Joe's Note: For those of you who are completely new to this story and not following me over from other sites, the story originally had 'Michelle' being based heavily on Willow's appearance and so I hit up IMDB for a list of Alyson Hannigan's other roles and grabbed one. Even had some quotable American Pie jokes here or there. I kept it through this iteration because I feel like the backstory that I created for Michelle to explain how she fits into Willow's life and why she stays at Willow's house is still usable even if she's considerably less Willow-shaped this time around. Fun fact: the first time I posted this chapter, I got literal death threats from fangirls over the safe word joke at the end of the chapter. Some people take their fandom way, way too seriously.
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Invernos, Ken, Wil, Koby, William, Leigh, Thyatira, Chris, George, Timothy, Jason, Noh, Crusifikz70, Jack, Pat, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.


November 1, 2013
Paseo Nuevo Shops & Restaurants - Victoria's Secret
Sunnydale, California


Trailing behind Xander for the first time that day, Cordelia took a moment to peer up at the sign and shake her head despondently - barring surgical intervention, she would never again get to exercise her mother's Angel Forever card for her own needs - before following the redhead into Victoria's Secret. So far, the afternoon had been… interesting. More fun than she'd expected, to be honest. Michelle-Xander was a lot more tolerable of a companion than Xander-Xander had ever been. At the same time, though, it was depressing because she could see him charging full speed toward what promised to be a truly epic breakdown. But, well, that wasn't Cordelia's problem, now was it? She was just the fashion adviser, not Xander's therapist.

Cordelia found herself looking around curiously as she entered the store, allowing the gap between herself and her shopping companion to widen. They'd already gone over her personal set of underwear dos and don'ts on the walk between Angl and Vicky's. Assuming that Xander had been listening, and Cordelia had no reason to believe that he hadn't given how attentive he'd been to her advice all afternoon? She was confident that she could let him explore for a bit on his own without anything terrible happening. Which in turn meant that she could focus on the other shoppers for the moment… and it was an interesting assortment.

The bane of her cheerleading existence was in the store with her equally as offensive girlfriend, poking through the sports bras and matching tights. Given what the blonde had dressed as for Halloween… not entirely surprising. Well, it was a bit surprising given that she obviously owned sports bras for cheerleading, but Cordelia could understand her wanting to reinforce that section of her wardrobe. There were a few girls browsing for bras in sizes bigger than Cordelia would have expected; maybe she wasn't the only one to get stuck with that particular side effect to the previous night's insanity? And then there was… "Kat?"

Glancing up from the lace bustier she was looking at, a variety of emotions flickered across the brunette's face before she finally settled on resignation. "Oh. Hey, Cordelia." Holding up the bustier, Kat gave Cordelia a wan smile. "Just sort of musing over what could have been. I mean…" She trailed off, glancing back down at the bustier before waving her free hand in Cordelia's direction. "Yeah. If only I'd bought my wig from Ethan's, I'd be needing new underwear like you, and I'd probably have the confidence to wear something like this, and-"

"You'd have no Rs. You'd be a walking Mayor Quimby focus episode. Personally, I'm not sure that's a fair trade. Especially since you were only what, a cup bigger in your costume? You could still reach that before puberty is over without needing to 'pahk the cah' and all that." Then something else occurred to Cordelia: she knew things about Emma that the general public - including Kat - wasn't privy to. Such as… "Actually, it's worse than that. You'd have no Rs and would get to hear what every last dudebro and fuckboy in our school thinks about your body."

Kat tilted her head to one side as she thought about that, and then her eyes went wide. Her head turned slowly until her blue eyes met Cordelia's emerald gaze, her mouth worked soundlessly for a few seconds, and then she finally managed to string her thoughts together. "Is Emma Frost really a… do you know her or something?" Then something else occurred to her and her eyes - if possible - got even wider. "Were you checking me out on Halloween?"

Ugh, seriously? Were girls going to have to start invoking 'no homo' or something? Christ. "You caught my eye at the Bronze because yes, I do know Emma Frost." Well, that was a bit of a white lie. Pun intended. Kat had caught Harmony's eye on Halloween and the blonde had pointed her out to Cordelia so they could pick on her costume. But since Kat was evidently connected to the little freak show that was emerging from the wreckage of the Halloween magic mess, Cordelia was willing to play nice. For the moment. "I mean, I've met her. It's not like we're BFFs or anything. And yes, she's a telepath. So are her daughters. None of them are telekinetic, although not from lack of trying."

