Chapter 3: A Survivor's Burden
(Showroom. Terminal N° 51)
[Takeru]
I slowly approach the crossroad between the gray hallways littered with tubes and oval shaped monitors within the fortress. We both know where the other is, we both are on orange numbers and are low on fuel. This fight is nearing it's end.
The red Ravager has managed to keep its distance from me for about two minutes now. I'm at a disadvantage in this fight, not only he can shoot homings at me from anywhere as soon as he locks onto me but he also has better range with his guns and grenades. The guy is also not bad at CQC, though I did manage to get two clear hits.
But I'm at my limit here. I broke both short-swords hacking at the green Elef, maybe that wasn't such a good idea. I'm down to my last long sword, so I gotta make this count.
I jump just before the corner and start boosting in midair, it's better to dodge downwards than having to jump to dodge his shots.
The homing is coming already. I shot it down with the TR and start dashing forward as I land. Sidestepping and moving sideways to avoid as many bullets as possible, I get close while firing the machineguns. I don't care if I'm not in range yet, I have to take down the grenades before they get too close!
"Aren't you a persistent lad? This is a nice final, dude!" The red's pilot shouts as he starts sending grenades my way.
He's in the middle of the hallway, I can get close if I get past these grenades!
I suddenly stop and aim carefully at both grenades with the machineguns while charging the TR. Even if it's just above minimal charge I have to take this shot.
Grenades destroyed, the beam roars through the hallway. The Ravager is forced to boost jump to avoid it and shoots another homing. I'm starting to think that having infinite projectiles is not such a good idea. At least make the cooldown a bit longer, dammit!
I keep dashing forward while sidestepping to avoid the bullets from his gun. I aim at the missile with the TR and shoot it down. Now's my chance! I pull the joystick forward and go into a full boost dash, readying my blade. Red throws a grenade upwards and retreats into the hallway, taking out its saber. I keep dashing, ignoring the grenade, and start shooting the machineguns.
The grenade explodes behind me, taking 3% off my shields. Couldn't get out of the damage area, at top speed? Whatever, I take my stance and slash at the Ravager. We trade blows, but neither of us can get a clear hit.
"Can't believe a bottom tier mech could put up so much resistance! You're really good!"
"Hey, I'm more surprised that you can hold me off with that small saber! You already broke one of my swords but you're still going at it just fine!"
We exchange taunts and compliments as we try to outmaneuver each other, taking sharp turns and power-sliding on the corners and around the few pillars that divide the hallways. This guy's technique in CQC is really something else, he must have played a melee-centric mech before.
After reaching a hallway with a 90° curve, the Ravager does a sharp drift and moves further in as it barely grazes the wall. As I chased after it, the mech suddenly boosted forward and threw a kick at me as soon as I passed the curve. After I got sent into a wall he dashes backwards to avoid machineguns, then drops a grenade and starts retreating again.
I take my distance from the grenade, and after it explodes I resume the chase. He's gone into the next open area at the end of the hallway, he's trying to ambush me.
But as I reach the place in question I see a giant hole in the middle of the area.
Right! This is the open tunnel to the underground of the fortress, which is even more narrow than the aboveground building. This is bad, there's no way I'll be able to keep dodging his shots in the underground. He still should be descending so I gotta be quick! The chase is on!
As soon as I set foot on the room a homing appears in my radar. Dammit, I take out the TR and aim at the tunnel. As soon as the missile appeared I shot it down. But now I can't shoot at the Ravager, and the cooldown of the homing is shorter than that of the TR, if I base myself in how quickly he's been shooting them when I was chasing him around. If I let him get away now that's it, it's my loss. I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end…
The tunnel changes directions twice and he already has a lead on me. The Ravager is faster than the Takemikazuchi, so I suppose I won't be able to catch up. Well, at least I'll keep fighting to the end!
Is there anything I can do to catch up to him?! If only there was a way to get him by surprise…
But as I descended into the tunnel, looking at the gray walls that resemble some sort of odd research facility as I fell into the underground, my head starts to hurt right below my ears. It isn't a strong pain or anything, but it's definitely bothersome. Too much time in front of the screen, maybe? Focus on the match, man. Sigh…
Haven't I… done something like this before? Chasing something down a tunnel… Rushing it at top speed… I haven't played much games on Yguloch, much less in the underground. I wonder what's this weird tickling sensation in the back of my head…
But then, as I exhaled loudly and stared at the patterns that the metallic shine of the hexagonal steel plates and the twister of cables in between them make in the tunnel's walls, at the blinking firefly-like lights of whatever the equipment is made to represent, figments of my nightmares came back to me. A blurry darkened mess filled my view, voices distorted by static reached my ears.
"Eight Laser-Class firing on the Hangar 90 barriers! There's still some of the bastards left!" Said the voice that sounds like me.
"Let's take 'em all down!" Roared a female voice I don't recognize.
Light flashes before my eyes as a flurry of bullets fly towards some monsters.
"HQ to Alpha 2! We're… and 5th barr… your route!" Another female voice I don't recognize speaks but I can't hear clearly what she's saying.
"We'll be boost vectoring in reverse forty meters above the barrier. Kick off the walls to change directions twice!" The first female voice says.
Wait, what? Boost vectoring? In reverse? Kicking the wall?
Does she mean to do consecutive Albrights in reverse or what?
"Feeling nervous, Shirogane?!"
The voice made me twitch from my stomach and up, I couldn't help but to bite my lips.
I clearly heard it, she said my name! …Well, duh, it's my dream after all. However, hearing that voice… Why do I feel as if I had a tight knot on my chest?
An alarm snaps me out of my daydream, a homing is coming my way.
I'm already at my limit in this game. There's nothing to lose, right? I feel strangely good now, the light pain is gone. Could I try to do that thing the woman was saying in the dream? I mean, I was there and everything sounded so real, even if it was all kind of blurred.
Alright, let's do this reverse consecutive Albright or whatever the hell it is! You don't just screw a Storm Vanguard and get away unscathed!
"…Storm Vanguard? What's that?" Man, I need therapy. Whatever is causing these hallucinations has to go, I can't keep living like this.
I take a deep breath and grip my joysticks again, feeling the thin veil of sweat that had built up. I start to accelerate towards the wall, but instead of lowering the speed I ramp it up a notch before kicking it. I keep doing the same every time I kick the walls, and as I keep rebounding off them I get closer and closer to top speed. Since I'm using the momentum from the jumps I'm using less fuel, since I just boost when in contact with the wall.
When the homing starts to get closer I try to get an image of what was happening in the dream. I try to see how it turned out, how the thing played out. As I approach the wall I spin the joystick, press the trigger and go hard on the accel. The homing explodes just above where I kicked the wall, I keep dashing downwards without losing speed.
Usually you can't stay at top speed for long, even during a full boost, without eating up a lot of fuel. But now I managed to just lower my remaining fuel to red.
I kick another wall as the tunnel reaches an end, an odd giant egg-shaped machine was at the bottom with something that resembles exhaust pipes coming out of it, releasing some sort of cerulean mist onto the underground facility.
