Chapter 41: The Golf War
It was a normal morning at the Mystery Shack, Dipper was just watching TV. That was when Stan entered the room.
"Who wants Stan cakes?" asked Stan, "They're like pancakes but they probably have some of my hair in them."
"Pass." Said Dipper.
"Good mongering." Said Erza in a cheerful mood as she entered the room with Jellal.
Stan winced.
"What?" asked Erza.
"So… he's starting to stay the night…" said Stan, "Just make sure it doesn't end like your last time."
Erza glared at Stan.
Thankfully this was short lived.
Mabel came in screaming.
"It's here! It's here! It's here! It's finally here! I've been waiting all morning! And it's finally here!" yelled Mabel, "The Gravity Fall Gossiper accepted my article on fashion tips for squirrels! My picture's going to be in the newspaper!"
She showed them the new papers, however it definitely wasn't Mabel.
"Pacifica Northwest declares V-neck the look of the season." Read Stan.
"What!" yelled Mabel.
She looked at article was all about Pacifica.
"Looks like someone bought their way to the front page." Said Dipper.
"Is it legal for a child to wear that much make-up?" asked Stan.
"It's okay…" said Erza.
"Do people even read newspapers in this world since there's the internet?" asked Jellal.
That was when Soos came into the room.
"Dude did you read the newspaper this morning! V-neck season is upon us! Who wants to be a head of the fashion curve? I'm taking it one step further with a W-Neck." Said Soos who began to make his shirt into a W-neck while saying "Must follow newspaper."
Mable went over to the table, and angrily drank some OJ.
"I need something to get my mind off of this." Said Mabel.
"Look for a distraction from your horrible life?" asked the TV announcer.
"Why yes!" said Mabel.
"Victory! Honor! Destiny Mutton! These old timey sounding words alive and well at Gravity Falls Royal Discount Putt Hutt." Said the announcer, which then quickly said "No mutton available at the concession stand."
"Mabel you want to go mini-golfing?" asked Erza with a smile.
Dipper took out the family scrapbook.
"She's amazing since we were kids. What do say? It's been a stressful few days. How about we take a break."
"Would kicking our butts in mini-golf cheer you up?" asked Stan.
"Maybe a little." Said Mabel.
And with the expectation of Erza and Jellal they began to chant the words from the commercial as they left for Mini-Golf.
Once they were out of the house Soos said "And the pig can watch the house."
Waddles oinked as if saying "Who? Me?"
And so they got to the Mini-Golf course.
"Mini-Golf, the sport of champions." Said Mabel.
"The grass is fake, but the fun is real, there's something here for everyone!" said Dipper.
And so they began to play.
Dipper went first.
"Okay, focus, focus." Said Dipper.
He swung his club, not only did it miss, but the fall rolled away into a nearby water trap… one that should have been blocked up.
"Don't' worry bro… you're still" said Mabel who took out a sticker form stictionary and slapped it on his cheek, "Extra-Roar-dinary."
"I'll take what I can get." Sighed Dipper.
It was now Mabel's turn.
"All right, do the hip wiggle and…" said Mabel.
She smacked the ball, which went through the course and thanks to Old McGucket sleeping on the hole, she got a hole in one.
"Holy Smokes someone in the family is talented in something that isn't magic or beating someone up." Said Stan.
"Remember, this us just the first hole." Said Erza.
And so Mabel played through it, with a very high score… she was doing so good that a crowd gathered around the family. Not only that but Dipper realized something at the last hole.
"If Mabel gets a hole in one, this will beat her all time high score." He explained.
And so as Mabel hit the final ball in the famous windmill.
"You can do it Mabel, just pretend that you're hitting Pacifica's face." Thought Mabel.
She hit the ball, it went though the windmill, however it missed the hole and landed in a puddle.
The crowd dispersed in disappointment.
"Aw nuts." Said Mabel.
"You still did very good." Said Erza, "Don't worry about it."
