Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 22

CJ woke up with a start. Her heart was racing. Why had she woken up? What had changed in her room? The fire had gone out, leaving only the occasional flash of lightning to provide light. She laid still, pretending to still be asleep, trying to determine what was different. Slowly, her hand was moving to grasp the knife she kept beneath her pillow. There! A noise in the corner, a scratch upon the stone. Her hand found the dagger, and she was up in an instant, spinning to throw it with deadly accuracy.

"Fighter, it's me!" An instant before the dagger left her hand, she stopped the motion.

"Bull?!" She squinted through the darkness, now able to make out a huge shape. "I could have killed you! What the hell are you doing here? I thought the Chargers were still two days' march away!"

"They are. I came ahead." He crouched down to relight the fire. Soon, the room was bathed in the orange flickering light of the flames. He was soaking wet, dripping water from his horns and armor.

"You need to get dry before you get sick!" She exclaimed, climbing out of bed to find him towels. He accepted them with a nod and started rubbing his armor dry. Hesitating only a moment, CJ picked up another towel and began helping. Once his armor was dry, she began on his arms, working her way up.

Only when she reached his horns did she realize the position she had put herself in. Her arms were up, she had needed to raise them to reach all the way. She was standing face to face with him, practically chest to chest, his eye watching her intently. CJ froze. What should she do? Should she step away? Laugh and try to make a joke? Kiss him? That thought was fleeting. Instead she remained frozen, her arms raised, towel still in her hands which were stilled in mid-motion.

"The necklace." His voice was low, but soft. "Do you understand what it is supposed to represent?"

"You've said before, qunari don't fall in love. They don't get married. Don't have partners, usually. But there's a symbol they give, sometimes, to someone they really care about. A dragon's tooth, split in half. Each person gets a half, that way no matter how far apart they are separated by distance, they are always together." She answered. He moved, hands pulling hers away, and pulled something out from a pocket. The necklace she had shoved at him in Adamant. He put it back in her hands.

Rejection shot through CJ. He didn't want it. He didn't want her. She had been wrong. She opened her mouth, trying to speak around the pain.

"I'm pretty good at reading people." Iron Bull was speaking, standing now, pacing. "Always have been. My tama always said it would either be the making or breaking of me. It's what made me such a good Ben-Hassrath. I can figure people out, and then they can't surprise me. But you, fighter, you've been surprising me since day one. When I first saw you, standing at the back of the group, I thought you were just a tag-along. Now I realize you hung back because you knew of me. Didn't know if I could be trusted. Then when you took me down in Haven, I had to re-evaluate. Not just a tag-along. A good fighter. Gaining respect within the inquisition. You moved between the groups easily, you could talk to Cullen and Seeker, Sera, and Solas with the same ease, having meaningful conversations with all of them. You actually cared about what they were saying." He shook his head. "And you looked amazing in a fight. Seriously, you should see yourself, especially when your helmet gets knocked off and your hair is everywhere? I took a sword to the side in one fight because I was distracted." He shook his head again. "But I'm getting side-tracked. Every time I think I've got you figured out, you throw a new twist at me. You were attracted to me before Haven fell, but you never tried anything. Never approached me as anything but a friend. That was unusual. I'm not used to that."

"What, no one's ever resisted your charm before?" CJ was confused. And hurt. And tired. And really fricken' confused! Was he rejecting her or not?! And that was coming out as cutting sarcasm. "Oh the horror!" He laughed.

"You almost let a dragon eat you to save 'my' men." He stopped pacing and was watching her now. "You've been dealt a pretty shitty hand for your lot at life. But yet, you still shine. You still see the good in the world. Do your best to be part of it."

"It's because I have seen a lot of shit." She answered. "More than enough to last me. Now, I want to see the good in the world. I want to make it good. There'll still be shit, sure, but more good in there as well." CJ didn't understand what he was getting at.

"So what I can't figure out is why you would offer me that!" He indicated to the necklace in her hands. "I'm a Tal-Vashoth. A disgrace! A-a," He trailed off.

