It was midnight by the time Padme was done talking with the cops. Paramedics had come to the scene, but the guy had mercifully only broken a nose, even though his face looked way worse, so they patched him up in the truck and sent him home. He didn't look at Padme, and Padme didn't bother to approach him to apologize for Anakin's behavior. Anakin may have gone overboard, but Padme didn't like sexist pigs either.
The cops had questioned her, and she answered all of their questions truthfully, telling the story as it happened. She made sure to stress that Anakin had recently lost his memory, and wasn't as okay as they thought he was. She had no idea if that was the truth, but it was the only explanation for his sudden violent streak.
But then again, she'd only known him for a week.
The cops eventually decided to let the incident slide with a warning. Apparently they had bigger problems to worry about than some guy breaking someone's nose to protect a girl's honor. However the club owner was not happy, and he informed Padme and Mindy that the three of them were banned from the club.
This did not make Mindy happy, and she practically seethed with fury. "How dare they? Who do they think they are? Maybe they shouldn't let sleeze bags into their club." She growled as they headed to Padme's car.
Padme didn't bother to answer. She was still remembering the horrified look on Anakin's face when he came to his senses. When she had stepped forward to try to gently pull him away from the situation, he had run like he was terrified of her.
It made her gut clench to think about it.
As they got into the car, Padme finally checked her phone in the hopes that Anakin texted her. There were no messages from Anakin, but she had ten missed calls from Ben. She frowned, debating on telling Ben what had happened. She wasn't sure what Anakin's relationship was to Ben, since both men seemed to be a little on edge whenever they were around each other, but Ben was the only one there who had known Anakin most of his life. Perhaps Ben could at least talk sense into Anakin, if not calm him down.
"Mindy shut up for a second," she said, interrupting Mindy's ranting as she called Ben back. He picked up after the first ring.
"Are you okay?" Was his first question. No hello. Just straight to the point.
"I'm fine," she assured him, "Did Anakin tell you what happened?"
"No," He seemed to calm just a little, as if he truly had been worried for her safety. Just how often did Anakin fly off the handle like that? "He called about an hour ago. He sounded upset, but he hung up before I could get any details out of him." A hesitant pause. "What happened?"
With a sigh, Padme told him about the guy at the club, and how Anakin had completely lost his cool and practically punched his face in. "I haven't heard from him since he ran off," She said in frustration, "I'm worried. It's late, and he's not on foot. He could be anywhere."
"I'll find Anakin," Ben assured her confidently, "I'm actually already on his trail. Just go home and get some rest Padme."
Padme didn't want to go home. She wanted to do something productive, something that would help Anakin, but she knew Ben was right. There wasn't much that she could do if she didn't know where he was. "Okay," she finally relented, "And Ben?"
"Yes?"
"Please don't be too hard on him. He looked pretty upset with himself."
There was a pause, and for a second Padme wondered if she'd lost connection. Then, "You're a good person Padme. I hope you know that." He sighed. "I'll see what I can do."
Padme's throat tightened, but she managed to get out, "Thank you" before she hung up.
Anakin had driven his motorcycle for at least an hour, the feel of the cold wind slapping his face as he drove keeping him grounded. Even that couldn't keep him from losing his cool eventually, and he had to find somewhere to stop. He ended up pulling over to the side of the road on a large hill overlooking the city. It was a designated 'scenic view,' and there was a wooden bench covered in bird poop, so Anakin figured he was safe enough there from cars or other would-be dangers.
He sat on the bench, not even thinking about the dried poop on the bench, and stared at the lights of the city. From up there, at that time of night, it was quiet. He could still hear the sounds of the city, but it was muted and relaxing.
Or it would have been relaxing had he not reverted into his old violent ways only a little over an hour ago.
Anakin's eyes filled with tears as the enormity of what he'd done, what he could have done, hit him. He had sworn to do things differently this time. He had sworn he would never be like Darth Vader again. Yet he'd smashed that man's face in, and he'd done it right in front of Padme.
