Chapter Five

She found him in Max's room, the babe cradled gently in his arms as he rocked him. Since waking from his coma, he'd spent much of his time with his son, whispering words too soft for anyone but him and the infant to hear. She'd tried to warn him against growing attached to the child, knowing it would devastate him when he finally returned to New York and was forced to leave Max behind, but he'd only given her a small broken smile and told her that it was too late for him not to.

Worse, Max seemed just as attached to his carrier, the infant lighting up every time his "mother" entered the room. He was most well behaved in Alec's arms, often growing agitated when the archer left his sight for too long. And he was possessive of his mother as well, often throwing a fit if Alec's attention left him for longer than a moment. When she'd commented, Alec had only chuckled, heartbreak and pain in his eyes, but had said the child had most likely inherited it from his other parent.

Which brought her to the crux of the matter.

In the six months that they'd been in the City of Bones, not once had Alec spoken of the man that had nearly killed him. Beyond commenting on Max's inherited possessiveness, not a word about his former lover left his lips. Even on the nights where the nightmares seemed to drag him under, still he didn't cry out the man's name. Instead he cried in silence, almost as if he were protecting the man even in his sleep.

When they asked, he would change the topic or ignore the question.

They didn't know the man's name, how they'd met, or even how long they'd been together. It was...frustrating.

Everything she'd done since defecting from Valentine's ranks had been done with the intention of protecting her children. To find out that she'd failed so badly, that this faceless bastard had almost taken her precious firstborn from her, had her blood screaming for vengeance.

For Justice.

Both of which she was denied due to her son's large, loyal heart.

Shaking her head, she turned her attention back to the scene in front of her, watching as her son began to sing to his child.

It was something she hadn't seen him do since Isabelle was a toddler, something she'd never known he'd missed until the sound of it reached her ears for the first time in years.

My heart

This song is for you

To always remember

When days are~ blue

When skies are cloudy

Your heart heavy

Remember this song

I sing for you

Max yawned, watching his bearer with sleepy awe-filled eyes, while Alec gazed down at him hazel eyes flashing with the starbursts the glamour hid from the rest of the world. His lips twitched into a tiny smile and he pulled the child closer. The song softened and she almost didn't notice his voice changing, the language one she didn't recognize.

But the love in the words was unmistakable and once more she hated the choice he'd been forced to make. The shadows cast by the moon flickered, seeming to form wings behind her son but when she looked again they were gone.

Finally, the song ended and Alec's features twisted into a tortured expression, full of love and betrayal.

"He would have loved you," he whispered almost as if he couldn't bring himself to say the words any louder. "He is a horrible man...but-" He cut himself off, swallowing thickly.

"He nearly killed you." She couldn't help but interject, able to see clear as day that whoever the monster was...her son still loved him. Loved him more than she'd ever believed anyone could love a monster and she'd been there to see Jocelyn and Valentine's marriage play out.

Alec nodded. "I know...but, he didn't." He breathed out a shuddered breath, and looked up at her with tears shining in his glamoured eyes. "He could have. Anytime after I came home, he could have killed me...and I never would've made it back here. I have to believe that somewhere deep inside him...there's some good. Someone that loved me as much as I loved him. If I don't," He bit his lip. "If I don't, he'll win. He'll win because he'll have broken me."

Maryse felt her heart tinge and she pulled her son and grandson into her arms.

"Alexander," She began, her voice firm, sad, and just this side of gentle. "We cannot control who we love. Nor can we control our hearts. Nephilim we only love truly once, very rare few love twice. I believe, one day, you will be one of those few. Someone will come along, someone you can love and be loved by as freely as you wish. Someone you don't have to hide around." Her voice hardened and she sighed.

"Until that day, until the day you are sure they are worth it, harden your heart. Become cold, unless with your family. Wearing your heart as you do now, sewn into your sleeve and bleeding for all to see, it will only end up with you getting hurt again."

He looked down at his son, thinking of how easily he'd been lured in by his lo- by his warmth, by his fierceness, and he nodded to himself.

To his mother.

He would. He would learn to harden his heart, learn to keep everyone out but his family. He would become the way his mother was when she was in public, aloof and cold, and never again would he allow himself to fall for the trap that was love.

The same love that had nearly killed him, that had kept him from raising his hand the first time his former lover had struck him. Had made his hands tremble as he went to arrest the man and hesitate as his voice had fallen to that low, almost casually dangerous tone.

No, he wouldn't fall in love again. Emotions were only a distraction.

Deep within him, a tiny flickering thing screamed.

*/*

He should've killed him.

Gritting his teeth, Valentine couldn't help but pace angrily as he pondered his own inability to kill his beloved, remembering the way his body had betrayed him as he'd brought his fist down for the final blow.

The way his grace had cried out in terror, in horror as he stared down at the bloodied form lying at his feet. As he'd felt the tiny, flicker in his love's dormant grace.

