Chapter 6: Sheer Will

"But did you see her? With your own eyes?" Fergus demanded, hoping beyond hope.

"No, I did not," Gwen spoke the truth, "But Fergus... there's no way she would have lived...the men...they were ruthless."

"Then there's still hope," Fergus chose to ignore her reason, "After the battle we can tell the King of Howe's treachery, and take back Highever! We can find Elissa from there. You, Elissa, and I are the only remaining Couslands, we can't let Howe destroy Highever while we still yet live."

Gwen shrunk away from Fergus, knowing what she must say, "Fergus... I...I am not your sister."

Fergus's knit his eyebrows, "What do you mean? Of course you're my sister."

"No I am not," Gwen looked at him evenly, "Your mother told me everything...you must have known as well. You knew your mother didn't have twins...then why?" She left her question open because she had too many whys to ask.

"Because you're my sister and that's all that matters. I don't care if you're adopted, or who your parents were. I grew up with you, and I know I wasn't always the best brother, and mother and sister weren't kind to you, and father didn't pay attention you, but..." His voice broke, a frown capturing his face, "You're all I have left...please...please don't say we're not family," He pulled her into a bear-hug, swaying her from side to side.

I don't understand...I don't understand anything anymore...a family that hates me is all I've ever known.

Fergus was the closest thing to family she ever had. And yet it was still so deprived.

He taught her the basics of a sword and shield, and laughed with her, and played games as children with her. But when it came to defending her in front of Elissa or Eleanor...it never happened. He himself never tried to hurt her, but he valued his parents opinion of him far greater than having a simple friend.

She couldn't bring herself to trust his words now. Everything had been convenient for him. Gwendolyn was there for when he was bored, or needed a sparring partner. The same could go for the squires she used to teach.

She freed herself from his hold, "Fergus...if you wish to continue on that path. So be it. But I will not follow you," Her thoughts drifted to her new duty as a Grey Warden, "I have my own path now. My own destiny," She looked into his hurt eyes. These were eyes she didn't recognize, the eyes of a person who needed her...wanted her to join him...and she had rejected them.

"But sister..." Fergus reached out to her, his hand waited patiently for her to take it. All she had to do was accept it, and her would accept her.

Together they would restore Highever. They would find their lost family and over throw the traitorous Howe.

No!

Gwen would not have it. She would not let Fergus ruin her destiny by pervading and infecting her thoughts.

He's trying to manipulate me! He just wants to use me so he can get back Highever and be Teryn himself! Then he'd just cast me aside. Like he always did in the face of his parents.

"No! I'll have none of this Fergus. I've given you my answer. My final answer."

Fergus seemed shocked, then offended, then angry. His anger only fueled Gwen's even more.

"You'd let Howe get away with this?" He spat, "You bloody coward! You're no better than him!"

"How dare you!" Gwen came inches to his face, her face was red hot. She wanted to scream and kick. But instead they glared hatred at each other, each wishing they could throw a firebolt at the other.

Gwen broke the contact first, she had to, or else she might have strangled him.

She stormed away, so much fury had been uncovered inside her. She went back to the tents, she had been so blinded by her rage that she ran straight into Daveth.

Before, she would have taken her anger out on killing things, but she didn't have that option. She certainly wouldn't kill the people she would be fighting with the next night, and the gate to the wilds was locked tight.

This anger needed to be vented. Had to be.

Daveth sensed her anger and asked what was wrong, and of course added in a sexual innuendo; it was just his personality.

What happened next was not what he had been expecting.

She grabbed him violently by the collar, as though she were about to choke him. But instead she...kissed him. Not because she had some burning passion for him. In fact, she had no lust for him. But the fire inside her demanded to be thrown.

Daveth smiled mischievously, saying nothing but guiding her to his tent. He had hoped he would find someone to lay with the night before battle, and he had almost given up hope. After what he had seen during his joining he had realized just how close to death everyone was. He wanted to at least live a little before he potentially died.

Gwen, well, she wasn't exactly what he wanted. He didn't think she was pretty or attractive in anyway, she was much to skinny for that, but he was a desperate man.

He was Gwen's first that night, although she had no intention of telling Daveth that. She took control, even though she had no idea what she was doing, she knew what she wanted. And what she wanted...was to be sated.

