Chapter 8: Irrational Treasure

It was just a normal day, Stan was driving his family somewhere when Mabel put nacho on her ears like earrings.

"Nacho Earrings!" laughed Mabel, "I'm hilarious."

Erza giggled, while Stan grumbled something.

"What's with Traffic today?" asked Stan, "And why is all… covered wagons."

He looked at Erza and drove away as fast as he could. Erza looked out the window and ten back at Stan, narrowing her eyes.

"Stanley…" she growled.

"Mom?" asked Dipper.

"I misspoke…" muttered Erza.

"We got to get out of here and fast!" yelled Stan.

"Stop this car!" yelled Erza, "You lied to me! You told me they stopped doing this after I moved away!"

After Stan didn't stop until they were caught in a circle of covered wagons.

Erza glared at Stan.

"Oh come you only use it as an excuse to wear costumes." Said Stan.

Erza narrowed her eyes at him.

"In fact it would be surprise me if you mange dot requip by the end of…" said Stan.

That was when she did in fact requip into a pioneer dress.

"See! See!" said Stan.

"Kids we're getting out of the car." Said Erza.

Erza left the car.

"I'm stuck here so I minds as well leave." Said Stan.

Mabel looked out the window and saw a baby cow.

"I have a good feeling about today." Said Mabel.

The kids left the car.

"So what's going on?" asked Dipper as he and his family explore the town.

"It's Pioneer Day, every year these Yahoos dress to celebrate the founding of the town." Said Stan.

"Welcome to 1863!" said Toby Determined.

"I WILL BREAK YOU LITTLE MAN!" yelled Stan scaring Toby.

Turns out there were activities the twins were interested in like candle dipping and panning for gold.

"Did it ever occur to you that they might like it?" asked Erza.

"Oh yeah what about that?" asked Stan pointing to a certain wedding.

IT was a man holding a woodpecker.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." Said the priest.

The twins stared at this.

"I heard about this." Said Dipper taking to the journal, "IT used to be legal to marry woodpeckers."

"It's still legal." Said the man walking up to them, "Very legal."

Mabel looked up to her mom.

"I'm not explaining this time…" said Erza.

That was when they heard an announcement.

"Come on and all to the opening ceremonies of pioneer day!" said announcer.

"All right, let's go." Said Erza.

"Grunkle Stan, you coming?" asked Mabel.

"No." muttered Stan, "And remember if you come back to the shack talking like these people you're dead to me!"

After the twins said some folksy gibberish they left.

"Dead to me!" yelled Stan.

"I hope your car gets stuck in mud." Said Erza.

Stan muttered something under his breath.

They headed to the main stage. Blubs and Durland were on the stage getting things read .

However in the crowd a man stole an old lady's purse.

"Help! Police! My purse!" cried the old lady.

However they didn't do anything.

"I'll be right back." Said Erza.

She walked out of the crowd following the thief, once she was no longer in the crowd she requiped into an armor that some what resoled a leopard print bikini (complete with ears) and then she ran towards the thief.

"Go mom!" cheered Mabel.

That was when Pacifica took the microphone.

"Howdy everyone! You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, the great, great granddaughter of the town founder Nathanial Northwest." Said Pacifica, "I'm also very rich."

The audience applause.

"Now if you got the Pioneer spirit we ask you to come up and introduce yourself!" said Pacifica.

"Audience participation!" said Mabel.

"I don't know Mable, isn't' that girl like your archenemies?" asked Dipper.

"Oh that's water under the bridge." Said Mabel.

She ran up to the stage.

"Now the first person is…" said Pacifica who noticed who it was, "Mabel…"

"All right!" said Mabel, "Let's get this Pioneer Day started! USA! USA! USA!" cheered Mabel as the crown joined in chanting.

Pacifica got the best idea to bring Mabel down.

"I'm, sorry Mabel… but Pioneer day is for serous people… and you look and act ridiculous." Said Pacifica she pointed at her sweater, "I mean a puppy playing basketball. Are you always this silly?"

