Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 3

It was not a coincidence. Unless there were two qunari with giant horns and an eyepatch running around somewhere, this was the Iron Bull that theyalways talked about. The group of mercenaries who had attacked the farm CJ was staying at, slaying all the males and children, taking the women as hostage. Who scared the monsters but someone worse?

Or someone better who would hunt them down. CJ contemplated that. Which would this Iron Bull prove to be? Better or worse than the monsters that haunted CJ's every dream?

On the trek back to Haven (having spent a good two weeks wandering all over Storm Coast for some Grey Warden relics on Blackwall's request), CJ did her absolute best to avoid being too close to Iron Bull, but she couldn't stop herself from watching him. Watching him as he interacted with his chargers, drilling them, instructing them. As he laughed at a prank Sera pulled, even though he was the butt of it. As he ran into battle with such ferocity, CJ could very well see why monsters would be scared of him.

Which was he? She just couldn't figure it out, and it irritated her.

"Are you all right?" Talon caught CJ as she was about to leave Haven to collect some supplies.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask, Herald?" He flinched minutely at the name and CJ grinned as he scowled at her.

"I get that enough from everyone else." He exclaimed. "I don't need it from my friends."

CJ blinked, slightly surprised. "Are we friends, Talon?"

"We've gotten drunk and serenaded Cullen together." Talon grinned at the memory. "I do believe that makes us friends. And as your friend, I'm asking, are you all right? You've been acting strange for a while now."

"Strange?" CJ questioned.

"You usually have Cassandra, Cullen, or Solas coming to me every other day, complaining about you fighting with the mages, or the soldiers, or annoying Solas with pointless questions. But for the past couple weeks, there hasn't been any. In fact, Sera's come to me complaining that I somehow 'broke' you, as if you were her favorite toy to play with. It started when we met the Bull's Chargers. Did something happen with one of them?"

CJ grimaced, not realizing she had been so obvious in her actions.

"They've done nothing."

"But their presence is still what caused this, isn't it?"

CJ stared at Talon, who just said he considered her a friend. Who obviously was worried about her, and came to a decision.

"Take a walk with me." With that, she began walking determinedly away from Haven, leaving it up to Talon whether or not he followed her.

Once they had walked far enough where CJ was sure no one could overhear them, she sighed and leaned against a tree. Talon stood next to her, not saying anything. Just waiting.

"Six years ago, I was staying with a farming family out near the Frostback Mountains. One day, a mercenary group attacked and killed the men and children. They took us females as prisoners. Two of the group were qunari, who took . . . . . a special interest in me, I suppose." CJ's voice cut off as her throat tightened, memories swirling in her mind. "They wanted to break me. Break my spirit. Took turns trying. As they worked," CJ spat out the term. "They discussed other qunari. One that they spoke of, a Ben-Hassrath who used to go by the name Hissrad, but who was now Tal-Vasoth calling himself The Iron Bull. These monsters were terrified of him, and I," Her voice cut out again.

"And if they were so afraid of him, was it because he would hunt them down, or was he worse than them?" Talon finished what CJ couldn't say. "What sort of being would the monsters who terrorized you be afraid of?"

She nodded.

"You escaped, obviously." Talon's voice was gentle, but CJ couldn't detect any pity. For that she was thankful. "How? What happened to the other women who were taken?"

"Killed." Her voice grew cold. "Killed because they broke. They cried and screamed and begged for mercy, and the bastards got tired of them once they were broken. Had no use for cowardly whores, they said. Those women weren't whores! They were captives! Prisoners, who were tied up, who had men forced upon them at any time, day or night. Who didn't stand a chance at fighting back! They weren't cowards! Those monsters of men were the cowards!" CJ pushed away from the tree, pacing now. "But I avenged those women, and their families. I killed them. All of them. One of the qunari came to me in the middle of the night. He was drunk. They weren't supposed to be drunk around me, because I was a trouble-maker. Always trying to escape. But he came anyways. What he didn't know was I had gotten free of my bonds. Tore my skin ragged trying to cut the ropes with a jagged stone. And when he fumbled with his pants, I grabbed his knife and I slit his throat. The others didn't know what had happened until it was too late. I killed them all and left their bodies to rot, just like they did to the women. And their men. And children." CJ's voice shook on the last word.

She had never spoken this aloud. Never revealed what her nightmares forced her to relive, night after night.

"They were monsters! And they were terrified of the Iron Bull! Is he worse than them? Or better?" The question rang out in the night only to be followed by silence, and the sound of CJ's erratic breathing as she tried to fight her emotions.

"What do you think?" Talon asked, after a while.

"What do I think?" CJ repeated. "I think he is better. I think that he has the potential to be a monster, but everyone does. I think that he would never force a woman against her will. I think he would never knowingly kill an innocent child. I think that he is an amazing and talented warrior, as well as a very capable leader. And that those monsters were right to be terrified of him." CJ shook her head.

"I'm being stupid." She said, forcing her voice to remain even. "I will try to do better, Talon. Thank you for listening to my tantrum." She turned away from him, and was surprised when her shoulders were caught, spinning her back around.