For a second, the voice I had heard before seemed to return in the distance. Looking at the map, there was some sort of command center. A low polygon model of an attendant with long hair was behind it. Seeing it, for some reason, made my throat close up. Something turning in my stomach, I had to pull back my tongue to not bite on accident.
A small ding rang in my ears, a dot appears on my radar. Located in a hallway that is connected to the bottom of this tunnel, there is my target. I'm fast approaching the Ravager. I let out a sigh as I start to charge the TR, just one shot is all I need. My heart starts beating in my neck, the screen keeps moving fast, the walls of the underground, filled with those hexagons and cables, and now also accompanied by the mist and shine coming from the egg-machine, stretch wide into the distance as I fly downwards faster and faster.
Looking away from the odd machine, I kick the ground to keep my momentum and fly into the hallway leaving the mist and odd cerulean glow behind. After a second to focus on what I had ahead of me, when the red frame came into view, pressing hard on the triggers I shot at it.
Clearly startled, the Ravager just barely jumped out of the beam's way. But now that you're in the air, you won't be able to dodge this! I kick into a wall before hitting the ground and launch myself towards it, long sword ready to slash.
Red couldn't react fast enough and I slashed his right side. He still managed to dodge me, even when I charged at him at full speed?
I keep dashing forward towards another wall, spin around, and pull the accel lever again. Once more I'm charging at the Ravager, that now has its saber out. I swing my sword downwards as he tries to do a low slash after a crouch cancel.
Our mechs crash into each other.
[SHIELDS DEPLETED - UNIT KILLED]
…
I let out a long, heavy sigh as I slump into the seat. I wipe the sweat of my face and move my bangs away. I throw my head strongly against the back of the seat as I inhale through my nose.
So even if I managed to pull the stunt from my dream, I still couldn't win. Goes to show how good professional gamers truly are. Even in the face of such a mad playstyle he managed to get out on top. Kudos to you, man.
I relax into the seat and take off the belts. I'm feeling tired all of a sudden. I stay like that for a minute, until I hear Mikoto.
"Takeru!" He calls out to me from behind the locked seat.
I pull the seat back to greet a teary eyed Mikoto.
"Looks like I couldn't get us the gold. Hope the silver medal is enough for you." I said to try and stop him from crying.
"The hell you're saying! You won the match, you stupid idiot!"
Wait, what did he just…
"Mikoto, I got killed." Pointing to my screen, I shake my head a bit. "I lost the match."
"It was a double KO! You both knocked each other out!"
"Then, why do you say I won?"
"Because the announcer said they would have to review the log to see who knocked the other first and then, and then!"
Pulling my arm and dragging me to his seat, he shows me the screen. Winners: Team 51 was displayed in big golden letters.
"Why? I mean, how?!"
"Because you got me first with your long sword, by one effing frame." A voice called out from behind us.
A guy near my age with short black hair, dressed with a red jacket, a black shirt with Gandum Wing's logo on it and jeans, and a girl with cerulean hair down to her shoulders, dressed with a brown shirt and a green ruffled skirt, were outside of our terminal.
"You got us good, you two! First you ruined our ambush, you almost take out our Elef, you turned the chase around, and what the hell was that at the end?! You looked like a beast!" The guy says with a huge smirk on his face. He must be the red's pilot.
"Those consecutive wall jumps were truly something else! You gotta totally tell me where you learned that!" The girl says with a smile, tilting her head a bit.
"Ahaha, I was kinda desperate so I just improvised on the spot." Laughing dryly, I scratch my head. Can't exactly tell them I had a vision.
"Today was totally the best fight I've ever had. I'm Masahiko Tsurude, Top 4 player in the ladder."
"I'm Chie Shiromoto, currently I'm number 18 on the ranks. And you guys are?"
These guys seems really chill now. Didn't think they'd be like this going by their attitude during the match.
"I'm Mikoto Yoroi! It was a really fun battle!"
"I'm Takeru Shirogane, it was truly a great match."
We exchange handshakes and some laughs, we share our views of the final while we get out of the terminal.
"So you guys are in college? Man, if you actually practiced to be a pro you'd totally be in the Top Ten!" Tsurude says with a wide grin.
"I think we went way beyond our roof today. Probably because nobody expected a Takemikazuchi to be in this kind of event."
"Yeah, I didn't knew we could do those moves you pulled at the end! It looks way more fun than guarding with the Elef." Shiromoto says, while giving her partner a mean look.
"I'm definitely gonna try 'em! If the Takemikazuchi can pull them off, so can the Ravager!" Tsurude says throwing a punch to the air. "When I get my game on again, would you accept a rematch, Shirogane?"
"Sure thing! I mostly play on an arcade in Hiiragi during the weekends, so if you're not far away we could arrange a rematch!"
"It's a deal then! It's been such a long time since I got a good challenge in this game. Most of the other players prefer to camp and spam long range attacks. It's nice to see someone else with a taste for that nice close-to-mid range mix of play."
"I can totally agree with you on that! The chasing today was really intense." I can't help but agree with his enthusiasm.
As we kept doing some chitchat, someone from the staff approached us.
"Excuse me, it's time to give the prizes. Please follow me."
The attendant guided us to a room that seemed to be used for press conferences, painted completely in an unassuming light blue. It wasn't that big, but there were four rows of seats, already occupied by journalists, and a lot of cameras and cables going around.
There's a lectern on the stage with the logo of the game on its front and some monitors on the wall behind it, the other team is already up there.
We went to greet them but they were very cold, giving one word answers. I guess it can't be helped, they did lose the final. Must be hard for pro players to get here and then be the first ones to lose.
The journalists are all bustling, waiting for the conference to start. How many cameras do they need for this?
One woman in a suit has the medals and two trophies, and that one there looks like the announcer. After talking through a small mic, they tell us where to stand and, after confirming something with the staff, the announcer makes a sign to the people behind the cameras, and he starts his speech.
"And now, it's time for the awards of the Valgern-On Tokyo Salon Fighters Tournament! Here we have the three teams that made it to the final match, a round of applause for them!" The announcer makes a gesture towards the camera.
The announcer introduces the two members of each team as he hands them a medal and an envelope with the prize money. While each team got introduced the monitors showed footage of their fights. And now, it's our turn.
"And for the champions, the creators themselves shall give them their prize!"
WHAT?! The devs themselves?! Two faces I know well get up the stage carrying each a trophy.
"Hello! We're MofuMofu and… "
"Andoku! Congratulations on your victory!"
The devs introduced themselves with their artistic names as they gave me and Mikoto our trophies. This is a dream come true! THE makers of Valgern-On in the flesh, dude!
Colored papers fly out and after round of applause MofuMofu starts speaking.
"We hope everyone enjoyed today's event, from the participants to the spectators here, on TV and through the net. As you know, in one month, a new version of Valgern-On will be released to the market…" He starts explaining things about the next game, Oratory Tango, like how many new mechs it'll have and its new online functions.
After answering some questions from the journalists, he takes a step back and Andoku takes the mic.