"How-"

"Really? Are you going to ask me how a telepath of all people keeps people from knowing something about her?"

"Why-"

"That's an even stupider question. Nobody would trust a businesswoman that they can't lie to and screw over."

"What-"

"…actually, I have no idea where you might be going with that one. What what?"

"I have no idea either, I was just getting into throwing random interrogatives at you." Kat offered a faint grin before shrugging and putting the bustier back on the rack she'd pulled it off of. "Actually, forget the rest of it. I probably would sell my Rs for Emma's hair. I'm too scared to try bleaching my real hair that light, and that wig was just… meh. Length was nice, but the bangs were terrible and even a small army of clips couldn't keep the left side out of my eyes."

"Fascinating. But on that note... you may be making your way into the Scooby Gang but that doesn't mean I like you or want to get to know you or anything. So I'm going to go somewhere where you're not before your social rejectness rubs off on me. Toodles." Brushing past the sputtering Kat, Cordelia wandered deeper into the store in search of her actual shopping companion. It actually took her a few minutes to locate Xander, mostly because the shapeshifter had found his way into the one section of the store that Cordelia had warned him not to waste his time on. "Bombshells top out at D, Chelle. You don't."

Xander looked back over his shoulder and mouthed 'Chelle', making Cordelia roll her eyes and shoot a pointed look over at the random stranger who was browsing the same bras a few feet from Xander. That earned her a soft 'oh' of comprehension, and then Xander gestured for her to come closer. Leaning in, he lowered his voice as best he could while still being audible in a busy store with music playing overhead. "What if I did? I was thinking… I've been mimicking a certain particular size that I like all afternoon. But what if I shrink myself back down to a C-cup? Then I'll buy push-up bras so that I look as big as I am right now without actually having that weight on my chest. And if I ever need to actually be that big - bikinis, maybe getting close to that special someone - I just shift them larger on the fly." Pausing, Xander looked up at the signage. "I didn't even know they made bras that made a girl look this much bigger. I was figuring I'd have to carry around at least Ds to make this plan work. This is great. It's fucking genius, if you think about it. Bombshell in the streets, busty in the sheets."

Jaw dropping, it took Cordelia almost a minute to put together a proper response. Mostly because… "Oh my God, you're like a mad boob genius. Hell, we could take it one step further and buy you 34Bs or even 34As for sports bras and get rid of all the branding marks. Let all the girls think you've discovered some incredible new thing that they can be jealous they don't own."

"…that's evil."

"So?"

"Just saying."

"Shut up and figure out what colors you want before I decide I'm too jealous to help you pull this off."


November 1, 2013
19 Blue Salon & Spa
Sunnydale, California


"I am so proud of you right now. I'm like, a mama bird whose baby bird fell out of the nest and flew and shit all over some hipster's stupid hat. That was amazing. You let that guy flirt with you, reeled him in, got him to buy that bra you 'weren't sure' about, and then bam! 'My girlfriend and I are going out to eat, maybe I'll see you around'. Priceless. Masterful. I'm tempted to take off points for insinuating that I'm gay, with you in particular… but I suppose it was a necessary evil. To be honest, I was thinking of slowly working 'how to bait men' lessons into things over the next few weeks and then letting you try it when you felt ready… but you went ahead and blew me away. Are you sure you've only been a girl for a few hours?"

Xander didn't even look up from the new iPhone that Cordelia had insisted he buy, trying to figure out how to use his first cell phone ever. Talk about getting tossed into the deep end. He'd wanted to get a nice simple phone that was a phone, with buttons to push like a real phone was supposed to have. Instead, Cordelia had insisted on the 'in thing': a six hundred and fifty dollar - because yes, he could do the math on what twenty-one dollars and change a month for thirty months added up to - touchscreen toy that was so far beyond him, it wasn't even funny. Then again, Willow had wanted him to run up the Rosenbergs' credit card bill. A smartphone that added sixy-some dollars to what AT&T charge the family each month certainly qualified as such in his book. The fifty-two dollars in sales tax helped. "You're giving me too much credit, to be honest. After he ignored the three separate attempts to brush him off, I switched to thinking 'What Would Cordy Do?' and then did it. So… congratulate yourself on being an awesome manipulator and schemer?"

