A/N: Well, I'm doing this chapter after all... to be fair it was only made canon when Journal 3 came out. So I made it into a flashback chapter. This isn't the first time this happened though, I've done this once before with the Biju Biju Fruit brushing off one chapter then discovering that Oda never forgets... so yeah... Also there's something at the end I have to explain... Enjoy!
Chapter 69: Hands Off
With Erza and Jellal on their honeymoon, Ford and Stan were looking after Dipper and Mabel. Though to be fair School had started so it wasn't' really much looking after.
But it was a quiet Saturday and Ford decided to watch a movie he'd never seen, Signs.
Dipper grabbed the mail as Ford, Stan, Mabel and Waddles watched the movie.
"We got a postcard from Mom and Jellal." Said Dipper.
"Oh cool!" said Mabel.
Erza and Jellal decided to go to San Francisco since A they could get a ride there from Alec and Sue and B Jellal honestly wanted opt go as it a city that Erza, Dipper and Mabel went to often.
"Everyone, our honeymoon is going fine, we saw the Golden Gate bridge, Lombard Street, rode a cable car, rode the F line…" read Dipper.
"The F line?" asked Ford.
"It's this really cool old timey street car line." Said Mabel.
"Went to Ghirardelli Square… don't worry Mabel we got you some chocolate…" read Dipper.
"Yes!" cheered Mabel.
"Golden Gate Park and other places… However not everything thing is going well, when we were wafting for a table at a restaurant we ran in Helen." Read Dipper.
Dipper, Mabel and Stan all groaned.
"Helen?" asked Ford.
"It's a mom from our old school." Said Dipper.
"She like President of the PTA or something." Said Stan.
"She was mom's nemesis until we moved." Explained Mabel.
Dipper began to skim through this part of the postcard as it was mostly complaining about Helen and the fact she was looked down on Erza marrying a seemingly younger man with blue hair and a face tattoo.
"We'll be home soon, don't worry, love mom and Jellal." Read Dipper.
"Why did she put a lot about Helen?" asked Mabel.
"Because I used to let her rant and rave about Hell on the phone when she was really upset." Said Stan.
Dipper sat down to watch the movie with his family.
As they were watching the movie Stan has a look on his face as if he was remembering something. Stan still wasn't a 100 percent when it came to his memories, and no one was sure when or even if he would regain all of his memories, so there were still a few holes.
"You remembered something?" asked Ford.
"The hand witch." Groaned Stan.
"The Hand Witch?" asked Ford.
"Remember that Fortune teller you mention in Journal 3?" asked Dipper.
"Yeah." Answered Ford.
"Wait… she was in the Journal?" asked Stan.
"Nothing too important…" said Dipper.
"So what happened?" asked Ford.
"Well it all happened a couple months ago when we went to the Swap Meet" said Stan.
(Flashback)
The Pines family was at the Swap Meet.
"Swap meet! Swap meet! Swap meet!" sang Mabel then she saw a bunch of bobble heads, "Bobbly heads! They agree with everything I say."
"Hmm…" said Dipper looking at some glasses, "Do these look better than the pair Levy made for me?"
Erza was a stall selling some swords.
"None of them look like they should be used for battle." Said Erza.
"What…" said the guy running the stall very confused.
Stan looked around then he saw the wristwatches that were being sold by the Hand Witch.
"Whoa! Look at these faux gold watches! They're mob boss quality!" said Stan.
He looked at the twins.
"Okay kids prepare to watch the delicate art of the deal." Said Stan, he turned to the Hand Witch, "Hey Hagface? How much for the watches?"
"They are note for sale." Said the Hand Witch, "NOT FOR YOU STAN PINES! THE WIND WHISPERS YOUR NAME!"
Tyler had a stall filled with wind chimes, which was chiming.
"All right! I get it you're creepy. Less talky, more watchy." Said Stan.
He put down the cash and grabbed one of the watches.
"GET YOUR HANDS OF MY WATCH!" yelled the Hand Witch.
"Yeesh freak show." Muttered Stan.
He and the kids walked away from the stall.
"Wow someone needs to work on their social skills." Said Mabel.
"And they're observation skills." Said Stan, he lifted his arm revealing he had stolen the watch, "Good job heisting hands!"
He proceeded to kiss his hands.
(Cut out of Flashback)
"Stanley? Did you seriously shoplift from a witch?" asked Ford.
"I swear that's exactly what Erza said." Said Stan.
(Cut back to Flashback)
"Stanley? Did you seriously shoplift from a witch?" asked Erza staring at Stan.
"Mom's right that sounded like a curse." Said Dipper.
"That sounded like a curse." Stan repeated mockingly, "Hey everybody! We got a wet blanket here! Anybody wants a wet blanket."
Everyone laughed, while Toby who was selling wet blankets sighed.
The next day, Stan went to the bathroom.
He looked at himself in the mirror and screamed.
"Wait is this curse ugly or regular ugly?" asked Stan, he laughed, "Looks like I got off Scott-free."