"However! That is not all there is to it! There's a new style of gameplay added to both single and multiplayer mode. A brand new campaign setting, with harder missions than the original one. And a new multiplayer mode in which the players will have to fight together against our new AI and defeat it under strict conditions! We've fine tuned it with the help of the best players in the game and took inspiration from other, more hardcore games to bring a new challenge to the Valgern-On universe! And it's this new mode that the champions will have the privilege to enjoy after this celebration!" He strikes a pose for the camera as both devs point at us.
Right, I forgot all about the new version trial!
"This is amazing Takeru! What do you think it's gonna be?!"
"I dunno, we've been fighting against machines gone rogue in the first setting, so maybe aliens this time?" Maybe like the red things from my dreams? Heh, would be hilarious if that were the case.
As the makers finish their speech and the questions, they come to our side and me and Mikoto send our poses to everyone watching. We wave for the camera one last time, and the celebration is finished. The journalists surround the devs for some off the record words, meanwhile we say our goodbyes to Tsurude and Shiromoto, and the announcer takes us to another room. One that looks like a Headmaster's room, with a table with a jar full of cookies in the middle.
After a brief wait, the devs come in along some other people in suits.
"Well, Shirogane-kun, Yoroi-kun, what did you think of the tournament?!" MofuMofu ask us with bright eyes as he sits down on a sofa by Andoku's side.
"It was so awesome! Team battles are really great, but I'm a bit shocked at how good a few mechs are." Honestly I still don't know what were you two thinking when you made the Elefante.
"It was so much fun! Especially the last fight, I was on edge all through it!" Mikoto says with a giant smile.
"Shirogane-kun, could you explain me how you came up with those wall-kicking moves? It's the first time I've seen them, and I watch a lot of replays of the Top fights!" Andoku ask me, with clear expectation.
I try to explain the Albright Turn and the consecutive jumps I did in the tunnel as best as I can, without mentioning anything about the dream I recalled midfight.
They kept firing questions at us, about why I picked the Takemikazuchi, how it felt to play, how did Mikoto felt the Xao-Myun compared to its rivals in its game style, which mechs and weapons we thought were unbalanced or unfair, and what would we do to fix it.
It's no wonder this game is rocking it right now, with such passionate developers behind it.
"Well, we've kept you long enough. They should be ready with the set up, are you two ready to try the new version?!"
"Hell yeah!"
"Of course we are! Let's go Takeru!"
We then go back into a hallway and into the showroom again. This time we go to a terminal in the far back, that was separated from the rows of terminals used for the tournament.
"Knock yourselves out! I hope you have fun with it!" MofuMofu said with a giant grin.
Man, oh man! This is gonna be great! I share a look of pure joy with Mikoto before boarding the terminal.
As I jump in the seat and fasten the belts the screen lights up. The opening starts playing after the usual logos.
"Oohh! Hear this thing! It's so epic!"
The menu music is so much hype! It has some trumpets making it sound like you're charging into a war or something!
Let's see… this is a single player terminal. Man, now I wanna keep fighting in a team with Mikoto. Oh well, let's get this started! Campaign Mode here I go!
The year is 213X. Humanity has survived the onslaught of the cyber legion.
Now, all the surrounding star systems are in control of the solar system's Human Race.
Decades of peace and prosperity dulled humanity's fangs, as they stopped to develop weapons and starcraft,
instead choosing to live in gigantic star colonies filled with luxuries and pleasures that numbed the mind.
"Man, this opening looks so sick!" The 3d models, the music. It looks like I'm truly in space, flying in some gigantic fortress or something.
But this peaceful dream would be shattered by a horrible adversary…
…that was nothing like anything mankind has ever faced in its history.
From where they come from? Nobody knows.
What are they after? Nobody knows.
But what we do know is… they want us dead.
And they will stop at nothing to kill every one of us!
This is so hype! I knew it was gonna be the aliens! I wonder what kind of twist they are going for.
They came in a meteorite, and started attacking us without warning.
They don't speak, they feel no fear, they don't retreat.
It's almost as if they were soulless beasts.
Since we don't know where they come from but know that they're our enemies we decided to call them…
…the BETA.
I felt a cold shiver go down my back. What did he say? The BETA? Why do I feel like I've heard that somewhere?
Beings of Extra Terrestrial Origin, Adversaries of the Human Race.
BETA for short, are the monsters that have destroyed the outer colonies and planets of our space empire.
Short animated cutscenes on the screen show the monsters destroying a military base, blowing up a city with lasers, and ripping apart many mechs from the game.
Laser Class, Tank Class, Grappler Class. That's the name on the screen referring to these monsters. The opening continues to play, but at that point I was no longer focused on it.
Like a dam breaking apart, vivid images and voices flooded my head. I feel a strong pain like I've never felt before, as if a pair of screwdrivers were injecting themselves right under my ears. Grabbing my head and massaging it, gritting my teeth, I try to take deep breaths, but this time the daydream doesn't stop.
The pain only gets higher, now it feels as if I had a noose in my neck. Leaning back onto the seat, closing my eyes real tight, I keep massaging my head… yet the pain doesn't go away, the screwdrivers pierce in as it feels as if I were standing right besides those big speakers from a concert while someone decided to blast off hardcore metal.
And yet… As the sounds seemed to ease up a bit, something… something came into my view. As if I were daydreaming again, or remembering something that… happened a long time ago…
A ruined house, is that… my house? What's that thing to the side? A robot? What the…
Why am I seeing a ruined version of my neighborhood? What is… going on here?
Then, after blinking, I find myself in some sort of office with a large blue flag in a wall. Wait… Yuuko-sensei? Why does she have a gun? Why is she aiming it at me?
…Why does this hurts to watch? Ugh… Clawing at my head, Sensei's voice distorted by static, she seems… willing to shoot me. Why… Ugh…
Next, as I put a hand over my mouth, I see myself running in the school track field, for some reason. I fall to the ground, and as I stand up someone scolds me… But that voice is… And as I stand up, I see her. The hell is Marimo-chan doing in a military uniform?!
Flashes of images of Marimo-chan in an odd formal dress come up, sometimes scolding me, sometimes encouraging me. In a rooftop, in some sort of odd barebones room, in an odd place as light is showered on me and I can only see her silhouette and hear her voice.
As the pain seemed to ease up, as I took a really, really deep breath as if I had been diving for a long while, another image came up. I could only hear her voice while I looked at some remains of a robot, the sun seems to be setting. Distorted by the static, her voice doesn't sound hostile. It's… heartwarming, as she always was.
Then… as I looked behind me, trying to see her…
I couldn't stop the image nor the sounds. Marimo-chan's head was bit off by a monster. There was an eye ball rolling down. Pieces of flesh teared into the floor. Behind her… the monster… the bastard…
…No, a Soldier-Class. That's a Soldier-Class BETA.
How do I know that?! A Soldier-Class…
And soon, both she and the monster… were blown up. Disappearing in an explosion of red.
Again feeling my stomach turn, I clawed at my mouth as I thought I was about to puke. The static getting higher, the screwdrivers now going up, the back of my eyes also begins to hurt as a cold sensation covers my back.
Another image flashed in my head, not giving me time to even get my shit together. Tama's corpse was being held by something as it was being deformed by it. Before I could react in any way to the vision, an explosion rangs out.