He put his face into his hands, breathing deeply, trying to keep himself grounded.
If he'd had the Force, he would have choked the man to death.
If he'd had his lightsaber, he would have sliced the man in half.
If he'd fallen back to the Dark Side, he would have done it without caring who saw.
He was suddenly very, very glad that he didn't have access to the Force. Perhaps Obi-Wan was wrong. Maybe he wasn't meant to become a Jedi again. Obviously he couldn't handle the darkness within his soul. He would always be tainted, and as long as he was tainted, he couldn't trust himself to have the use of the Force.
And he couldn't be with Padme. He knew that for certain now. He couldn't accidentally lose control like that around her again. This time she hadn't gotten hurt. But next time?
He wouldn't do it. He wouldn't be selfish and give into his impulses. He wouldn't lose her like that again.
That knowledge only made him feel worse, more lost than ever before, and finally he let the tears flow, his shoulders shaking as he cried.
He didn't know how long he stayed like that, but he knew that it was at least another hour before he was able to calm down enough to look back out at the city. Even at this time at night, people were still out and about, so many of them free of burden. He longed to be blissfully ignorant like they were. He wished that he could trade lives with them, become someone else.
But it wasn't possible. He would have to find a way to deal with it. He had no idea where to start, so he just sat there, watching the city below him.
He hardly noticed, or perhaps didn't care, when the sound of a car pulling over reached his ears. It was probably a passerby who was concerned that someone was sitting there on the side of the road at one in the morning. He wiped at his face in an attempt to look fine before he turned around to tell them to leave him be.
He didn't say anything though. Obi-Wan got out of his truck, slamming the door, before he turned to face Anakin, concern and apprehension written all over his features.
Of course he found him. Anakin turned back around, knowing that there was no getting rid of him now. Obi-Wan was not the type to give up easily.
Obi-Wan sat down on the other end of the bench, not saying anything, just waiting patiently for Anakin to open up. Anakin knew this, but he didn't know how to fully admit to his failure. He had wanted things to be different…but they weren't. Maybe he could never fully escape Darth Vader. Somehow, admitting that to Obi-Wan was much harder than he thought.
But as the silence dragged on, it was obvious Obi-Wan wasn't going to move until Anakin talked. Heaving a sigh, Anakin said, "Padme called you, didn't she." It wasn't a question. He already knew the answer.
"Yes."
"And she told you what happened."
"Yes."
Anakin ran his hands through his short hair, frustrated. "So you understand now why I can't train with you anymore."
"No, actually." Obi-Wan said, leaning back against the bench. "Why don't you explain?"
"You know what I'm going to say," Anakin growled.
"I want to hear it from you anyway."
Of course. Anakin took a deep breath, preparing himself. "If I had the use of the Force still, that man would be dead. That is not me over thinking things or worrying too much. I know I would have killed him." It sounded so much worse being said out loud, Anakin winced. "I…I don't want to be like that. I want things to be different, but if I use the Force again and I lose control…I'm no better than I was as Darth Vader."
Obi-Wan nodded thoughtfully. "Well, it's good that you recognize that you made a mistake." Anakin scoffed. "Well, the man isn't dead. Even without the Force, you could have killed him easily."
Obi-Wan had a point. It wasn't like Anakin had always used the Force to hurt people while he was Darth Vader. He had learned…multiple ways to hurt people. "Still, I lost control. For a moment, I wasn't Anakin anymore."
Obi-Wan sighed. "Anakin, you can't expect to be different overnight…"
"It's been a week!" Anakin protested.
Obi-Wan shot him a look. "A week compared to years of being Darth Vader is not going to change much. You've already started to make progress, but there's bound to be some withdrawals. That's why I was worried about you living with Padme."
"I won't hurt her again," Anakin immediately insisted.