And then CJ understood. He wasn't rejecting her. He didn't think he deserved her. She couldn't stop the laugh that escaped her.

"What's so funny?" He exclaimed.

"You're not rejecting me." She said between laughs. "You're trying to convince me to reject you!"

He just frowned at her.

"When have I ever done something that I wasn't fully prepared to stand behind? Apparently you've been watching me for a year now. Tell me, when have I ever made a decision that I didn't mean?" She demanded. She stepped forward now, holding out the necklace. "Now, if you don't want this, then tell me. But if you don't think you deserve this, deserve my feelings for you, let me tell you something, The Iron Bull, you're an idiot."

The words hung in the air between them, as did the necklace. As the time grew longer, CJ began to feel more and more uncertain. He stepped forward, not stopping when he ran into her hand. He just kept coming forward, CJ's head tipping up, trying to keep eye contact. He was right next to her, the only thing separating their bodies was her hand, still holding the necklace.

"I will never hurt you without your permission. You will always be safe. If you're ever uncomfortable, if you ever want me to stop, you say 'Katoh', and it's over. No questions asked. You don't need to be afraid, unless you want to be." His breath ghosted across her face.

"I," Her voice hitched as memories swirled. "I want to try. I trust you, Bull." She said. "I," She couldn't make herself say the word that was on her tongue.

It didn't matter. He closed the distance between them, pressing his lips against hers in a gentle kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, the necklace still hanging from her hand.

Iron Bull walked her backwards, not breaking the embrace even as he lowered her onto her bed.

"You are safe, Kadan." Iron Bull whispered as he took the necklace from her, pulling it on. CJ watched as he stripped off his armor, feeling both excitement and fear swirling in her stomach. But she trusted him. He would not hurt her. He was now naked except the necklace and his eye patch. CJ couldn't stop her eyes from sweeping his body. Oh maker, he was gorgeous. A wave of self-consciousness swept through her. "You are safe." He repeated. "We will take it slow. I know that you have bad memories. Had you-,"

She shook her head, knowing what he was asking. He sat on the end of her bed. "Before they took us, I was untouched."

"Have you," She shook her head again.

"No."

"Come here." He took her hand, pulling her to him gently. "I want you to study me. Poke, prod, touch, lick," He grinned at her. "Anything you'd like. I am yours."

Being this close, she could smell him. All of him. The rain, sweat, and something . . . . . else. She glanced down at his lap. No wonder he was so confident! Curiosity surged through her, but she wasn't brave enough to touch that just yet. Instead, she turned her attention to the numerous scars covering his torso.

"How many of these were gotten when protecting someone else from harm?" She questioned.

"Don't know." He answered. CJ felt him shiver as she traced one near his nipple. She quirked an eyebrow at that. Lightening her touch, she traced the scar again. The shiver was more pronounced. She moved on. A thick one on the left side of his ribs caught her attention. She inspected it, fingers following its length.

"This one almost killed you, didn't it?" She looked up at him.

He nodded. "Got that soon after I lost my eye. Maybe half an inch deeper, and it would have ended me. I learned after that."

More scars, some faded barely able to be seen. Others deep, raised above the surrounding skin. Deep ones. CJ traced each of them, and Iron Bull let her. On his back, old faded ones, like whip marks.

"You've been tortured too." Her voice was soft.

"You don't know what I'd give that you weren't able to say that." He exclaimed. Not thinking, CJ pressed a kiss against the old scars.

"We survived." She felt how tense he was underneath her hands. On a whim, she started to massage his shoulders. "That's what's important, isn't it?" She found a knot and began working on it.

"This was supposed to be for you." Iron Bull murmured. "To help you."

"This is helping me." She retorted. "You've got more knots. Lay down. I'll get rid of them."

"Don't get used to this, giving orders in here." He exclaimed, but did as she ordered. He laid on his stomach, arms crossed under his head so his face wasn't pressed into her mattress. Methodically, CJ massaged his back, stubbornly working out every knot she found.