I can hear Meiya's voice! But what is she doing here?! But… What the hell is a Takemikazuchi doing here? It looks so… real, as it slices the monster's tentacles. The machine looks… like, legit for real. She sounds… odd, though. Nothing like I know her to be, on edge, desperate…
My chest begins to hurt as it seems as if Meiya's face was right besides me, she was bleeding badly. Crying, whimpering in pain. Again, it feels as if I were being forced to breath into sand.
And then… She looked my way. Her eyes… crying… tarnished by blood… shivering as if she were being electrocuted…
"…I would like to die… by the hands of the man I love!"
There was a blast.
And then silence.
It felt as if I were being rocked back and forth.
And then, quietness.
I could hear people cheering from somewhere.
And yet, it feels so cold, so empty.
And there she was, the white haired girl… Kasumi Yashiro. Repeating the same words, like in my dreams.
"Sumika-san is dead. Your fight is already over!"
I see myself hugging the girls of my school group as they cry. They're going somewhere. Far away.
It hurts.
I see Sumika having some sort of breakdown, screaming kill over and over again.
It hurts.
And there she is, lying still in that pod… Dead.
It hurts.
And, once more, the eternal wasteland comes into view.
Thousands of BETA in the radar. We don't have enough supplies. I can only watch as my squad gets killed by the monsters.
No, not just my squad. The whole army we were fighting with got killed. In the wasteland and inside the earth. And then, the black fire… The G-Bomb.
And then, silence again.
Everyone is gone.
How many times?
How many times did I do this?
Why?
For what?
In the end, did I save anyone? How did this madness end?!
And then, as if beckoned by my question… Like a child timidly peeking from behind a door, I return to me. And slowly, I start recalling all the nightmares I had, all the lives I've lost.
It wasn't a dream, it truly did happen. I was sent to another world. A world in ruins.
Where everybody had different lives. Where everybody fought just to live one day more.
"Haa… Haa… It hurts…" My neck wrings tightly again, my chest moves violently within as the air leaves me. I don't know if I should be clawing at my head, ears, stomach… or all at once.
I again relieve the unlimited pain I've had to endure across all my extra lives in that alternative world. The sting of seeing my beloved leave to a distant world, the horror of seeing and hearing Marimo-chan and my squad be slowly devoured by BETA before my very eyes, the shock as I realized everyone was again dead at the end of Kashgar.
I'm a coward.
I ran away.
…I failed them. I couldn't save them. I just sat on the XG while they risked their necks.
They… asked me to remember them. To be there, so that someone knew they had lived, suffered, and gave their lives for a future that seemed lost.
And what did I do?! I ran away! My eyes become strained, but they remain dry. I'm coward that cannot even cry.
It wasn't enough. Nothing was enough.
I… I… did kill the Superior. I did it. We did it. Their sacrifice wasn't… But…
A stalagmite pierces my heart as the memories come back. The Captain's and Kashiwagi's sacrifice, Haruka getting squashed in the control room, Hayase remaining in the Reactor to blow it up.
The perfect solution doesn't exist, you will always have to sacrifice something. At least I got the world twenty years more in the fight, according to Yuuko-sensei.
…But remembering that doesn't make me feel any better.
I… loved them. All of them. They were… my guiding light. I could fight on because they were there. Alone, I'm worthless. I can't even… I can't even cry for them.
And now I'm here, enjoying a peaceful life. But what else could I have done?! There was nothing I could…
"Hic… Why couldn't I at least save one of them?!" To give them the happiness we have here, even if only for a short while.
I wanted to keep fighting, to protect the base we lived in, laughed in, cried in. I wanted to stay there, where they needed my piloting skills.
But no! You had to back down! What did it matter that you were no longer a conductor?! Why didn't you stay?! Why did you run?! Why did you break the promise?! Why did you forget them?!
A loud noise plays in my headphones. A noise I recognize all too well. That rumbling… that avalanche-like shiver in the ground… Tank-Class closing in. Two hundred of them.
BETA, it's all because of you. Because… No, the Americans too. The bastards that plotted Alternative V. The bastards that used us as fodder just to save their own lawn. Fucking shitheads, the world ended up flooded because of you! And then… And then…
A distorted image of Sensei and Kasumi appears, but I can't hear them well. What are they…
I see myself ripping through the BETA in a hive, someone else dropped an S11 near the Reactor. What are those… Rafale. Those are Rafale. But… Did I always know about them?
The wasteland appears again. I'm holding a set of tags.
More and more death. Hope had withered there, until we gave our blood to water its roots once more.
I should be proud, I should be happy. We did it. We changed history.
…But what's the point in saving the world if there's nothing left for you? There's no joy in martyrdom. Those that have to carry on find no happiness in this solitude.
…But in the end… I failed them. I wasn't enough… to protect them.
I had to leave behind Chizuru, Tama, Mikoto and Kei.
…I killed Meiya. My failure to operate the XG in a better way forced Sumika to overheat.
I abandoned Kasumi over there.
…I failed them.
A sound beeps in my headphones. The Tank wave approaches, the red fills my view. These bastards… They… They… The BETA… The Superior… You motherfucking sons of an eldritch bitch!
"Give me back my squad!"
Around fifty minutes later.
Legs feel as if they were chained to an iron ball. My stomach is empty, my eyes hurt as if I had been using a PC without any light for hours. The lower side of my back is completely stiff, and my throat is a bit dry after shouting so much.
…None of that comes even close to whatever the hell is piking at my heart right now. I might as well have a Fort's stinger stabbing me. And yet… I still can't cry. Seems like I've no more tears left to shed. Not even for my loved ones.
"That was something else!" MofuMofu was brimming with happiness, voice high and spirits further beyond. "I didn't expect you to make it to Stage 12 in your first go!"
"As expected of one of the champions, you're a truly great player! So, what did you think?!" Andoku was delighted too.
"It was… a nice experience." Calm down, deep breaths.
"You look rather down, Shirogane-kun. Did the game tire you out?" They were obviously minding their words. I'm sure I must look like a mess.
"Yeah, I just got a bit too scared on one of those… gory cutscenes." Why was there a scene of… what happened to Marimo-chan built into the game anyways?
They then start talking with Mikoto about the game. I answer when they ask me some stuff, but I can't calm my hands. They're hiding in my pockets, shaking like a kitty in front of a bulldog.
It was like doing catharsis, killing all those BETA. Thank God there were no mics, I couldn't restrain myself and ended up screaming my pain away. I think I broke the joysticks too.
Luckily the rush of emotions has subsided by now. I can still feel my heartbeat in my chest and I feel this cold feeling creeping its way up my back. I know, we did what we had to… But… But I couldn't do anything for them. I know, I got lucky to survive but… I still feel like shit.
Head hurts a bit, and I'm a tad bit dizzy. To be honest, I don't even remember what hour it is. All these memories… Ugh… Just thinking about it is enough to make the pain sear up. Sigh… I just gotta stay chill and make it back home.
But if they made a game about the BETA… that means stuff is coming into this world. Or is this a coincidence? If this memory isn't wrong, Sensei and Kasumi said I no longer was a conductor before I returned. So… everything should be fine.