"I can be serious!" muttered Mabel.

""You have nachos on your ears hon." Said Pacifica.

Mabel began to blush.

"I'm embarrassed for you." Said Pacifica she turned to the crowd, "Everyone give her a hand!"

Mabel stepped off the stage as Pacifica said "Now who wants to hear about me?"

Dipper made his way to here as Erza (who missed everything) gave the purse to the old woman who gave her some money in return.

"There you are…" said Erza, "She insisted on giving me a reward so does anyone want a treat?"

That was when Mabel requiped out of her sweater.

"Did something happen?" asked Erza.

Dipper pointed to Pacifica taking a picture with her family.

"Pacifica just embarrassed Mabel in front of the whole town." Said Dipper.

"I need some told timey butterscotch." Said Mabel.

They went to find a stand that sold said candy.

Mabel continued to mope.

"Come on Mabel put your sweater back on." Said Erza.

"No!" said Mabel, "Everyone thinks I'm too silly! I always thought I was being charming! I'm sure that's you wont' teach me how to use a sword!"

"I don't teach you how to use a sword because I'm scared you will hurt yourself." Said Erza.

Mabel mumbled something.

"Why does she think being related to the town founder mean you get to treat everyone like garbage?" asked Dipper.

"I know." Sighed Erza.

Mable looked at her mother.

"Before you two were born I did a couple jobs for her father Preston. HE refused to pay me everything he promised me every time. He claims I did a of the damage, but all of it were caused by the Communist Spiders." Muttered Erza.

Both Mabel and Dipper stared at Erza.

"His factory a hot bed for them." Explained Erza.

"Someone needs to take that family down a peg!" said Dipper that was when he remembered something.

He opened the journal.

"In my investigations." He said in a voice then realized something, "Should I do the voice?"

Both Mabel and Erza shook their heads no.

"Okay…" said Dipper, "In my investigation I discovered Nathanial Northwest might not be the real founder of Gravity Falls. I believe this is secret is buried somewhere enclosed on this document. If only I could crack the code."

He opened the document and it was a complex thing filed with stage symbols.

"Oh man if this cover is true than Pacifica's whole family is a fraud. This could be a major conspiracy!" Said Dipper.

"All right and conspires are serious, right?" asked Mabel.

"Mabel you don't have to be serious." Said Erza.

Mable ignored and said "No one will call me silly again!" said Mabel.

Erza sighed when she said that.

"All right Mystery Family?" asked Dipper.

"I thought you hated that nickname…" said Mabel.

"IT's starting to grow on me." Sid Dipper.

"All right, let's go." Said Erza.

Dipper looked at their mom.

"Should you change first?" asked Dipper.

As Erza still in the pioneer dress.

"I think it's better if I'm not noticed." Said Erza.

The twin shrugged and they headed towards library unaware that Durland and Blubs were watching them, apparently knowing things about the conspiracy.

At the library Dipper who was brains of the group began to look for symbols. He went thorough them.

"All right the triangle is the symbol for fire… so maybe if we set it on fire…" said Dipper .

"You should make a copy of it first." Said Erza, "Just in case it doesn't work."

Dipper nodded he found that the document was gone.

Mabel had made it into a hat.

"Oh… I just mad it into a hat…" said Mabel, "I did something silly again!"

"Wait!" said Dipper who noticed something about it, "It looks like a map.,"

"You were going to burn it.." said Erza.

"I know…" sighed Dipper.

That was when they noticed Blubs and Durland,.

"We're trying to find two kids and their mother reading." Blubs told the librarian.

"We're searching for them for secret reasons." Said Durland.

All three of them started hiding.

Dipper looked at the map.

"All right it looks like this map will take us to the Gravity Falls history museum." Said Dipper.

"It's free today." Said Erza.

"Really… huh…" said Dipper.

They managed to get to t the museum where the greeter gave Dipper and Mabel balloons.

AS they explored the museum.