"You said that the first time too." The words hit Anakin like a rock and he groaned, putting his head in his hands. "If you keep focusing on everything you're doing wrong, you're going to hit a dead end fast. I want you to focus on what you did right and make a plan for what you're going to change so that it doesn't happen again."
"You make it sound so simple," Anakin mumbled.
"I know it isn't. But you're also very stubborn, and when you put your mind to something, you accomplish it. You'll accomplish this too." He sounded so confident, as if Anakin had never majorly screwed up before and tonight was his first mistake. "So what did you do right?"
Anakin resisted for a moment, too stubborn to give in. Obi-Wan waited though, and it was obvious that he wasn't going to stop pressing the issue. Sighing, Anakin replied sullenly, "Well I didn't kill him."
"That's a start. What else?"
He thought for a moment. "I didn't critically injure him." He didn't need to be a doctor to know that. He had seen plenty of battles, and he knew when he had critically injured someone.
"That's also good," Obi-Wan nodded. "And?"
"And…and I stopped when Padme called my name."
Obi-Wan studied him, a troubled look crossing his features. "That's…good, but she won't always be there to stop you. We're going to need to work on that." He paused. "And we will work on it. You need training, Anakin, if only to find inner peace and control."
"I can't…" Anakin started, but Obi-Wan interrupted.
"No, you can. Stop thinking that way. You had a good start today, and you'll only improve. Regardless of how you achieved it, you did bring balance to the Force. You are the Chosen One. If anyone can completely master the Force, it's you. So stop doubting yourself." His voice was firm, leaving no room for argument, and even though Anakin still wasn't sure that he could really stop doubting himself, he decided not to argue.
They settled into silence, listening to the distant sounds of the city as both men looked out at the dazzling lights. It wasn't as impressive as Corusant, or many other planets he'd seen, but it was pretty enough. "Why are you helping me, Obi-Wan?" Anakin finally asked, "Really. You don't have any obligation to help me, and frankly you should be angry that I replaced the Anakin of this world that you grew to love. So why bother?"
Obi-Wan was silent, and Anakin began to wonder if he was going to answer him when he finally replied. "You were my brother, Anakin. That never changed. Even when you were Darth Vader, I still loved the Anakin I trained and fought alongside of. I may have befriended this world's Anakin, but he never looked to me the same way you did. He had his mother. He had his step father and brother. I was his friend, but I was never his brother. Now my brother has returned, and he needs my help. I'm not going to turn him away, regardless of what he's done."
Anakin's throat tightened and his eyes stung with unshed tears. How could Obi-Wan still feel that way towards him? Obviously Obi-Wan was much more comfortable with his role in Anakin's life than Anakin was with the role Obi-Wan had in it. Anakin still felt so alone and lost.
Feeling overwhelmed, Anakin decided to change the subject slightly. "What do you think happened to the Anakin of this world?"
Obi-Wan shrugged. "I don't know. I don't even know what happened to the Obi-Wan who lived here before me. Maybe the Force has a different place in the universe for them. Maybe they're still apart of us. Maybe they're just gone. I honestly have no idea, and I'm not sure we'll ever know." He paused again. "You know she's worried about you."
Anakin groaned. Obi-Wan always knew how to get right to the central issue. "What am I supposed to tell her?"
"The truth, maybe?"
Anakin looked at him skeptically. "Yes, she'll totally believe that I used to be a Sith Lord who was brought back to the Light Side of the Force by my son, who just so happens to be her son as well. Oh and that we have a daughter too that I tortured and terrorized. Yup. That's a story she's going to believe."
"What else do you want me to say, Anakin?" Obi-Wan defended, "Lies are part of the reason you got into this mess."
"Don't you think I know that?" Anakin snapped, "I've told her the truth where I can, but I can't tell her all of it. Even if she did believe me…"
"You might lose her." Obi-Wan finished. "We're going back to that fear of losing her thing again, and it's going to keep holding you back until you face it." When Anakin didn't look convinced, Obi-Wan sighed. "Look. It's late. We need to get home and rest. Just…do me a favor?"