Humming softly, Cordelia made an abrupt left turn that sent Xander bouncing off the door of the Lexus. "Flattery will get you everywhere. Although your inner Cordelia is a bit softer than the real thing. I would have gotten him to buy me something and then just rejected him outright before walking off."

"Are you kidding? The way he was throwing money around, he's either an upper middle or upper class white boy who thought he was God's gift to women. Doing that is a really good way to get shot in the alley behind the Bronze some night."

"I can stop bullets with my mind."

"And I'd end up stopping them with my squishy and fragile body. Pass." Finally prying his attention away from the camera app - and his internal debate over whether or not he should add more freckles - Xander peered out the window and then furrowed his brow as he realized that he had no idea where they were. Boutiques, fancy restaurants… ah, that explained it. They were in the part of downtown that the Harrises couldn't afford to visit more than once a year. When the SUV finally came to a stop, Xander found himself sitting in front of a small but fancy-looking salon, his eyes widening as he realized what Cordelia had planned for him next. "Can I ask what might be a very stupid question?"

"If I say no, will that actually stop you from asking it?"

"No."

"Ugh. All right, what?"

Michelle reached up and ran one hand through her long red hair as the other tucked her new phone into the equally new purse that she still wasn't entirely sold on the necessity of. "Considering my hair looks like whatever I want it to look like… why are we at a salon? I'll just end up paying for a haircut that will probably disappear the first time I have to shapeshift because I'll remember Willow's real hair instead when I shift back into Michelle."

Rolling her eyes, Cordelia put the Lexus in park and turned it off. "God, but you are a male. Think for a second. You decided to give Michelle more chest than Willow, right?" Xander nodded. "Are you going to be a 34DD when you shift back into Michelle, you think, or fall back on Willow's 32B? Average day; don't give me any fancy answers mentioning bikinis or gym class."

"Considering it's the only size of regular bra that I own, a 34DD obviously…"

"All right, so try and follow me here… if we permanently change what you think about as 'Michelle's hair' the way you've changed your idea of 'Michelle's chest'? Why wouldn't it come back when you shift in and out of this body?" She might actually have a point there, Xander had to concede. Not that he'd ever tell her as much, but the way she was smirking at him let him know she was already well aware. "Besides, think about it. You have an opportunity that no other… okay, no other non-Mystique woman does. You can have any color, length, or body of hair you want, all without the stylist having to do anything. We can start with different looks based on short, straight blond hair, then try out some long black curls, and so forth and so on until we find something just right for you."

Exiting the SUV, Xander waited for Cordelia to lock the doors and set the alarm before following obediently. She did have a point, he realized. Other girls would need chemical treatment to change hair colors… he didn't. If a normal girl got her hair cut short and didn't like it she was stuck, while he could just regrow his. But… "Won't that freak out the workers? Girl with incredible changeable mood hair?"

Cordelia shook her head, pulling a hair tie off her wrist and yanking her green mane back into a simple ponytail as they approached the front door. "I'm going to go with no. I mean, they help my mom hide her green from the world. And they've known about me being a mutant for two years or so." Pausing, Cordelia let out a rueful chuckle. "Not that I was planning to come out to them but, well, kinda hard to hide it after you wreck the place with your mind because your stylist won't dye your hair green for you."

The mental image made Xander blink a few times before staring at Cordelia oddly. "…you wanted green hair?"

"Go ahead, download some Alanis on your new phone and hit play. It's a long story that involves meeting Emma Frost and wanting to show mutant pride without coming out of the X-Closet. Considering she spends a lot of money hiding her green, three guesses how Mom took it when I told her that one. I decided to run with the whole 'forgiveness versus permission' thing and came over here anyway, Claire told me that she wasn't going to lose Mom and her friends as customers just to dye my hair for me, and then…" Cordelia waved her hands around, stirring up a few loose bits of metal that littered the pavement. "Clippers and scissors were flying into mirrors, metal shelves were tipping over… the whole place ended up a great big mess. They already knew about my mom, though, so they weren't too surprised. Just annoyed. My parents paid to fix everything up, I got yelled at when I got home, and after a few months Claire let me come back because I tip well. And I still come here because they're the best in town."