"So what do we do next? Steal Thomas Jefferson's ribcage?" asked Mabel.

"They don't have that here…" said Erza, "But I do think they have one of the governor's spines…"

Dipper cringed at this conversation.

"We have to hurry it up." Said Dipper, "I don't think they were at the library to read."

They looked at a triangular painting that appeared abstract. Mabel started getting bored and laid on a bench upside down.

"Come on be less boring!" said Mabel.

She turned herself upside down.

"It did!" yelled Mabel.

Dipper joined her.

"What is it?" asked Erza.

"It's an angel pointing." Said Dipper.

"I've seen that stature before." Said Mabel, "At the cemetery."

"All right! Let's go!" said Erza.

That was when they noticed Durland and Blubs at the door.

"We need to get past them!" said Dipper.

Erza sighed, "Looks like I'm going to use Flight Armor again."

"Yeah! Flight Armor!" cheered Mabel.

Erza once again requiped into the leopard print armor, she grabbed both Dipper and Mabel and ran past the two fast they didn't know what just happened.

They eventually made it cemetery where they found the angel stature.

"The stature must be point to the next clue." Said Dipper.

"Or Mabel will find it." Said Erza.

"What makes you say that?" asked Dipper.

That was when he noticed that Mabel had it so that the stature was picking her nose.

"Whoever set up the clues has the same mindset as your sister." Laughed Erza.

That was when the finger of the stature was bent up ad a rumble was heard. They saw that a door opened up revealed a set of stairs.

"Who's silly now Pacifica!" yelled Mabel she looked at her mom, "Mom… I might be stuck."

Erza made sure to get Mabel off the stature's finger.

They walked down the stairs.

"Make sure you don't set off any booby traps." Said Dipper.

"Here… you said booby." Laughed Mabel.

Mabel stepped on one releasing darts, thankfully Erza requiped a sword in time and made sure the darts didn't hit any of them.

They made it down stairs to where there was a room filled with documents.

"It's a treasure trove of historical secret things." Said Mabel.

They looked through the documents one o them confirmed that Ben Franklin was a woman which made the twins laugh.

That was when Dipper found the document about the Town Founder.

"Let it be reordered, that Nathanial Northwest is not the founder of Gravity Falls but a waste shoveling village idiot." Read Dipper he laughed, "Too bad for Pacifica… once the papers get a load of this…"

"I don't know…" said Erza, "Knowing Preston he'll make sure no one knows about it…"

"The true founder of Gravity Falls is Quentin Trembley the third Esquire." Said Dipper.

"Who Quentin Trembley?" asked Mabel.

"I have no idea… and your uncle made learn as much as possible about American history…" said Erza.

"Why?" asked Dipper.

"Reasons…" said Erza.

"None of your business!" yelled a voice.

They turned to see Blubs and Durland.

"Wait can one of you say "Who Quentin Trembley" again?" asked Blubs.

That was when Durland passed out with darts sticking out of him.

"Mrs. Pines…" said Blubs.

"Not this time… considering we're enemies right now…" said Erza.

Blubs sighed and managed to get all of the darts out of Durland.

"Look Quentin Trembley's a matter of national secret." Said Blubs.

"How so?" asked Erza.

"And who is Quentin Trembley?" asked Mabel.

Blubs put on a filmstrip.

It was in black and white, which Mabel complained about.

The gist of it was that Quentin Trembley was the 8th and half president, America's silliest president. He won in a literal landslide and became known for his strange policies. Such as banning pants, declaring war on pancakes and appointing babies to the Supreme Court.

He would later found the town of Gravity Falls after plummeting off a cliff. It was decided to replace him with William Henry Harrison and Nathanial Northwest.

Once the film was done Erza was confused.

"Wait… how did the cover up with Harrison work?" asked Erza.

"What do you mean?" asked Blubs.

"Harrison was only president for 30 days before he died…" said Erza.

"It doesn't matter." Said Blubs, "We fulfilled our mission."