Anakin hesitated—he didn't want to agree to something that would be something he couldn't hold up to. However Obi-Wan was doing so much to help him, Anakin had to try. "What is it?"
"When you see that therapist on Monday," he said, "Tell him the whole truth."
Now Anakin knew Obi-Wan was out of his mind. "He'll lock me up in a nut house." Anakin protested.
"Maybe, maybe not. You need someone else who is a neutral party to know what you're going through. Besides, if I'm paying for the sessions, you might as well get the most out of it." When Anakin still didn't look convinced, Obi-Wan placed a hand on his shoulder. "I wouldn't have suggested it if I thought you would be jeopardized Anakin. You need to learn to trust me."
Over a week ago Anakin would have flat out refused. But now that Obi-Wan was his Master again, and so far had done nothing but try to help Anakin, he found that things between them, like so many other things in his life, was completely different. "I'll do what I can," he said, wondering if he was making a serious mistake.
Obi-Wan smiled wearily. "Good. Now, let's go back to our homes, shall we?"
Padme couldn't sleep. She paced the house, wondering if Obi-Wan had found Anakin, if Anakin was alright, if…
"Go to bed, Padme," Mindy, who had collapsed onto the now uncovered couch, mumbled, her voice hindered a bit by the cushion her face as buried into.
"I can't." She said, stopping to look at her. "Besides, if you're so concerned, maybe you should go to bed too."
Mindy waved a hand in her general direction, not lifting her head. "I'm too lazy. I'll sleep here tonight."
Padme sighed, "Fine, then I'll leave you to it." She moved to exit the room, but Mindy's voice stopped her.
"Are we sure that we still want him to live with us?" Padme stopped cold in her tracks, not turning around.
"Why do you say that?" She asked, her chest feeling hollow at the thought of Anakin moving out. She didn't understand why it was so important to her to have him near, but she knew she'd never felt like this before in her entire life. She should have been terrified of Anakin after what he'd done, but she wasn't. She was only concerned.
"Because, I don't know, he beat a guy to a bloody pulp?" Mindy sounded like she couldn't believe Padme had to ask that question. Over a week ago, Padme would have agreed. "We don't really know this guy. He could be a violent psychopath!"
"He doesn't know himself either, Mindy." Padme still wasn't sure if that was the right explanation, but she decided to believe it. "He was only trying to protect me." In a way overboard reaction, but she had seen the regret in his eyes right before he'd run. She would have been more concerned had he not regretted his actions.
"I just think you need to be careful," Mindy said. Padme had never heard Mindy sound so serious—she really was concerned for Padme's safety. It reminded Padme why she was friends with her in the first place, and her heart warmed a little.
"If I honestly thought he was a threat, I would have changed the locks by now. I think he's under a lot of stress. Plus, Ben said he would be seeing a therapist on Monday. That's sure to help, right?"
"Maybe," Mindy didn't sound convinced, but she dropped the subject. "Whatever, it's your house. Goodnight, Padme."
"Goodnight." She turned off the lights and headed silently to her room. As she headed down the hallway, she passed by Anakin's room and stopped. She stood there outside of his door, debating on how appropriate it was to snoop around, but in the end she took a deep breath and let herself in. This was technically her house, she reasoned, if she wanted to take a peek to make sure that there wasn't anything there that would point to a potential serial killer, that was her decision.
She didn't turn on the overhead light, but instead turned on the desk light, letting in enough light so that she could see. She hadn't been in there since the room had been filled with unopened boxes.