I wanna go home and bury myself under my pillow to cry until I fall asleep. Guys, Valkyries, Kasumi… Sorry. I… forgot about you. I couldn't keep my promise. Sigh…
"So, is there anything you didn't like? Or that you would change?"
Seeing their almost pleading faces, I give them some pointers based on what I felt different from this game and how I remembered the simulators to be back home.
Home? Which world is my home? I guess both are, in a way.
They kept throwing questions at us, so I suggested them the idea of the hives as if it just occurred to me. That seems to have piqued their curiosity even further. So they didn't knew of the hives. Maybe it really was just an unfortunate coincidence?
When they were finished questioning us they gave each of us a really sleek box made out of polished steel with the game's logo imprinted on it. Inside were a gold medal that had Valgern-On Cyber Legion Champion written in it and a special GR card with our names. They said it's a special present from them to the champions. Now that I think about it this is the first thing I win in my life. I never got awarded in the other world and I never won any kind of competition back here. Life is weird.
"You have no idea how thankful we are! The hive idea is really a stroke of genius!"
"We hope you keep playing Valgern-On! And we'll be looking foward to the next tournament you participate in! It was a pleasure Shirogane-kun, Yoroi-kun!"
"No, it was our pleasure! Right, Takeru?"
"Yeah, it was… an honor to be the first to play the new version." I force a smile and nod. I can't lose it here. I won't cry, not here.
The duo gives us one last handshake and someone from the staff takes us out of the showroom, back to the normal hallway. Giving us a bow, she sends us off and, as slow as a snail, I turn around and begin making my way to… Where to? Wait, where was the exit here? Eh, let's just follow Mikoto.
"Man! This was awesome! Takeru, how did you get so far?! It was really hard hitting those small red spiders!" Her tone had sunflowers blooming in every word.
She looks so… alive, happy. Heh… At least something good came out of winning this tournament. Glad to see… you enjoying yourself so much.
"Well, they're Tank-Class. Being fast bastards is what they do best."
"Yeah, but when the big one with the claws appeared I was like 'This is the boss!'. But then another popped up, and another and then there were like ten of them!"
"Their numbers are their biggest strength, after all. If it were just one it would be too easy to dodge and kill them."
"Hey Takeru, what's wrong?" She lowers her brows, giving me one nice and direct stare.
"Hmm? …Nothing's wrong."
"Liar. You've been super cold since you got out of the terminal." You're so sharp at the most inconvenient times, you know?
"I… don't know if my brain is exhausted or I'm basking in the afterglow of winning this thing." I said as calmly as I could to avoid worrying her. Err, right, him.
This is gonna be as hard as when I first got into the other world. But I guess that doesn't really matter, Mikoto's a friend here. That won't change.
"Oh, I see. It is kinda hard to believe we ended up winning, you think people will recognize us in the street?" Quick to change moods, she… he's all smiles now.
"Please no, the last thing I need is people bothering me while I run." I already will have enough trouble facing Sumika without crying my eyes out for awhile.
"Well, but man… I can't believe we're the champions!"
"Yeah…"
"I am so going to brag about this for months, you know."
"Haha… It's good to see you so happy now."
"Hey, Takeru… You sure you're alright?"
"Huh? Yeah, why?"
"Well… You've been staring at me rather… weirdly. It's odd for you to be so quiet and honest."
…Can you blame me? I just remembered about… No, this isn't my Mikoto. He isn't even a she. Chill down… Your Mikoto is gone. Clawing at my palms inside my pockets, I release a sigh as heavy as a set of full gear.
"Sorry, that gory scene really messed me up."
"Was it really that bad?"
"…Yeah. It was horrible, for real." I hold back the urge to bite my lips as the memory flashed for a sec in my mind.
"Well, don't worry. Let's go meet the rest and then we'll go get that ice cream!" She… He returns a smile as warm as my Mikoto's at me.
…Yeah. Yeah, he's right. I'll see the rest now. Huh… Right, everyone is… alive here. But… Is this even safe? What if… that stuff makes its way here, like when I came back for the theories? No, calm down. You're no longer a conductor.
"Takeru? Hey, are-"
"Sorry, Mikoto. I was just lost in thought. Let's go." I smile back at her… him, and we again walked back to the hall.
We go to the tables and start looking for everyone, but we can't find them. Where could they be? I mean, they must have seen the fights, right? Maybe something came up and they had to leave? Let's see if they're near the entrance. I can also take in some fresh air while I'm at it.
"Mikoto, I'll go look at the entrance!"
"Okay! I'll check the other side of the bar."
Okay, inhale, exhale… Inhale, exhale… Calm down. Remember Sensei's words… The more you remember the worse it might get. It's all right, nothing is going to happen. No accidents, no deaths. I move my shoulders up and down, eyes closed as I exhale again. The loop is over and done, you're no longer a Conductor. But, what's up with the BETA in the game? Why did I regain these memories? No, why did I forget everything in the first place?
As I was walking towards the entrance, I noticed someone closing in on me from behind. No, there's two of them. Calm down dude, you're no longer in the military. I take a turn in a hallway, maybe I'm being paranoid and they're just leaving.
…Nope, still following me. Coincidence? After taking a glance at the entrance and seeing that the girls were not there, I pick up my pace as I take random turns. Thanks to the maps in the walls I'll end up in the lounge anyways. But those two keep following me, and they're speeding up too. What the hell is going on?! Why are they following me?
As I reach the lounge I see two men in suits with Mikoto in the elevator just before the door closes. They were holding him by his shoulders. My hands tightened into fists as I tensed up my feet, taking loud steps towards the elevator. Damn, what the hell?! We just won the tournament, what is this shit?! How dare they lay-
"Excuse me, sir, could you be Takeru Shirogane?"
The two men in suits that were following me catched up. I'm not in the mood for this shit.
"Why do you ask? Do you need something?" Sensing hostility in my voice, he takes a step back.
"Forgive me, it's that… that I saw your fight in the finals and I wanted to ask you some tips for the game. For my son, he likes this game a lot."
Nice bluff jackass, you better keep walking back or I'm gonna punch your brains outta you two.
"Excuse me, but I'm kinda tired and I'm looking for my friends. Sorry." I fake a bow without losing eye contact with them as I start to put some distance between us.
"This is pointless, Shirogane-san we'd like you to come with us. Please, follow us to the elevator." The other guy apparently didn't like wasting time, so he stated his business clearly.
Sincerity is a virtue, I'll give you that. But you laid your hands on my friends… And I'm not feeling merciful today.
"I refuse. I have no reason to go anywhere with you." No longer hiding my anger, I frown. The hell do you want, bastard? Are they… Do they want to harm them for some reason? Is this some payback from a rich bastard that we defeated in the games?
"Please don't make a scene, we were just ordered to take you somewhere. No harm will come to you." The first guy said, trying to sound as amicable as possible.
"Would you at least let me find my friends? I'd like to tell them to wait for me." I can tell the second guy is upset, unlike the first guy who is trying to calm him down. They seem to notice I'm willing to fight them.
"It won't take long, someone just wishes to… speak with you. Please, we don't want to use force!"
