Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 20

Adamant. The grey warden fortress that had stood against many siege attempts over the centuries. Old walls broke beneath the Inquisition's might. CJ did her best to persuade the warrior wardens to stand back. To not die a pointless death. The mages were under Corypheus' control. They could not be saved. Some warriors listened. Falling back to safety or joining ranks with the Inquisition soldiers to fight against the demons. Others did not, and they were cut down alongside their brain-washed comrades.

CJ wasn't in Talon's group as he surged through the fortress, much to her chagrin. Cullen had needed her up on the walls, so that was where she was. Meaning she was too far away to help as Corypheus' pet dragon came swooping down.

Men around her let out frightened yells, guards dropping as fear swept through them. She forced them to rally, to stand firm.

An explosion sounded out. Green light filled the air. Screams of pain and terror, and then the dragon was gone. CJ was running towards the collapsed area, just knowing that Talon had somehow been involved. What she learned when she got there made her blood run cold.

They'd fallen through a rift. Talon, Dorian, Blackwall, Stroud, Hawke, and Iron Bull. She couldn't follow them. They were gone. She's lost them. They were dead, and now CJ would never be able to tell Iron Bull how she felt. They were dead.

That had almost driven her to her knees, sadness and guilt raging inside her. But the battle was not yet won. There was still fights going on all over. CJ forced herself to focus on them. She could fall apart after the battles were done.

Finally, the Inquisition managed to round up all the remaining Grey Wardens. Cullen had them brought to the main hall, where a rift was still half-open. CJ stared at the bright green tear. It was still there, connecting the fade and the real world. Talon and everyone else still had a chance at making it out!

Like CJ, Cullen believed that Talon would still return. So he had the wardens placed under guard in the main hall, intending on having them remain there until Talon returned.

CJ helped with the efforts to begin cleaning the fortress, but she never remained away from the rift long. Keeping a vigil on it, waiting for her men to come back through, so she could kill them.

Two weeks. Two weeks passed with no change. The rift neither opened nor closed, it just stayed in the same state it had been in on the day of the battle. As each day passed, more and more people began to lose hope that their Inquisitor would make it back. As more people lost hope, CJ just got more determined. And more ornery. When she snapped at a recruit for blocking her view of the rift, Cullen forced her away.

"Go to the river." He ordered her. "Help bring up buckets of water for the wounded."

She opened her mouth to protest.

"Do it, or I will have you chained to a horse and brought back to Skyhold!" He exclaimed. She gave him a very dark look, but reluctantly obeyed.

She was on her sixth trip when a young mage came running up, gasping for air.

"They're back! They're back! Five came through the rift! They're back!"

Joy filled CJ before it was quickly over-ruled by fear. Five?! Six went through the rift two weeks ago! Who didn't come back?! The mage didn't know the answer. CJ dropped her buckets, her task forgotten as she bolted towards the fortress.

She saw Dorian and Blackwall first, both of whom looked pale and exhausted. She gave them tight hugs but didn't stay any longer. They weren't talking anyways. Then she saw Stroud. And Talon. She tackled the elf to the ground in a tight hug. But where was Iron Bull?

"You idiot!" She yelled at him. "How dare you get swallowed by a rift! Two weeks! Two damn weeks you've been gone! People thought you were dead!" She raged. "I've told you again and again, don't leave me behind! I can't protect you if I'm not there! And what do you go and do?! Chase after a fricken' archdemon and then fall into a bloody rift!" She hugged him tighter. "I thought I lost you! They said only five returned. Who didn't?" CJ climbed off of him and allowed him to stand. He didn't answer immediately, and she felt a cold nugget of dread wedge itself in her throat. "Talon, tell me! Who didn't make it back?!" There was pain on Talon's face, but he still didn't answer. The dread grew into a sense of broken understanding. But she needed to hear it.

"Tell me!"

"Fighter, he can't answer when you're shaking him like a rag doll!" CJ froze at his voice. He was alive. Iron Bull was alive. Relief and anger fought to be the dominant emotions. Anger won. She whipped around, Iron Bull was sitting on a low wall, a healer next to him, hand hovering over a cut on his face.