The first thing she noticed now was just how freakishly clean it was. The bed was neatly made, the night stand was empty save for a school book and a picture frame. There was nothing on the carpeted floor, and Padme suspected that if she opened his dresser, she would find his clothes neatly folded. It reminded her more of an army barrack than a bedroom a college boy lived in. There were no decorations, nothing to really give the room a sense that it belonged to someone. Even hotels had more animation. She peeked into the walk-in closet and found that there were still many boxes left unopened, shoved into the back like Anakin wanted to forget they were there.
Well, unless serial killers were neat freaks, she didn't see anything that screamed danger. She sat down on the bed, looking at the picture frame on his night table. Smiling back at her was Anakin with his arms around his mother, who smiled up at him proudly. He wore a graduation gown, probably from high school, and he looked younger than he was now. Carefree, happy, even. She had seen Anakin smile, but she hadn't seen him smile so genuinely.
"What happened to you that night?" She wondered aloud in a whisper, suddenly feeling exhausted. Maybe she would wait for Anakin to come back here. That way she could talk to him and make sure that he knew that she wasn't upset with him. Maybe…
She didn't know when she'd done it, but her eyes closed and she slumped over onto his pillows, breathing his scent deeply as she fell asleep.
Padme carried a tray of food into what looked to be a small shed filled with various tools and objects that she didn't recognize. A man knelt next to what looked to be some sort of motorcycle, fiddling around with it. Padme didn't say anything, but not long after she entered, the man spoke. "The shifter broke." As if she needed an explanation for what he was doing. "Life seems so much simpler when you're fixing things."
There was so much pain in his voice—obviously something tragic had happened to this man. Padme set the tray down, devoting her full attention to what he was saying. "I'm good at fixing things…always was. But I couldn't…" He stopped, setting the tool down. "Why did she have to die? Why couldn't I save her? I know I could have!"
Padme wasn't sure who this woman was that he was talking about, but it was obvious her loss was tearing him apart. "Sometimes there are things no one can fix. You're not all-powerful, Ani."
The man picked the tool back up and began working again, as if it working would keep him grounded in reality. "I should be! Someday I will be…I will be the most powerful Jedi ever! I promise you, I will even learn to stop people from dying!"
Padme didn't fully understand what he was saying since she didn't know what a Jedi was, but from the tone of his voice she began to grow worried. "Anakin…"
He interrupted, furious. "It's all Obi-Wan's fault. He's jealous! He knows I'm already more powerful than he is. He's holding me back!" He suddenly hurled the tool he was using across the room, startling Padme as he stormed to another table.
She should leave. She knew she should. He wasn't stable. But something in the way he was acting…this was more than just about someone close to him dying. There was something he wasn't telling her. "What's wrong, Ani?"
He began to shake, looking down at his hands. "I…" He looked back up, still shaking. "I killed them. I killed them all." He was breathing hard, and Padme's heart clenched in disbelief. "They're dead. Every single one of them." He turned to face her finally. Padme recognized Anakin instantly. He looked younger, and his hair was different, but she knew his blue eyes like she knew the back of her hand. "Not just the men…the women and children too." Padme's throat tightened, and she wasn't sure what to say anymore. Anakin became more animated, yelling now. "They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals. I HATE them!" Suddenly his face crumpled and he leaned against the counter, sliding to the floor, breaking into sobs.
Padme should have been horrified—she was horrified. But she wasn't running away. Instead she found herself approaching him and sinking to her knees next to him, throwing her arms around his shaking shoulders. "Why do I hate them?" Anakin started asking, as if Padme had all of the answers in the universe. "I didn't…I couldn't…I couldn't control myself. I…I don't want to hate them, but I just can't forgive them."
Finally Padme spoke. "To be angry is to be human." It wasn't right what Anakin had done, but when she imagined herself losing someone she cared about by another's hand, would she have been able to control herself? Would she have reacted the same way? She honestly didn't know the answer to that.
"To control your anger is to be a Jedi." Anakin said bitterly, and suddenly Padme felt almost protective of him. Who were these Jedi who clearly caused so much pain and stress to Anakin?