I can tell this guy is doing his best to avoid violence, but I can't just ignore the other's glare and posture, and the fact that I saw them taking Mikoto forcefully with them. Nobody lays a hand on my squad and gets away with it. Even if they're not my squad here.
"So we jump to threats now? What makes you think I'll go with you?!" The staff is clearly looking away, none of them have any intention to help me. What the hell is this?!
"C'mon kid, stop acting tough. If you don't cooperate I'll bite your head off!"
"Hey! We can't hurt him! We were ordered to escort him!"
"Screw that! Why do we gotta be so respectful towards a bunch of kids?! In my days-"
"…What did you say you'd do?" They both stop arguing and look towards me.
"Huh? What's up, pup? Scared?"
"Say it again, c'mon. Say it." You've no idea how horrible it is. To see someone get decapitated.
"Eh? Hey, what's with that tone? I said I was gonna bite your head off, brat! Now, stop talki-"
"What makes you think I won't chop your head off first, motherfucker?" They look shocked. I'm trying to hold back, but I'm sure I must look enraged going by their expression.
"What do you-"
"I'm trying hard not to snap here. Could you do me a favor? Leave me alone. Oh, and you wouldn't happen to know where my friends are? The boy I was with in the tournament should have been around here, but…" I take a glance to the elevator before looking at them again.
I don't like this. Maybe it's the memories of my training, but I really feel like beating them and getting some answers quickly would be the better choice, but I don't know if I'm being watched or what they want with us. I'm not a soldier and I don't have Sensei to cover my mistakes in this world… If I harm them is off to prison. Then, why is nobody doing anything? If someone wants something with me, why did they take my squad with them?!
"Who do you think you are talking to?! That's it! I'm gonna teach you some manners!" The second guy's face goes red as he charges at me.
He tries to punch me, I block him, grab his arm and throw him onto a table. Compared to Kei you're a rookie, Pops.
"Hey! Please calm down! We really mean no harm to you! If my partner offended you in any-"
"Shut it. I'm not following you. Not unless you answer my questions. Who sent you and why? Where are my friends?!" Looking back at him, I take a fighting stance.
"I'm sorry, but orders are orders. I cannot answer your questions, but I can assure you your friends are-"
THWACK!
I punch him in the jaw before he finishes, sending him onto a nearby table. I'm done with this. You think I'll believe you?
"Who sent you? What do you want from us?" I say in the most cold, threatening voice I could muster while grabbing him by the collar.
"…I can't tell you who, but we were told to take you and your friends with us."
"Where?"
"Floor 13, that's where we have to take you. I swear, they're fine and we won't hurt you or anything." Disciplined one, aren't you?
I take a look around the room. The staff is staring but they won't get closer. So, I'm alone in this.
"Alright. You'll take me there, but one wrong move…"
"We mean no harm to you."
"Tell that to your friend."
He gets up and tries to wake up the other guy. Yeah, not happening. I threw him with all my might. He's knocked out cold and probably won't wake up for awhile.
"Okay, please follow me." The man says as he gives up on waking up his partner.
We get to the elevator. I was kinda expecting more of them to come pouring out of it, but it was empty. Lodging myself in a corner, the elevator soon begins to move.
I can only hope the rest are safe. Of all the times where shit could hit the fan, it had to be now. I'm feeling awful, I'm having trouble keeping dark thoughts out of my head. The more I think, the more images of them suffering in the other world pop up in my mind.
"We were told you were a rather happy-go-lucky fellow. Didn't expect you to be so strong. Do you practice a martial art?"
I stare at him and he looks away. Can't exactly say I received military training.
Now that I think about it, my body feels a bit different. I wasn't in this good shape as of late. Did my memories trigger some sort of causality effect on me? But… I shouldn't be a conductor anymore, no, the pipeline should have been severed. What gives?
"We are here."
The door opens, there's nobody waiting outside. I look around, trying to see if there's a trap. Can't hear anything either. The hallways on this floor are wider than the ones back down, and it looks like this place is some sort of high class restaurant or something. Glass separates different sections of tables and areas. I don't sense anyone's presence… Was he telling the truth then?
We start walking towards a grand door, then I hear a noise behind me. Quickly moving away, I barely dodged a hand that was about to grab me.
"Restrain him! We have to confirm that he has no dangerous objects in his possession. Take anything that could be used as a weapon." Says the guy that tried to grab me as four other guys came out of hiding.
"Then you might wanna cut my arms while you're at it! I'm done with this shit!" I scream as I leap at them.
They clearly weren't expecting resistance. I punch one guy in the stomach, grab him, and throw him towards the others.
One other grabs from behind, but I shake him off with an elbow to the ribs and a clear punch to the face. The others then charge at me all at the same time.
You're on! Like I'd lose to a bunch of cowards like you!
THWACK! POW!
CRASH!
These guys aren't that strong. The other world's Kei and Meiya were better fighters when I had just arrived. Hell, I bet even Chizuru could beat them up without breaking a sweat.
THWACK! THUD!
The five men lie in the floor, knocked out cold. Where did the one that brought me here go? I was hoping they really weren't enemies, but if the staff of the Tokyo Grand Salon is ignoring them… Who the hell are these guys?!
No, calm down. Keep those dark memories out of your head. Stay cool. I can't kill them or I'll go to jail. Then… What do I do?
I approach the grand door slowly, sharpening my ears for any other hidden threats. What can I do? If these guys have guns I'm done for. I don't think I could use the trophy as a weapon. And what do they want with us anyways? They better not be harming my squad or they'll regret it.
As I was getting closer to it, the door starts opening. A slender figure slowly comes out to the hallway. Huh… She's…
"It has been a long time, Takeru-sama."
"Tsukuyomi-san?!"
"You've changed much in these years. Kagami-sama was right, you did take your training very seriously it seems. To knock out five of our guards, I cannot imagine what kind of regime you must have undergone."
Who the hell is this? Why is she here? Their guards, she said. You're telling me you sent these guys after us?! No, this world's Tsukuyomi-san would never… Tsukuyomi-san would never do something like this! Who are you?!
"What's the meaning of this, Tsukuyomi-san? I didn't think you were this kind of person."
"Please be at ease, Takeru-sama." She looked at me with her usual smile, speaking softly at me. "You've misunderstood our intentions, our men had no reason to harm you. They were just following the security regulations of the Mitsurugi Group."
"Don't dodge the question." She briefly looks away, sending a hand to her hair. Is she the real Tsukuyomi? Why would she send them to after us? Makes no sense.
"I'm sure you'll understand why we went to such lengths to get you here. Away from prying eyes."
"What do you mean? Is there any reason for you to send these guards after us? Why couldn't you come to talk to us yourself?"
"It was necessary to do it this way. We couldn't risk to be noticed by a journalist, or by anyone. That's why we reserved this whole floor, to be able to come to the meeting you invited us to."
Oh, right. With all the memories flowing back I completely forgot I had called Tsukuyomi-san to tell her about today's meet up. Then it makes sense for her to be so secretive about all this.
Wait, but that would mean…
Meiya's here. Her face appears on my mind, then it changes to the other Meiya's face during her last moments as tears and blood covered her eyes.
