Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 8

It was another day before Talon finally woke up. People were scared. They had seen their defender go up against an unspeakable evil, and fall. But he came back. They could survive this. Haven was gone, but Solas knew of a place they could go. A fortress they could make their own.

It was a long journey, many of the more injured probably wouldn't survive, but there was nothing else they could do. And so they went, following Talon and Solas, through the mountains. To a fortress that Solas had seen in dreams in the Fade.

As they marched, CJ focused on helping with the wounded, doing what she could to make them comfortable, or to help ease their passing.

A child, Tommy, a boy of three years, had lost his family and one of his legs from the knee down in the attack. He became attached to CJ, wanting to be with her constantly.

CJ didn't mind. She'd carry him with her, having fashioned a harness for him to sit in.

One arrogant soldier had asked why CJ didn't just leave the child to die. She had silenced him with a blade to the throat, proving she could still move easily with the child secured to her torso.

"Enough death has been seen, hasn't it?" She asked. "If the child has fought to live this long, I will not abandon him."

"Fighter." She looked away from the soldier at the sound of her nickname. "He's not worth your time. Come with me. I have something to ask you."

So far, CJ had been pretty good at avoiding Iron Bull. She was still pissed at him.

"I'm busy," She turned away from him, and was surprised when he caught her arm.

"No you're not. The kid can come too. Please."

She couldn't deny him now. With a sigh, she followed Iron Bull away from the main group of marchers.

"Look, I know you're pissed at me." He began after a moment. "And you have every right to be, but I won't apologize. Whether you like it or not, Boss is our leader. Our commander. When he gives us an order, we have to obey it. Did I want to leave him behind? Of course not! But orders are orders!"

"I will not blindly follow orders, like a lemming!" She retorted hotly. "What if the order came to kill an innocent man? A child?!" She indicated to Tommy, who was asleep in the harness. "I will not follow orders I do not believe in."

"Boss wouldn't," Iron Bull began.

"Of course he wouldn't." CJ exclaimed. "But if the order came?" She demanded. "What would you do then? Or what if the order was to abandon your team to certain death? What would you do then?!"

The moment the question was out of her mouth, CJ was shaking her head.

"No, don't answer that." She said, cutting Iron Bull off. "I never should have asked that. I know you care for your team. That crossed the line. I'm sorry."

"To be fair, I probably deserved it," He tried to laugh it off, but CJ shook her head again.

"No you didn't." She retorted. "Yes, I'm pissed at you, but I'm just as mad at myself. I had no right to say that to you. It was wrong of me. You are a good man. You've proven that very clearly."

He stared at her, as if something she said surprised him. "You think I'm a good man?"

CJ felt her face flush. She hadn't meant to blurt that out. But she wasn't about to take it back. Instead, she lifted her chin defiantly.

"I do."

"Oi, fighter!" CJ turned away from Iron Bull at the sound of Sera's call. "Come here! Need your experience!"

"Duty calls." She didn't look back at Iron Bull as she walked away. Instead, she focused on trying to stop blushing. By the time she reached Sera, she was reasonably sure she had succeeded.

That night, when they stopped to camp, Solas announced that they were close. Should be reaching it the next day.

Cheers sounded out at that. CJ helped hand out dinner. She caught sight of the boy who had warned them before the attack, Cole? He was standing outside a ring of light cast by a fire, no one was offering him any food. Grabbing a bowl, CJ made her way over to him.

"Hungry?" She offered him the bowl.

"You can see me?" He sounded surprised.

"Yeah. You're Cole, right? You helped us at Haven. Thank you for that." Surprise completely covered his face. "You saved a lot of lives." He hadn't taken the bowl yet. "Go on. Eat. It's pretty decent."

"You can remember me. You can see me. How? I'm not letting you see me."

CJ raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"You don't want me to see you?"

"It's not a matter of want or not want." He answered. "It just is. If I let you see me, you see me. If I don't, you don't. I'm not letting you see me, so how are you seeing me?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand."

"Neither do I!" He took the bowl from her. "What is this? Food?"

"Stew." She answered. "It's good. Warms you right up." She turned away.

"Will you sit with me?" The question surprised her.

"Let me grab some for me and Tommy, and then I will." She smiled at him.

Five minutes later, she and Tommy were seated on the ground, Cole sitting a couple feet away from them. She watched Tommy for a minute, making sure he could handle the stew, before turning her attention to Cole.

He looked lost, and confused. CJ wanted to help him.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"You hate yourself." She blinked, startled. That's not what she was expecting.

"What?"

"You hate yourself. Because you failed them. You failed them all. You couldn't save them. You were the youngest one, the strongest, you should have been able to break free sooner. But you didn't." CJ stared at him. "You think they died horribly, scared and in pain, and broken. But you're wrong. The monsters lied to you. When you would pass out, they'd bring the women in. Have them tend your wounds. They wanted that to scare the women. Make them fight less. But it made them fight more. You gave them courage. They saw what the monsters did to you, and you never made a noise. Throat burning, aching from holding back screams, but it never passed your lips. The night they took you to the lake, the women fought back. They died, yes, but they died fighting. They died with courage. With pride. You gave them that. You didn't fail them. You saved them, in the end."

CJ had forgotten about the food. How in the hell had he known about that? Could he be telling the truth?

"How-," Her voice gave out. "How do you know that?"

"I see things." He answered. "I see pain in people. I try to help. Like I helped Roderick, when he thought of the escape tunnel. You have a lot of pain in you. I pulled at it, but I've made it worse. Let me try again."

His face twisted, but CJ just continued staring at him.

"What you said, were you speaking the truth?"

"You didn't forget me?" Cole asked instead of answering her question.

"Obviously not," CJ exclaimed. "Were you telling the truth? Did the women die fighting?" She had moved closer to him, her bowl left by Tommy. The child was watching with interest, not understanding what was going on. "Did they?!" Her voice took on a hysterical edge.

"Mazy died last. Blinded one of the monsters. She took revenge for her grandson. Little Billy." Cole was looking at her, his face blank. "I speak the truth. They died, but they died fighting."

CJ couldn't stop herself. She hugged the young man to her tightly. "Thank you." She whispered.

"The pain. It's still there. Why is it still there?" His voice was muffled by CJ's shirt.

"Because they're still dead." She answered, releasing him and moving back to Tommy. "But thank you. You've helped."

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I." She shrugged. "Eat your stew."

"I don't know if I need to eat." He answered.

"Easiest way to find out is to take a bite." She said. After a moment, Cole did as she bid.

A strange look passed over his face, but he continued eating.

When the bowls were empty and Tommy was back in his harness, Cole spoke.

"You don't fear me."

"No." She answered. "I don't."

"Why?"

"You haven't given me a reason to."

"I went in to your mind."

"Yes," She nodded. "You did. But you did it to help. Not hurt. That makes all the difference."

"You are not normal, CJ." Cole said slowly.

"Are any of us?" She smiled at him again.

"You won't be forgetting me, will you?" Cole questioned. "Even if I try to make you?"

"I hope you don't try, but no, I don't think I will be. Good night, Cole."

"Good night, CJ."

CJ deposited the bowls next to Ida, whose turn it was to take care of this group's dishes, before grabbing a bedroll and finding a place to lay down. Tommy curled up into her, pressing his body as close as possible, trying to find more warmth. CJ wrapped one blanket around the child, and then draped the other one over the both of them.

"Sleep well, Tommy."