They all noticed Quentin Trembley in a block of something amber colored.

"Whoa is that amber or something?" asked Dipper.

"No… it's peanut brittle, he thought he could live forever if he encased himself in it." Said Blubs.

"How did you find us?" asked Erza.

"We just followed the trail of candy wrappers." Said Durland.

Both Erza and Dipper looked Mabel who through out the day ate the butterscotch candy.

"Now that you know the truth, we can't let you go around blabbing it to people." Said Blubs.

Erza grabbed her sword.

"I won't let you kill them!" said Erza.

"OH NO!" cried Durland, "I don't want to kill them!"

"No, no, no… we're not going to kill you." Said Blubs.

Erza went easy.

"We're just going to take away you're family to Washington." Said Blubs.

Erza glared at him.

"I would advise you do it Mrs. Pines… we both know that story about amnesia is false and if you don't calm along quietly I will be forced to tell the government." Said Blubs.

Erza gritted her teeth.

"Fine…" relented Erza.

They were forced into a crate along with the peanut brittle body of Quentin Trembley.

Mable was depressed while Dipper glared at his mother.

"Why did you just give up?" asked Dipper.

"you know I have no history since I appeared and I might have been able to claim that I had amnesia but if someone were to dig they would find that it was false and I'm not here legally." Said Erza.

Dipper sighed when she said.

"It why Stan made me learn as much history as possible just in case I was forced to take a citizenship test." Explained Erza.

Mabel grabbed a piece of the peanut brittle.

"Mabel don't eat that, it's over 100 years old." Said Erza.

"Fine…" muttered Mabel.

However the peanut brittle cracked thanks to Mabel taking the piece soon enoguh he awake.

"It is I Quentin Termly!" he said taking off his pants.

"You're alive? But how?" asked Dipper.

"The peanut brittle! IT really does have life sustaining properties!" said Mabel, "You're not silly! You're brilliant!"

"And so are you dear girl!" said Quentin Trembley, "You are the one who solved my clues…."

"Wait…" said Erza, "Did you hear everything?"

"I did!" said Quentin Trembley, "If I were to guess you're from another dimension…"

Erza blinked, "Yes… I am…" said Erza weirded out by the fact he figured that out.

"It seems like we're trapped in a cube shaped box!" said Quentin.

"It's a crate Mr. President." Said Mabel.

"Good thing I have the presidential key!" said Quentin, "It opens every lock you in the US."

He tried to pen the wood, causing Erza to sighed. She requiped into an armor (well it was more like a shirt made of armor) it had the same mark of her tattoo and a cross. She also requiped a sword.

She of course cut open the crate.

"So you're done giving up?" asked Dipper.

"Considering we all though he was dead I think we can figure a way out of this." Said Erza.

They left the train car and Durland saw them.

They went to the ladder where a hatch was, Erza went first and opened the hatch. Of course Blubs and Durland met them on the roof., although Blubs did need a minute since it was a bit of a hassle.

"Erza… please stop this!" said Blubs.

"Daryl please I know you don't want to arrest me and family…" said Erza.

"I have to the orders came directly from the top." Said Blubs.

"Daryl?" asked Mabel.

Dipper shrugged.

That was when Dipper realized something.

"Quentin! Did you sign an official resignation?" asked Dipper.

"No I ate a salamander then jumped out the window." Said Quentin.

"Then he's still officially present." Said Dipper, "So you have to answer form this guy now."

The two cops were surprised.

"As President I hereby order you order you pretend that none of this ever happened… and to retake a delightful vacation." Ordered Quentin.

"A vacation?" asked Blubs.

The two cops decided go to a water park they always wanted to.

And so thanks to Quentin's orders they parted ways and took the train to the water park to enjoy their vacation.

Once the train was gone Quentin looked at Mabel.

"Mabel you have done a great service, I hereby appoint you to congress" he said as he gave her a top hat.

"I'm legalizing everything." Said Mabel.

He turned to Erza.