"Takeru-sama, I believe I've always treated you well. Please relax, your friends are all within this room. I'm sure you know who sent for you and why it had to be this way."
Her screams come back to me. Everything keeps repeating itself like in a loop.
I hug Meiya tightly as she cries. I force her to use the pass for the migrant fleet. She left without us saying our goodbyes.
The image changes once more, now filling my ears with static and shards of glass.
The Takemikazuchi flies in, gets rammed into the XG, I shoot.
Then, everything loops again. And again. And again.
No, make it stop! Don't look at me like that! Shut up! No! NO! NO! I didn't want to kill you! I never wanted to! Shut up!
The signs of my teammates in my radar vanish. Everyone is dead. And all I did…
…was sit down on the XG and press some buttons. I abandoned them as I abandoned Kasumi at the end. Why was I so proud about it?! That's no victory for me! I was… so useless…
The best war machine humanity ever made… a pseudo-life form with a quantum brain… a fucking gravity-bending force field and a legit beam cannon… I had all of that and I couldn't even… save anyone…
"So, please give me a smile! I made a lot of the pudding you liked so much. Everyone is having a great time there. I apologize for the behavior of my men. So please, come inside. Meiya-sama is-"
Blood fills my view, her crying face fades within the light. She's gone. Meiya is gone. My squad is gone.
Because of my uselessness. Because they felt forced to keep up a facade, so that I didn't screw it all up. And in the end… if it hadn't been for Meiya… I would have failed them all…
…I shouldn't have been the one to survive.
I don't want to be here. I don't want to see her.
This world's Meiya… I never had a bond with her as strong as the one I shared with the other. Sure, I think I recall a world where we got married, but in this one we just fooled around in school. We never shared anything as important as all the things I've shared with the other Meiyas. All the things she taught me, all the times she helped me get up when I thought I had hit a wall. And I ended up hurting her, I didn't realize how much I meant for her.
And I killed her. Not even out of conviction, I made her suffer at the BETA's hands before I gathered the balls to shoot.
I know I'm important to this world's Meiya too, with the promise and all. I know I'm her first love and how dear I am to her, now that pieces of that future also returned to me. But I can't face her. I'm going to break down. If I'm having this much trouble keeping my emotions in check now, when I see her face… No, when I see everyone…
The letters they left me come back to me. Don't cry! Don't be an idiot!
I gotta get out of here before I break down, because if I do, I'll end up talking. And the last time I did that… Marimo-chan died.
Just focus! This world's guys are not my squadmates! They're just my… acquaintances. We're not as close. We're just old classmates. Yeah, we're no longer who we used to be. Time has done its thing, I'm sure. That's all.
"Takeru-sama? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Tsukuyomi-san looks at me with downcast eyes, taking a few steps towards me.
Heh, I never though I'd see that worried face on her again. At least I know the guys are safe.
But I can't stay here. After all, the fact that I remembered is dangerous. Who knows if I'm still bringing causal information to this world? Not even Yuuko-sensei could explain clearly how did I keep my memories. She once said I might not get another chance to keep them, but here I am now. This just might be an oversight in her theory or something.
…And I can't allow anything to happen to my dear ones again because of my own stupidity.
"I'm leaving."
"Excuse me?"
Not even answering, I turn around and start walking towards the elevator. I take a few breaths, letting out the vile air that now filled my chest. Wiping the water in my eyes, my feet barely lift themselves up to take me down the hallway towards the elevator.
"Takeru-sama! What's the meaning of this?! Weren't you the one who invited Meiya-sama today?!" She's enraged. Of course she is.
"Tell Mei… Tell Mitsurugi-san that I'm sorry. For everything."
Changing the way I name her is just a stupid way to not mix them both in my head. And I know apologizing to her for something that happened in a parallel world is the most stupid thing I could do. But I needed to say it. I couldn't apologize to that world's Tsukuyomi for failing to protect her when I said I would. And I can't allow this Meiya to fall to the causality's effect. She, who resigned months of her busy life and held such a pure love for me, doesn't deserve to die like that. And like hell I'll let the rest also be affected by this shit.
"Takeru-sama, what do you mean?"
"…I remembered. All of it."
"Remembered? You don't mean…"
"I couldn't… keep my promise. I wanted to apologize. Now that I'm in a different world than hers, that's all I can do. I don't feel so good, so I'm leaving." I did make a promise with this Meiya, so hopefully I can make them misunderstand my words.
"Wait, Takeru-sama! If you truly remembered the promise you made, then-"
"Don't! Just… leave me alone, okay? I think it's for the best if… I don't see Mitsurugi-san again. I just wanted to be honest and apologize… for being a dense idiot who couldn't see what was in front of him. She deserves an apology and… a-and…"
Shit, I'm crying dammit! Get your shit together! You know what's in stake here!
"And give her my thanks. For everything she did for me. Goodbye, Tsukuyomi-san."
"Takeru-sama! Wait! At least tell her in person how you-"
She tried to grab my shoulder and, as if reacting instinctively, I grabbed and threw her away. When I realized what I had done she was holding her head in pain, blood dripping from her forehead, looking at me with a confused gaze and tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry. Please Tsukuyomi-san, let's never meet again."
I ran to the elevator. This time she didn't try to stop me.
Same day. Near 8 PM.
(Takeru's Room.)
I ran until I got to the train station, and after getting out of the train I ran home at full speed.
After coming back and taking a shower I felt like I had calmed down. I've been trying to see what memories from that world I regained and it seems I truly do remember everything. There's no gap in the dates and even if some details are kinda fuzzy I definitely remember all the stuff that happened in the different loops I took. Even if some events are kinda mixed together. I also got scattered pieces of futures of this world, where I ended up getting together with one of my classmates. And one other future that I rather think was nothing but a nightmare. Marimo-chan… wouldn't do something like that to me… R-Right?
But, well, back to the other world's memories, it's as if all the memories got bundled together after a certain point. For example, I know for a fact I did multiple loops in my original state, to call it something. And in those loops I ended up in different relationships with the girls in my squad. But instead of remembering them as separate things it's like those loops happened all at the same time, from the way I remember it. From that Christmas onwards, I remember some days in which I was training the sword with Meiya but I was also watering some flowers with Tama.
Perhaps it's because I wasn't that different through those loops, so the memories got jumbled together? I may never find an answer to that.
Then, I also got everything from the last loop. Meeting Her Highness, making the XM3, the 00 Unit and the battles that came. There is one problem though. I can't remember what happened after Operation Iceberg well on my first loops. I know that when I didn't die during it I ended up in… Hawaii? Seattle? Well, thing is, I remember some sort of briefing in which they told us the world got fucked hard after the G-Bombs fell. I think Eurasia and Northern Africa ended up under water, and that's as much as I can remember. The rest are just bits and pieces scattered.
I'm taking out a Reactor with Japanese, American and French troops, I kind of see Sensei and Kasumi but I can't hear them, and the Shogun was also there at some point, I think?