"Also how mini-golf works is a mystery, just like the Bermuda triangle." Said Soos.
"Don't worry about it, you're still the best in Gravity…" said Stan.
However a different ball just hit a hole-in-one.
And the person who hit it…
"Pacifica…" muttered Mabel.
Indeed it was Pacifica with her family.
"Oh I didn't know it was Hobos golf free day." Said Pacifica.
"Hello Preston, Pricilla." Said Erza glaring at them.
"Oh Erza it's good to see you." Said Pricilla (Pacifica's mother), "Blue hair… a tattoo on the face… so the rumors are true, you do have a Post-Divorce Boy-Toy."
"What did you call him?" asked Erza.
"That's what he is isn't he?" said Pricilla, "Plus it's quite amusing that Erza Scarlet… Oh I mean Erza Pines… is dating someone much, much younger than her…"
Erza was glaring at her.
"Calm down, she's not worth it." Said Jellal trying to calm her down.
"I got this…" said Dipper to his mom.
He walked over to Pacifica.
"Hey Pacifica, how is your family doing since the article came out raveling your family are frauds?" asked Dipper.
"Fine, that's the thing about money, they make things go away." Said Pacifica.
"Well money can't buy you skill in mini-golf!" said Mabel.
"Oh really?" asked Pacifica, "Sergei!"
That was when a Russian man walked up.
"This is my trainer Sergei!" said Pacifica.
"Sportylics had Mini-Golf once." Said Sergei he opened his shirt revealing a gold medal, "I took gold!"
"So if you don't mind, step out of the way of the professionals"! said Pacifica.
She went to the bonus hole, which was a volcano. She hit the ball and got a hole in won causing the volcano to blow up it's top… which is quite impressive considering it wasn't that good of a Mini-Golf course.
Mabel glared at the rich girl so hard.
"Enjoy second place, give her a hand." Said Pacifica.
She stared to leave however Mabel yelled this out.
"I demand a rematch you walking-one-dimensional-bleach-blonde-valley-girl-stereotype!" yelled Mabel.
Pacifica was checking her make-up at the time, she closed her mirror and face Mabel.
"Like, let's do this!" said Pacifica.
The two were about to face off, however it started to rain.
However the guy poor sap who ran the mini-golf course showed up.
"Hear ye! Hear ye!" he called out as she ran the gold cart into a lamp pose, "Stop at once, the park is now closed due to weather. The king of mini-golf has spoken!"
"This isn't over! You me, midnight." Said Pacifica, "Then we'll see who's best!"
"I'll be here!" said Mabel.
Sometime later through, Mabel was depressed at the local taco place. Dipper fed her nachos.
"Time to scotch mini-golf off my list of talents." Said Mabel.
"Aw..,. don't Give up Mabel." Said Soos.
"Yeah… you'll do better than her I'm sure of it." Said Jellal rather awkwardly.
"You know I've been wondering… did Mabel and Pacifica become enemies because of you did they become enemies on their own?" asked Stan.
"On their own." Said Erza, "I didn't even know she was Preston's daughter when I told her to beat her in that contest."
"Huh… weird coincidence." Said Stan.
"You know…" said Dipper coming up with something to cheer Mabel up, "
Mabel had an image in her mind of her giving Pacifica a burn… then Xyler and Craz showed up.
"That's I just need practice!" said Mabel.
"I don't know… we'll have to break in…" said Stan, "Just kidding! Let's break in."
"Erza…" said Jellal.
"It's okay… you don't have to join us tonight." Said Erza.
Jellal nodded.
That night, they all broke in the parking lot of the mini-golf course, Erza and Soos was look out as Stan helped the kids break in.
"Oh and hey Mabel." Said Stan.
Mabel turned to her great uncle.
He took out a stick that was a trophy that said "You the best" and stuck it on her.
And so Mabel began to practice at the windmill, but had yet to get a hold in one.
"Oh poop! Heck! Darn!" yelled Mable.