"Erza you helped out not only myself but also you're children as well… but I know you might be in danger if they dug too deeply into your past…" said Quentin.

That was when he gave Erza some paper work.

"Here, it says that you and any one you care about from your home dimension are hereby legally citizen of the Untied States." Said Quentin.

"I came here by accident… I can't think of anyone else that will show up." Said Erza.

"Keep it…" said Mabel with a shrug, "IT might come in handy one day…"

"And Roderick." Said Quentin.

"That's not my name." said Dipper.

"You are on your way to unlocking the secrets of this great land, that is why I'm giving you the Presidential Key." Said Quentin.

"Thank you so much." Said Dipper.

And so they walked back to Gravity Falls.

"And then he chased me around and spanked me for three hours." Said Quentin, "In short George Washington was jerk."

"Mabel…" said Erza.

Mabel nodded and walked over to Pacifica.

She talked to Pacifica.

Of course she told Pacifica the story, but Pacifica didn't believe her and opened mocked her.

She and her family began to leave.

"Oh and I see your car's stuck in the mud, have fun walking back home." Mocked Pacifica.

She joined her family and drove away in the car.

"Why didn't you tell her?" asked Dipper.

"Oh Dipper, I don't need to tell her." Said Mabel, "I now know that being silly is awesome."

Mabel requiped back into her sweater.

"Dipper…" said Erza.

Dipper handed her the paper.

"Preston!" she called out.

The car stopped. Pacifica's father came out of the car.

"Erza Scarlet? I haven't seen you in years…" said Preston in a voice that borderline polite and angry.

"It's Erza Pines now…" said Erza.

"So what did you want to talk about." Said Preston.

"This." Said Erza.

She held up the document. Preston looked at it but then took it away.

"I'm sending this to various national newspapers." Said Erza.

"Scarlet…" growled Preston.

"its Pines remember…" said Erza.

Preston gave her some money.

"Here it's some of the cost adjusted for inflation form your first job for me." Said Preston, "I think we're all in agreement."

Erza said nothing and they drove away.

"So Mom…" said Dipper.

"We didn't agree to anything…" said Erza who froze, "I didn't think he's pay me…"

Dip[per and Mabel looked at each other.

"Must have been something picked up form Stan." Said Mabel.

Dipper shrugged.

"Now! I am needed elsewhere but I will always be with you." Called out Quentin he pulled out some money, "The negative 12 dollar bill!"

"Wow this is worthless." Said Dipper.

"It's less than worthless!" said Quentin, "Trembley Away!"

He jumped away, onto a horse and rode it away backwards.

"Where do you thin he's going?" asked Mabel.

"More than likely off a cliff." Said Dipper.

"Let's go find your uncle, I'm sure he's around here somewhere." Said Erza since the car after all was stuck in the mud.

They found Stan locked up in some stock.

"I'm a political prisoner…" said Stan.

"Oh Stan…" sighed Erza.

Stan told them the story of how he threatened the local mechanic (as he was in character and refused to help out) and he was put in there as punishment where everyone threw tomatoes at him… except for Soos who talked for him for an hour.

"It's karma." Said Erza.

"Yeah, yeah…" muttered Stan, "So what's with the top hat?"

"I'm in congress now!" said Mabel.

"What?" asked Stan.

"You are official pardoned." Said Mabel.

"What?" asked Stan again as Dipper used the President's Key to unlock the stocks, "You're never going to make any sense are you?"

"No way!" said Mabel, "Mabel Away!"

She jumped away and there was a huge crash.

"I'm okay!" called out Mabel.

And so Mabel learned that being silly was a gift.

Also Erza would send the news to papers anonymously so that no one knew that her family was behind discovering the conspiracy.

So yeah… the Northwests had to put out many fires…

Next Time: Stan hold a carnival, while there Mabel wins a pig while Wendy gets injured... when a Time Traveler shows up will Dipper be able to prevent the injury while Mabel chooses to relive wining the pig over and over again... Will something go wrong? Find out next time!