The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
The Cabbala.
"When you were young and your heart was an open book
You used to say live and let live
(You know you did, you know you did, you know you did)
But if this ever-changing world in which we're livin'
Makes you give in and cry, say live and let die
Live and let die, live and let die, live and let die
What does it matter to ya
When you've got a job to do, you gotta do it well
You gotta give the other fella hell. (…) – The Wings "Live and Let Die"
Warning: Violence, explicit language, possibly gore.
Timing: 2015, for particular timing of the characters original universes, see footnote of their respective chapters.
Rating: M, possibly MA.
Pairings: Wilhelmina and Allan (past). Wilhelmina and Orlando (friends with benefits).
Disclaimer: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen original comic books © Allan Moore and Kevin O'Neill. Neverwhere (in character of Lady Door) © Neil Gaiman. Atomic Robo © Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegner. Stargate Atlantis (in character of Spike the Wraith) © MGM Studios. Hellboy (in character of Karl Ruprecht Kroenen) © Michael Mignola. Slenderman © Eric Knudsen (as Victor Surge). The story © Czarna Archer.
Dracula (in character of Wilhelmina Murray) by Bram Stoker. Allan Quatermain by sir Henry Rider Haggard. Orlando (or his/hers alike) by Virgina Woolf.
I'll see you.
"I want them to know it's me
It's on my head
I'll point the finger at me
It's on my head
Give it all to you, then I'll be closer
Smilin' with the mouth of the ocean
And I'll wave to you with the arms of the mountain
I'll see you (…)" – Faith No More "Ashes to Ashes".
oOo
Heading east, somewhere en-route.
They were driving again, chasing Jihadists, it seemed like the only thing they really did lately. At least to Door. The rotten weather didn't improve her already gloomy mood. Atomic Robo didn't spoke to her, respecting her uncommunicativeness and contenting himself with just driving. On the back seats of the minivan the remaining trio was actually having fun which didn't improve her humour – how could they be so carefree?
She looked back and saw that they were looking at something on Kroenen's computer. Spike crooked his head and pulled a face.
"Really? Goats with fertility problems?" He asked with disbelief. "And tentacles, no offense Slender, and that's was what this mad Arab mostly wrote about?1)"
"No, of course not." Kroenen sounded as if he was smirking with what was left of his face. "There is much in this book and I am endlessly content to have its e-copy. 'That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die.'2) Isn't that right, Slenderman?"
Door didn't saw what the faceless man's answer was, probably a nod anyway. She didn't even want to know who on Earth would be deranged enough to think that it was wise to scan a book as notorious as Necronomicon (which bad fame she was aware of, though she wasn't interested in learning anything more of it) and how in the world Kroenen managed to lay his paws on its scan? Not to mention what else grimoires he had. Picatrix? Lemegeton?3)
She sank deeper in her seat. This was so irritating.
"Ever wondered why these two Jihadists mess with stuff that is 'infidel's' folklore?" Robo finally spoke, deciding that Door kept it to herself for long enough. "Isn't that forbidden for them or something?"
"Eh?" Door snapped back to reality and glanced at Robo. "Umm, maybe they want to fight us with our own 'weapon'?" She replied but the question was legit, she simply never pondered it.
"You know, I still say it's all banana oil but it doesn't matter if it is real." Robo turned slightly to Door without taking his eyes off of the road. "They think it is real and want to use it. But to them it is 'infidel's magic', so how does it relate to their religious fanaticism?"
"It wouldn't be the first sign showing that in all reality the Jihadists aren't really about religion, fanatic or otherwise, but power and money." Door shrugged. "Hypocrisy is universal trait."
"I know." Robo admitted. "It still bugs me."
"Did it ever occur to you, that these two joined ISIS but keep their own agenda?" Spike asked from the back. "Possibly even hidden from their fanatical comrades?"
"It's not something I would associate with them." Door admitted. "Being fanatical and having secret goals somehow doesn't connect."
"I think it pretty much excludes each other." Robo admitted. "I mean the entire business with fanatism is about blind obedience and following your fanatical leader, not sitting in a corner, plotting behind his back."
"That is assuming that it is not a plot of their fanatical leader in the first place." Spike added.
"Weren't you enjoying Doctor Kroenen's grimoires?" Door asked with irritation. Spike sounded like he was having fun with messing with them.
"That book's contents are truly abominable." Spike replied with clear distaste in his multi-layered voice.
"Occult is not for people of delicate, aesthetic tastes." Kroenen cackled in response. "You need to have well developed fondness for turpism4) and all thing gory, obscene and appalling."
"And tentacles." Spike added with deep distaste.
In reply Slenderman deployed one his tentacles and gently wriggled its end as if waving at the Wraith.
"You two are trolls." Robo commented, seeing everything in his rear view mirror.
"No, trolls are living in Scandinavia." Kroenen protested.
"You know what I mean…"
"Back to the subject." Door cut in before an argument could start. "Do you think that they will try to go into independence from the Caliphate and start their own terrorist network?"
"We need to stop them anyway, so does it really matter if it is their own, private mission or their leader's order?" Kroenen asked.
"No, it doesn't matter. Nor really." Door admitted. "You are right. They mustn't succeed."
The silence that fell in the car lasted few long moments as it sped heading North-East. Only then Spike broke it.
"I have to go." He exclaimed.
"Where?" Robo asked without looking back.
"I have drank too much of your coffee in the morning and not it wishes to leave my system.5)" The Wraith explained realising that while obvious to him, the driver was in fact a robot.
"Can you hold it until we reach the next service station?" Door turned back to the Wraith.
"Yes." He replied.
TBC
OK. Since while LoEG fic, the LoEG is in itself a crossover, so do not worry if you won't be familiar with any of the characters, if the need will arise it will be explain and if you will have any additional questions or something won't be clear, you can also contact me and ask and I will answer you to the best of my abilities.
1) Mad Arab writing about tentacle monsters – rings a bell? No? Oh come on! You never heard of Abdul Alhazred? The guy who 'wrote' Al-Azif widely known as Necronomicon? You know, The Necronomicon, the one that mentions Shub-Niggurath (the Goat) and Cthulhu (the one with tentacles).
The part with "Goat with fertility problems and tentacles" comes from "Hellraiser Nightbreed: Jihad" vol 1, where Nighbreed witch Nickneven says: "Cthulhu this, Shub-Niggurath that! Just once I'd like to find something useful in that motherless book! If it wasn't tentacles or goats with fertility problems, damn mad Arab didn't give a shit!"
2) This is, naturally, quote from Necronomicon.
3) Actual titles of real Grimoires.
Picatrix is an Arab book, its original title is 'Ghayat al-Hakim' it means 'Goal of the Wise', it was written by one Maslama ibn Ahman al-Majiriti (who lived in Andalusia and notably was not mad, but was mathematician, which may be the very same thing, or not, it depends on whom you ask) in the XIth century and it is about magic and astrology.
Lemegedon is also known as 'Lesser Key of Solomon' and it treats of demonology, it is compilation of earlier demonological texts, including Key of Solomon (distinct book from Lemegedon).
In truth I agree with H. P. Lovecraft, who was absolutely right, it is more fun to make the grimoires up, but there's just one problem – sir Terry Pratchett already booked all the best names for mystical books.
4) Turpism – a term for love of things that are normally considered ugly, offensive and unpleasant from aesthetic point of view; anti-aestheticism.
5) As any Wraith will admit, all living things must feed. And that means that they probably also drink and if they drink, they also need to pee. It's only logical.