"That feels really good." Iron Bull muttered as she was working on his lower back. "If you want to go lower, I'm not going to stop you." CJ flushed. "Unless you're chicken."

She scowled at him, even though he couldn't see it. It was a challenge, she knew that. A stupid, petty one, to be sure. But it was a challenge none-the-less. And CJ had never backed down from a challenge. Once she finished his lower back, she skimmed her hands lightly over his buttocks, making him jump in surprise. She then started massaging his upper thighs.

"Your butt is one of the nicer I've seen." She commented as the thought crossed her mind.

He laughed. "Just one of the nicer? Not the best?" He asked. "Who's better than me?"

She was quiet for a moment, as if she had to think about it. "Solas."

Iron Bull pushed himself up, so he could look at her in shock.

"What?!" He exclaimed. "You're telling me that that . . . . . string bean of an elf has a better butt than me?! When did you even see his butt?!"

"You remember when we came across that hot springs in the Western Approach?" She questioned. He nodded slowly. "And it was decided everyone would take a wash, women first, and then men?" He nodded again. "Sera came up with the idea of spying on you guys when we were done."

"And you went with it?"

CJ grinned. "I was Sera's look-out to make sure Cassandra or Vivienne didn't catch her. I only saw Solas' butt because Sera stole his clothes since he was the last one. He chased after her, not realizing someone else was there."

He laughed. "I would have given five royals to see that!" But then he sobered. "Is his butt really better than mine?"

"Is that a hint of insecurity I detect in your tone, The Iron Bull?" She continued massaging his legs.

"You're not answering the question, Kadan."

"No. His butt is not better than yours." She had reached his feet now. Scars even there. As she massaged his left foot, he began to squirm.

"Are you ticklish, Iron Bull?" She questioned, honestly surprised.

"No." But the answer came too quick.

"You are lying." Unable to resist, she began tickling his feet. She was not expecting him to sit up suddenly, grab her arm, and then pin her to the bed.

"And you, Kadan, are teasing." He exclaimed, pressing his body against hers. Even through her clothes, she could feel his hardness. He kissed her deeply before pulling back slightly.

"C-," He froze as the syllable stopped on her tongue. CJ swallowed hard, gathering her courage. "Can I touch you?"

"You don't have to ask, Kadan." He kissed her again. "I've already told you, anything you'd like." He rolled off of her, onto his back, and CJ couldn't help staring at his now very erect member.

Memories of different bodies, harder, painful. Holding and forcing and hurting. Demands and orders and pain if CJ didn't obey. Always pain. Because she refused to obey. Never gave in. Never touched them like they wanted.

But this was Iron Bull. A better man than those monsters could ever hope to be. A man whom she loved very deeply. Him, she could, would touch.

"Fighter, you don't-," Whatever Bull was going to say cut off as very gently, CJ's hand encircled him. A groan issued low in his throat, and CJ was frozen. What did she do? Was she holding too tightly? Should she move her hand? Should she let go?! His skin here felt different than elsewhere on his body. Rough and smooth all at the same time.

"What's wrong?" Iron Bull's voice sounded strained.

"I don't know what to do." She exclaimed.

"For starters, tighten your grip. Not like you're clinging to a rope for dear life, but like you're about to enter a sparring match." CJ did as he instructed. "Now move your hand, up and down. Slowly at first, if you want." Placing his hand over CJ's, he showed her what he liked. What he wanted.

And CJ was nothing if not a quick student.

"Fighter, I'm gonna-," He didn't finish his sentence, just groaned. CJ felt him pulse in her hand and he came. Unable to do anything but watch, her hand was quickly coated with his seed.

She must have had a weird look on her face because he began laughing.

"You get used to how it feels, fighter." He grabbed one of the discarded towels and cleaned them up. CJ was going to say something, but it was interrupted by a huge yawn. "Come here." He pulled CJ to him, situating her against his side before pulling a blanket over them both. "Sleep, fighter. You'll need your rest."

CJ shifted, resting her head on his chest. "Night Bull."

"Good night, Kadan."