With all her energy expended, her rage died down, and she was able to get a few hours of dreamless sleep before the next sun arose.

IXI

The next day had been in a haze.

Fergus was nowhere to be seen in the morning, when Gwen had asked after him they told her that he'd gone back to his scouting party in the wilds. Gwen wondered if she had been too harsh on him, if she had accidentally made an enemy out of him. She wondered if he was going to die in the battle, if she herself might die.

Don't be stupid. You've come this far and you passed your joining. You're not going to die. Gwen told herself. Whatever happened to Fergus is wasn't her concern any longer.

The entire day had been spent preparing for the battle to come. Everyone was rushing about, servants, soldiers, mages, priests, and even the mabari seemed as though they had somewhere to be.

All Gwen wanted to do was go back to sleep. Ugh, on second thought. She had no desire to go back into a tent with Daveth. She wouldn't go as far as to say the night was enjoyable. But it had sufficed for her need.

She had woken up far earlier than he, and had no intention of sticking around to talk about what had occurred. I hope he doesn't think that one night will turn into more. The last thing she needed was some idiot following her around.

Don't get cocky Gwendolyn, you're not pretty or curvy. Being with you is probably the last thing on his mind. You simply used each other that night for your own purposes. She agreed with herself, she wasn't beautiful like Solona or Alistair. What could she give to anybody? Not that she wanted to of course...

The kennel master had been extremely grateful for the flower, although Gwen was left disappointed when he had nothing to give her. She waved it off, after all it was just a flower.

Before anyone knew it, the hour before the battle had come. And one last meeting was to be held.

Following the giant white stone stair case to the left, on a very old oak table, lay plans for battle and miniature figurines for tactics. Surrounding the table were men of war, prestige, and magic, and the mother herself from the Chantry.

The King demanded he be on the front lines with the Wardens, even when Teryn Loghain advised him not to.

Gwen recalled that Teyrn Loghain had been close friends with the King's late father and mother, Maric and Rowan.

Duncan had yet to tell the new Wardens what their roles would be in the battle, it seemed that this meeting would decide that.

"What about the Tower of Ishal? We can send a team up there and light a beacon for Loghain's troops." Cailan suggested, showing his tactical skill.

"Excellent call your Majesty," the mage interjected, "We can send a group of mages to-"

"We'll have none of your hand in this, for all we know your mages could turn into abominations at any second," The Chantry Mother interrupted the mage. She didn't want mages taking too much credit for helping in the war, least a revolt take place.

"What about two of our new Grey Wardens? Alistair and Solona would suffice, would they not your Majesty?" Duncan volunteered the two Wardens.

"Wait, don't we have a say in this?" Alistair protested, he wanted to be on the front lines fighting with Duncan. Where he belonged.

"No. It is up to the King to decide." Duncan stated.

"Yes, Duncan, if you believe it's a good idea, I trust your judgment. We shall have the other two Wardens Gwen and..." Cailan gestured over to Daveth.

"Daveth, your Majesty."

"Yes. They shall join the other senior Wardens in battle as planned," King Cailan had decided their roles for them, and whether they liked it or not they had to follow them.

Loghain gave Gwen a strange look, it reminded her of how Duncan had looked at her just a few nights prior. Gwen had returned his stare with a questioning face. It seemed as if Loghain had been lost in thought. When he realized that Gwen had noticed his staring he immediately shifted his attention onto the King.

"This meeting is adjourned," The King announced.

These were their final moments before battle. Before all chaos broke loose.

Duncan had them gather around the center of camp once again, giving each and every one of them a fatherly gaze.

"I'm not to join you?" Alistair asked Duncan in a quiet, disappointed voice.

"After the beacon is lit we'll need you back down here. You'll join me then Alistair, for now follow the orders your King has given you." Duncan reassured him.

Duncan placed his heavy hand on Gwen's shoulder, he frowned and regarded her as though it were the last time they'd see each other, "Fight to live Gwen. Survive."

She didn't understand what he meant. Of course she was going to fight to live. Of course she was going to try and survive. What did he mean?

"Solona. You're a strong woman. Don't let your past affect the now," Solona nodded at him. She was fearful to speak, that her voice would give her away. But she was stronger than that and she knew it.

She cleared her head and focused on the task at hand. Living. "Right now all that matters is winning this war." Her voice did not brake, she was confident even in the face of death.

