ENTRY 5

THE KISS


"I don't get it."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, 'I don't get it.' The fuss, you know, about that painting. I just don't get it."

"It's Klimt's The Kiss. Probably one of the most romantic paintings of all time. What's there to get?"

"Really, have you ever looked at it?"

"I thought that's what I was sitting on this bench doing."

"Yeah, well. Like just really, really looked at it. I mean, first of all, she's on her knees, right? On some grass, or flowers, or something. That can't be comfortable."

"Okay."

"Then, he's kinda hovering over her, like he's just forcing her down into the ground."

"I …"

"And look at her hands! I mean, the right one is all fisted up like she's in pain or maybe trying to scratch his thick neck to make him let her go. And the left one is holding on to one of his. Maybe he's choking her, and she's trying to pull it away."

"I've never …"

"It's not really a kiss either, is it? He's just smashed his face into her cheek. I'm not so sure he isn't a vampire trying to bite her neck or something. Anyway, I don't think she's very into it. I mean, I can kinda hear her thinking, 'Dude, get a mint.'"

"Wow. You're not very romantic, are you?"

"Says the guy sitting all alone in a museum on Valentine's Day. I'm Bella, by the way."

"Nice to meet you Bella. I'm Edward."

"Wow, your hands are warm, Edward, and big. That guy's hands are pretty big, too, and his neck. I wonder what the rest of him is like under that robe or blanket or whatever glittery thing he's wearing."

"Umm."

"I have to admit her dress is pretty and her bare shoulder is sexy. I like the flowers in her hair."

"You know, Bella, I'm beginning to think everyone's been looking at this painting all wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, maybe he's already kissed her, and she's swooned from the pleasure of it. She's falling and he's catching her. I mean, her toes are kind of curled up."

"Swooned? Really, dude, does anyone use that word anymore? I mean, can that really happen?"

"We could always try it and see. After all, it is Valentine's Day."

"I'll need a fancy dress and some flowers for my hair."

"I think that can be arranged."

"What about for you? Got a sparkly gold robe you can wear?

"Would a yellow towel work?"

"Depends on how much you'd be hiding under it. Wait! No way am I kneeling on a hard floor or on the ground."

"I have pillows."

"That'll work. Oh, and Edward."

"Yes."

"I am so putting leaves in your hair."

"Bella, my darling, my life, the crazy woman I live with. Our bags are packed. The kids are at their grandparents. I have the honeymoon suite reserved for the whole weekend. Room service is bringing your favorite dinner. Champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries are waiting by the Jacuzzi, and I'm so ready to make love to my wife. Can we go now, please?"

"Dude! I'm swooning."


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