Haven City
Holly knocked lightly on the ops booth door. Foaly buzzed her in within seconds.
The centaur was always happy to see her. Especially today. "Did you get my hoof cream?"
Holly didn't say a word, instead opting to slump down on Foaly's couch.
"Oh," he said, reading her mood. "No hoof cream. But something's happened. Something big. What is it? Do you want to talk about it? Please talk about it."
Holly looked at her oldest friend with bloodshot eyes. "Artemis is coming back."
Foaly frowned. "What, you mean, as in, now? He's been on his way to Mars for months. Incidentally, I can't fathom why he'd do that. My space probes found out everything there is to know about that rock. That is, before one of them came back and killed Raine, almost killed us, and then almost penetrated the dome of Atlantis, before killing a transport full of convicts. Which was my bad, by the way. Sorry. Are you okay?"
She splayed her hands out. "I don't know! It was a very weird call. He said he'd be back in three weeks."
Foaly ran some mental calculations. "That's impressive. Doable, but impressive. Don't tell him I said that, of course. What's going on?"
Holly ran a hand through her auburn fringe of hair, which had been growing out in much the same way as Artemis' beard in the past few months. "I think he intends us to, well…"
"Declare his undying love for you?" Foaly had been joking, already slapping his flank in laughter, when he caught Holly's cheeks becoming beet red. He suddenly remembered something. His eyes went wide. "Wait! I wasn't so far off, was I? Your moment passionné with Artemis Fowl, the one you never told me about. Does that have something to do with this? Oh, this is going to be so good on my web site." Foaly made air quotes. "I can see it now: 'The moonstruck mud boy lover descends from the heavens!' Tell me everything."
Holly's cheeks matched her hair and bloodshot eyes. She leapt from the couch, and jabbed a finger in the centaur's chest. "Don't even think about it, pony boy! I'm dead serious. I'm coming to you in complete confidence, got it? Or else your budget is slashed next quarter."
Foaly raised his hands as if under arrest. "No problem, Commodore. I was obviously joking. So, what's the deal with you two? You still haven't told me."
Holly could have screamed, she was so exasperated. "Ugh! Shut your trap for one second and I'll explain it to you!"
Foaly zipped his lips and threw away the key. He gestured to the couch.
Holly sat back down. "Well. You see, it's really quite simple."
Foaly motioned for her to go on.
Holly fidgeted. "Well, there's really nothing to it."
Foaly couldn't resist, and unzipped his lips. "Well, I never! When you put it that way, just, wow! The world will be forever changed by this stupefying revelation!"
"I think he loves me, okay? You were right." she blurted.
Foaly cocked his head as if he hadn't heard her right. "I'm sorry, was this news to you?"
Holly looked scandalized. "And what would you know of the matter? I thought you were joking!"
Foaly rolled his eyes. "Oh, I don't know. How about the eighteen dozen times he proclaimed his love for you in the arctic? Or that time he sacrificed his life to save yours? Or the fact his spirit grew orange roses while he waited for six months for us to resurrect him? Or the way that he kissed your face and told you that was the only way to get DNA to me, when in reality, there were thousands of hairs on his head and billions of blood cells he could have sent instead? How about the constant phone calls he's made to you over the years since, updating you on his climate work, his astronomy work, and his life in general?"
Holly looked sheepish. "Well, when you put it that way, yeah, I guess. But, we mutually and professionally decided to put this matter behind us, when he left. I don't get why he's coming back all of a sudden. It's as if he suddenly found the answer to all of our problems."
Foaly snickered. "You admit you return his affections, then."
She glared, with the weight of all her lifelong glaring expertise behind it.
Foaly shrugged, then itched his scalp and considered the situation logically. "We need to consider the situation logically," he said. "Disregarding whatever's up with your feelings, what was, in his mind, the biggest reason not to, ah, pursue you? Size difference?" At Holly's continued glare, he moved on. "Lifespan?"
And then the penny dropped. Holly slapped her forehead. Foaly ran a hand down his long face. "Oh gods," muttered Holly. "Of course the timing isn't a coincidence. The little Fowl rascals encounter a man hell-bent on long life, who possibly found his answer, and now Artemis is returning, asking me if it would be worth his time."
"Okay… So, what's the problem?" ventured Foaly.
Holly made a fist. "I will not have Artemis experimenting on himself in some quest to live forever, so he can suddenly express his feelings for me."
"So, you're not happy he's coming back?"
"I didn't say that. Of course I'm happy he's coming back. We're friends. I'm going to be the first person to give him a hug when he lands. But 'A psychopath duke discovering the fountain of youth in a venom gland' should not be the reason he finally accepts his own feelings as legitimate."
"Well, it sounds kind of romantic, if you ask me," suggested the centaur. "Pioneering a breakthrough in modern science just to get a few more years with someone you love."
Holly sighed, relaxing into the couch as she considered her predicament. "No offence, Foaly, but you weren't so hot in the romance department yourself for the first couple of centuries of your life."
Foaly pouted. "Everyone's a critic."
Villa Éco
Beckett was having fun coloring outside the lines.
"Beck, please refrain from drawing on my laboratory counter," scolded Myles, shooing his brother away from his workstation. He was doing preliminary lab testing on Whistle Blower's venom, kindly provided by the Toy Ridgeback in exchange for a lab rat to snack on. The chemicals he could see under the microscope were quite interesting.