Gwen wanted to say more, to ask more. But their time was up. The sound of the horn called them all to their positions.

The time for war was now. The time to stand and fight for Fereldan was now. The time to end the Blight was now.

IXI

Gwen remembered lining up next to her fellow Wardens. All of them tense, yet ready. The arrows were let loose, then the mabaris, then...it was their turn. They charged as a whole unyielding mass of pride. Every single soldier had pride in the country and would fight for it, to their death.

Every second Gwen spent down there in that valley, fighting to survive, fighting to end the Blight, felt like an eternity. Men and woman were slain where they stood.

This killing was so much different from what she had experienced in Highever. Here, people fought with their dignity and their honor. It was odd, Gwen thought. The concept of honor.

She was torn between fully focusing on survival, or killing. She felt a need to kill every last darkspawn she saw, as though it had personally hurt her. But she knew that train of thought would get her killed, she had to force herself to back off of the kills she knew she wouldn't get.

All the carnage around her empowered her blood lust, thrilling her like she never had before. She didn't have much experience fighting, but her sheer will to win kept her alive.

Hours passed and they were losing ground, Gwen looked up searching for the beacon of light that would save them. She spotted it within seconds, the tower had been lit, and yet Loghain's soldiers did not come.

She waited and fought more. Their line was falling, they were dying.

Loghain's soldiers did not come.

Gwen stopped amidst the fighting, it was like time had stopped for her. People were statues, frozen. Their pure emotions exuded from their face.

Primal. Honor. Survival. Then submission, hopelessness, death.

Gwen turned to see the giant ogre rip through their soldiers, shattering the delicate statues of glass.

The glass, their blood, flew onto her, awakening her from her paralyzed state.

She sharply gasped, Duncan!

There he was. Dead. Next to the king's red and gold disfigured body. The ogre lay beside him, Duncan's swords already plunged deep into its chest.

Her will to win was gone. Her desire to kill the dark spawn greater than ever to avenge Duncan, but even stronger her desire to live. As Duncan asked her to.

She ran. Past the dead and dying soldiers. Past the Wardens, and the mages. And as she ran, everyone around her died.

Arrows were flown into their throats, hearts still beating were taken out of their chests. The most evil and strongest of the dark spawn had made it deep into the camp, and she watched as the servants' throats were slit, as the priests prayed only to be cut down by the approaching monsters.

Her throat was burning, her thighs were on fire, her wounds stabbed and fired at her every time she took a step. But she didn't care. She didn't care about anything.

She ran to the north, adrenaline pumped through her blood, her heart beat so fast it felt as though it might have exploded. She collapsed of exhaustion when she could go no further. She breathed in the dirt as she hyperventilated, her high pitched gasps of near suffocation were deaf to her own ears.

She laid there for a few minutes, unsure if she'd made it far enough. But she was not safe yet. She was far from safe.

She pushed herself back up onto her legs, falling back down the first few times, but she finally managed to control herself.

She felt her side as she slowly made her way forward; she was bleeding. She held up her own hand and marveled at how her own silk rubies shined in the moon light.

She pressed her hand back into her side, desperately trying to hold back the flood gates of her demise.

Looking behind her she saw just how far she had run, she could still see Ostagar but only it silhouette in the dark night.

She wandered aimlessly forward, hoping someone would find her.

Instead, she walked head first into a stone wall. She yelped and jumped back, regretting her action immediately as her wound bit back at her.

Structure! She thought. There must be someone near by!

"Hello?!" She called out into the darkness, "Is someone there? Please help me!"

"I'm right here," A gruff voice answered back, out of the shadows appeared a large man who's muscles were built like...stone... "You ran into me you done did!" He looked at her with suspicion, "Who're you?"

"I..." Gwen searched for the right answer, "I bring important news from Ostagar, I must reach the nearest village as soon as possible!" She groaned in pain, "But first, please, I will not last much longer..."

"Ostagar you say? Aye. We'll help you. My wife can sew you up, come with me," He waved for her to follow him.

She gladly did, but before she took another step forward, her knees faltered and she fell helplessly into the cold ground.

Her vision blurred and relinquished, leading her slowly back into her black abyss she had been at not so long ago.

A/N: With Thanksgiving break ending I won't be able to write as much as I have been recently. But don't worry! I will continue the story, but the updates won't be as numerous.