"I don't get it, what's wrong with this hole?" asked Dipper.
That was when they heard a noise from the Wind Mill.
"Did you hear that?" asked Dipper.
Mabel nodded.
"grab your club." Whispered Dipper.
With both of them with clubs (as those were the only weapon that Dipper had on him) both of them approached the windmill. They nodded and Dipper opened it up.
It turned out there little people inside, color little people that looked like goofballs. They also dressed like stereotypical Dutchmen.
Of bourse the twins and the little people all started screaming.
The screaming went on for a while…
"We good? We good?" asked one of them.
The twins nodded.
"All right then. Hello I'm Franz and welcome to our home." Said the golf man.
"Yeah… what are you? Tiny human or enormous min-humans." Said Mabel.
"Neither we're Lilliputians… Lilli… Lilliput… It makes more sense written out than spoken." Said Franz.
However as a written story, it makes a lot of sense… so never mind that joke.
"And we control the balls." Said Franz.
They opened up the windmill to show the needlessly completed machine inside which involved switches, levels and other things.
"That's incredible!" said Mabel.
"And so needlessly complicated." Said Dipper.
"Oh it's just our lifelong passion…" said Franz, "You want us to elaborate in song?"
They were about to sing.
"Eh… we're good." Said Dipper.
The Lilliputtians were disappointed.
"So what are you hugelings doing here?" asked Franz.
"We kind of have a grudge match against my rival Pacifica." Said Mabel.
The Lilliputtians began to mutter.
"We know all about rivals." Said Franz.
"Put a clog in it you Windmill-Lubbers!" yelled a voice.
They turned to see pirate Lilliputtians at the pirate ship.
"These frilly bottom Payjamers are terrible at controlling the balls!" yelled the pirate captain, "We are the ball masters!"
"Shut your mouths you show boating pirates!" said a voice with a French accent.
They turned to see a bunch of Lilliputtians at the Eiffel tower hole.
"Everyone knows the Effie Tower hole is the best!" yelled a Frenchman Lilliputtian, while one agreed using French words.
"Say your comments ye Churlish Frenchmen!" yelled a knight Lilliputtian from the castle hole, "None control the balls better than us at… Weiner Castle…"
The knit began to complain about it wondering who wrote that (to no one's surprise it was Robbie).
"We'll settle which hole is the best!" yelled Franz.
And so a war broke out between the four holes.
However because they were adorable and pretty inept it turned out more cute and funny than actually violent.
"Man these guys are a riot." Said Dipper.
"Calm down, calm down. You're fighting I just inadvertently adorable." Said Mabel.
"Adorable we are, but are fighting less so, every hole things we're the best." Said Franz, "From the cowboys to the east to the grimy miners to the south. If only there was a way to determine who was the best."
"But Franz! Look!" said one of the tiny Frenchmen.
He pointed opt Mabel's stick.
"It says "The Best"" said the tiny Frenchman.
"Deiced for us Hugeling and determine which mini-kingdom to give the sticker to." Said the knight.
"I don't know… I don't' want to get involve in a blood feud." Said Mabel.
Dipper pulled her aside.
"This is perfect. These guys control the course. Just tell them you'll give the sticker to whoever gives the best job." Said Dipper.
"I don't know isn't that like… cheating?" asked Mabel.
"Mabel, Pacifica's rich, she's cheating at life." Said Dipper.
Meanwhile at the women's dorm, Lucy and Levy were hanging out in Levy's room.
That was when Lucy got a chill.
"What's wrong Lulu?" asked Levy.
"I don't know, but I suddenly want to smack Dipper in the face…" said Lucy.
Back at the Mini-Golf course, Mabel realized he might be right.
And so they gather all of the Lilliputtians from the castle hole.
"People of the 18 holes. We're going to have a game of mini-golf. And whoever does the best job helping me, will get this." She said showing off the sticker.
Of course they started fighting over who was going to get the sticker.