Falling back on general gallantry that was still holding over from when he was still a he, Xander reached past Cordelia and opened the door for her. She gave him an odd look but slipped past, entering the salon and leaving him to bring up the rear. As he blinked his eyes, trying to adjust to the comparative dimness after being out in the bright California sun, a high-pitched shriek made him flinch. "Cordelia Dominique Chase!" Xander had to snicker at that one. Cordelia's initials were CDC? How had she never found that out? And mocked her for it? "What did you do to your hair? Your mother is going to kill you! And then me, because she'll assume that I was in on it!"

Xander was curious how Cordelia was going to explain this. Mutants were a known phenomenon and the salon staff might have been accepting of Cordelia being part of Homo sapiens superior, but how would they take magic? Not an issue, he discovered a moment later as Cordelia gave an exasperated sigh and reached up to tug on her ponytail. "I know, right? Remember that wig I had you helping me trim? For my Black Cat costume for Halloween?" The woman nodded. "Well, my aunt and uncle were passing through on their way to Baja California the other night and Aunt Wanda decided to play a prank on me." She gestured to her chest and then her hips, drawing the woman's attention to her newly enhanced figure. "I think she was trying to turn me into my Halloween costume and just… slipped? Or maybe there was alcohol involved and you shouldn't drink and bend reality? No clue. But now I'm part-Black Cat, part-Miriam, part-Cordelia, and all annoyed. I swear to God, I'm going to kill that woman next time I see her."

Grabbing Cordelia's wrist, the woman who'd greeted them with such an awful noise looked the cheerleader's arm over. "I don't blame you. I don't even know what to do here. If we dye it, your roots will show before the dye even wears off your skin. If you want, we could always go the removal route like your mother? Waxing or something a little more permanent?" Her attention drifted upward. "We can definitely get your brows and hair, but you'll need to be in here… probably weekly to get the roots touched up. Same rates as your mother, of course."

Cordelia pulled her arm away and shook her head. "Actually, I'm keeping it. Mom wouldn't let me dye it green, but she can't force me to dye it brown now that it's actually green, either. No, I'm just transportation for the real patient, Claire. Poor Michelle here is in desperate need of your help."

"I'll say. I mean, I know low maintenance is in with some crowds, but no maintenance?" Reaching up, Claire flicked Xander's forehead, making him take a step back. "And seriously, sweetie, pulling your hair back when you have such a prominent widow's peak? Are you trying to look like Eddie Munster?"

"…there's just one problem. You can't actually do anything to her hair." Claire gave Cordelia an incredulous look at that and the green-haired girl held one hand up just in time to catch a pair of flying scissors. "She's like me. Only… not." Moving to stand beside Claire, Cordelia gave Xander an imperious wave. "Show her."

Deciding to go with a big change so there was no way for Claire to mistake what she was seeing, Xander transformed from his current Willow-based Michelle form to what would have been Cordelia's twin had she not been affected by Halloween's magic. And wow, he'd evidently changed more of his body than he'd thought, based on the lack of pain that stuffing Cordelia's body into Michelle's clothes caused compared to doing the same with clothes that fit Willow properly. Claire gave a little squeak and jerked back at that before gaining control of herself, looking Xander up and down before frowning. "Oh. So… wait, no, I'm not getting it."

Xander sighed. "I'm a shapeshifter. Anything you can do, I can do - or accidentally undo - in a few seconds with a thought. Cutting, styling, dying, whatever."

"What she's not mentioning is that the opposite is true too. Anything you can show her - if she can memorize it well enough - she can create with her powers. Key words there being 'memorize it well enough'. Seriously, if she misses a spot, she could end up with a straight red patch in the middle of wavy brown hair or something. But… I have a plan." Cordelia grinned before pulling away, turning to gesture toward the storage room at the back of the salon. "You're still teaching over at Sunnydale City College, right? And your students start on wigs before you set them loose on the poor saps who go there for cheap haircuts?"

Suddenly, understanding dawned on Claire's face. "Instead of styling her real hair, we'll give some fake hair a makeover and she can circle it to memorize it from all sides and shift her own hair into that?" That got her twin nods. "Hmm. I'm guessing you want to stay a redhead, or else you would have changed colors by now. Just out of curiosity, have you ever seen Brave?"