Anyways, I will have to live as if I hadn't remembered anything, in the case that I'm still bringing data from that world here. Don't know what I can do if things start happening, but assuming I somehow find a way to return to that world there's still the risk of losing my memories, since Sumika is no longer alive there. Worst case scenario I'll have to hope Yuuko-sensei can somehow lend me a hand in reverting whatever it is that made me remember.
But that's just a what if. Things might be fine this time around since I didn't came back forcefully, and I had forgotten everything when I came back here.
There's also the chance that my memories aren't the cause of the leak but an effect of it. In which case I'll have no choice but to try and get back to the BETA world.
My body returned to how it was during that world for some reason, the six-pack strikes back. I wonder why did I regain my past body's muscles? That may be another question I might never find an answer to.
Well, on one hand I'm glad I got my memories back. If I forgot it would be like everyone who died was truly gone forever. So long as I remember, they will live with me.
Ring! Ring!
I can feel my heart skip a beat as the phone started ringing. Is it the guys? I'm sure they would want to know what the hell happened to me. Imagine Tsukuyomi-san coming back with blood on her head and telling them:
"Takeru-sama beat the living shit out of our guards, started crying like a bitch, threw me like a rag doll against the wall and went home! Shucks! Here, have some more pudding!"
I suppose I'll just have to make stuff up and keep our talks short. I guess… staying away from them is all I can do, until I see whether people lose their memories when interacting with me.
Dragging myself to the phone, I pick up the receiver.
"…Hello, it's Takeru."
Nobody answered back.
I wait for a few moments… Still nothing.
"Hello? Is this a prank? Because I'm gonna hang up." Not in the mood today.
"D-Don't!" A familiar voice yells on the other side of the line. "Don't… hang up, Takeru."
Meiya. Why is she calling me?! No, I can't risk any causality leak to affect her. If she interacts with me and, for whatever reason, I'm still pulling stuff here she's gonna die. And a horrible death, no less.
"…Takeru? Are you there?" Don't make that creaky voice. It's going to be hard enough with Sumika coming to college with me everyday. Let's make this quick.
"What can I do for you, Mitsurugi-san?" I grip the receiver tightly, closing my eyes. Gotta keep my cool, don't do anything stupid Takeru.
"Why… Why do you not call me by my name, Takeru?"
"It's not proper, I… should show respect to you. I'm just a civilian."
"That's not true! You're… important to me. Takeru, you don't have to-"
"Mitsurugi-san, did you need anything? I'm kinda busy at the moment." I can hear her trying not to cry. Or is she just angry? Definitely angry. Please get angry and hang up.
"Takeru, can we meet? I'd like to talk to you. In private."
"No, I already told Tsukuyomi-san all I had to tell you. If you have any business with me, you can simply tell me now." I can't drag this conversation anymore. I don't wanna hang up suddenly, but she IS stubborn.
"…Are you mad at me?" A small, almost broken, voice. Again, the acid of a Fort goes down into my chest.
"…What?" Why would I be mad at her?
"You're not angry… that I broke our promise?"
Promise? Oh, the promise in the park? When did she…
Oh, so that's it. She thinks I'm mad because she married somebody else since I told Tsukuyomi-san I remembered everything. Thanks Meiya, you just gave me my excuse.
"I guess I… simply realized how stupid I was. There's no way I could stand by your side. I'm a normal person, I don't belong in your world." Sorry, I can't risk you dying in that way.
"That is not true! I've… I know you're faring well in college. And I do not care in the slightest how others see you. These two years… Takeru, I… When Tsukuyomi told me you had called me, I…"
Why do you have to make this so hard?! Couldn't you just have forgotten about me?! If you keep this up… Forgive me, but if I have to be cruel to keep you away, I'll do it.
"Meiya."
"W-What is it?" She seems to have tensed up when I addressed her by her name.
"I was the one who broke our promise first." I could hear her gasping. I'm sorry. "I… fell in love with someone else. But now, we… can't be together anymore." This is technically not a lie. Even when one of those I fell in love with was a parallel version of her.
"…What are you saying?"
"I dated her for some time, but…" I recall the times I had to send off the girls with the Alternative V fleet, I feel my eyes watering. "She had to leave. Somewhere far away. I'll probably never see her again." My voice was breaking at the end.
The fact that the fleet may have actually exploded before reaching its destination will forever haunt me. No, now that I know that there are billions of BETA out there… Even if they reached the planet safely, the BETA would eventually make their way to it. They died too. There was no way they could have survived with so little people, unless the BETA took centuries, or maybe thousands of years, to reach the planet. And maybe even then…
"You're lying! That's… That's not true!" She was screaming into the receiver.
"So, this one's on me. Forgive me for not giving you an answer and running away when we went to the hot springs. I still don't have the guts to tell you in person. I'm sorry."
"Then, why did you call me?! Why were you so angry at the salon?! Why did you beat up the guards?! Why didn't you tell me this there, when you were the one who invited me?! Takeru, why!?" And she finally snapped. Let's finish this, one more cold blow and she surely will never forgive me.
"I'm sorry, for everything. Farewell, Meiya. Please don't contact me ever again."
"Takeru, wait! I haven't-" I hang up. Please don't call back. Please forget about me.
This is for the best. I can't risk anyone dying. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if anything happened because of me. But, how can I know if I'm still a causality conductor? I mean, Sensei said I was no longer one after Sumika died since she was what turned me into one to begin with.
Should I try speaking with Yuuko-sensei? No, I should just act like I've been so far.
Remember her advice, act as if you don't remember anything. Otherwise, I just may end up bringing all the death in that world here, and this time I might not be able to just infiltrate the U's nuclear reactor.
I feel awful. I'm going to take another shower, fix me something to eat and hit the sack early. After all next Monday is back to college, so I gotta start preparing my stuff.
Hopefully everything will just stay the same. I just gotta deal with Sumika, thank God she didn't die horribly like the others back there. Otherwise it would be really hard to deal with her. I have to keep being cold to her, keep going alone to college, keep avoiding her on the weekends. She'll eventually stop talking to me, we stopped talking by the windows after we started college so it's just a matter of time.
I turn the TV on as I go to the fridge. Let's see here… I'll just use some eggs, the cabbage and… Yeah, this should do. Compared to the synthetic food we had back there, this is luxury.
…Looking at my house, remembering my time with them here. My times with them over there.
"…Why? Hic… Why did I…" My tears break free and stain the wooden table that I was gonna use to cut the cabbage.
All that fighting… All that suffering… To end up being the only…
No. Wipe those tears. I have one last duty to do.
To live. For all the ones that gave me this chance. I gotta protect this peace, so I gotta calm down.
So… I'm gonna let it all out today, in the loneliness of my room. I can only hope I'm not a conductor anymore, otherwise…
Well, no getting depressed. In a few days I'll know. No, wait, I can test it out tonight. I just gotta talk with Mom and Dad, and if they forget me…
Then what? What if Sensei forgets about me too before she can help me?
…I'll have to steal the microwave and get into the reactor myself. Like hell I'll let this world get screwed again!
I hear the door being unlocked. Gulping down, feeling my body tense up, my vision grew hazy for a second as a shiver ran down my back.
…Let's roll the dice. Will it be a one or a twenty?