A child.

A son.

His mate was pregnant.

Pregnant just as he and Heylel had wished for all those years ago, when the earth was a mere fledgling. When Heylel found joy in teaching the fledgling angels, his warm heart bursting with joy and longing.

It had been that flicker, that tiny barely sentient soul, that had stilled his hand. Or so he'd like to believe.

Conveniently, he would ignore the nightmares that lingered behind his eyelids. Nightmares of watching his beloved mate fall from the Silver City, his wings broken.

Of watching as Alec pleaded and begged for him to stop, his pale features stained with his own blood.

Of a tiny indistinguishable bundle lying lifeless in his archer's arms.

Ignoring them all, he continued to pace, the shadows around him shifting restlessly and his grace snarling beneath his skin, aching for the mate he'd betrayed once again.

*/*

Alec had changed.

Jace could see something had changed as soon as his Parabatai returned to the institute after almost a year away. According to their parents, his brother had been with the Silent brothers finishing his Head of Institute training and taking care of something for them. However, as the three older Lightwoods approached them, he could see something in his brother had changed. Something that had left his once warm, if a bit socially awkward brother, the cold man standing in front of him.

Make no mistake, there was still love and warmth in his eyes, but his expression beyond them was impassive, aloof.

He wanted to ask, and everything in him told him that he should, yet his attention was drawn away from the older man by their mother. More importantly, by the child in her arms.

"Isabelle, Jace, I have an important announcement for you." Something in Alec's eyes tightened, something indiscernible flashing in them. "This is your little brother, Maxwell."

Beside him Izzy's eyes widened and she grinned, reaching forward and the toddler, no more than one years old glanced over at Alec, then at Izzy. Alec smiled warmly and nodded and the babe giggled.

"Iz-Iz." He babbled and their sister nodded. "Hey, Maxie." She responded tearfully and the baby reached for her. She took him hesitantly, Maryse showing her how to hold him with a gentleness that belied her normally firm nature. Jace swallowed, leaning over when his parabatai pulled him over to the two.

"He's your little brother too, Jace." The archer reminded him, and even his voice was softer. Warmth spread through him at the words, enough so that he momentarily forgot his worry. Instead he brushed a sword calloused finger over the toddlers head and smiled at the dark eyes staring up at him curiously.

"Hey, little bro." He murmured and Max smiled, wide and innocent and he found himself vowing that he would do everything to protect that smile.

Beside him, he knew Izzy was doing the same thing.

"Was this why you were in the City of Bones?"

Their dad nodded. "Yes, your mother's pregnancy was a difficult one this time. We were lucky that Alec was there as well. He's been helping your mother recover."

Jace nodded, but something in those words rang false.

Wrong.

Still, sneaking a look at his parabatai, at the new cold settling over him like armour he decided to leave it alone. Something told him that he didn't want to know.

*/*

Settling back into his life at the institute is almost surreal in just how easy it was.

The first month, Jace watched him, his gaze both too knowing and curious at once. He knew his brother had felt their bond burn, felt just how close to death Alec had become and yet the lie spilt from his lips the moment his parabatai questioned it.

A demon ambush during a solo patrol.

Jace doesn't believe him.

He never says anything different and eventually the other lets it go.

Life goes on.

His mother, though not the worst mother, seemed to have been woefully unprepared for how much Max would dislike being seperated from Alec. She barely has the babe in Idris for three days before she returns him under the guise of Alec watching over him while his parents' marriage was in turmoil.

(It wasn't a complete lie. He doesn't say so out loud.)

Instead he watches and nurtures his s-brother, watching as the child meets milestone after milestone well before many of his peers.

Notices the familiar possessive streak the child possesses and the blooming intelligence. Watches as he grows and advances.

One year passes.

Then two.

Then, before he knows it, he's sending Max to Alicante for the academy.

He'd never been more terrified and proud in his life. His siblings tease him for his overprotectiveness of their youngest brother, and he takes it with a scowl all the while trying to not to feel like he'd just signed his son's life away for the second time.

Instead he tried to settle back into his life, into his role, and let the ice encase his heart even further.

He succeeded too.

He was cold outside missions, but firm enough that his people knew he could be counted on to have their backs. He read every letter that Max sent, trying not to feel the swell of smug possessiveness that curled around his heart when the child sent a letter addressed specifically for him.

He monitors his son's progress, ruthlessly squashing thoughts of how proud his former lover would've been to know their son was a genius. That he, for all that he preferred his comic books and manga, was being praised as one of the best shadowhunters of his generation.

He squashes the dreams and the longing and the loneliness and he keeps moving.

He keeps moving and he finally manages to get his head above water…

Just in time for Her to come crashing into his life like a tiny red-haired hurricane, bringing chaos and worse, Him in her wake.