However he when he raised his arms he saw that his hands were gone and he started to scream.
(Cut out of Flashback)
"She stole your hands?" asked Ford.
"Yeah." Sighed Stan.
"How did you take it?" asked Ford.
"Like anyone who would after their uncle's hands have stolen." Said Dipper.
(Cut back to Flashback)
Stan was making breakfast for everyone hiding the fact he didn't have any hands using oven mitts.
The twins and Erza all sitting down at the table.
"All right everyone prepare for your mouths for…." Said Stan.
However he dropped the frying pan revealed his stumps. The twins screamed in shock.
"No hands!" scared Mabel, "What happened to your hands!"
"Stan…' sighed Erza.
"Okay so I might have gotten a little cursed." Said Stan, "But the watch still looks nice."
That was when the Hand Witch appeared in the watch.
"Foolish man, thieving hands find wicked fates. You must return what isn't yours…" said the hand Witch in the watch.
However Stan jut put the oven mitt back on casing her to be muffled.
Both Erza and Dipper gave him looks that said "Really?"
"You know people keep saying you two aren't related but I see it." joked Stan.
"Stan…" sighed Erza.
"You have to return that watch and apologize." Said Dipper.
"That old crone hand should be the one apologizing to my right to cheap jewelry. Besides, hands are over rated." Said Stan, "I don't need them."
He tried to drink his coffee but he dropped the mug, and he was to flip his egg to his mouth but it was went all over his face.
"Don't worry! I have a plan to fix this." Said Stan.
Sometime later at the Guildhall…
"Sorry Stan, but I can't heal you." Said Marvelous.
"What why not?" asked Stan.
"There's no way I can heal this." Said Marvelous, "Whatever this curse is, it's not causing damage. I'm really sorry Stan, I really do want to help."
Stan sighed, he knew Marvelous was the type to always help out anyone in need and wasn't the type to lie, so he couldn't really be mad at her.
(Cut out of Flashback)
"Was that really your reaction to her?" asked Ford suspiciously.
"You want to yell at Wendy Marvell?" asked Stan.
Ford blinked looked at the twins who both shrugged.
"Point taken." Said Ford.
(Cut back to Flashback)
"I guess its plan B then." Said Stan, "Mabel can you make your Grunkle some hands?"
And so Mabel made him from hands, which were just forks taped to some paper cups with some glitter (it was a Mabel art project after all).
"Hands makeover!" cheered Mabel, "Here's your new hands… in quotes."
"Nice work kid!" said Stan rubbing her head… which only just ripped out some of her hair.
"Stan this isn't going to work." Said Erza.
"Oh yeah!" said Stan.
Lazy Susan walked by, and Stan waved at her, she screamed in terror as one of the froze out and stabbed Stan in the face.
And so Stan began to live the day like it was nothing.
(Cut out of Flashback)
"Oh Stanley… you didn't…" said Ford.
"Hey did." Sighed Dipper.
(Cut back to Flashback)
And so Stan tried to live his life like nothing happened, they went bowling but his inability to even hold a ball caused a disaster dominos to happen.
Stan tired to have his usual drink with Makarov. When he tried to grab the mug he noticed Cana glare at him as if saying "You waste that booze and you're going to pay."
Thankfully Mirajane showed up with a straw and he nodded.
But at the grocery store he realized he needed his hands when a guy who worked at the grocery store he was friends with showed up.
"Hey Mr. Pines! You ready to play "Toss me a dozen eggs" like we always do?" asked the guy.
"Not today Jimmy! Not today!" yelled Stan.
And so he was covered in eggs
(Cut out of Flashback)
Ford was going to ask.
"Jimmy's a good kid, ad he gets really bored sometimes so I thought it would be fun if I get my eggs like that." Said Stan.
Ford blinked and shrugged realizing that would be something Stan would come up with when in a good mood.
(Cut back to Flashback)
Stan laid on the super market floor and family walked over to him.
"Let's find that witch." Said Stan.
And the Pines headed to a mountain.
"According to the Swap Meet Pamphlet, the Hand Witch lives in her horrible Hand Witch lair on Hand Witch Mountain." Explained Mabel.
"Stop saying "Hand Witch." Muttered Stan.
They entered the cave, and a hand touched Mabel's shoulder.
"Okay who tapped my shoulder." Said Mabel.
"Not me, I can't tap anyone's shoulders." Said Stan.
Someone tapped Dipper's shoulders.
"Okay, who tapped both of my shoulders." Said Dipper.
That was when Erza who was holding a flash light pointed it at the celling showing the walls were covered with hands.
"Why that no good hand witch!" yelled Stan, he some how managed to rip off his shirt and fight off the hands with his bulging muscles.
(Cut out of Flashback)
"Grunkle Stan, tell the story right." Said Mabel.
"Fine…" muttered Stan.
(Cut back to Flashback)
The hands began to fight them with Mabel fighting one with rock paper scissors, Erza requipping a spear to get them away. Dipper punching and kicking them away, Stan getting quite a few slaps.