It wasn't hard to guess where Claire was going with that question and Xander perked up as his mind began supplying him with the images of what he might look like if he took a page from Merida's… movie. Beside him, Cordelia groaned and buried her face in her hands. "I take it back. This was a terrible idea. I regret everything."


November 1, 2013
Rosenberg Household - Living Room
Sunnydale, California


The rumble of an engine made Willow look up from where she was doing homework in the living room, eschewing the familiarity of her desk in favor of a spot that let her watch the street in front of her house. A black Lexus GX 460 was idling at the curb and as she watched, a girl with a mane of wild, fiery red curls hopped out of the passenger side and opened the rear door, emerging with a number of shopping bags that made Willow's eyes bug out. Holy shit! Was there anything left at the mall or had they bought it all? Awkwardly waving goodbye with the less full of her two hands, the redhead turned away and began heading up the walk as the SUV pulled away, driving off into the dwindling light.

More than a little curious about how Xander's afternoon with their least favorite girl in the world had gone, Willow hopped up and rushed over to the front door, opening it just as he reached the front step. He hustled past her with a grateful smile, making his way into the living room and dropping his army of shopping bags with a relieved sigh. Making his way over to the nearest armchair, he threw himself down with an exhausted groan. "That was insane. I learned so much about girls today that I feel like my head is going to explode. How the hell have you done that for all these years?"

"I haven't, remember? My mom bought most of my clothes for me. 'Softer side of Sears' and all of those other insults Cordelia likes to throw at me?" Granted she'd bought a considerable amount of clothing for herself in the last year or so with the money she'd made online, but… Willow really wasn't in the mood to tell that entire story, so it was best to keep that detail to herself. Wandering over to where Xander was sitting, Willow ran her eyes up and down her soon to be cousin, cataloguing the numerous changes since last time she'd seen her friend. One change, Willow had noticed on Xander's way past but she couldn't get a better look given that it was currently being sat on; it wasn't exactly Nicki Minaj material, but Xander had significantly more butt than he'd left school with. He wasn't pear-shaped, though: he'd gone and increased his bust line to match. Wow. As a bit of a breast girl herself, Willow wasn't sure whether to be jealous or turned on. Maybe both? Both was good. His hips looked a bit rounder, too, although it was hard to be certain of that with the flowing skirt that Xander was currently wearing. He'd added a whole bunch of orange freckles, and… "You do realize that Merida hair is going to be ridiculously impractical on a day-to-day basis, right?"

Rolling his eyes, Xander reached up to play with the ends of his hair before making a pinching gesture at the air and slowly drawing his fingers upward. As his hand moved, his hair smoothly shortened until it reached his chin, taming itself a tiny bit in the process. "This is going to be Michelle in public. I'm not an idiot; walking down the hall between classes with my hair all over the place would be a nightmare, to say nothing of gym class. At home?" Xander flicked his wrist in a downward gesture, and his hair tumbled back down into the mess that he'd come home with. "I want to stay single and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset!"

Willow couldn't manage to contain a giggle at Xander's terrible imitation of King Fergus pretending to be Merida, closing the distance between them and lowering herself to sit on her fellow redhead's lap. "To be perfectly honest, I really wasn't sure how I was going to feel about all of this. You messing with my body, I mean. I thought that it'd make me all insecure and destroy my self-esteem, and we'd end up fighting because you changing things about me would make me feel like I'm not good enough. But… I'm surprisingly okay with it. Mostly because you look really pretty like this. And because you not being my nearly identical twin anymore makes this a lot less awkward." And then before she could lose her nerve, Willow tangled one hand in Xander's wild red locks, turned his head a few degrees to make things easier, and kissed him.

When the expected spark failed to materialize after a few seconds, Willow pulled back and opened her eyes to find Xander staring at her in confusion… and a fair bit of lust. "What… what the hell just happened?"

"We just kissed. Considering that I've been dreaming about the moment for the last five years or so, it was surprisingly boring." Running her tongue over her lips slowly, Willow let her mind drift back to the memories of the last girl that she'd kissed. "Hell, Missy was a better kisser than you and she was wasted at the time." Granted she'd slipped her tongue between Missy's lips almost immediately, and had gone on to get both hands down the front of the brunette's top in short order…

A pair of arms wrapped around Willow's waist tightly as she tried to slide off Xander's lap, pulling her back in against her former doppelgänger. "Yeah, but I bet Missy was prepared. I wasn't. Judging the quality of my surprised smoochies is so not fair. I want a do over. I demand a do over."