"That was not a tantrum." Talon said sternly. "That was something that has been festering for six years and it needed to be let out. It is understandable to be afraid after what you've been through. Fear is not stupid. It's what keeps you alive."

CJ pulled away from him. "But to let it control you is stupid. It is weakness. I will not be weak. Iron Bull has done nothing to warrant my treatment of him, so I'll stop." She turned away from him again. "I'm going hunting. I'll be back in the morning."

This time, Talon let her go.

When CJ stumbled into Haven the next morning, her pack was heavier, but she felt better. "Yo, fighter!" She paused at the yell and automatically looked around. Iron Bull waved to her. "Yeah, you! Come here!" Part of her wanted to run. Drop the pack and run. Leave everything behind. But CJ had decided during the night that she was done running. She was done letting fear rule her. She would treat The Iron Bull just as she treated everyone else.

"Need something?" She asked as she drew closer.

He looked her up and down. CJ raised an eyebrow.

"You're about Krem's size. And you know how to handle your knives. Krem needs practice fighting someone who wields two knives. Almost lost his ear in our last skirmish with bandits. Care to spar?"

"Spar?"

"Figured you'd spar me first, and we'll show him some moves, then he tries with you. Sound good?"

When CJ decided that she wasn't going to avoid the Iron Bull any longer, she hadn't really anticipated being faced with him so soon. But she had no valid reason for denying the request.

"All right. But if I beat you both, you boys owe me breakfast and lunch. A meal each." No sense trying to edge in to it. CJ had never been one to ease in to something. No, she preferred the both feet at once method.

"You've got a deal, fighter." Iron Bull laughed. "Hear that Krem? You lose, you owe the lady a meal."

"Don't worry about me, Chief." Krem retorted. "I can't wait to see her take you down."

The men bantered back and forth as the three made their way out to the training grounds. Cullen was enlisted to be the referee. CJ stowed her bag by a training dummy and briefly stretched out her muscles. She then un-holstered her knives and settled into a comfortable position.

"All right, The Iron Bull, ready to lose?" She grinned at him.

"Bring it on, fighter." He stepped towards her, and the fight was on.

Twenty minutes later, CJ had Iron Bull on the ground, tied, and was grinning like a maniac. Krem had collapsed in laughter, Cullen desperately trying to remain stoic. He was failing.

"You owe me a meal, Iron Bull." She crouched down to meet his eyes.

"That was a dirty trick." He retorted.

"The enemy won't fight fair." She answered simply. "And sides, it's not like I actually would have connected."

"Your knife, very, very sharp knife by the way, was barely an inch from the most important part of my body! I practically felt the steel!" Iron Bull exclaimed. But CJ could see that beneath his false anger, he was impressed.

"Now you know," She shrugged. "Krem, you saw what I did, right?" She called to the man who was still laughing.

"Damn right I did, fighter! That was brilliant! Oh, Chief, you're never living that down! You squealed!"

"You would too if you had a sharp knife flying towards a very sensitive part of your body!" Iron Bull retorted and CJ untied him. He climbed to his feet and then clapped his hand on CJ's shoulder. She barely stopped herself from flinching away. "Good match, fighter. Next time, you won't be so lucky. I don't fall for the same trick twice."

She looked up at him. "I have many more tricks than that." She answered. "Now clear out so I can take Krem down."

Because she was actually trying to teach Krem, CJ didn't take the man down like she had stated. Instead, she went through common moves, showing Krem where weaknesses would be, and how to defend against them.

By the time they were done, both Krem and CJ were sweating and filthy. But they were both grinning.

"Now, you should be able to decently defend against a dual-weapon wielder." She said. "Just remember to practice those motions."

Krem nodded. "Thank you, fighter."

It seems fighter was to become her nickname. Not that CJ minded.

"I promised you lunch, fighter." Iron Bull exclaimed as CJ wiped the sweat off her face. "Care to join the Chargers?"

"For lunch or for good?" She asked without hesitating, and Krem laughed.

"We'd be lucky to have you." Krem said, slinging his arm across her shoulders. "But you're already committed to one crazy leader. Better not make it two, right?"

"Like you did?" She retorted, but allowed him to lead her to where the Chargers were camped.

"Exactly. Then you know I'm speaking from experience. One crazy leader is enough."

"Hey," Iron Bull protested from behind them. "I'm a pretty awesome leader. Firm believer in No-pants Friday!"

CJ raised an eyebrow at that. "No-pants Friday?" She exclaimed. "Is that a real thing?"

Krem groaned. "Chief tries to instate it every now and then. But Rocky doesn't wear anything beneath his pants. It was not a pretty sight, let me tell you. It was a failed experiment."

"It didn't fail, Krem." Iron Bull retorted. "You're just too touchy."

"Touchy?" CJ couldn't stop the question that was passing her lips. "As in sensitive, or as in wanting to touch everything?"

Krem stumbled and Iron Bull snorted.

"You're going to have to visit us Chargers more often, fighter." Iron Bull said, and CJ glanced at him over her shoulder. "You make things interesting."

"One of my better qualities, I'm told."

And so, CJ had lunch with the Chargers, and actually enjoyed the time spent with them. She could do this, she thought as she glanced at Iron Bull. She could handle this.