"Just remember, no fighting while they're helping me." Said Mabel.
The Lilliputtians all looked at each other smiles that said "Yeah… we're going to fight anyways".
Meanwhile outside, Erza was sitting out of the car, while Stan and Soos were in the car.
Soos was making more W Necks.
"Well this is going to be a while. "said Stan reclining his seat.
Soos reclined as well.
"Sure are a lot of stars tonight." He said with no shirt on.
"well, this is getting weird." Said Stan.
He joined Erza outside.
Meanwhile, the Northwest Car pulled up.
Inside Pacifica was getting a pep talk from her parents.
"Remember Pacifica, winning is everything." Said Preston .
"Oh and looks." Said Pricilla, "Winning and looks."
"Relax, I got this." Said Pacifica, "you'll stay and watch, right?"
"Sorry, but remember we have a party to attend. We'll just read about in the paper." Said Preston.
Pacifica got out and called for Sergei who was riding in the trunk.
"Oh and Pacifica you're a Northwest, Don't lose… especially to Erza's little brat." Said Preston.
Pacifica didn't respond to her father.
As they entered the course Pacifica said to Sergei.
"Who wants to bet their not going to show."
Thanks to the Lilliputtians lighting skills, the two were to able make a sort of dramatic entrance using just the lights turning.
"Waiting around the in the dark, that's not creepy at all." Pacifica said sarcastically, "Seriously I don't' know why you bother to come unless you got something that isn't magic up your sleeve."
"Oh I guess we have a little something." Said Mabel.
That was when one of the windmill Lilliputtians popped out of her sleeve, which she quickly tucked back in.
And the competition began.
"Eighteen Hole, Standard Rules. Winner lives in glory, loser wallows in eternal shame." Said Sergei, "On your mark, get set, Mini-Golf!"
And so the "competition began" with the cowboy hole, they made sure that the ball got to the right hole, even shooting, while blocking Pacifica's with a fake covered wagon.
At the pirate ship hole, they shot the ball using cannons to get there, while shooting Pacifica's in her mouth.
At the miners hole Dipper mused this.
"Miner hole, I wonder what cute little thing they're doing there…"
Was going on was a tragic heroic sacrifice as there was a gas leak. A particularly muscular and large Lilliputtian named Big Henry sacrificed his life for enteral glory…
It's better not go into details…
But it go into the hole right away.
So there was that.
Of course Pacifica got upset and needed a drink.
Once she was gone Mabel and Dipper lifted the lid of the hole and gave the Lilliputtians high fives.
"I don't want to call it early but I think there might be one of these in your future." Said Mabel.
However Franz from the windmill heard this.
"Are you kidding me! After everything we worked for?" asked Franz.
"Easy Franz. There maybe another way to win over the Hugeling's favor." Said on of the other Wind Mill Lilliputtians, "Knock on wood."
Meanwhile Pacifica was suspicious.
"They're up to something Sergei, I don't think their using their magic… but there's something…" said Pacifica.
"Maybe they have little people who control where the balls go." Said Sergei.
"You have to get better English lessons." Said Pacifica, "It's ridiculous she's beating me, I mean I'm globally ranked."
She think spat out the pit of Pitt Cola.
"I always forget about the pits…" said Pacifica, "Sergei! Get me another one!"
As Sergei did, Pacifica was kidnapped by the Windmill Lilliputtians.
Meanwhile Mabel was having a bit of a cries.
"I can't wait to see her face when you win." Said Dipper he made the face he hoped to see.
"Dipper, is it bad I feel at making her feel bad?" asked Mabel.
"Just enjoy your victory Mabel… I mean it won't hurt her." Said dipper.
That was when they heard Pacifica screaming. They turned to see that they had tied her down in front of the windmill.
They turned to see this as well and started screaming as well.
"Let go of me you little you little creeps." Said Pacifica.
"Welcome Twins, welcome. I can you're living this." Said Franz, "right? Right? No…?"