Willow rolled her eyes before twisting so that she was straddling Xander's lap. Tangling both hands in that ridiculous mane of hair that he'd created for himself, Willow leaned back in and pressed her lips against Xander's hard. This time, rather than go for simple lip to lip contact, she forced her tongue between Xander's lips as she pressed her chest against the more buxom body that he'd created from hers, letting out a surprised moan as Xander's tongue grew a bit longer and wound around her own. But in the end, it was just a kiss. A better kiss than the first, but no matter how hard she tried, she didn't feel anything more than she'd felt for the people that she'd messed around with on Halloween. Certainly not the sorts of things that she'd hoped to feel when kissing someone that she'd been reasonably sure she was in love with before today.

And since she had absolutely no desire to be a hit and run for someone she actually cared about… someone who would be sharing a house with for the foreseeable future? Willow reluctantly forced herself to pull away once more. Then she grinned mischievously and lunged back in, biting down on Xander's pulse point and sucking hard, not letting up until the boy let out a loud moan. Straightening up, Willow grinned as she raised a hand and fanned herself before running her fingers through her hair. "Well, the good news is that you do have some natural talent going for you. That trick with the tongue was inspired. The bad news is that I'm still not feeling what I was hoping for with you. But hey, at least now you can finally say that you've had a hickey."

A dark blush stole over Xander's freckled cheeks as he reached up to press a hand against the side of his neck. "Who are you, and what did you do with my best friend? Since when do you french people, or give them hickeys, or… wait a minute. Missy? You kissed Missy Pantone? The really hot cheerleader with the amazing eyes and the big… uh, 'eyes'? When? Where? How?"

"Halloween, a party, with my mouth. You'd be amazed to find out how many things you don't know about me, Xander." Smirking, Willow leaned down to give the darkening bruise on Xander's neck a playful lick. "You know, now that I think about it, I'm kinda glad that I'm not into you like this. I told Giles to go ahead with your cousins suggestion. That'd make openly dating you kinda weird."

Letting out a soft whine, Xander craned his neck to try and maneuver his lips back into contact with Willow's. When Willow dodged the attempt, he let out a huff followed by a slightly louder whine. "We can still be kissing cousins at home where nobody can see us, though, right? Because wow. Just… wow. I want more of that."

Willow rolled her eyes as she dodged another kiss before reaching up to poke Xander's nose. "Seriously? I mean, I literally just told you that I'm not interested in a relationship with you. Which means that if anything more happens between us, I will be using you. Because that's pretty much all I can offer you: some fun until I get bored or offered something better. Is that really what you're looking for out of your first sexual experience?"

"Will? Up until yesterday, I was a part of the gender that celebrated when you got some and got gone. Are you really surprised that I'm okay with the idea?" Xander shrugged, finally giving up on his attempts to steal another kiss and leaning back against the chair they were sharing. "Also, not to play the pity card here, but I am dealing with a lot of shit right now. Can you really blame me for wanting to forget about everything for a bit and have some fun?"

Point. Willow nibbled her lower lip uncertainly as she pondered her options. On one hand, the combination of Halloween's fun and the residual memories from her possession had awoken all sorts of urges in Willow that she was really looking forward to sating again. And again and again and again. On the other hand, Xander was too kind and caring of a person to handle a one-night stand well. Or a two-night stand, or whatever this became. Things would get messy, there was no doubt about it. Really messy, given they'd be stuck together afterward. But if Xander was intent on doing something like this… at least she was a safe person to do it with?

Eh, why the fuck not? Carpe diem and all that. Or YOLO, if she felt like being a dumb white girl. Rising to her feet, Willow offered Xander her hand. "Tonight's safeword will be 'superwholock'." Taking her proffered hand, Xander raised an eyebrow as he stood up. "If our fun gets a little rough and 'no' starts meaning 'harder'. That's what you say to get me to stop."

"I know what a safe word is, Will. Just… why'd you pick that?"

"It's the best mood killer I can think of."