She stroked his hair. "Ssssh," she soothed, "You're human…"
"No. I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this." He was so broken…her heart ached for him, and she wished she could take the pain away. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"
Padme jerked awake, the vivid dream still swirling about in her head as she looked around, trying to get a bearing on her surroundings. The lamp was still on, but so was the room's light. She didn't remember turning it on. Groggily, she sat up and turned to find Anakin standing at the doorway, looking like a kid who just got caught stealing cookies from a cookie jar. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice hoarse. "Did I wake you?"
"No, no," She quickly assured him, standing up, suddenly wide awake. "I didn't mean to fall asleep. I was going to wait for you, but..." she was blushing now. She couldn't believe he'd caught her sleeping on his bed. If she wasn't so concerned about him, she would have slunk back to her room to hide forever.
"Well it is 3AM," Anakin said, "I don't blame you for falling asleep, but…why are you here?"
She wasn't going to mention that she'd initially come in because she was checking to see if he was a serial killer. The dream from before entered her mind and what Dream Anakin had said to her about killing a bunch of people…she shook the thought away. "I was worried about you," she confessed instead, crossing the room until she stood right in front of him. He stood perfectly still, his expression guarded, but she thought she saw a little melting in his eyes when she said that. "You were clearly upset and I just wanted to make sure you were okay and," She took a deep breath. "And I wanted you to know that I'm not angry with you."
"Why?" Anakin asked, surprise flickering across his face. "You should be afraid. If our roles were reversed, I probably would be. Why are you so…so good?"
Padme blushed at the unexpected compliment. "Well I don't know about good, but I do know that you're going through a lot and that isn't something that I can begin to fathom," She said, shifting her weight nervously. "You're going to make mistakes, and honestly the guy kind of deserved some of that. I think you need a friend who will at least attempt to help you, and I, um, want to be that friend." She finished, looking down at her feet. "If you'll let me."
Anakin was silent, and she was afraid that she'd been too forward, too awkward. Right when she was about to try to blow it off as being silly, Anakin reached up and tilted her face back to his gently with his fingers. "Thank you," He said, his eyes serious and filled with….something. Something that made Padme's heart soar, something that made her want to lean up and…and….
"For what?" she breathed.
"For being that friend," He said, "You don't have any idea how much that means to me." He paused, as if remembering something. "Really. You don't. I don't…I don't deserve it."
She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Everyone deserves a friend."
A sad smile slipped onto his lips. "I just wanted you to know it means a lot to me either way."
Slowly, Padme nodded, her breathing shallow as she became painfully aware of how close they were. "You're welcome."
Anakin seemed to notice it too, since he suddenly dropped his hand and stepped aside. "Well, goodnight Padme." He said, clearing his throat.
Padme blinked, surprised and pained by his sudden distance, before nodding. "Goodnight Anakin," she said before she rushed out of his room and towards her room. She couldn't keep replaying the dream and her discussion with him in her mind, and as she entered her room she began to wonder:
What was going on with her?
Another chapter done! And Padme had another solid dream/memory! Will she remember?! We shall seeeeeeeee!
Anyhow, we're going to have a major character introduced next chapter. Who is it? You'll have to find out!
And I just love your suggestions and reviews! I get notifications on my phone, so whenever I get one I always smile super wide and everyone around me thinks I'm weird. I am, but that's besides the point.
I'm really surprised that people thought I would settle Anakin's issues and get him together with Padme super fast. I'll let you know, I enjoy putting my characters through emotional/physical pain as the situation calls for it. Once my Creative Writing teacher called my parents about it and they were just like, "No, she's not depressed, she just enjoys being mean to fictional characters." But it makes sense that Anakin would have some relapses. He was a Sith Lord for half of his life, he's going to have some problems every once in a while.
But obviously Padme is starting to feel some certain emotions for our lovable former Dark Lord...
Anyhow, review! You guys are the best!
Love,
~Sarah