"what are you guys doing?" asked Mabel.
"This wasn't part of the deal tiny Dutchman." Said Dipper.
"Okay, so we saw you were favoring the miner, so we thought what would be better than beating her, killing her of course!" said Franz.
"As if! I'm calling my parents"! said Pacifica, "Where's my phone."
Turned out the Lilliputtians were sign her phone to send mean texts to her friends.
"So how about Hugeling? Who's the best now?" asked Franz.
"Not so fast Landlubbers." Said the pirate captain.
They turned to see that the pirates had captured Sergei.
"If you're going to play dirty, so are we, now give us the sticker or he walks the plank."
The other Lilliputtians showed up and began to demand the sticker.
"ENOUGH!" yelled Mabel, "No one gets the sticker!"
They all began to boo.
"No, no… No booing!" said Mabel, "No one gets the sticker 'cuz you're all being jerks! I mean why can't you get along?"
"Because we hate each other!" said one of the windmill Lilliputtians.
"That's kind of how rivalries work Lass…" said the pirate captain.
"Then maybe rivalries are dumb! Maybe you don't settle them by petty competition. Maybe the only to be the Da Best is by ending the fighting and working together."
Mabel grabbed the sticker, ripped it up and swallowed it.
The Lilliputtians gasped and began to converse.
"It's all so clear now!" said one of the windmill Lilliputtians.
"If we work together…" said Franz.
"Then we can cut open her belly and get the sticker!" said the pirate captain.
The Lilliputtians all yelled in agreement.
"Uh… I think you're falling to appreciate the lesson." Said Mabel.
That was when one of the Lilliputtians pulled a lever, causing the windmill blades to move faster and the ramp beneath Pacifica to move like a conveyer belt.
"All right! I save Pacifica! You save the Russian guy." Said Mabel.
Dipper nodded.
Mabel climbed on a light post with her club, and used a string of lights like a zip line.
Meanwhile Dipper headed to the pirate ship where Sergei was about to fall in.
"Ah! Mr. Dipper!" yelled Sergei freaking out.
"Don't worry, the water's only two inches deep, there's no way to drown." Said Dipper.
He fell face first and was still tied up, really the only way someone can drown in that kind of shallow water.
"Seriously?" sighed Dipper.
Back with Mabel she got to Pacifica and began to untie her.
"Took you along enoguh, be careful with the earrings, their worth more than stupid guild hall of yours." Said Pacifica.
"Maybe I won't untie you." Said Mabel.
"Untie me! Untie me!" cried Pacifica.
"That's what I through." Said Mabel.
She was untied by all of the Lilliputtian pointed those mini-pencils are them.
"we have you at miniature-pencil point." Said the captain, "There's no way around us!"
"That's what you think because you're messing with a member of Fairy Tail!" said Mabel, "You ready to putt?"
"Way ahead of you." Said Pacifica.
The two of them began to putt the golf ball like beings.
Both of them, started to putt away.
"You know you're not actually that terrible… a little rusty but…" said Pacifica.
"Haven't played in a while… been focused more on learning magic." Said Mabel.
"So do all members of your guild thing brag all the time? Because I've heard a couple of them during fights and I'm sure all of them said it." Said Pacifica.
"Yeah…" laughed Mabel.
That was when Dipper and Sergei showed up in the park's golf cart.
"Get on!" said Dipper.
Both of them joined them.
They started their escape.
"Don't' let them get away!" yelled the Pirate captain.
The knights tried one of their traps, which where swinging axes, they managed to get passed them, but when they got to the loop-de-loop Sergei fell off.
"Sergei down!" he yelled.
"I'll get a new one." Said Pacifica.
That was when the gates started to close.
"They're shutting us in!" yelled Dipper.
They started attack them through the roof using the pencils.
"I'll handle them!" said Mabel.
She climbed up to the roof.
She got up to the roof and Franz was waiting for her.