"Arty is coming home," proclaimed Beckett, proud to have such a nugget of information.
Myles did not look up from his microscope. "Yes, brother, I know. He told me too. And I would not say he is coming home, as his home has been donated to a co-op of farmers. He left before we moved here, remember? Instead, I would say that he is coming back to Earth, possibly to move into his new home."
"Whatever." Beckett had moved on to trying to draw on the troll. The troll thought the marker was a chew toy, and proceeded to shred it into oblivion. "I think that pretty fairy girl likes him."
"Specialist Heitz has not even met Artemis, so I would say that is most unlikely."
"Not Lazuli, you simpleton," scolded Beckett. "I'm talking about Nanni. The person Arty based her on."
Myles brushed away his absurd thoughts of Lazuli as being "pretty," and finally looked at his brother. "You mean Commodore Short? What makes you say that?" He could not deny that Beckett had at least some knowledge of social cues.
"My brain, of course!" Beckett giggled hysterically. "Get it? You asked what made me say it, and I said my brain! That's a science joke, right?"
"Very funny, Beck. Now. What makes you think Commodore Short likes our brother?"
"She said so," explained Beckett, as if it were obvious. At Myles' frown, he elaborated. "Not with her word words, but with her musical words, and her body words."
Myles racked his mighty brain for what Beckett could possibly mean. "Do you mean… inflection? And body language? Commodore Short's tone and posture indicated an attraction to our brother Artemis?"
Beckett nodded. "And during deep breathing, whenever someone said his name, she reacted in a kinda funny way."
Myles wagged a finger. "It was not deep breathing, brother, it was a debriefing. And what do you mean by funny?"
Beckett shrugged. "Like whenever Dad talks about Mum."
Myles pondered this. Interesting, he thought. Very interesting.
Space
Artemis was furiously punching numbers into the flight computer, calculating the best velocity and energy plan to return him to Earth.
Butler was reading a novel in the co-pilot chair. "What's perihelion mean?"
Artemis frowned at the interruption, as he knew that Butler knew better than to interrupt. "I can only hope that this is crucial information right now, and that you're only asking me in the midst of my computations because we are decidedly without easy access to internet search engines."
"Well, these characters are discussing how something significant is probably going to happen to a ship at perihelion."
"If an object orbiting a star has an elliptical orbit, it's the point in the orbit when it's closest to said star," explained Artemis curtly, going back to his work.
"Ah."
More typing and figuring.
A few minutes later: "Isn't that what happened to that Greek guy with wings?"
Artemis sighed, resigning himself to a discussion. He stared into space. "I don't suppose this still has to with your novel."
Butler committed his current page to memory, and closed the book. "Not exactly."
"I take it you are familiar with the tale of Icarus."
"Only from your various recountings over the years."
"I take it, then, that you are worried about my flying too close to the sun, as the colloquialism goes. Trust me, we won't crash into any stars. We'll have plenty of energy to brake when we reach Earth."
"That's not what I meant."
"I was afraid of that."
Butler sighed. "Artemis, look at me. Centuries of life. It's not something the human psyche is designed to take. I'm certainly not eager to volunteer myself."
Artemis did indeed look at his lifelong ally, with a sense of dread. "Elaborate."
"What I mean is, if you're going to shoot for the moon with this 500-year stay of life, I'm not coming with you this time. I'm already feeling like an old soul as is."
Artemis felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Not that he'd know what that felt like. Because Butler had always been there to protect him. Artemis didn't know what it would be like to not have that anymore. He almost choked. "Rubbish, old friend. You're on my payroll."
"Then I'm going to take a very long holiday leave some day."
Artemis shook his head, not accepting it. "I didn't save your life at En Fin, and then jump-start your heart after the time paradox, just for you to give up now."
Butler chuckled. "It's not right this minute. But in a couple more decades, well, look, don't be surprised. You would have naturally had to bury me some day anyway, even if you had an earthly lifespan."
Artemis breathed deeply. "There is another side to the tale of Icarus. The fool was also warned not to fly too low, lest his wings become damaged by the ocean." Artemis' eyes were desperate, searching for a way out of… something. "This is what I am currently in danger of, my friend. I am flying too low. I fear that much more time in this rocket, doing nothing of consequence, would drive me to ruin. I have no choice but to shoot for the sun. Therefore, you simply must accompany me."
Butler smiled fondly. "I endorse your efforts all the way, if what you say is true. If anyone can pull out of perihelion, and avoid burning up like Icarus, it's you." He reached an arm out to rest on his charge's shoulder. "I will gladly accompany you on Earth for the next twenty years or so, and I appreciate what you're hoping to accomplish with Holly, but that's just not my path."
On an impulse, Artemis engaged the artificial gravity on the bridge, and got out of his seat to be embraced by Butler's open arms. "I can't lose you, old friend. Not again."
Butler smiled a tearful smile. "I'll always be with you. Just put me on the hill with the orange roses... next to you."
Artemis, in Butler's arms, attempted a dry chuckle, but his watery eyes wouldn't let him. "The gravedigger's going to raise an eyebrow at that."
Butler lightly caressed Artemis' back. "You do have that effect on people."