"You stupid foolish bastard!" She swept over to him. Instead of hugging him, like she had done to all the others, she balled her fist and slammed it across his face. He lurched to the side a bit, caught unprepared. "I thought you were dead!"

"I," Whatever he was going to say was cut off as CJ grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him, hard. She pulled back, glaring at him with tears in her eyes. "I thought you had up and died! And I never would have been able to tell you," Her voice cut off as she fought to keep control of her emotions. It was a battle she was very quickly losing. Iron Bull was staring at her, completely shocked. "Never be able to tell you that I," Her voice cut off again. She couldn't say the word. "Stupid idiot!" She snarled, ripping one of the cords from her neck and thrusting it into his chest. "I thought you were dead and I would never be able to give you this!" With that, she turned on her heel and bolted. She was going to cry, but she would be dead before she cried in front of an audience.

Anger and grief and joy swirled around in CJ, wreaking havoc on her control. Slowly, very slowly, CJ managed to calm herself down. But with the calmness came an increasing sense of awareness. She had just made a complete and utter fool of herself in front of a good fifty people. And no doubt the story had soon spread outwards. Embarrassment swept through her.

"Oh Maker," She muttered. "What have I done?"

She knew she should stay. Face it with dignity and grace. But she didn't feel dignified. She felt like an idiot.

Going to Cullen, she was able to weasel a delivery assignment out of him. She'd bring the latest reports to Skyhold. Less than twenty minutes after her outburst, CJ was riding out of Adamant, feeling very much like a coward, but unable to make herself turn around.

By the time she got to Skyhold, CJ knew the moment that she walked into the courtyard that the story of her outburst had reached there before she did. Heads followed her as she walked up the stairs, pointedly ignoring all the stares.

She went to Josephine first.

"Ah, CJ," The woman smiled at her. "How was your ride? Uneventful, I hope?"

"A couple bandits thought they'd like my horse. I taught them otherwise." CJ handed her the reports. "Excuse me, I've got reports for Leliana as well." She fled before Josephine could question her.

"You always have the most interesting stories floating around about you, CJ." Leliana greeted her with a smile. CJ flushed as she handed over the reports.

"Oh? What's the story now?"

"You punched Iron Bull before kissing him."

"I'm surprised. Usually it would have been twisted by now."

"Oh there are plenty that are." Leliana agreed. "But that was the simplest one. So you've finally admitted your feelings for the disgraced qunari?"

Anger flared in CJ before she could stop it. "He isn't disgraced." She retorted. "He put the lives of his men over the worth of an alliance. There wouldn't be nearly as much war if more commanders thought to do so."

She would have continued, but Leliana was laughing.

"At ease, CJ!" She exclaimed. "I just wanted to know how deep your feelings were. Now I know."

CJ flushed a deeper red. "If you don't need me for anything, I'm going to find Tommy." She exclaimed.

The child was delighted to see her, clumsily walking towards her on the leg Blackwall had helped her make.

"Hello Tommy," She knelt to the ground to embrace the child as he reached her.

"Mama," The child whispered into her shirt. "Welcome home, Mama."

CJ stiffened. In the five months since the attack on Haven, Tommy hadn't spoken a word, unless it was cries in a nightmare. Mama. He called her Mama.

"I'm home." She whispered into his hair.

As the days passed, CJ split her time between Tommy, and helping Josephine with preparations for the group attending the winter palace.

"What colors should our uniforms be?" Josephine asked one night. CJ looked up from the document she was reading in confusion.

"Uniforms?"

"Of course!" Josephine replied. "We want to look dignified yet approachable. Something that will go well with everyone's complexion.

CJ was at a loss. Her picking of clothes usually went more along the lines of 'if it's not too tight, I'm wearing it'. "I'm sorry, Josephine, but I'm probably not the one you want to ask for fashion advice. Vivienne would be much better."

"They should be arriving in the next couple days." Josephine mused. "I will ask her then."

CJ started in alarm. "A couple days?"

"Is that a problem?" Josephine raised an eyebrow as CJ's face turned red.

"No." She said, her voice somewhat strangled. "No problem."

Josephine smiled at her. "Are you nervous about how Iron Bull is going to react? After you kissed him and ran away?"

"No!" But they both knew that was a lie. Of course she was nervous.