"You call yourself a golfer, without us that club would be useless in your hands!" said Franz.
"Oh yeah, what's 10 minus 6?" asked Mabel.
"10 minus 6… hold on a sec…" said Franz.
"Four!" yelled Mabel whacking him good.
Thankfully he was hit right in the bonus volcano hole, the golf cart hit the volcano at the right time and they were sent flying into the air.
They landed hard on the other side of the gates thankfully. However the golf cart.
"Wow… did we use any magic during that?" asked Dipper.
"I don't' think so…" asked Mabel.
"What happened?" asked Erza running towards them.
"Uh..." said neither of them.
"Stay out you dumb hugelings!" they heard Franz yell out as golf balls were tossed at them over the fence.
"What did you say you little trolls! I will sue you! And I will own you!" yelled Pacifica going towards the doors.
However an axe went though the doors, but just barely, just giving her a scare.
"So what happened?" asked Erza firmly.
Mabel sighed.
"Well it turns out that little golf ball men control the mini-golf course and there was competition to see which one was the best and it got really out of hand that they threatened to kill Pacifica…" said Mabel.
Erza sighed.
"I see?" sighed Erza, taking it rather well and figuring that Mabel was going to apologize anyway.
"And just because you saved my life doesn't mean…" said Pacifica.
However Mabel took out a sticker that read "I a-paw-ogize!"
"I'm sorry, we shouldn't have cheated. You totally would have beaned me fair and square." Said Mabel.
Pacifica grabbed, "You're lucky this looks fantastic on me." Said Pacifica.
That was when Stan and Soos came in with the car. The three of them got in.
Mabel looked at Pacifica since her parents weren't there. She looked at her mother and Dipper. Erza smiled but Dipper was shaking his head no.
"Pacifica, I don't see your parents! Do you want a ride?" asked Mabel.
"Please, as if I'd ride in your…" said Pacifica, but she was cut off by some thunder.
And so she was forced to go in a rather cramped back seat.
She fell something sticky.
That was when Mabel who was looking through the seats found some tacos.
"Look I found some tacos!" said Mabel, "And I think they['re from today so their still good!"
"You can eat in the car?" asked Pacifica.
"Of course that's where we find secret surprise snacks!" said Mabel.
"Sometimes." Said Erza, "Don't eat if they're old."
"Want one?" asked Mabel.
"Oh I'm not allowed to take hand-outs." Said Pacifica.
"It's not a hand out, it's sharing." Said Mabel.
"Sharring?" asked a confused Pacifica mispronouncing the word.
"I'm not surprised they didn't teach you about sharing." Erza mumbled under her breath.
"Just take it." Said Mabel.
They got to the Northwest Manson and dropped her off.
"Thanks for the ride." Said Pacifica, "I can't belie I'm saying this, but I had fun tonight. Also tell your servant I like his W-Neck."
"Yes!" cheered Soos.
"So are you two cool now?" asked Dipper.
"I like to think I made progress." Said Mabel.
"And are you okay with it?" asked Dipper.
"I'd prefer if it didn't turn into a family feud." Said Erza.
"Besides, as the end of the day, she's just a regular kid like us!" said Mabel.
That was hen the Mansion's gates opened revealing fountains and peacocks. Fireworks went off, with congratulations towards Pacifica's win.
"Should have charged for that taco." Said Dipper.
"Agreed!" laughed Mabel.
And so they all headed home… unaware that Franz was on the car…
Wait… never mind… the car hit a bump, and he ended up trapped in some sand.
But either way, Pacifica and Mabel were learning to get along. After all Erza right, they didn't need a petty blood feud on their hands after all.
Next Time: With the laptop fixed they might be able to figure out who the author is... however it's password protected... And Mabel's trying to catch the eye of a cute puppeteer, so she's no help. But what will happen when Bill wants to help, and unlike what happened with the Mabel Juice, there's a price this time. Will Dipper make a deal? Find out next time!
