomach, a yelp of incomparable noise reached his ears, Joelle screamed from the top of her lungs. But John was merciless. Not once. Not twice. "For each year," he stabbed, "you will," another stab, "PAY!" His hand was all bloody, Joelle's screeches have died out, and just before he could thrust the knife into Joelle's body again, his eyes went glassy and still as a green jolt of light hit him from behind. He fell over.

Tom rushed down to Joelle, his face pale, mouth gapped open, his hands full of blood the moment he pressed them against Joelle's stomach in a first reaction to stop the bleeding, one hand grasped hers tightly, his voice forever in the ears of his own memory, for he has never whimpered, winced, trembled like this before. His wand hovered over her wounds.

"Joelle...!" He whispered. Joelle gasped for air, her breathing short and thin. Did Tom already know at this point? If yes, he pushed it away from his sanity.

"I..I'm s-sorry," Joelle croaked. Tom held her hand tighter, tried to think of a spell, he paid her an insane smile full of hope, but he knew it. Realization hit him here and now. It was too late. He was too late. The protection around the cottage was his downfall.

"Marvolo..." Joelle cried. "I-I'-m-scared," she coughed while Tom tried to heal the wounds. He looked into her eyes, his own widened with fear. "You won't die," he whispered, fixing her eyes with his. "You can't die! We were so close! Do you hear me! Joelle! You won't run from me again!" He yelled. "I won't allow it! I wasn't done! Joelle! Stay here, I wasn't done. I wasn't, you can't leave me," said Tom firmly, nostrils flaring, eyes narrowing; as if his strictness and command was all it took for her to stay. He grasped her hand, squeezing it, holding on it for dear life. "I wasn't done yet!" He exclaimed. "The soul binding - You can't leave...we've been too close...not yet, you can't..." he repeated over and over again.

"H-hold us," Joelle whispered. Without reflecting too much on whom she meant with 'us', Tom bent over to Joelle, holding her face with his bloody hands, kissing her lips. He felt it, just a bit, how Joelle managed to kiss back, he felt it, just a bit. When Tom opened his eyes again, he saw that Joelle had hers closed, her lips were motionless. It was too early for Tom to truly comprehend that Joelle, his precious Joelle, was no more.

Silence was ugly this time. Ugly, drawn out and cruel. It died the scene in stillness, it darkened the bright orange light, it made everything surreal. The stars were still shining, the earth still turning. And it was too early for Tom to comprehend that he was left behind. He could not withdraw from the scene, could not let go of Joelle's hand, could not stop staring. He hoped that some kind of magic was powerful enough to ignite the fire of life in her. But the only place that burned was the area deep down in the pit of Tom's stomach, enflaming his chest when he realized that Joelle was dead. She had gone to a place out of his reach once and for all. Tom could not follow. Tom could not leave. The Horcruxes prevented it. He was enslaved to live, unable to regret the several lives he sacrificed - for they had to be killed for Joelle to stay. But she was gone. She wouldn't come back. She was in a sphere out of his reach. Even if Tom found a way to die, his soul belonged to a place where he would never see pure hearted Joelle. She was somewhere else. Life was the only place to make her present, life was the only place to remember. Eternal memory, eternal pain.

With Tom's soul forced to remain forever earthbound, Tom had only one goal. And that was to make them all pay. To wipe out the existence of his downfall. Dumbledore. Muggles like John. Tom's eyes fell on the dead blond man next to him. Muggles. Here at the very moment Tom Marvolo Riddle, Lord Voldemort, swore to himself. He swore to himself that if his Joelle could not live, if Joelle the muggleborn witch could not stay, no single mudblood had the right. Muggles. Mudbloods. They had to die. They all had to die. Just like he died, with every breath of life he took, Tom was dying inside, bit for bit, everyday.

And then Tom saw it. In the distance. A dark shadow hovered above them and concentrated into the famous demon's grimace from back then. A loud clinking was audible when at last, a key fell to the ground.