Erza was the only one who was able to fight them off as the others were easily overwhelmed.
"Look at this touching since." Said the Hand Witch showing up with a thrown of hands, one of the hands high fived her, "You guys… you guys get me."
"All right you horrible wench." Said Stan giving her the watch back, "Stealing is wrong, et extra… can I have my hands back now? I have a certain gesture to show you."
"Alas your hands can't be gotten back so easily. The spirits uh… say that the curse can be only broken by a kiss." Said the Hand Witch.
"What?" asked all of them.
Stan sighed, "Fine… Erza, make sure that kids don't see it." Said Stan.
He kissed her hand.
"A kiss on the lips!" screamed the Hand Witch.
"Forget it!" yelled Stan, "I'm not kissing that mess, I don't need my hands that badly."
"It sounds like you're just making up that stuff." Said Dipper.
"Yeah, I'll just figure out how Gildarts got his arm and leg and work from there." Said Stan with a shrug.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Erza.
"You and eye says otherwise." Said Stan.
Erza sighed.
They all started to leave.
"Wait no… don't go!" cried the Hand Witch, "You're right, you're… I was making that stuff up! I was just trying to get something going you know! It's so hard to meet people… you know…"
She snapped her fingers and the twins were let go as they were still being held captive, though one of the hands did braid Mabel's hair, which was cute.
"I'm desperate okay! If I don't hold a guys hands hostage then they run away." Said the Hand Witch.
"Well yeah… look at this place. It's creepy for a cave." Said Stan.
"You just need to redecorate." Said Mabel.
She grabbed some of her hands and made something…
"A handelabra!" said Mabel.
"Oooh! The Hand Witch likes!" said the Hand Witch.
And so they began to redecorate her cave.
"Then watch me work!" said Mabel, "HOME MAKEOVER!"
(Cut out of flashback)
"Tell the story right Stanley." Said Ford.
"No that part actually happened." Said Dipper.
"Wait you believe her wanting a kiss but not use redecorating her cave?" asked Stan.
"She hit on me too." Sighed Ford.
Mabel patted her Grunkle's shoulder.
(But Back to Flashback)
And so thanks to the help of all the Pines they turned the cave to a very beautiful place.
They showed her the results. She was crying tears of joy when she saw.
"Men will definitely tolerate you now." Said Mabel, "I even left a book of pick up lines on the table."
"Oh my gosh! I can't even tell this is the same cave! Thank you so much! I don't know what to say." Said the Hand Witch.
"How about "Here's your hands back"." Said Stan.
"Oh right." Said the Hand Witch, his hand came out of her hair and found their way to the Stan's arm.
"Shakey! Scrachy! I missed you, old rascals!" said Stan he looked at the Hand Witch, "You're all right sister…"
He gave her the thumbs up and her hands followed suit.
"Will you be my boyfriend now?" asked the Hand Witch.
"No, never." Said Stan.
And so they all left.
"Stan I hope you learned an important lesson." Said Erza.
"Nope… not at all." Said Stan causing Erza to sigh.
(End of Flashback)
"Turns out she started dating a cute hiker thanks to my pickup lines." Said Mabel finishing the story.
"How do you know that" asked Stan.
"We became online friends after that." Said Mabel.
"But wait… I don't get it." Said Ford, "Why would you suddenly remember?"
Stan looked at the TV and it had a scene with the guy who ran over the main character's wife.
"Oh now I remember, the last time I told that story to someone, it was that guy in the movie." Said Stan.
"Oh yeah didn't you kidnap him afterwards and put him on display as the cheapskate?" asked Mabel.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know he was in the movie." Said Stan.
"Wait a second…" said Dipper realizing something, "That's not just some guy in the movie… that's the director of the movie…"
Stan and Mabel looked at him slowly realizing who that guy was… but Dipper spelled it out for them.
"Grunkle Stan… you accidently kidnaped M. Night Shyamalyan!" yelled Dipper.
"What a twist!" gasped Mabel.
"Eh…" said Stan, "It's only M. Night Shyamalyan …"
"Okay…" said Dipper.
"You have a point." Said Mabel.
"Seriously?" asked Ford, "You kidnapped a director and you just brush it off?"
"Finish this move and we'll talk." Said Dipper.
And indeed Ford spent hours ranting about how an alien race would come to earth despite the fact that they were weak to water…
Next Time: Before we look towards the future, perhaps we should look back a bit, to a time line that doesn't exist any more. With Dipper missing and Mabel having gone insane Erza doesn't know what's going on... Thankfully there's a new hope... What is it? Then again... it should be obvious what it is, it happened in the Prime Time Line... either way find out next time!
A/N: The thing with M. Night Shyamalyan is based on the fact they wanted to use his likeness for Little Gift shop of Horrors, but he denied them. Also reminder: this story takes place in 2012 back when everyone still made fun of him and hasn't regained his status as a good director.
Also the next few chapter is a Mini-Arc showing what happened in the timeline from Time Travelers Pig, I've always wanted to do something with it, but I'm finally going to something with it...
